Wednesday, December 22, 2010
“I believe more and more women will be requiring that their husbands take on the wife’s last name,” writes Elise Sutton, undoubtedly the most influential Internet voice on the subject of Female Led Relationships. “This is a societal dynamic that is still in its infancy but it is starting to become a trend that will continue to grow with each generation.”
But Ms. Sutton’s has not been a leading voice on the subject of “Taking Her Name.” As she explains, “I was once asked why I didn’t require my husband to take my last name. I explained that we decided not to buck that societal tradition out of respect for our parents. But that was over twenty years ago and society has changed a lot since then…”
One online forum that focused on this controversial issue was the old (as in “defunct,” alas) Spouseclub message board, or “Spousechat,” which was active between 2001 to 2003. Ms. Lynda, the board’s most prolific contributor, was a particular advocate of observing all patriarchal conventions in reverse, but she was by no means the only true believer on the topic, as you will see. There follows a “Taking Her Name” sampling (also available on this blog’s Spousechat Archive) in roughly chronological order:
As you know there is a small but increasing number of men who legally take their wife's name when they marry, which I hope will become a topic of discussion in this group. It seems to me that a man taking his wife's last name is the ultimate expression of spousehood.
Today a man who takes his wife's name can do so with pride and respect for his wife's status and accomplishments. As stated, a man who takes his wife's name pays tribute to women’s hard-fought and well-deserved current status, when he says he is honored to be known by his wife's last name. I find the large number of men taking their wives names today to be a very encouraging sign of the acceptance of the coming more matriarchal society.
In taking her last name, I acknowledged my wife’s leadership. I hope more men will consider taking their wife's last name as their own. This is most important when a wife has an important career. Why should she give up her identity? Let her celebrate her accomplishments. By taking her name, I can celebrate them also.
At the age of 28, I got married last year to a woman who is 5 years older than I am and, as the IT Manager she earns twice more than I do. I know nothing about matriarchisism, but it was an obvious choice that I should be the one who will gladly take her name as my own. After I legally changed my previous name and put her maiden name in all my documents, we both thought that we did a good thing and she is very proud of me.
My fiance and will be married in 4 months. She proposed to me. She is a very high powered partner in a large law firm. I have a Liberal arts degree. Needless to say she does and always will make more money than I will ever do… I read in a post here about the husband taking the wife’s name. Now that I think about it, it would be silly for her to change to my name - what for? Her name is a whole lot more relevant. I will discuss it with her. I would be proud to have her name.
We also talked about the name issue. She was going to keep her name regardless anyway so it’s up to me if I want to take her name. I feel that taking her name is a clear indication of our new roles and is a way that I can express to her and the world that she is the head of our household. I t am not sure how to do it legally, but I would be Mr (her first name) (her last name).
Take your wife's name and become Mr. (her first name) (her last name). In this way, you can tell society that your family is a female-centered household. If she is the head of your household, should you not be proud to announce it? Why should she give up her identity? Let her celebrate her accomplishments. The large number of men taking their wives names today is a very encouraging sign of the acceptance of the coming more matriarchal society.
In Sweden, where it is very common for the man to take the wife's name and where there is a growing number of househusbands, the groom is often presented to the bride. In a civil ceremony I attended, the groom was bound to the bride with a white cloth before he recited his vows to her. He promised to "love, honor, and obey"; she was a matriarchist and refused to be bound to him for her vows to him… It is good that you have decided to take your bride's name. I did it because my bachelor name was so difficult to write and say. However, I also wanted to do it because she is the Head of the Household.
FRANCES (WIFE OF LARS)
My husband is as much a man as anyone. He chose to take my name in marriage because I had the career, his name was impossible to pronounce, and, we chose a life where he is subordinate to me. He shows a lot of strength as a househusband and stay at home dad. He had the example of many of his European friends. IT IS HAPPENING. As women get more power, they may head their families; there is no shame in admitting who the head of the house is.
TOM AKA MR. BARBARA
[My wife Barbara] was always so bossy and demanding that I knew what life with her would be like, and, I accepted my role in the relationship. I am strong enough in my masculine abilities that I do not care that I am Mr. Barbara. It is great knowing that there are others. I thank Barbara for being the boss; I could not have done the job she has done. We are a well adjusted family because of her leadership and drive.
I will graduate from college this spring, and, the chances of my getting the higher paying job are great. My offers have already far exceeded what my boyfriend has been offered. My major has always paid more than his; my boyfriend has said he will move where I decide, will be a househusband if needed, and will support my career. I asked him if he would take my last name as his own in marriage. I was surprised. He said, "With honor and pleasure."
I and many others of us believe that power in relationships should belong to the female partner. In short we are "matriarchists." We believe that not only individual relationships but the world in general would be a far better place for all of us if women held the reins of power… As such we very much regard the question of "name changing" as a matter of power and gender, and believe that the question of who takes whose last name should be determined by who holds the power in the couple, and we believe that should be the female.
While people thinking matriarchal marriage is relatively new, I know several men who desire this life, and have found it with the women in their lives. In two cases, the women were medical doctors who could not take their husband's name in marriage. The husbands then took their wife's name in marriage. Both stay at home and take care of the house. One is a lawyer. Her husband works for his wife as an investigator. However, he is home in time to prepare and serve meals.
I recently married one very powerful woman; she is the leader in all things… Long live the matriarchy! And yes, I took her name in marriage so that any one might know who is at the center of our household.
I am getting married this fall, and my future Wife does not want to change Her name. We talked about me getting a new last name that is my name, hyphen, and Her name. But reading a couple of other posts here on the subject, I will ask Her for permission to adopt Her last name. If I, who believe in the matriarchal marriage and family structure, should not spearhead such a tradition, it will never happen.
I'm a 34-year-old man who's about to get married to the Woman of my dreams. We share the view that She's more fit to have the final word on important decisions in our life. She will be the natural head of the family, and I will do everything I can to support Her in Her career. Thanks to a post earlier about men taking their wives' last names, I've just decided that that's what I want to do: Take Her last name when we marry.
