Tuesday, September 16, 2014

dennis: OBEDIENCE REVISITED

Nancy’s original Obedience post (“Toward a Lifelong Female-Led Marriage: Obedience ) was directed at Women. This post is a refresher of sorts and is directed at men.

Obedience, it’s the first and most important of the four tenets of an FLR. It is the key to domestic bliss! Obey your Wife without hesitation and you can expect domestic tranquility and happiness. Disobey Her and there will likely be unpleasant consequences.

In workshops we conduct for couples embarking on an FLR we encourage Women to demand obedience and put the necessary structures in place to get it. Why? Well, there are a number of reasons:

First, Women are intellectually and emotionally superior to men. They are also more benevolent in their leadership. Women are the superior sex and deserve to be in control.

Second, men behave better when specific rules and responsibilities are put in place for them to follow – men love structure and Women should give it to them.

Third, Women are increasingly in charge in the business world. Why should they surrender
their considerable and expanding authority when they return home? They shouldn’t! Rather they should carry their workplace authority seamlessly into their home life.

Fourth, households run smoother with Women in charge, and tranquil households are what we all want.

Fifth, and i know i will be criticized for this, but we firmly believe that men – today’s men – have to atone for patriarchy’s ill-gotten gains; obedience to Women and complete respect for their authority are a good start on the road to atonement...

Couples contemplating an FLR know this and understand that in such a relationship She makes the decisions, controls the money, sets the social agenda, assigns the chores, makes the rules and enforces them. his job? Simply to obey! Her decisions are not subject to debate; they are final! Women relish the leadership role and in our experience don’t hesitate to press their innate authority. Many men, on the other hand, conditioned by patriarchy, have some hesitation when initially confronted with a suddenly demanding Wife. She needs to quell his hesitation.

Here are some things for Women and enlightened gentlemen to do, based on my own experiences in Nancy’s family where Her Grandmother, Joan, and Mother, Sue, and others conditioned me to the need for obedience:

Remind yourself of your inferiority as a man and of the superiority of Women; i use notes and stickers as reminders. When i was leaning to obey when first introduced to Nancy’s family, each Woman and some of the men(!) reminded me of the superiority of Women and of my own inferiority. Joan, Sue, and Nancy would write “Women Rule and men drool” using lipstick on mirrors and on my windshield; sexy to be sure, but i really understood the underlying message!

Wear an apron; it’s practical in many ways but also calls out his subservient status; Joan
admonished me to wear a “pretty” apron as it multiplied the impact. My wearing an apron has been mandatory from the start.

Use honorifics. Ma’am is always acceptable; “Yes, Ma’am” is one of my favorite sayings, one that excites me and honors the Woman to whom it is directed. Make it your business to learn Women’s preferences for address and use them. Or men can experiment by using different honorifics: “My Queen,” “Madame,” “Lady” with Her last name (i.e., “Lady Gannon”) come to mind. All convey deference and respect and acknowledge the higher status of Women. Progressive gentlemen report excitement in using such terms.

Don’t limit the use of honorifics; i recommend “Ma’am” when addressing any Woman, at home of course, but also in public and at work. “Good morning, Ma’am”; “Yes, Ma’am.” These show respect and courtesy. “Ma’am” works well in all situations, and i would use it exclusively outside the home.

"Hear and do": The Women in Nancy’s family initially put me in situations where i was always getting requests or told to do things. Joan called it “Hear and do,” and it was great training. It taught me to hear a request, acknowledge it, and carry it out; and it taught me to love taking orders. While i understand that it’s not at all practical to constantly get orders from the Women, my doing so, especially during this initial period, made it second nature.

Set up rules. As noted above, it’s just not practical for Women to constantly be giving direction. In Nancy’s family we have an elaborate set or protocols and schedules that prescribe what i should be doing and how things are to be done. There’s a day to do ironing, laundry, and grocery shopping and a documented way that things should be done. Things happen automatically with little imposition on the Women. Obedience isn’t just listening to what She orders. It’s also following the protocols She has prescribed. With deference to Her, work with your Wife to develop similar rules. It will lighten or eliminate Her burden in managing your work.

