Monday, April 12, 2010

Revisiting Vivian’s Domain, Part 5

(Continuing archival republishing of sections of “Vivian’s Domain,” an FLR website originally hosted on This installment continues Vivian’s formidable essay (addressed specifically to wives) on the theory and practice of female-led marriage, “Toward a Fantastic Marriage.”—MR)

The Specifics

American women have found it necessary to discipline their husbands since the days of the pioneers. Men are easily tempted. A good, sound spanking helps them focus their energies on the right things.

Oh, dear! This is interesting!

Now that you understand the underlying principles of Domestic Discipline and the ways it helps you, your husband, and your marriage, let's get to the fun part: the specific things you can and should do to him.

When I say fun, I mean it! This should be great fun for you, and you should indulge yourself in the rush of power you feel as you take control of your husband's submissive side. This is important because if you don't allow yourself to experience the pleasure of all this, you are cheating yourself for no reason.

As women we are taught to avoid looking as if we want or enjoy power. Women who use power are often portrayed as “bitches” in the media. Women fear being labeled “bossy.” This is the time to throw off those chains and let that inner “bitch” come through. Indulge that desire to control things. There's no reason not to. Your husband needs a wife who can be very “bossy” when she needs to be. As your husband sees that you enjoy your newfound control, he will be more turned on by you and will be more uncertain as to the lengths you will go to enforce your dominance. That is exactly what you want!

The Milieu of Domestic Discipline

The atmosphere you create on that wonderful day or night when you initiate him into his new submissive role is important. You need to be sure that your privacy is secure for at least a few hours. If you have kids, arrange for them to be somewhere else or arrange for the two of you to get away from home to a private place. It is nice for this to happen at home so you can have a few chores for him to do later. You will have already determined that your husband is willing to submit. For more on that subject, see the “How will I know?” section of this site.

Tell your husband ahead of time, and with a serious tone, that you need to have an important talk with him and that you have set this time aside for that purpose. You will have determined the behaviors for which you are going to chastise him and the rules you are going to impose. Depending upon the time of day and what only you know about your husband's body, you may want to have him take a shower before you begin. You don't want your enjoyment of this experience to be diminished by an offensive body odor.

As you begin the lecture phase, take his face in your hand and hold him by the chin and cheeks. Look directly in his eyes. Insist that he look at you. This gesture sets the tone by establishing your dominance. Once you have gained his attention this way, begin the lecture. During this phase it is best to maintain the tone of an old-fashioned scolding, the kind our grandmothers and great-grandmothers really knew how to dish out.

Gestures that should be used generously during the lecture phase are the index finger pointed at his face and the hands-on-hips posture. It is best if you are able to look down on him as you scold him. If your husband is taller than you are, command him to get on his knees for the lecture. That way you are well above him, either standing or sitting in a normal chair. You should address him as you would like to address a bratty child. Your facial expression, tone of voice and language should be scathing.

If it is not in your nature to talk this way, think of it as role-play. That is what it really is anyway. It is fun sometimes to step outside of your everyday personality. If there is a part of you that resonates with the severity of the old-fashioned schoolmarm type, let it out and enjoy your ability to express that part of yourself freely.

It is here that you list his offenses. List them directly to him and make him acknowledge each one and express his remorse. Tell him that you think he needs to be punished for these behaviors and take his face in your hand again and ask him if he agrees. He will!

Start with a minor punishment. This may be something that relates well to his offenses, such as a mouth-soaping for behaviors that involve what goes into or comes out of his mouth, such as bad language, temper tantrums, overeating, smoking, or abuse of alcohol. Or make him write an apologetic statement 100 times or more with paper and pen for offenses that involve poor manners or disrespect toward you.

Be creative. He will probably comply without much rebellion, but you'll want to make it clear that any resistance during this phase of the punishment will only “make it worse” for him later.

Next it is time for the main event—The Spanking. You can read “My Story” for a description of the milieu I created for my husband's first spanking or, better yet, you can visit The Disciplinary Wives Club and go to the section “Tips and Methods.” This is a must-visit site that is also found on my “Links” page [not available in this reprint]. At DWC Tips and Methods you will find information about milieu, attitude, implements and other information relating specifically to the punishment/spanking aspect of Domestic Discipline. I repeat: This is a must-visit site.

As you spank your husband, your tone of voice can change a little. As your actions become more harsh, your tone of voice can become softer and more understanding. Your husband will, at some point, beg you to stop spanking him. This point will help you determine how long to continue the spanking. If the offense for which he is being punished is relatively mild, consider the point at which he has begun to beg in earnest as the 3/4 mark. (It is a good idea to keep count of your strokes. You can count in your head, count out loud, or have him count out loud.)