I am glad you are taking your wife's last name in marriage. My boyfriend is doing the same later this summer when we marry. Will you also be Mr. (Her First Name) (Her Family Name) for formal purposes?
I am getting more comfortable with my status in the relationship… I am comfortable taking Lynda's last name… At parties or gatherings, are you ever known as Mr. Lisa? I am comfortable with Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ as our formal address as I think it opens new ground for a career woman.
As far as names, my name since marriage is Charles (Lisa’s last name). I took it from the beginning. However, I've never used or been called Mr. Lisa (LLN), by anybody. Women have always taken their husbands last name, so I don’t see what the big deal is.
This is the evening I will get married… Both my mother and future mother-in-law are ardent feminists. They have been very supportive of our decisions, including my soon to be husband taking my name and letting our family address be Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ in the most formal sense… [After the ceremony] his mother said, "I entrust him to you for further training and love. He is a good boy who needs the direction of a strong woman. Let him be your helpmate." It was my time to cry.
Although I took my wife's last name when we got married, I've never been called Mr. Lisa (her last name), but I must admit after seeing the list [posted here recently] (i.e., Mr. Betsy B. English, Mr. Catherine Morecold, Mr. Sarah McCowlick, Mr. Senator Mary Shearman, Mr. Senator Jayne Tocsin, etc.), it does make me wonder. Ms. and Mr. Lisa Smith (not real last name). I must admit there does not seem to be a more true act of open devotion and subordination.
I know that you are Charles most of the time. [But you should always] be Mr. Lisa when being addressed formally. My husband will also keep his masculine name forever. However, I do intend to always address him as Mr. Lynda in public. Someone must begin to set some new standards… The other day, I called my husband Mr. Lynda in front of friends because my mind went blank and I could not remember his male name. (I was very tired; it came back to me within a nanosecond.) He just laughed and said he enjoyed it! I enjoyed it too.
How do you feel being addressed by me as Mr. Lisa? You are still Charles, but, you are also part of the Ms. and Mr. Lisa (Smith) matriarchal clan.
Ms. Lynda, the fact that you addressed me as Mr. Lisa, without first asking me, really says a lot about you. You obviously are decisive and have no problem making decisions for men. You made the decision to call me Mr. Lisa without my input. Even though I do not know you, this little thing made me feel very subordinate to you, in a very positive way. The fact that you call me only by this name is a constant reminder to me of my place. Thank you.
How did last evening go? What did you serve to [Lisa’s real estate] agents for dinner? How did you serve? Does Lisa hire men as well as women? Are you more comfortable around women than men? What would happen if the women agents brought the men they were dating or to whom they were married? I also hope you took one moment to introduce yourself in terms of Ms. Lisa being the head of your family. “Welcome to the home of Ms. and Mr. Lisa Smith.”
Ms. Lynda, I regret to say that I do not have the courage to do that yet. What I did do however, was when I greeted them at the door, I introduced myself only as “Lisa's husband,” not saying my first name. The first woman, Cathy, did not pick up on this, and asked me my name. The second woman, Terri, had a little bit of fun with me. She said, “Nice to meet you Lisa's husband, I'm Terri. So do you have a name of your own or shall I call you ‘Lisa's husband’ all evening?” I replied, half jokingly, “Yes, it's Charles, but I answer to ‘Lisa's husband,’ ‘Hey you with the apron,’ or even ‘Mr. Lisa.’ Terri laughed and said “Well, I see this is going to be fun.”
Dear Mr. Lisa, Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I think you did the right thing in your introduction. As I said before, you are still Charles; I just think it is as important to be Mr. Lisa Smith as shamelessly as possible.
Now, Mr. Lisa, I have decided to always ask a man if he enjoys being called Mr. Lisa Smith. Men have expected women to give up their names so easily and for so long. Even if a couple will take the man's name, a man should have the feeling of being called by his wife's first and last name as the family name. I would hope that this would create even more respect for his wife. I think junior and senior high school-aged boys should be required to write the name of their girlfriends like Ms. and Mr. Lauren Tyler.
Give the honor and prestige to Lisa by also being Mr. Lisa Smith. After you have done it, ask yourself: How do I feel giving up my identity? What honor do I give Lisa by proclaiming her leadership in our family?
I was at lunch today with five other women who will be getting married within the next year and a half. Three are keeping their names in marriage. Two are taking the name of their husband. I asked each to ask their boyfriend how he would feel taking her name in marriage. My point is that he may have a greater respect for her and her role in the family if he realizes what she is giving up. I think I am going to make it a mission of mine to encourage young women to ask that questions of their future spouses. I am for freedom for everyone. I just want the matriarchal to stand shamelessly with the patriarchal.
Have you shared with Ms. Lisa about being Ms. and Mr. Lisa Smith?
Lisa and I have decided that from now on we will be known as Ms. and Mr. Lisa Smith, thanks to you Ms. Lynda. I decided to take this step because I feel I need to do more to further the new matriarchy, and hopefully this will generate questions and comments from women and men. I must admit, it may possibly be a little uncomfortable at first. I am going to the stationery store today to order some stationery (envelopes, address labels) with the name Ms. and Mr. Lisa S., so I guess today will be my first test as to how I will go about this. But anyway, I will let you know how it goes. Lisa's mother (Catherine) shares most of Lisa's viewpoints on this matter, so of course she thought it was a fantastic idea. As a matter of fact, Catherine is a member of a local feminist group, and she has been talking for a long time about having Lisa and me as guest speakers at one of their meetings. I can hear her now introducing us: “Please welcome my daughter and her husband, Ms. and Mr. Lisa S.”
I am so very proud of you for taking the step to become Ms. and Mr. Lisa Smith. And, I feel a special closeness to my sister Lisa. How did yesterday go at the stationery shop? Were you waited on by a male or female clerk?
