Her Cups Runneth Over

Let me briefly belabor the obvious. The size and shape, let alone touch and taste, of a beauteous female breast revert most men into instant baby boyhood. Abracadabra-fast.

If it wasn't considered Neanderthal behavior and a major social no-no, we'd get whiplashed by every passing rack. And if no one’s looking, we do. It's never easy or natural not to.


Ask Madison Avenue. Ask Hollywood. Ask any woman, of even modest endowment.
If a glimpse of stocking used to be considered shocking, what of the effect on men of today's ubiquitous push-em-up cleavage? Well, it tends to putty the masculine will, jelly the knees and spine, while stiffening elsewhere.

Talk about power exchange! Maternal, matriarchal, whatever you call it, it’s irresistible!

Most women in female-led relationships fully realize this, of course, and take full advantage. Some leading wives, I read, severely restrict their husband's access to their breasts, except as a rare reward for exceptional devotion and service.
Other women, I'm happy to report, take the opposite tack, allowing their males regular intervals of prolonged breast worship, with apparently delightful consequences to both parties.

It is these more generous souls, sharers of the mammary wealth, whom I choose to quote here, rather than the off-limiting wives.

"I don't allow my husband to fondle, kiss, or lick my breasts," writes one such wife. "I make him do it! I enjoy it very much! So therefore, I have him pay attention to them for as long as I want or until it’s time for me to have him go onto the next thing.”

“I always start out by allowing my husband to plant passionate kisses all over my body,” writes another sharing wife. “He starts at my feet and works up my body. It is when his body worship finally reaches my abundant breasts that whatever was on his mind will vanish and he becomes lost in my world and I know that I have him in the palms of my hands.”

Another: “I love having my breasts sucked and nibbled on and I have been known to make him perform breast worship for over an hour at a time. I call it tit worship, as that sounds sexier.”

And here’s another lucky suckler: “When I was about 20, I had a lovely girlfriend of similar age. I would suckle her beautiful breasts for long stretches of time in accordance with her instructions. Mothering became so important in our lives that she would have me suckle even when she wasn't in the mood to have sex.”

Psychologist Paige Harrison prescribes regular sessions of this kind of bosom-bonding to the female-led couples she counsels: “A refreshingly different perspective can be experienced if the male understands that it his responsibility to worship the female whenever her breasts are exposed. If she exposes her breasts this should have a calming effect on the submissive male.”

“Something new I have introduced into our female-led lifestyle,” says yet another sharing spouse. “After my husband undresses me I unhook the cups and allow him to suck while I hold him for extended periods of time. He really seems to appreciate this. Afterward he seems to be much more attentive to my needs and feelings.”

I’ll give the last word to a husband whose wife used nursing sessions as a kind of confessional therapy for him: “Sometimes I do things I should not do and when I began confessing these transgressions to my wife, at first I was a bit bashful, stuttering a little. She instinctively pulled me close to her chest, my face nuzzled between her breasts. I felt so safe and secure in her embrace.

"Then she unbuttoned her blouse and proceeded to nurse me from her breasts. She said, ‘It's OK, honey, I'm glad you were honest with me. I just want you to think about it when you sleep.’ There was this overwhelming sense of childlike security, being near her breasts, feeling pure and forgiven. I loved how she gently stroked my hair while watching me nurse.”

Where’s my binky?

Changing Male Behavior, Part Two

I promised (in Part One of this posting) to give some radical changes in male behavior that are eminently achievable through wife worship, whether that worship be initiated by ardent husband or demanding wife. So here, courtesy of Lady Misato’s Real Women Don’t Do Housework, we go:

According to this wife, “I freely ask my husband to do things like clear the dishes, mop the floor, iron the clothes... I don't give it a second thought. My husband obeys without question always. A few days ago, I was pleased to have overheard his conversation with one of my lady friends after we had dinner at home. She asked if he always does all this work around the house (washing, clearing the dishes, etc.). He replied that he does and enjoys doing it. When she asked why? He said it was because I wanted him to and that it made me happy. And the look on my friend's face turned from amusement to genuine amazement.”

A husband confesses: “I do most of the housework now. I don't consider this a chore but a pleasure. I owe her so much and love her so much that I enjoy doing everything I can. Her sensual hold on me is very real and while sometimes I have trouble distinguishing what is caused by my love for her and what is more guided by my sexual drive towards her, the end result is the same: I listen, respond, obey, and love every minute of it.”