If his behavior has been moderately reprehensible, let the point of earnest begging signal your halfway point. If his behavior has been really bad, let the point of earnest begging mark your 1/4 point. He will struggle during the spanking, but if you make even modest efforts to restrain him and keep him over your lap, he will not get up until you have permitted him. Even though he may be physically stronger than you, if the tone is set properly he will be in a submissive frame of mind and will not use his full strength to get away. When I am truly disciplining my husband I don't like to end the spanking until he is actually crying. That's when I know I've really reached him, that the lesson has hit home. It also fosters a beautiful intimacy between us. Men do no openly cry in front of others often. When his punishment makes him cry, it completes his vulnerability with me.

The most enjoyable part of the disciplinary session for many women is the period immediately following the spanking. At this point he is as submissive as a lapdog. He is often crying, is begging you for your forgiveness, and is usually on his knees. Now is the time you can be gentle with him. You can accept his apologies tenderly and reinforce the lessons he's learned with a softer tone of voice. We all have our own vocabulary for this time of forgiveness just as we all have our own way of administering a scolding. I find that asking him if he has learned his lesson, what he has learned, and extracting promises regarding future behaviors are good ways to start the reconciliation phase of correction. Remind him that it was his behavior that got him into this situation and that you do not punish unless he deserves it. Warn him that you will not hesitate to punish him again when his behavior warrant it.

After you have accepted his apology, he may think the scene is over. It is good to add a little to the punishment to let him know that while he has won your forgiveness, he has not gained any power. There are a number of things you can do now. Have him stand in the corner for a while. He is not to move and definitely not to touch his buttocks during corner time. He will want to use his hands to cool his buttocks. You'll want to forbid that. If he does it once, give him a warning. If he does it again, give him a slap across his buttocks. At this point, your bare hand can give an excruciating sting.

Instead of corner time, you can give him chores to do if you are at home. You can either keep him naked for the chores or let him wear an apron or something else that is open in the back. You don't want any soothing cloth against the skin of his butt at this time. Whether he is doing corner time or chores, you'll want to maintain visual access to him to be sure that he is not trying to cool his butt. You can sit somewhere with your cup of tea or glass of wine and read or watch TV or whatever, so long as you can give him an occasional glance and he knows that you can see him.

The Great Part

Now that the punishment is over, it is time that he give you some attention. He should verbalize his awareness of and gratitude for the attention you have just given him. Thanking you should be required of him. Thanking you for correcting him serves two important purposes. It reminds him that he is lucky to have a wife who does this for him and it reminds you that you have just been kind to him. Many women find it difficult to punish someone they love in this way. We are trained to be kind and gentle to those we love. We don't want to feel mean or unloving. His statement of thanks reminds you that you have just done him a favor rather than a disservice. After having given him all this attention, it is your turn to have attention given you.

At this point he will want to give you affection. Not only will he be attracted to you sexually because of the power you have just shown him, he will be intensely experiencing the submissive need to please you. He will want to shower you with affection from both a sexual need and a purely emotional need. He will be more responsive to your every desire now than he ever has been. So do with this time what you want.

You may want to spend some time just relaxing; having him serve you with food or beverage, rubbing your back, neck or feet while you read or watch TV or listen to music. Later you may want sex; sex that pleases you! His desire for you at this time will not be the mere desire for sexual release that it normally is. His will be a pure desire to please you without so much concern about satisfying himself. This is why you'll hear so many disciplinary wives praising the quality of sex after punishment. We receive back tenfold the attention we have just given our husbands. In “normal” marital relations we receive back about one-third.

Another advantage of the severe spanking that I failed to mention earlier is that it causes him to accept less severe punishments from you at other times. For instance, if he is using foul language around the house or has failed to complete an assigned chore in a timely fashion, you can simply take him aside for a quiet scolding and a mild punishment such as mouth-soaping, statement-writing or corner time. He will comply because he knows if he does not, a more severe punishment may follow.

For more information regarding punishments and instruments, please visit The Disciplinary Wives Club. Although I do not think it necessary for the beginner to purchase punishment implements because household items such as a hairbrush, belt or even a slipper will do just fine, if you want to buy a more specialized implement such as a paddle or cane, I encourage you to buy it from this site. It has been a wonderful resource for me and so far the only site I've found on the web that is devoted to Domestic Discipline and well-grounded in moral principle. They also have an instructional kit available with tips for both the disciplinary wife and the submitting hubby. All of the information you will need to get started is available for free at their website.