The female clerk was quite surprised when I told her the names I wanted on the items I was ordering. When I explained it to her, she thought it was the greatest thing that I was actually taking my wife's name. She told me that I was a really enlightened man and that she wished more men were like me. I think this is typical of the reaction of most women.
ANOTHER MR. HER
I am the husband of a very important woman, and I have become Mr. Her with few problems. It has been great finding other men who have adopted both the wife's first name and last name for the family. I also agree with not using “my wife” as often as we do. Have any of you used “Woman and husband”? We did at our wedding ceremony, and I noticed that Ms. Lynda and her husband did the same.
When we were married over 15 years ago, I took my wife's last name in marriage, but kept my name for professional reasons. In other words, only the closest family members and children knew of our family by my wife's name. At home, I would be Mr. Her, but in public I stayed Mr. Me. But I was so inspired by [many examples of husbands taking their wife’s name] that I took the step and changed my driver's license and other ID to my wife's name. I also told church members, and others that our family would be known as Dr. and Mr. (Her First Name) (Her Last Name) in formal settings. Except for the “That's cool” and “You are too pussywhipped,” no one seems to care. Her mother thinks it is the most wonderful thing since sliced bread. She loves to introduce me to her friends. I even think she has forgotten my first name.
I sometimes am referred to as Mr. S____, my wife's name. While she chuckles about it, I get a very nice sensation that comes over me. Looking back on our relationship, she has always been the dominant partner. I offer my opinion, and defer to her decision always! I believe that as a male within an FLR everything (big or small) that I can do to overtly place her first does, in fact, create those sensations and ripples that underscore actively sublimating the masculine to female authority. Not as an act of sacrifice or even submission, but rather more of attunement and congruence with what I experience as the more natural relationship.
Mrs. Louise and I were married last year and were fully aware of our roles before we walked down the aisle. I took her name. No, not secretly and not just on paper. We walked into our reception as Ms. and Mr. D. (her name) and I've never looked back.
It was through our discussions that Mr. Lisa decided to become Mr. Lisa in the most formal of ways. We know several men who are doing this. We hope that it becomes more and more. In your group, how many men are known by their wife's last name?
Most are legally, but all are known that way in our personal group.
MODERN DAY AMAZON
Like Ms. Lynda and Ms. Lisa, I make it easy for my husband to submit to me because I do love him. By the way, while it is no big thing, he also took my last name when we married. I tease him about being Ms. and Mr. Amazon Warrior/Woman.
(End of Part 2)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
There’s an aspect of wife-led marriages that gets scarcely a mention in my books, and not much on this blog either. It has to do with a husband adopting the wife’s surname—either at the altar, legally, or before the world or selected friends, socially.
This practice of rebranding the groom with the bride’s family name just didn’t seem like “mainstream” FLR to me, if you can say that of an already unorthodox lifestyle. But I suspect it is becoming more common among the younger set of female-led couples, especially among college, post-collegiate and young career-makers for whom feminist assumptions and principles have become second nature.
Times are changing, tables are turning. So I decided to revisit the provocative topic, and, as usual, let others do the talking. (In my own case, it wasn’t till the advent of kids that my wife made the legal switch from her family name to mine; had she known then as much about FLRs as she does now, I believe I’d have been the spouse doing the name change.)
I’ll start with a wife-worshipping husband dealing forthrightly with what he regards as a non-issue:
“I believe that yes, the man should take the wife’s last name. The argument that the wife’s last name is really her father’s is somewhat true, but if you feel, as I do, that an individual is a person, not just an extension of her parents, than the last name is HERS, not her father’s. In any event, you worship your wife, not her parents.
“Could it be that the argument about names is really an easy way for guys to keep from having to take this public admission that yes, the wife is in charge? There comes a time to Walk the Talk, and we should take on the wife’s name and be proud of it. I would go one step further and use Ms. and Mr. Her Full Name on return labels, stationery, etc. (we do).”
What about the effect on parents and kids? Elise Sutton addresses these issues:
“The feelings of parents and future children should be taken into consideration, but if a couple truly wants to make a major societal statement and is willing to endure a little persecution from the dying patriarchal system, the practice of a man taking his wife’s name could be powerful. The fact that women are beginning to consider this option is further proof of how society is evolving toward female domination.”
Sometimes a leading-wife-to-be needs a little encouragement to add this role-reversal agenda item to the marriage contract, as in this lively exchange from the Spousechat archives (available on this website):
Ms. Gina: “I am new to the female-led relationship but my fiance and I both agree that I am the natural of us two to be in charge. So, please, any ideas to keep my man in his place and still have a loving marriage?”
A male responds: “Rename your husband ‘Mr. Gina.’ Explain to him the powerful message his new name sends throughout the female-led societies."
Ms Gina: “It is my intention is to do just that. We are yet to make it official to our close friends and family, because ‘Mr. Gina’ is reluctant to do so yet.”
Is “Mr. Gina” having a typical fit of male egotism? Or is he understandably worried about his family’s reaction to his giving up the family name in favor of the bride’s last name? How is going to explain this radical and unmanly step to Mom and, especially, Dad?
If only the practice were more common, laments this groom-to-be, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to be known as ‘Mr. Her’:
“Why is it so difficult in our society for a man who decides to change his name upon marriage and adopt his wife's name? The idea of being known as Mr. My Wife's 1st and 2nd Name is thrilling, and it is one of the best acts of devotion and love I could think of, but I wouldn't like to be the first in my circle to do it.”
This familiar plaint is sounded by another husband, faced with a name-changing ultimatum from his take-charge wife. He appeals for a ruling in his favor from no less an authoritarian than Mistress Kathy of the delightful Femdom 101 blog. Because it is both informative and uncompromsing, I'm going to quote it at some length:
Dear Mistress Kathy,
My Mistress wife, who is also the head of the house and makes all decisions, wants me to take her last name, which I have mixed feelings about. I would love to but I am afraid to tell my parents. I am given a month to consider.
My Mistress wife had her 2 daughters in her previous marriage change their names to hers. We are very open to our daughters about our matriarchy household. My Mistress is also 8 months pregnant with my son, whose last name will be hers.