Some wives work these changes without benefit of my book, or Lady Misato’s, or any website, just by instinct, like the wife of Au876, a worshipful husband often quoted here:

“I am not real sure how our marriage evolved into Wife Worship. It started out with me as the King of my castle though I strived to make sure she had her say. [But] when I started doing more of ‘my share’ of the chores, I found she was very appreciative. She not only rewarded me, she began to encourage me. Today I not only do all the housework and cooking, I perform many personal chores for her and am always seeking more ways to please her. I truly worship her and have eyes for no other woman.”

Au writes that, before this transformation, “I had the same shopping problems [as most guys]. Mostly shopping is just not a ‘man’ thing. We know what we want, go get it and get out. But that has changed now. I go with my wife (if invited—sometimes she likes to go alone). I carry the packages. The last time she went clothes shopping about two months ago, she got a bunch of clothes to try on. They only allowed two things in the dressing room at a time. I stood outside her dressing cubicle. She'd try on something, send me to get a different size or color, put it in the ‘to buy’ stack or back on the rack. Several times she sent me to get a certain color shoe to see how the dress went with them. Several other customers were struggling with trying on clothes without the help of their husbands. I found myself busting with pride to be so much help to my wife.”

What technique did Mrs. Au876 utilize? Did it involve controlling his sexual release? You darned betcha:

“She controls my sex life. After less than a week of no sex she can touch me and I am an instant total erection. After about ten days she can look at me and have me trembling with desire, a forbidden desire I know she controls. I throb for her, my face, my whole body ache for her. But I am denied release simply because she controls me. How do I stand it? I worship and adore her all the more as I focus on pleasing her. It is my duty. And I am no longer bored with it. I get excited washing dishes, washing her underwear, rubbing her feet or running her errands. Somebody recently wrote me in this forum saying my wife had me by the balls. I guess she does. But I know what she expects of me and I do it or at least I try too.”

Pretty dramatic changes—not in male nature, but male behavior. I’m not in Au876’s league, nor does my wife desire to emulate Au’s wife. But if I were to jot down all the positive changes in attitude and performance that have been worked in recent years, it would make an impressive list.

And I’m not through yet, nor is she. Work on the unfinished husband project continues.

Changing Male Behavior, Part One

“She’d gone and picked another guy with major hangups. According to her girlfriend, she had a thing for such reclamation projects. But weren’t ALL men basically projects?”

I think there’s some truth to that last statement, even if I wrote it myself (in an unpublished novel). Lord knows I was, and am, a project for my wife. I look back on our wedding and wonder, Did she know then how much remodeling it would take for her to properly domesticate me and make me fit for cohabitation? Did she have a plan, a blueprint, a timeline?

One of these days maybe I’ll ask her.

And yet, sweet young things are often counseled against marrying a man with the expectation of changing him. This so-called truism was even codified as Rule No. 18 in The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s 1995 best-seller: “Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.” The co-authors promise happy relationships and happy marriages to the readers who follow their 35 specific rules.

Apparently, the idea of changing male behavior is a kind of psychological heresy. But changing male behavior for a successful and lasting romantic relationship is not only doable, it’s essential. (Notice, I’m NOT suggesting the feasibility or necessity of changing male nature, which is hard-wired; on the contrary, my prescriptions for changing male behavior are based on understanding and exploiting male nature.)

I codified a couple of essential behavioral changes as Steps 2 & 3 in Worshipping Your Wife: Six Steps for Turning Marriage Back Into Passionate Courtship (alas, not a best-seller, not yet anyway):

Step 2: Save His Sex Energies For His Wife.
Step 3: Make Her His Fantasy

These two steps can lead to big-time changes—gynormous changes—in terms of romantically and sexually binding the husband to his wife for the duration.

And they can be accomplished, either unilaterally, with conscious and unflagging effort by an ardent husband intent on putting the magic back in his marriage (the approach in my book). Or by a wife, consciously applying those same principles, with or without the husband’s consent (the approach of Lady Misato on her website, Real Women Don’t Do Housework.

This may seem like exotic or radical notions, but are they really? It’s hardly Headline News that men can be manipulated by women. Isn’t that what women have been doing, pre- and post-Eden, lo these many millennia? Isn’t that their job?

In Chapter One of my book I quote philosopher George Gilder to precisely that effect: “Women manipulate male sexual desire in order to teach men the long-term cycles of female sexuality and biology on which civilization is based.”