(Next installment: Conclusion of “Toward A Fantastic Marriage: How and Why Domestic Discipline Works.”)


Anonymous said...

There are some links in the article to the Disciplinary Wives Club that are out of date. The current link is

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous, thank you so much. I meant to check but didn't. I think it's fixed now, but since I'm at work, I can't check (blocked for employee protection!). I added "www" to your link. Let me know...

Lady Grey said...

Once again, quite a document . My personal tastes and methods run much less toward treating a man as a naughty boy, with punishments befitting same. My punishments are harsher, as befits an adult, and lean toward a sensual rather than "mommy" attitude, as expressed here. But to each her own, and as a practical approach to husband training, Vivian's methods certainly have their place. Thanks again for publishing this treatise.

Anonymous said...

Lady Grey -

First, let me say that I am an avid reader of your blog, but I don't comment there because you don't allow anonymous comments.

I think you and Vivian have different objectives, and that causes the difference in methods. Vivian wants to control the relationship with her husband to keep him focused on their relationship and ensure her needs are satisfied. She started engaging in domestic discipline when she found her husband misbehaving and that he was focused elsewhere.

By contrast, you seem to genuinely enjoy dominating men and erotically teasing them as part of your domination. For example, your game of asking a submissive man to help you with the strap of a stilleto-heeled shoe is a pure dominant erotic tease. (The thought alone is so hot I think I would melt right then and there.) You haven't written much about punishment, except for extending the time your subs are locked into their chastity devices. I look forward to reading of other punishments you use.

A woman like Vivian (or Kathy of Femdom 101) may later learn to dominate and tease for the enjoyment itself. But that is not her objective at the start.

Leslie said...

Lady Grey,

I'm also reading your blog with fascination (but didn't comment due to lack of a blogger account). And, I admire your bravado and honesty as much as your actual methods! Agreed about Vivian's style. She's developed an impressive FLR manifesto, but I like the concept of "punishment" as something more playful and sensual. Mostly for fun. But, whatever works. That's the cool thing about FLR. Plenty of variation on the theme.


Thanks for the post. Vivian sounds increasingly like someone I'd never want to cross!

Lady Grey said...

To Anonymous - First, my apologies to Mark for using his blog to communicate with Anonymous right now, but I don't know how else to do this. I was/am unaware that my blog won't accept anonymous comments. I'm no technical expert and I have no idea about how to change that situation, or even how it came about. I'd appreciate instructions on how to change this, and will be happy to accept anonymous comments. I do appreciate that you read my blog and I thank you for your remarks.

Mark Remond said...

Lady Grey, you can use my blog to communicate to other commenters anytime you like, I'm honored.

Lady Grey said...

Thank you once again Mark! To Anonymous and Leslie - I've figured out how to change my comment settings, and my blog should now be open to anyone. I welcome your input.

Mark - You are a true gentleman. In another time and place it would have been great fun to use you rather than just your blog. In the meantime, keep in touch.

Anonymous said...

Lady Grey, I must apologize. I re-read the first post on your site. The "poetry" punishment is just as you describe -- harsh, adult, and sensual. If I were put through that, I would think ten times before coming anywhere near the behavior that caused me to be punished that way. I can't imagine how many hours it would take me to get the poem right.

Also, thank you for allowing anonymous posting on your site.

Mark Remond said...

Lady Grey, I will certainly keep in touch, reading your blog and hoping to see more comments from you here. I also hope, after I finish with my "homage" to Vivian's Domain and resume my own posts, that you don't find this place too vanillaesque... It's obviously impossible for me to speak on these matters with the authority and forthrightness that you and Vivian do.

Anonymous said...

A husband will ALWAYS be better behaved towards his wife when she administers domestic discipline in their marriage. He will gladly do housework, washing and ironing of his wife's clothes , plan meals and offer massages just to avoid any punishments his wife may have in store for him for bad or unacceptable behavior. I do not like it when my wife says I have displeased her, from her finding a fault with my housework to answering her in a not so nice tone of voice. The punishments are given easily by her and are severe, but the fact that I displeased her bothers me most. The fact that I know she is in charge and I let her down really bothers me.

Anonymous said...

I loved reading this. Almost exactly the relationship my wife and I enjoy. The only difference I see is my wife delivers my spankings exclusively by hand directly to my testicles. I have quickly become more responsive to her needs as to avoid these discipline sessions.