The Females in our house are Goddess and Princess and they know their position. I am also concerned when my son is born, the girls might treat him the way they treat me in future (for being male )
How shall I tell my parents if both their son and grandson's names take my wife's last name? She's my Goddess and I love her very much, and i am all prepared to give her all i have. — Ken
Clearly he is expecting sympathy from Mistress Kathy, but he is about to be let down… and none too gently. Mistress Kathy answers:
[Ken} To me your situation is very simple. Your future wife is the lady who is to be your mistress. She is the lady who will own you. Your duty is to her.
There are only two ways to start the conversation with your parents.
1. We have decided that …
2. My wife has decided that...
As far as anything else, you need to trust in your wife's judgment.
The only words you need to have with her should sound something like “As you wish, mistress.”
Yes, if I were getting married today to a submissive husband, who expected me to dominate him, he would take my last name. He would also, in front of his family and friends, take a vow of obedience.
I would expect my guy to be a man about his submissive nature, and to some extent be open about our lifestyle. No one ever said that being the submissive partner in a marriage was easy. That is a part of why discipline is important.
Remember to be a good boy for your lady, and do what she tells you.
Elsewhere Kathy writes that her hope is for a “world where a man is free to take his wife's name in marriage, and no one would think anything of it.”
“As more Women begin to realize that they're actually running the show,” comments one man who took his wife’s name, “I don't know why they wouldn't want the pride and underlying power that goes along with having a family (and subsequent generations) named after themselves.”
“Personally,” writes a dominant female, “I think it would be the ultimate honor for any man to take his Wife's name, instead of keeping their own. It is way past time to break the molds that society has thrust upon us all, and this is one way to do this.”
Whether it is the superior sex demanding the male take her name, or the male on his knees begging to be allowed the honor of taking her name, it is clear that the practice is going to be occurring more and more—publicly, legally, formally.
Informally, hubbie-rebranding is already rampant , judging by the postings on FLR message boards:
“When ‘Mr. Laurie’ and I got married,” writes one leading wife, “we had a semi-private ceremony right before we left for our honeymoon in the presence of two of my closest friends. I had taken off my wedding dress for the ceremony we had performed for everyone else and now we had the ‘real’ ceremony, in which I promised to love and protect ‘Mr. Laurie’ and keep him as long as he shall remain a dutiful and obedient husband. ‘Mr. Laurie’ in turn then promised to remain loyal and obedient to my wishes and promised to perform in the manner of a dutiful husband who would support and obey me in all things. I have been on top ever since. We are happily ever after, Ms. and Mr. Laurie.”
“My name is jake, but I am known as ‘mr. Jeanna.’ My fiancee and female leader (Jeanna) likes it when I acknowledge her in my life and in my posts. I am a submissive male in a committed relationship.”
There are even discussions of proper couples protocol :
“When a female led couple is introduced formally, or even casually how are they introduced? I am single but hope to marry one day and I want to know how would I introduce m” asks one fiancée. “In olden days it was always Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, how would you be introduced to a group, or how would you introduce yourselves to others?”
“I am called Ms. Rebecca and my husband also is tied to my name as were women of old,” a female responds: “In the privacy of the home or with our personal friends, I am ‘Ms. Becky,’ my husband is ‘Mr. Becky.’ We often refer to ourselves as ‘Ms. and Mr. Becky’ or my husband will be called ‘Mr. Becky Brown’ (my last name). What is important is that the husband be identified by his wife’s name.”
Which elicits an amen from this wannabe ‘Mr. Her’: “I'd love for us to be introduced as 'Ms. and Mr. Samantha Smith.' Sure, people will talk and wonder what's going on, but who cares?”
More and more submissive men, it seems, are learning to be take pride in ownership, or rather pride in being owned: “With regards to a male taking his Wife's name, that is a show of the utmost respect. It is him telling the world, that ‘Yes, I am submissive to my Wife and I did take Her name and I am damn proud of that fact.’”
My onetime mentor in wife-worship, Au876, expressed a certain regret that he missed out on this recent societal trend among openly matriarchal couples: “We never gave a thought about my taking her name. Of course, at the time I was the King of the castle. It just never came up. A few times in the past few years my Wife has said she wished she had kept her name and I had changed mine. I honestly believe if we were getting married all over again and the relationship was as it now is, she would keep her name and have me change mine. I would not have any problems doing that.”
Among the increasing number of female supremacists, however, there is no hesitation on this issue, no compromise with patriarchal conventions. A typical example is this 24-year-old grad student in this email to Elise Sutton:
“My husband is completely submissive to me… We had a very small but beautiful wedding, during which he promised to love, honor, and obey me, and to place my desires and goals above his. At the end, we were pronounced ‘Woman and husband.’ Shortly after we became engaged, I had him legally change his last name to mine.
“It was easy for him because he's long been estranged from his family, but I would have required it nonetheless. As a dominant woman, it's important to me that my husband and future children have my name. I only wish more women my age felt this way.
“To those men who might be hesitating, I would say: Make a total commitment to your wife… You say you belong to her? Prove it! Prove to her that she is more important than anyone else in the world. You can do so by taking her name.”
For a final word on the topic (at least for this installment, here in part is Elise’s response:
“Does the woman want to make a declaration to society about her female supremacy beliefs by having her husband take her last name? If so, she should be applauded and respected for practicing what she believes. She also must be willing to accept the negative that goes along with it. The husband will experience many uncomfortable moments from male peers and co-workers when they find out he has taken his wife's name. If the wife demands he make that sacrifice for the honor to be married to her, he can choose between marrying a female supremacist and all that goes with it or he can go in a different direction. I agree with you that more and more men, if given this choice, will choose to submit to the desires of the female regardless of any fallout caused by bucking societal traditions. I also agree that lots of men will find such a request to be exciting and it will cause them to go even deeper into submission to their bride.”