Listen to Her. This doesn’t mean obeying Her – men know to do that – but rather to quietly listen to Her conversations – with permission, of course, no snooping! Women’s conversation should be regarded as private unless you are informed otherwise! But by listening to Her you can anticipate Her needs and move to fulfill them before She asks – now that’s obedience! And fantastic personal service, too! If, for example, She says She’s thirsty, you can rush to get Her favorite drink. Beyond this, listening to Her will help you learn Women’s perspectives and opinions and thus be a better man.

For Women: There are things that a Woman should be doing to ensure that Her husband is an obedient and acquiescent spouse:

Instruct him – make sure he understands Your expectations and any protocols You’ve established.

NEVER say “Please,” Ladies! You are entitled to have Your requests fulfilled and he is privileged to fulfill them. And there’s absolutely no need for “thank you” once Your request is filled.

Have him use “Ma’am” or whatever honorific You prefer. ALWAYS!

Set up household rules as above. Complying with the rules is the same as his complying with Your orders, and it’s far less burdensome to You. If it’s in the rules and he doesn’t comply then, consequences are due.

Raise Your voice. It helps to periodically reestablish Your authority by raising Your voice. Nancy and Sue do this from time to time to keep me on my toes. Learn to love releasing Your ‘inner Bitch.” men love Bitches – be one!

Exercise Your authority. Have him do things because You can. Give him an opportunity to serve you – men LOVE serving Women! Nancy and Her Mother periodically send me on little excursions. Going across town for a specific brand of cigarettes at 3:00 a.m., for example...


Finally, there’s a little sheet with phrases on it that serve as thoughtful reminders.  Nancy’s Grandmother, Joan, dictated them to me years ago as reminders that I could post in key places. Today i have them on a small sheet of pink paper as She instructed and place them on mirrors, on my phone, on my computer. As She ordered i recite these phrases a few times a day, as a tribute to Joan. Here they are:

§  She says, you do!
§  She commands, you comply!
§  She decides, you abide!
§  She rules, you obey!
§  She speaks, you listen!
§  She requests, you fulfill!
§  She instructs, you learn!
§  She orders, you acquiesce!
§  She leads, you follow!



Sunday, September 7, 2014

dennis: RENEWAL OF WEDDING VOWS IN A FEMALE-LED MARRIAGE

Nancy and i recently renewed our wedding vows. We have done this twice before when She decided the evolution of our relationship necessitated putting it on a new plateau of shared understanding, both to ourselves and to the congregation. We were members of another congregation but left because that group was male-led and very parochial in its conduct. We want spirituality in our lives but not at the expense of compromising our beliefs as expressed in the workings of our Female-led marriage.

Our new congregation is a significant departure from the old. We are members of a group that worships Female deities and explores the Divine Feminine. Our congregation looks on all Women as Goddesses, worthy of male respect, homage, and worship. Our approach to spirituality is refreshingly broad and has us exploring and incorporating a variety of beliefs. We seek to use scripture that rewrites traditional Biblical passages with Female references.  In-depth references to the Divine Feminine in scripture interpretation can easily be found on-line.

Women hold all positions of authority and leadership within our congregation. Any Woman joining is a full member and, with appropriate instruction, can rise to be Priestesses, those Who lead worship services. Above the Priestesses are the Elders of our congregation. They are all Women Who have exhibited wisdom and understanding and Who are respected by all in the congregation; Nancy’s Mother Sue is an Elder. When the Elders speak, everyone listens!

Elders conduct discussions, ceremonies, and rituals and, in addition, serve on the Council of Wise Women to which members – including men – may bring issues, questions, and disputes for consideration, or may simply seek advice and discussion. The Council sits as needed with most issues heard by a panel of three to seven Wise Women.