I found the same idea, elaborated on with a personal slant, on a female supremacy message board years ago attributed to “Goddess M”:

“As females we need to admit to ourselves that we all have a desire to change our male. We want him to more often exhibit behaviors which please us, and less frequently exhibit behaviors that are displeasing to us.
“[But] females are taught by society that it is not right to want to change the male, and that even if it were ethical, it can't be done anyway. The conclusion we are to draw is that if we try to change our male our efforts will fail and we will be deeply disappointed.
“This is a lie, a lie of course foisted upon females by our prevailing patriarchal society…
“As females, control of the male orgasm is our best opportunity to improve our male’s behavior patterns and mold him more closely into the ‘man of our dreams’… Through enforced chastity we can change the male with relative ease, and we should do so…
His instincts will drive him to exhibiting pleasing behavior towards her, and will make it much more difficult for him to exhibit behaviors which she does not approve of."

The amazing thing is, men love to be manipulated in this way. On her website (now celebrating its first decade), Lady Misato has many testimonials to that effect. Let me excerpt just two:

“Dear Lady Misato, [My wife] has taken control outside of the bedroom, using sex to condition me to her will…My life has changed, perhaps forever. My wife is wonderful. I am amazed at her erotic power and her skill at wielding it… Your method is powerful and her implementation, flawless. I am hers to do as she will, and she knows it. Do I like to admit that? Not one bit! Can I do anything otherwise? Not at all.”
And a wife writes: “I just started trying your technique on my hubby and am amazed at how well it works! He has figured out exactly what I am doing, but, just as you said, he seems compelled to submit. It's wonderful!! Thank you!”

So... what kind of changes are we talking about?

I’ll give some examples in Part Two of this posting.

What’s It All About, LFA?

What’s Wife Worship all about? Or any of its assorted alter egos and acronyms—Loving Female Authority (LFA). Female Led Relationships (FLR), and varieties of Marriages—Courtship, Wife Led, Role Reversal and Matriarchal.

Is it all just an elaborate rationalization for off-kilter, slightly obsessive behavior, in bedroom and out? I mean, why write a whole book about it, or a blog that never ends?

Glad you asked. In response, I’ll keep this post short and, I hope, sweet. And offer three concise answers from three people who practice and promote the Wife Worship lifestyle.

1) From an anonymously posting husband: “It’s all about doing what I can do to make my wife happy. Because when she is happy, I’m happy. It doesn’t take much once you get the hang of it. Every single day I just pretend we are dating and I try to win her heart.”

2) From “Emily Addison,” co-author (with worshipful husband Ken) of the book, Around Her Finger, and the accompanying blog:

“In last month’s update [a] wife summed up the impact of loving female authority by saying that it simply made her feel loved. I think many women are loved by their husbands, but do not get enough validation to this effect…

“A woman whose husband respects her opinions, who works to please his wife, and who pampers her with foot massages and unselfish love-making—now that woman has few doubts. Women are very much creatures of our own emotions. When we can feel it, we know it is so.”

3) From “Katherine West,” author of the Loving Female Authority blog:

“I think the two key selling points for a woman are that first and foremost, [wife worship] s an expression of a man's love for his wife. Men have trouble expressing themselves. My husband's submission to me is love, just as my nurturing of his submission is also love.

“The second selling point is that it will make a woman's life more comfortable. He works hard to keep me happy. In doing so, it makes him happy. Incidentally, his happiness is not beside the point.”

Marriage Is No Excuse

When I was a boy, it seemed like all the famous TV standup comics (men-only in those days) relied on marriage jokes. These were endless variations on Henny Youngman’s classic “Take my wife… please!” (Like: “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”)

Henny, Milton Berle, Shecky Greene, Alan King, Rodney Dangerfield, even non-Catskill -trained Midwestern comics like George Gobel, they all treated marriage as a joke.

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” — Groucho Marx

But they didn’t invent this particular shtick. Odysseus probably made Penelope jokes to his cronies, after he drove off the suitors. And the ‘50s and ‘60s anti-monogamy monologists were tame compared to earlier satirical icons, like the widly misanthropic American Ambrose Bierce, or the naughtily philanthropic Oscar Wilde, to wit:

"Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same." – Oscar Wilde
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” – Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance
“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce, Devil’s Dictionary

So the standup guys were hardly blazing any trails, even for their time. As the ‘50s gave way to the ‘60s and ‘70s, free love became a worldwide rallying cry for youth, breaking loose from all conventional constraints. It was echoed by shrieking rocker and whispery folksinger alike.