Nowhere in the FLR online literature have I come across more in-depth discussions of “taking her name” than in the old Spousechat message board. This FLR discussions site is long gone, as I have mentioned, but I will offer some lively comments from the archives available on this site.
(End Part One)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
(Editor’s Note: Two earlier collections of wife-worship postings from “Au876” stirred things up a bit here. What follows will probably be less provocative, but focuses on an often-overlooked aspect of wife worship—namely, the husband gradually taking over meal planning, cooking and serving, not just dish-washing afterward. As you will see, Au was a strong proponent of this, as much as surrendering financial control. All these excerpts were from Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! Husbands’ forum, which is no longer extant; her current husbands’ forum, however, is available on Facebook. — Mark Remond).
Au876: A Husband’s Place Is in the Kitchen
Without being a wimp (and again I think it takes a real man to serve his wife), I would suggest you proceed to serve your wife in every possible way. If you don't already, learn to cook. You will be surprised how quickly your wife will let you take on that chore. Wash the dishes, clean the kitchen after each meal.
If you are not cooking, learn how NOW. Plan the menu, buy the food, set the
table, cook the meal, clean the dishes.
Meal Prep 101
Nowadays my wife tells me what her schedule is every Sunday for the upcoming week (as far as she knows). I then know to have her dinner ready (I do all the cooking) to fit her schedule. After we eat, I wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. She also posts her schedule on our kitchen calendar so I won't forget. I don't remember what it was like when she cooked or did anything in the kitchen or around the house.
The Rewards of Cooking
Cooking is a major job and a major source of self-confidence. It makes you feel good about yourself when you can put a decent meal on the table for her. I would highly recommend you make this a goal. She will have to help you, teach you and supervise you to begin with. Tell her you want to learn how to cook and you want her to teach you. Listen, watch and learn from her. Help her at every meal as you slowly begin to take over while she watches. Don't be fancy or scared to fail. You can always call for takeout.
Last night after dinner (which I cooked), my wife told me I needed to make a dish for her to take to work today. Her office was having some kind of celebration for lunch. So I did that while she watched some TV. This afternoon she brought the dish back (dirty but empty) and said everyone told her how good it was. Several of the ladies wanted me to send them the recipe. That made me feel good. I love it when someone likes my cooking.
There is no doubt in my mind that preparing and serving all the meals is one of the best ways for me to show my Wife my appreciation and worship of her. Of course I don't have any say in the matter but even if she told me I didn't have to prepare the meals I would do so anyway.
My wife just happens to think a man is better suited to keeping house and she certainly doesn't like to cook (though she is an excellent cook).
…That was a great idea. I made a copy of the recipe and will be trying it. I have been doing all the cooking for several years now. I will try to pass along some things I use but they are all very basic. Thanks a lot. The best way to please a woman is to cook her good meals. Or at least one of the best ways.
…To give you an idea of how stupid I am, I don't even know what falafel is. I am always so scared of messing up and not having a good dinner for my wife. She encourages me to branch out. Now and then she even leaves a recipe out for me to try. I keep a couple of frozen pizzas in the freezer as a backup. I do look forward to trying the fettucine, probably next week.
..Thanks, I make a pretty mean meat loaf. In fact I have several I make and my wife likes them all. Don't get me wrong. My wife says I am a good cook. It’s just that I am always uncertain of how things will turn out. When I started cooking several years ago, my wife was my teacher. She started by having me help her prepare dishes and explaining what she was doing. We progressed to her supervising while I prepared the various dishes. It wasn't long before she just sat in the den while I cooked and she was available for questions and etc. Finally she said it was time for me to be on my own. This meant I had to plan the meal, shop for the groceries and have dinner on the table for her according to whatever schedule she was on.
She still gives me hints now and then and is always willing to answer my questions. I guess for the last three or four years I have done all the cooking to include even fixing her lunch when we are here doing the day. She gets involved some when we have company. She wants to know what my menu is or she may give me a menu to have or just make adjustments to the one I have. Then she tells me to call on her if I need help. I pride myself on not having to call on her because we when we all sit down to eat, I want her to brag on me and say I didn't need any help. That is just the male ego in me I guess. Still, sometimes I have to call on her.
His Favorite Cookbook
…It sounds to me like you are on the way too. You have some great insight on how to proceed. I need to start trying more dishes myself. For awhile I was trying a new dish every week or so but then slacked off. You are right about the book, The Joy of Cooking. My wife gave me the book a few years back. It is now well read, marked and re-read. I need to get that book on manners.
I strongly endorse the book The Joy of Cooking also. My wife gave it to me several years ago. It tells you everything about everything and I use it all the time. Just to make sure I know what is in it, I read it from cover to cover twice. Not deep reading, just revie- type reading to know its contents.
Just a hint as you are using the book. Make notes beside whatever you tried. Did she like it or not? Would she have preferred more of this or that added or taken out? Did she eat seconds? Always watch her reaction to what you serve and try to improve upon it next time. The notes will be a big help.
Christmas Cooking (& Other Holiday Chores)
My wife goes through the Christmas card list. She makes a notation by any name she wants to include a personal note with. I get the cards ready and take care of the rest (expect the personal notes). I always do all the cooking and cleaning up. However, I am not good not nearly as good at baking as she is. She has a special pie and cake she bakes herself. I will bake cookies for a cookie swap she goes to and will try to bake some other things she wants. But I won't bake anything unless she is close by to help me if needed. We still do a stocking for each other. Last year my wife put all kinds of pedicure items in my stocking. I didn't have to buy anything for months. I have mentioned twice recently what a good stocking I got last year. (hint, hint). I had all kinds of makeup items she uses in hers.
Out of the Kitchen and the Closet
I will recount as best I can how the soup recipe thing happened. There were three of us couples at the table eating. The hostess served the soup first. My wife and the other lady (let’s call her Jane) both commented on how good it was. Jane said she would like to get the recipe. The hostess said sure, I will give it to you after we eat. After the meal we were still sitting at the table talking. Mostly the women were talking (that is not rare, is it?). Jane got up, got paper and pen from her purse and said ,"Let me get that recipe now before I forget it.” The hostess started to give it to her. My wife interrupted. "Au, don't you think you ought to get that too so you can fix it for me?” She told the hostess to wait a second. Then she told me to bring her purse to her. I did. She got some paper and a pen out, handed it to me, turned to the hostess and said "OK, Au is ready to write it down."