There are strict rituals associated with bringing issues to the Wise Women for their consideration. In bringing an issue to the Elders all parties agree to fully accept the decision of the Wise Women; there is no appeal process. And acceptance of that decision means the recommended solutions must be implemented. The Elders usually deliberate on the items brought before them, so one cannot expect an immediate answer; a response may take hours, days, or weeks. Whenever the Wise Women arrive at a decision, the parties bringing it are summoned to hear the disposition provided. The Council of Wise Women also sits as an administrative authority managing the congregation’s day-to-day business.

While men are most welcome to worship in our congregation, they must be sponsored by a Female member and likely will not be elevated to positions of authority. men are to be respectful and courteous at all times. There are numerous protocols in play that are taught men by their sponsoring Woman. men are, for example, to use appropriate honorifics, and these differ from those that might be used outside the congregation – “Ma’am” isn’t used here! men are permitted to speak only when spoken to, and are not allowed to speak at all for their first year in the congregation. men are also expected to financially support the congregation with weekly contributions as well as making appropriate contributions when receiving special services such as submitting a question to the Council of Wise Women.

Our vow-renewal ceremony was conducted in the presence of the congregation and was brief.

At the altar i knelt before my wife and kissed her hand as a sign of reverence, referring to her as “my Goddess.” Then i said, “Dear Nancy, i promise to love You, to honor You, to worship Uou, and to obey You.” I continued, “i recognize You as my divine Goddess, the center of my life. You are infallible and beyond fault. All that i have and all that i am is Yours.”

i remained kneeling as Nancy said, “You have pledged yourself to Me and the Divine Goddess. You promise your obedient devotion.”

A wedding ring was handed to Nancy, and she slipped it onto my finger, saying, “With this ring you become Mine as you have asked. I promise to love you and guide you and in so doing, better us both”.

She then added, “Woman is the ruler of the world. She is infallible and beyond fault; She stands above all men as I stand over you.” She finished, “Wise is the man who follows Woman; do you follow Me?” i replied, “Yes, my Goddess, i follow You, i obey You, allow me to serve You as You see fit.”

i continued kneeling before Nancy. She does not get a ring as a part of the ceremony since she is a free spirit beholden only to Herself and Her wishes. men, on the other hand, do get a ring, a reference to the single-ring ceremony of ages past where the Woman received a ring indicative of Her commitment but the man didn’t, indicative of his freedom despite being married. The roles have been reversed in our congregation; thus, i have committed myself to Her and in so doing belong to Her and accept whatever She wishes.

The ceremony nearly complete, She extends Her hand and i gently kiss it. She walks away and only then do i rise, take Her arm and follow Her. We greet our guests in the reception line, and i now am privileged to kiss the Bride!


Nancy’s gift to me was a pair of gold earrings. My gift to Her was a three-diamond ring. She is pleased with it. It was an invigorating ceremony, all the more so given all those in attendance.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

SHANNON & BRAD’S WIFE-LED MARRIAGE: SHANNON’S STORY

My father passed away when I was young and I honestly do not remember how the power was divided between him and mom. What I do remember is that my mom took care of my sister and me, and made sure we had everything we needed. She was a strong woman, and I wanted to be a strong woman too.

I remember this really annoying boy in middle school. I used to complain about him to mom, who would often say, “Sounds like he could use some discipline.” I found this funny since this boy took karate, which I thought taught discipline. I learned in ninth grade that he was only annoying to me because he liked me and didn’t know how to show it. That was when we began dating—we would go to movies, we would hang out, and he was actually quite nice and usually we would do what I wanted. And, yes, this was Brad.

Sometimes, however, we would do what Brad wanted, and occasionally he even yelled at me when I suggested something. I always hated that, because there was never any reason for it. It pissed me off so bad, and I would remember what my mom said—that he needed discipline, and I would agree. I even started karate to be with him more, but he teased me about this, too, implying that I wouldn’t be any good.

I couldn’t figure out where these sexist thoughts of his were coming from, since there were many girls in karate, and I knew his mom was a strong woman. I had seen her threaten Brad with spankings many times and he would always straighten up. It was this that made me think he needed more discipline than he got; I just didn’t think it would be me to do it.