The conventional attitude about no-commitment “rolling stone” relationship was perfectly reflected in Glen Campbell’s lyrics for “Gentle on My Mind”:

…it's knowin' I'm not shackled
By forgotten words and bonds
And the ink stains that have dried upon some line
That keeps you in the back roads
By the rivers of my memory
That keeps you ever gentle on my mind

I never quite bought into this massively indoctrinated prevailing wisdom, whether expressed by Borscht Belters or shaggy-haired troubadours. In my private recesses, I always believed in the happy-ever-after marriage, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding (especially including my own parents’ dysfunctional union).

In fact, I continued to believe in this storybook ideal even when my own marriage began to fall, well, a wee bit short. It should work in real life. After all, it did work in the kind of stories I liked to read, and to write. At least up to that final fadeout.

But maybe I was wrong, and all the cynical voices were right. Maybe marriage is an unnatural state.

“Monogamy is like reading the same book over and over. – Mason Cooley
“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.” – Amy Bloom

It was the revolutionary concept of the “courtship marriage,” as described by Fumika Misato on her Real Women Don’t Do Housework website, that suddenly stripped the scales from my eyes. "This," she declared flatly, "is a marriage in which your husband courts you till death does you part.”

Such a sweet revelation! The secret to happy-ever-aftering is simply to let the courtship continue! What a wonderful gift Lady Misato had given me (and all of us). Through her, I experienced a complete restoration of my naïve and boyish faith in storybook romance.

Later on, doing a bit of research into the origins of courtly love, I came across this quote from a 13th century writer, a quote that, for me, carried more truth than all the collected matrimonial wisdom of Marx (G.), Wilde, Bierce, Youngman, et al.:

“Marriage is no excuse for not loving.”
—Andreas Cappellanus: The Art of Honorable Love, 13th century

Morale: If you want to keep the romance in your marriage, let the pre-nupt be that the husband continues to press his suit post-nupt, dill death do you part.

My own embrace of Lady Misato’s advice radically transformed my marriage for the better, starting with my own attitude, and then, gradually, working its ways and wiles upon my wife. Granted, she was a little taken aback at first to find herself being courted again, but she’s getting to like it.

That transformation prodded me into writing a book, which I launched first on a website, then in publication.

As I wrote in an early draft, “The extravagant claim of this book is that love can be rekindled, even the all-consuming passion of first love. Not by returning to the time-tested, give-and-take practices of successful marriages (as most counselors recommend), but by the husband going all the way back to the giddy, unbalanced behaviors of courtship.”

Courtship is such an exhilarating state , it turns out, that husbands and wives alike are euphoric to be in it, over and over again.

It’s called being in love.

Making HER Your Fantasy (Reprised)

That’s the title of Chapter 2 of my book. It’s directed to husbands, and, of course, “her” refers to “wife.” I could have said, “Making Her Your Fantasy — Again.” The way she was during courtship, and the honeymoon. Until the glamour wore off somehow.

The point being, wives can regain that fantasy status. Because, to quote myself, “Men need sexual fantasy. It's the highest-octane fuel they can burn. They do idealize womanhood. They do empedestal their girlfriends.”

Men are going to have those perpetual adolescent fantasies about some female or other. So shouldn’t it be the woman we’re married to, instead of Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Simpson or whoever?

I know, guys think they can’t control the sexual fantasy process. But, in fact, they can. If they want to, and are will to make an effort for a glorious payoff.

The first step – stop masturbating. Easier preached than practiced, of course. I spent most of a chapter on the topic, and it’s certainly more than I can deal with in this post. But, cutting to the chase, as I wrote…

“Once I stopped siphoning off the fuel needed for the marital combustion chambers, my sexual fantasies automatically refocused on my wife. She suddenly regained the status she possessed during courtship—seductress, enchantress. The creature to be pursued and won, again and again…

“I began thinking about her a lot. Daydreaming about her. Tripping out on tactile replays of her morning embrace, recalling the warm smell of her hair, the salty taste of her skin. She went, in the words of another song, from being ‘gentle on my mind’ to being very intrusive. In fact, I was thinking about her all the time. What I wasn't thinking about, or lusting after, were glamourized images of other females. Those had vaporized.’”

A commenter to this blog had the same experience when he stopped self-pleasuring. “Suddenly my wife looked really good to me,” he wrote, “and I began what I could easily be called courting (I developed a crush on her -- never thought I would feel that again)… Our sex life now is the best it has been since before we were married.”