The hostess gave the recipe from memory as Jane and I wrote it down. The hostess said, "It is really good served with ham and cheese rolls.” My wife turned to me and said, “You can serve it with those good party rolls you made for me to take to work,” Jane said, “Au, I am impressed. You made stuff for (wife) to take to work?” I admit I was feeling a bit shy at this point. So I replied in a somewhat kidding way to Jane, “Heck, I do everything, isn't that what husbands are suppose to do?” Jane said, “Why, heck yes.” The hostess turned to her husband and said, “You could learn a lot from Au.”
My wife then said, “He's a good cook,” then led the conservation in a different direction. That is all that was said. However, when we were all standing at the door about to depart their house, my wife asked me, “Do you know where you put the soup recipe?”
“Yes, it is in my billfold.”
“Well, you won't have a hard time finding it there.” That was a joke the others didn't catch because she knows full well there is little to nothing else there. I never got the feeling anyone felt awkward. I was starting to feel that way just a tad but there is no way I would ever challenge my wife or argue with her in public. It was just natural for me to do as she said. And she is the one who changed the conservation to another topic.
Sunday night my wife had an old girlfriend over for dinner. She "suggested" I cook one of her favorite chicken dishes. Her friend got here about 4 p.m. We talked a few minutes and then I put out some cheese, snacks and wine for us. I was about to join them when my wife spoke up and said she would like to eat by 7 p.m. It takes me about 2 hours to prepare this certain dish so I excused myself and retired to the kitchen. I checked back with them several times to see if they needed anything. I could hear them laughing and talking as I peeled veggies, cleaned chicken, prepared some side dishes, set the table and all that stuff. At almost exactly 7 p.m. I was ready. I had prepared their drinks, served their plates and lighted some candles on a centerpiece. The table looked great! When I went to the den to tell them dinner was ready my wife glanced down at her watch. I knew I had pleased her by being on time. I ate with them and everyone enjoyed the meal. After we finished our dessert, my wife said she would clean up if I wanted her to. Her friend joined in, saying she would help, too. I knew my wife did not mean that. She hasn't washed a dish in years. I told her no, she didn't need to help me, I enjoyed cleaning up. I cleared the table and cleaned up while they sat there and talked some more.
My wife was very proud of me. She bragged to her friend how I did everything around the house now and did it better than she could. Her friend has been divorced twice. She said if she could find a man like me she would never divorce him and then she teased my wife saying she had better be careful or someone would take me away from her.
I feel I am very lucky that my wife has taken control of me and demands I serve her and wait on her. It excites me to cook her meals. It excites me to wash her clothes, iron them, fold them and put them away for her. She seems to have the ability to keep me horny and longing for her all the time. This makes me want to literally jump at her commands. Sometimes when she punishes me it makes me feel like a little kid. I know I can refuse the punishment but being scared shows me the raw power she has over me and I’d do almost anything to prove to her I will do what she demands.
I mean I get sexually turned on when she scolds me, punishes me just like I do when I am slaving away to serve her in some fashion. I try to come up with new ways to show my devotion and submission all the time. But the strange thing is I do not feel unmanly in the least. I guess I truly believe the proper place for a man is to be submissive to his wife or partner and serve her in all possible ways.
I feel real good about myself. I simply love taking care of my wife and doing all I can to please and tend to her. It seems so natural.
Friday, September 24, 2010
(Continuing the two-part guest post from “Beckie,” who describes, in a series of emails to me, her leading role as a wife in an FLR.—Mark Remond)
Guest Post: Wife Worship & Female Superiority, Part 2, by Beckie
Thank you for this post [“Au876 on Financial Control, Part 1"]. It has given me refreshing thoughts. I referred this post to a couple of my friends to read and consider implementing some of the ideas.
I agree that financial control for the wife is the most important part of the marriage and solidifies her (my) control. This was hard for me to manage at first, but now I would not have it any other way.
I opened my own checking account a few years ago when I went back to work after having our last child. After reading this I thought it a good idea to close our joint account my husband pays bills out of. I talked with him and told him I would like for him to deposit his paycheck into my private account. I will start to pay all the bills and he will not see anything of his paycheck. He has a debit card he uses when he wants to get something for himself; he will no longer have access to that. He had questions and doubts, but I told him the decision is final and permanent.
After that conversation, my stomach was churning, maybe with some fear, but mostly with excitement. Total financial control over your husband is many times more powerful than control over everything else. I walked away with a real high, like on drugs.
I will not be giving him any allowance like others do. He has a blue-collar job, and brown bags it every day, so he doesn't need money for lunches. He is to have $10 in his wallet if anything comes up, and needs to tell me when it does so I can replenish it. If he needs to buy anything for the house or yard, he is to ask for my debit card. I am sure I will have to make minor adjustments to this as they come up.
Of course he wasn't happy when I told him of this. But afterward he said his happiness isn't important, his only happiness is to see me happy. Which I am. When done, I told his to return to his chores. It gives me “butterflies” in my belly when I tell him that.
Thank you for your response. And thank for sharing this with your wife. I felt uncomfortable sending it to a man, but most female led relationship blogs by women are too much kink, dominant, male hating, and I don't want to be involved in that.
My story is “perfect-world”-based, of course. Are our boys always obedient and worshipful? Yeaaaa...right! As they say, life happens. They need to be reminded who they are. The way our daughters and I act sometimes, my husband and son must wonder sometimes what is so superior about females. Female superiority is natural, but we have a lot to learn about it.