We broke up during junior year of high school, both of us agreeing that it wasn’t working. We went our separate ways in college, and I dated other guys. But for some unknown reason I kept thinking about Brad. I kept comparing all my boyfriends to him and realized that I really liked it when he did what I wanted. It was only when he got angry and yelled that I had a problem with him.

So I was pleasantly surprised and actually excited when he invited me to his college graduation party. We talked about “old times,” and he apologized for all of the things he had done to hurt me and promised this would never happen again. This made me happy, but he didn’t seem to want to get back together. But we kept hanging out together, and I kept trying to get him interested, until I finally asked him right out if he wanted to go out again. He told me that he did, and I told him that I really wanted to go out with him again, but that I would not accept the behavior he had displayed before.

That was when Brad surprised me by saying, “You might have to spank me if I do.” That was when the idea of me disciplining him when he did something I did not like first came to mind. I jokingly asked him if he meant like his mom used to, and he blushed so red! It was cute.

Everything went really well between us until Brad decided to go back to school and get his master’s. With this schedule he was really busy, and I understood that, and I did more of the chores and cooked dinner to help him out, even though we had agreed when we got back together that he would do most of the chores. I was fine with it, figuring that he would resume doing most of the chores once he had some free time. I was fine with it, that is, until Brad began making some comments on things not being clean enough, and once when I was late with dinner, he yelled at me about why wasn’t it ready.

That’s when I exploded and yelled back at him about how I was doing his chores for him and trying to help him, but he was just being an a-hole and didn’t appreciate me or my efforts on his behalf. I told him that I would not take it any more, and that he could either leave, since he had broken his promise, or he would have to accept me punishing him like he said that I should.

Brad looked truly shocked at my threatening to punish him. If I wasn’t so mad, I would have probably laughed at the expression on his face. I think my yelling woke him up, as I never shout. He told me that he was really sorry and that he loved me. And, yes, he agreed to let me punish him—and that was when I first spanked my boyfriend, the turning point in our relationship.

I gave Brad quite a few on his bare butt, and watched how it bounced quite a bit and turned very red. I only used my hand, but I did get him to cry a bit. Afterward I had him stand in the corner while I looked at his cute red ass and I decided that I actually kind of liked spanking him and seeing his cute butt turn red. After the corner time I let him get dressed and told him straight up if he needed it, I would spank him again.

Brad was really well behaved for almost a month before the stress got to him again and he yelled at me again. And as promised, he found himself over my lap again, getting a harder spanking than the first time. I soon realized that this method of punishment really worked for Brad, and that I could use it to correct other behaviors that bothered me, like his leaving clothes all over the floor, not completing his chores, and forgetting to call when he was going to be late. And as I expected, it did work. He would be very conscious of these shortcomings for a while, but every so often he would mess up and find himself one again over Shannon’s lap, or bent over the chair.

This relationship works really well for us, and despite the embarrassment for my husband, I know that he agrees that it works, and that it is what he needs. There is no question now that I am in charge of our relationship, although most who know us probably see us as just a normal couple where the wife calls the shots.

A few know more. One or two of Brad’s guy friends have seen his sore butt at the gym, and he was recently strip-searched at the airport and the TSA personnel saw his sore butt as well. For the most part, however, no one knows how, or to what extent, I keep control of my husband.



I expect things to change some in the days to come. Brad will get disciplined for different things and in different ways, but we both agree that our relationship is much better now that I am in charge.

Friday, August 22, 2014

SHANNON & BRAD’S WIFE-LED MARRIAGE: BRAD’S STORY

(This is the first of what I hope will be a series of posts from a young couple recently embarked on a wife led marriage. Since Brad sent me his “story” first, I’ll start with that, and follow in a few days with Shannon’s version of how they came together, and how she took control.—Mark Remond)

Brad: I grew up in a family were my mother was clearly in charge. She is the one who told us what to do and disciplined us when we disobeyed. She told dad what to do as well. My family consists of my mom, my dad, my older sister and older brother and myself. If mom and dad weren’t around, my sister was in charge. I thus grew up accepting that the women had more authority in the home than men.