A dominant wife explains how it operates on her husband, referring to a photo of some glamorous actress: “I have to admit girls, this young and beautiful woman on the left is what I would like to look like. Once a long, long time ago, I kinda looked like her, but even in my 20's, I didn't look as good. Now, I'm in my 50's and gravity is winning more and more every day.... But in the eyes and mind of my husband, I am FAR, FAR, superior to this beautiful young lady, because to him, I am his Goddess and his Queen, I am beautiful in his mind and eyes and he shows it to me EVERY Minute of EVERY day.”

Once this begins happening to a husband, he can actively encourage the process, and he will find himself living with a fantasy figure.

Or, to quote my favorite bit of advice on this topic, “If you want your wife to be a goddess, worship her.”

Becoming President of Her Fan Club (Reprised)

Are you the president of your wife’s fan club? Is she the radiant center of your universe? Does she leave you star-struck, blinded by her luminescence? Do you, like ardent Curly in Oklahoma! collect treasured keepsakes from your beloved? (“Give me back my rose and my glove.”)

If this sounds romantically retarded, give it another think. Didn’t you once feel that way about her? Star-struck and lovestruck? When you were courting? So, in keeping with the perpetual courtship marriage, the kind of FLR I advocate in my book, why not act that way again?

A co-worker once told me about this sexy new temp in his office, a Latina bombshell who turned him into Jello. When she agreed to go out with him, he went binge-shopping–for chocolates (Godiva), roses (two-dozen red). When he’d called to ask her out, he’d even asked what her favorite perfume was and bought some of that, at like $40 an ounce (this was twenty years ago). The guy just couldn’t help himself.

“I don’t care if I go overboard,” he told me. “You know what Alicia told me on the phone? She gives this incredible throaty chuckle and tells me, ‘Oh, you’re going to be wonderful for my ego!’”

What higher compliment could a girl give her fan club president?

This story reminds me of another, this one a reminiscence by the famous Hollywood actor, Robert Taylor. He wasn’t famous, though, when he was cast opposite the great Greta Garbo in Camille. Handsome, yes, but almost unknown, and not much of an actor, to be candid. But Garbo liked his princely looks and got him the part. Then proceeded to cast her spell over him, exactly as her character, Marguerite Gautier, does to his character, Armand Duval, in the film.

During the course of filming, Taylor spent hours in her dressing room as her enchanted captive, listening to her husky voice, looking at the memorabilia of her fabulous career, hopelessly drunk with her. And Garbo not only seduced Taylor, but induced from the too-laid-back actor a compelling performance. It comes across on screen—but, of course, he wasn’t acting. He was madly in love.

Alas, when filming wrapped, Garbo dismissed him completely. But, he had been, at least for magical moment in time, the president of her fan club.

My turn to confide. I was a ninth grader in a high school art class, seated by blessed fate in the back row next to a glamorous senior girl, a regal beauty whom I will call LaDonna Dillon. She had, like that, a camera-ready name. She starred in school plays—in sophisticated, decadent Tennessee Williams’ plays, believe it or not. Like Orpheus Descending. In high school! She spoke in a theatrical whisper. She was magnificent. And I guess she thought I was… well, kind of cute, with my goggle glasses and crewcut and obvious puppypdog adoration of her.

One morning I arrived early at the art bungalow and found LaDonna there, alone, working on a project. I took my place right next to hers, and opened a book on Renoir, the artist I’d chosen for my book report. Next thing I knew, LaDonna had scooted her stool closer, was right there, a perfumed erotically charged presence, looking over my shoulder at Renoir’s succulent nudes. In fact, at one point LaDonna reached over my shoulder and began turning pages, asking me which ones I liked best. My head was spinning, and that was the least of my organic reactions!

I was ready to establish the LaDonna Dillon Fan Club and Goddess Worship Society right then and there. (As it was, she went on to have a minor Hollywood career without me, mostly in episodic TV.)

Let me exit from this overlong post with a quote from one of my wife-worship role models, Au876, who posted for several years on Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship forum. Here’s his encouraging advice on becoming your wife’s number-one fan:

“Never miss a chance to tell her how beautiful she is, how smart she is and how much you cherish her. Rub her feet at night. Give her pedicures, fold her night gown, clean her hair brush (daily), rub her back, tend her bath (for example a simple thing like bringing her a hot towel to dry off with is little trouble and yet very sweet)… Let your adoration spill over.”

Amen, Au. Rah! Rah! Rah!