Women are advancing in the workplace in pay and promotions. But most wives would still prefer not to have to work. I work part-time a few hours a week mostly for the interaction of the people there. My husband earns enough that I don't have to work. Would your wife prefer to not have to work full-time? I would encourage you to get a part-time job weekends so she could “kick up her feet” and do more for herself. Unfortunately in our economy today, too many wives have to work, though many find their jobs fulfilling.
I know how your wife feels with an egalitarian nature. A wife who understands female superiority means realizing your husband is inferior, and women have a hard time thinking of their husbands in a negative term like inferior. But the facts I laid out for you in my story give no other option. Once your wife sees herself as superior, that will allow her to accept your worship. Most husbands today understand, even if subconsciously, that they are inferior to their wives.
You say my husband is a lucky man. He has to obey even when he disagrees. He comes home from a hard day’s work (where they don't have A/C!) and, after taking a shower, starts supper, cleans after supper and does other chores. He is no longer allowed to watch TV (takes his focus away from focusing on my desires, and takes too long to get it back), has to be in bed by 10 p.m. (works 6:30 a.m. – 3 p.m.). After working all week, never sees or has access to any of the money he earns. He has accepted all this to worship me. He admits lucky is the last thing he is. He does it for me. I am the lucky one.
I can enjoy myself doing something I love and come home to a hot-cooked meal. The guys wait till us girls start to eat and they take what is left over. I have the evening to enjoy with the kids, watch something on TV, or go out with some girlfriends and come home late and not have to explain anything to him. I can sleep late and wake up to fresh coffee, he has to put on another pot when he leaves for work. I can spend money on whatever I want (within my budget). He occasionally has to work a Saturday. That allows me to buy something special that I show him so he knows what his overtime bought me; he specifically requested I do this. I don't want to discuss our sex life, but I pursue it when I want it, not him. And I am worshiped. “Lucky” is not the same at all as “worshiped.” No, I don't consider men in an FLR to be lucky. To be a woman knowing she is superior is special.
You have a good site, but you need to have female perspectives of what it is like to be worshiped.
Yes, you may use my (real-life) story for your post, as long as you change the ages a little, and any other personal information I may have in there. And feel free to share with your wife, this is more important for all women to understand.
[You write] "...this is not an intellectual exercise, or a game, but real life." Most of what is on the Internet is not real life. Many (most) of the commenters on your site I am sure are not real. I wonder how many who talk about their wives are actually married. You are right, this is real life. I was encouraged to start a blog about us, but I really don't have any interest. I would run out of things to write about after a week.
When I talked about all my husband has to obey and do, I need to clarify a few things. I do some of the housework, the things I find more pleasing. I cook dinner 2-3 times a week, certain foods I am great at, and he is great at other meals. I also clean our bedroom (since he works early) and run the sweeper; he does the rest. As for the 10 p.m. bedtime, he has to get up early for work so he always went to bed around then. I just made the 10 p.m. a rule so he has to make sure his chores are done by then.
I can understand how you have a hard time with being consistent, you were raised in a society where women were considered equal to men and were expected to share or do more of the chores than their husbands. I don't think you have accepted female superiority as a fact yet, though you want to. If you did and truly worshiped your wife, you would have no problem after you came home from work and started in on dinner and your chores. You need to set a good example for your children, and your wife will quickly accept her role to be worshiped.
In the past, men were always required to work 12 hours a day in hard labor 6 days a week. Farmers worked in their fields and barns from early morning till late at night 7 days a week to provide for their wives and children. You have the comfort of your wife's home to continue your work before you need to go to bed. Why are men in our society reluctant to do their job?
Hopefully, this will get people to understand and accept female superiority as a fact of life. One point I would like to add. The last few years, women have been striving for equality in all things. We are not equal, we are superior. There are a few roles in life women should not be permitted to be involved in. These would be safety forces (police and fire) and military combat. It is the role of men to always protect women. In dangerous situations, men will put others at risk to protect a woman. In history men always went to war to protect women. World War I was the last war where they tried to protect civilian death. In the Civil War, over 500,000 men died and only 50 women. These 50 women who died were too many; it would have been acceptable if thousands more men died if it meant the 50 women didn't have to. Women should at any and all costs be protected from harm.
I understand this is a hard saying, especially in today's culture. But go back to our grandfathers, the “greatest generation,” and WWII. Ask those men the same question. Ask the men who survived the Civil War if it would have been acceptable for them to die if it meant women could have been saved. Ask those men on the Titanic who encouraged women to enter the lifeboats, knowing the kind of death that awaited them in the icy waters. Men understood the importance of women and protecting them at the cost of their own lives. A century ago, men understood and followed term "women and children first."
In the military, men have been trained and are willing to suffer painful death to protect all females. The military teaches men how to honor and respect women. Since the end of the draft in the early 70's, males show little respect and honor; men used to open doors for us, and used to stand when a superior female entered a room. You never see that anymore. I may be a pacifist and against war, but I believe the draft should be reinstated and all males from age 18 serve 4 years in the military.
(End Part Two)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
(I am honored to present this blog’s first-ever guest posting from “Beckie,” a wife in an FLR who has commented here in the past. The following two-part post is taken from several emails she sent me. I found her rationale for wife worship and female superiority that she presented in these emails so original, so well articulated and persuasive, that I asked her if she would consider allowing me to share her ideas with my readers, female and male. To my delight, she agreed, as long as a few personal identifiers were altered. Having done that, I am able to offer Beckie’s words verbatim. I hope you will enjoy her thoughts and benefit from them, as I have.—Mark Remond)
Wife Worship and Female Superiority by Beckie, Part 1
Thank you for hosting this site on wife worship. Being worshiped is not something I, nor any normal female, would want or desire. It is a male fantasy. But I learned something along the way.
I have a wonderful husband and marriage. He is not what I would consider submissive. He has always been the head of our home. We made joint decisions, but he was my protector. I was a stay-at-home-mom for many years. I did all the chores around the home. What I liked about him was he always wanted to help clean the dishes with me—some together time. He wanted to help with the laundry or cleaning at times because the children kept me busy during the day, and he thought I needed to kick up my feet in the evening even though he worked hard all day, too. He often brought me little gifts to time to surprise me.