I dated my wife, Shannon, in high school and often let her be in charge, but I got teased by the other guys a lot and I ruined it by arguing with her a lot, trying to be “the man.” I didn’t know it at the time, but there are different types of men, and I am a submissive one. I like others to be in charge, I feel safe and secure that way. It took me living on my own with no one to guide me to realize this.

By the time I graduated college I knew I needed someone that would take control of our relationship, and I vowed this time I would not screw it up. I got lucky when my high school girlfriend came to my party and saw that I was not trying to be the dominant one anymore. She seemed interested in me for some reason, but I was scared. Over the summer we hung out again and finally we got back together, but she made it clear it was not to be like last time. Jokingly I told her that she might have to spank me if I did that so I would learn. She laughed and I thought everything would be fine until I got very grouchy at some point and snapped at her for no reason other than I was stressed. That was when our relationship changed.

Prior to this my wife called the shots, made decisions and reminded me of what I needed to do, but this behavior of mine made her realize she would not put up with me snapping. She yelled at me and gave me a choice—either I could leave, or she would do exactly as I had suggested when we got back together, i.e., punish me in order to teach me what was and was not acceptable behavior.

I was shocked, but happier with Shannon at that moment than I had ever been, and so agreed to let her punish me. But when she told me to drop my pants and briefs and bend over her lap, I was humiliated. That first spanking was more humiliating then painful since she only used her hand, but I still cried, mostly I think from the guilt. I behaved really well after that—for a while, but it came to the point where I snapped at her again, and so got another spanking. This one was harder than the first.

This cycle continued for a while until Shannon began to punish me for other things that annoyed her (and still do). Now I know that I can always count on her to help me be a good husband for her, and a good father to my kids in the future. (Fortunately, I have a few years to learn from Shannon’s instruction before that happens!)


I should mention that, outside our home, people see a relatively normal couple where both people work. They see me treat my wife with respect and vice versa. The system of our wife led marriage will evolve, I am sure, but it works well for us, and I love her today even more than I did when we got engaged.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

dennis: POSTSCRIPT ABOUT CARING FOR -- AND ABOUT -- WOMEN'S SHOES

Caring for Nancy's and Sue's shoes is part of my daily routine and really doesn’t take much time – usually just a few minutes a day – but every few weeks or so i’ll go through Nancy and Sue’s closets – with their permission, of course – and clean and inspect all their shoes. There’s not a lot of magic to taking care of one’s Wife’s shoes, but it is deeply satisfying nonetheless.

Many happy thoughts and memories spring from mention of Women’s shoes. So much that i learned about Women’s shoes comes from (Nancy’s grandmother) Joan, my strict mentor who taught me so much about all things Feminine. From Joan i learned so much about the emotional side of Women’s shoes. Shoes were an entitlement as far as She was concerned, and buying them was a time-honored ritual. As for learning the technical side of Women’s shoes, well, i credit the Women’s Boutique with that. i often work in their shoe section, most often doing stocking and inventory, but sometimes working the floor, waiting on customers. If ever one sees how much Women love shoes, it is on the sales floor of an upscale shoe store. i’m sure that many Women were initially uncomfortable with a man serving them, but i soon developed a clientele as more and more women realized i wanted patiently and dutifully to serve them. These Women loved the personal attention i gave them, and they appreciated my knowledge of shoe fashion – the former a result of Joan’s diligent training of me, the latter the result of my reading Women’s fashion magazines and the fashion press.


There were also little things i did that were appreciated, things that grew out of my desire to serve. A cup of coffee or tea, served on china was, always offered to Women trying on shoes. i made sure we had a fresh pot brewing and an assortment of teas. If a Woman were trying on dress shoes but not wearing hosiery, i’d make sure to give Her a pair of knee-high nylons gratis with which to try on shoes. I’d offer to help Women try on shoes, usually ones with buckles or straps. My clientele loved this – a little bit of pampering they called it.

If i noticed a Woman’s own shoes were in need of touching up, with permission i’d take them to the back room for a quick cleaning and polishing. Let me share a trade secret here – using a light coat of petroleum jelly cleans, shines, and conditions shoes of any color and does so quickly.

Once my Customer made Her selection, i’d ring up Her purchases, but not before offering Her a complimentary pair of pantyhose to go with Her new shoes.  i enjoyed, and always will enjoy, serving Women and, as I hoped, taking their shoe buying experience to another level.


d

Saturday, August 2, 2014

dennis: CONTROLLING THE FINANCES REVISITED, Part 2

(To pick up where we left off in part 1…)

What do we tell workshop participants about the Woman’s controlling money? Plenty! Let’s compile a list of what Women should do in taking and maintaining control…

As the superior gender, Women are entitled to control and use money as They desire.
Financial control requires his commitment, too -- once committed there’s no turning back!

It’s not “his and Her” money – it’s all Hers! And She can do with it as She sees fit.
We recommend Women provide hubby a regular allowance for personal items. Nancy provides me a set amount for personal spending, an amount that, nevertheless, i must account for. Failure to prudently manage my money may result in a suspension of allowance or a fine, determined by and payable to Nancy or Her Mother. i can ask for more money, but Nancy is under no obligation to grant my request – and She often dismisses it out of hand.

In our workshops Nancy recommends Women limit how much he carries as a precaution against frivolous spending. For instance, i am allowed no more than $20 in my wallet, and Nancy or Sue regularly check its contents. Having more than what’s allowed results in all of it being confiscated – and perhaps an additional fine.

Whether a Woman earns more than Her husband or not, he should be out working and earning an income to place at Her discretion. he’ll have plenty of time to do assigned chores after work; after all there are 24 hours in a day.

Women need to take a complete inventory of hubby’s financial assets. This includes bank accounts, pension plans, savings accounts, and so on. Paychecks, dividends, disbursements should all be deposited into a joint account. While the account is joint, She need not provide him with the user ID or password. Once deposited into a joint account, She can allocate it as She desires.

The progressive gentleman will happily disclose his finances to his Wife. Once She knows what he has and where, She can consolidate and allocate things as She desires.
If he has a savings plan at work, the money saved will be deposited in that plan. But make sure it stays there! One Woman reported that hubby was having a tidy sum of money deposited but quickly withdrawing it for frivolous personal spending. She quickly closed that loophole!

Men should have only limited use of debit and credit cards. i’m allowed to use a debit card for the weekly grocery shopping, gas, and so on. i’m required to immediately return the card after use and have to have a receipt for the purchases made. Usually a receipt is sufficient, but the Women often check online to validate that nothing else was spent – there never is, but the thought that it could be is a powerful statement of who is in charge.

In our household, major purchases are defined as anything over $50 and require Female approval. Depending on the value and item, i may have to show that i purchased the “best price” item and/or that i used coupons.

Coupon clipping is an important task for progressive gentlemen – the more he saves, the more She can spend! Make sure hubby looks through ads, online sources, and so on to find coupons. Coupon clipping is a good downtime activity.

i am involved in major purchases as Nancy and Sue permit, but usually only for household items. i have, for example, a vested interest in a new stove or a new iron, so my opinion is considered; but for something like a car, Nancy and Her
Mother are the decision makers and may not even involve me. When we last bought a car Nancy took me along not to consider my opinion but to let me pick the color!

i am only permitted to carry my company credit card and am forbidden to use it for personal purchases. Sue monitors the use of this card, just in case...

Women should be compensated for financial management; Nancy takes a 10% fee from my deposited pay each month for Her use.

Nancy has a variety of “buckets” to which She allocates “my” money. In addition to Her management fee, She puts 5% into a vacation fund, 5% into a gift fund, and routinely sends $100 to Her Niece in college. Sue also receives a monthly gratuity from my salary. Nancy takes Her portion as an online transfer, but i must write Nancy’s Niece monthly with a small note and include the $100. As for Sue, i present Her gratuity monthly in what has become a little ritual using a pink envelope with the money and a personal note of gratitude.