He told me a couple of times he just enjoyed worshiping me and wanted to continue to court me like when we dated. I loved his devotion, but WORSHIP ME? I was not better than he, I was his equal. I was not worthy of his worship!
From the time we were married, we believed in equality, making joint decisions. Often when we were not in agreement, we would argue. I always wondered how equality is supposed to work when two people disagree. But after arguing, almost without fail, any time I thought a different way, he would go along with what I thought. I began to realize even though he was the head of the family, I was the one really making all the decisions. I considered telling him that I would make decisions from then on, but I was afraid of damaging our relationship and that he would be upset or hurt. Or never ask me my opinion again. The thought that I would make him OBEY ME was never thought of.
I never wanted to call myself a feminist, but I did believe women were to be equal to men in everything. They should have equal pay, girls should have equal opportunities in school, women should be equal in politics and government, etc.
But a strange thing has been happening. We are no longer equal.
* A WSJ article recently showed younger women are now paid MORE than their male peers.
* Girls are exceeding boys in school. Almost 90% of valedictorians are girls, a majority of students in spelling bees are girls, college students are now almost 60% female and growing.
* Recently another U.S. Supreme Court member was added, making three females. Since this is a lifetime post, we have to wait till other male members quit or die, but I am sure in time it will be a majority (if not 100%) female. More women are being elected to office every year.
Women are only wanting equality with what men have always had. What is that strange thing I mentioned? Whenever we rise up and become equal, we always continue past equality! These facts, and many more, prove we are not equal to men. Females are superior in every aspect of our lives.
* Females are superior physically. We have a much more complex body. We have a complex reproductive system. We live longer than men. We are physically much more attractive, so that men desire us, court us, and seek us.
* Females are much more complex emotionally.
* Females are much more advanced intellectually and have more intuition (understanding without apparent effort, a keen and quick insight).
* Females are far better at relationships. They can express themselves to their friends, they can have several friends, male and female. Males have a hard time making friends and can never share their feelings.
Women are still thinking they need to be equal, and that being superior to men is wrong. But as I related in our marriage, equality is impossible. One side will eventually become superior and the other inferior.
But what woman wouldn’t want to have a marriage where what she said was final, where her husband would obey her and desire her? What wife wouldn’t want a home where the housework, cleaning, laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, were her husband’s job, where she would be free to pursue more fulfilling interests? How many would enjoy those more fulfilling pursuits during the day while he is at work earning money for her to enjoy? What wife wouldn’t love to have control of his paycheck and manage all the finances? What female wouldn’t love to be worshiped as a goddess?
Most women can’t see far enough that they are superior. They have had to submit to men through all history, and they can only hope for equality. Men have had the upper hand even though they are inferior and they know it, they instinctively prevented women from being equal because men know that women’s superiority would then overtake all aspects of their life. If men only could understand that female superiority would be the ideal for them. Men are created for worship. Women are created to receive worship.
As your site shows, there are many men who desire to worship women. Most men worship women in one way or another without necessarily using the term. But how many women say they want to worship a man? None that I know. In order for females to be worshiped, they naturally have to be superior to men. If we are to be worshiped, are we not goddesses? Who would ever call a man a “god”? That would be blasphemous.
I believe our society is moving quickly now to female superiority in all areas. Yes, all females are superior; they are born that way, it is not something they learn—though we need to learn that we are superior. Few women understand that. Just as the church teaches that we are born sinful because man and woman sinned in the Garden of Eden, this is something we find hard to comprehend. It is hard for women to understand how we are born superior, it is just in our nature. Men understand that much better.
But not all females are to be worshiped. This is for marriage. The husband is to “love, worship, and obey” his wife. Her protection, her well-being, her desires, her pleasure, and her comfort are his primary concerns, and he would, if called upon to do so, lay down his life for her.
So where are we at today? A few years ago, my husband and I sat down and I told him if I was going to make the decisions, I demanded he obey me without question. Do I make mistakes? More than I wish. But my husband takes the blame for them and the punishment; this is his worship of his goddess!
Housework: He does almost all of it. It is his job, to be expected of him. I do not micromanage him, or stand over him telling him what to do. He knows his chores and does them well. I offered to help with some, but he told me I didn’t need to bother with mundane housework when I should be pursuing more fulfilling things. I work part time 3 days a week and enjoy my work and the people I work with. I work with a community theater 1-2 times a week, I was in theater a lot in college and it’s good to be involved again. I am with the kids in the evening helping with homework. Once in a while I will take our girls out to the mall or someplace while my husband and son do the dishes and other chores.
Finances: With my part-time job, I opened my private checking account. Since then I wondered why I needed two accounts, and recently decided to close our joint checking account. My husband now deposits his paycheck into my account. He is to keep $10 on him at all times and let me know if he spends any so I can give him more. He gets no allowance. After closing the one account I have started paying bills and managing all finances. We use MS Money so he still doesn’t have access to any money himself.
Children: We have 2 daughters 16 and 11, and a son 14. Any expression of wife worship is hidden from them. But as a family we do show female superiority. My husband and son both open doors for us, and both stand whenever my daughters or I enter a room and remain till we are seated. The same holds for dinner; they stand till we are seated and allow us to fill our plates and start eating before they fill their plates. Our son helps his father clean the table and dries the dishes. A few months ago, they discussed if our son would want to do something special for his sisters to show his awareness of their female superiority. He chose to make their beds and straighten their rooms every morning. The girls are not allowed to tell him what to do, but may ask him politely to do something or get her something; he is not required to obey but he takes their requests as an order and still obeys. His father has been a good mentor.
I know this has been a long letter. But I felt the need to write it out and tell someone, it has been building up in me. Every family is different with different ways to do things. Everything here sounds like we have it down perfect, but we have problems and daily issues come up to deal with. But female superiority is only natural and is showing up more every day. Someday it will be accepted by everyone.
(End Part One; to be continued...)