While i don’t have accounts, the Women do require that I set aside money for flowers, gifts, and charitable donations. Since my allowance is small, the Women supplement my contributions to these “buckets.” Nancy generously allocates monies needed for my work at the Women’s Center.
Nancy trumps Her financial control by telling me that “my money” is on Her shoe rack or hanging in Her closet. It’s a good investment for both of us.

Nancy and Sue require that i pay a fine in atonement for transgressions, demerits, or rules violations. No matter what other punishment is fixed, there is always a fine.

Women should also be aware that men can come into unexpected monies, such as a bonus or Uncle Fritz’s will. Nancy was home early last week so She could greet me at the door when i came home; nothing romantic, just the business of Her managing the money. She wanted to be there to have me hand over my bonus check. Apparently my boss Carol had let Nancy and Linda, tom’s Wife, know that we’d received checks, since She knows that the Women control the money in our households as She does in Hers. Not that tom or i would ever keep money from our Wives – we know the rules! – but a strong point was made when Nancy demanded it when i entered, and i instantly handed it
over on one knee. Nancy always has plans for the money, often indulging Herself with things She might not otherwise get. One year She bought a diamond She’s been wanting, another time She and Sue went on a cruise, another time they went to Vegas. What did I get? Well, i never expect anything since it is Her money, but i did get a new iron.



What do i get from Nancy’s financial control? I get a happy Wife and a powerful feeling of Her being in complete control.
—d


Thursday, July 31, 2014

dennis: CONTROLLING THE FINANCES REVISITED, Part 1

“Controlling the family finances is one thing that ALL women should be doing. Managing the finances is more than just paying bills. It’s about determining what is spent, where and on what. It’s about treating yourself to things you’re entitled to as the female head of household. It’s about closing the wage gap on a very personal level! It’s about control! Remember, ladies, money is power! Seize that power!”

With these words my Wife, Nancy, started Her post on controlling the money in an FLR. We regularly revisit this important topic during small workshops with Women and couples who are in, or embarking on, the lifestyle.

Women controlling money is an essential element of an FLR. Women have the right and responsibility to take control of finances, and doing so will give them tremendous power. Of the four tenets of an FLR, financial control is usually the first one that a couple embarks on. In doing so, She assumes the power to enforce Her rules and the resources to pursue Her desires going forward.

Taking over the money is a major milestone in how She relates to Her man and how He responds to Her. We always share few stories:

§  One Woman commented that the day She assumed complete control of the money was the day She stopped asking and started telling. The day She went from “please” to “do it, damn it!” From a frustrated “happy Housewife” to a “regal Bitch.”
§  Another Woman noted the power that comes from hubby having to ask Her for money and Her being able to refuse his request.
§  Other Women relate how financial control quickly had Her husband going from “i’ll get to it” to “Yes, Ma’am!”

After a few stories like this, Nancy rings for me and i come out, full apron, and serve coffee or tea, usually to comments like, “Oh, Nancy, you’ve got him trained!” Or, “I love a man in an apron!” It’s at this point that i relate my experience with Nancy controlling the money and how very little else could make me more appreciate Her authority. i assure the Women that i appreciate the arrangement and that it is very satisfying to me as a progressive gentlemen. By this time – if they haven’t already – the Ladies have made up their minds that they want control of the money.
 
What does Her taking control do for the men? While we are not particularly concerned here with their feelings, the male reaction is initially quite the opposite of that of the Women. men often feel impotent to the point where many don’t have sex for weeks afterward. Having limited access to money makes them feel Her authority in a very real way. Many men quickly refocus themselves, paying close attention to their Wife’s wishes and wanting to do more in hopes that She will be benevolent towards them. And previously free spending men quickly get very thrifty!



What do we tell workshop participants about the Woman’s controlling money? Plenty! Let’s compile a list of what Women should do in taking and maintaining control…


(To be continued in next post)