Thursday, January 29, 2015

REPRISE: BECKIE SUE ON WIFE WORSHIP & FEMALE SUPERIORITY, PART 2

(Continuing the reprint of a two-part guest post, this one from September 24, 2010, by “Beckie Sue,” who describes, in these excerpts from a series of emails to me, her leading role as a wife in an FLR and matriarch of a female led family.—Mark Remond)

Mark,

Thank you for this post [Au876 on Financial Control, Part 1"]. It has given me refreshing thoughts. I referred this post to a couple of my friends to read and consider implementing some of the ideas.

I agree that financial control for the wife is the most important part of the marriage and solidifies her (my) control. This was hard for me to manage at first, but now I would not have it any other way.

I opened my own checking account a few years ago when I went back to work after having our last child. After reading this I thought it a good idea to close our joint account my husband pays bills out of. I talked with him and told him I would like for him to deposit his paycheck into my private account. I will start to pay all the bills and he will not see anything of his paycheck. He has a debit card he uses when he wants to get something for himself; he will no longer have access to that. He had questions and doubts, but I told him the decision is final and permanent.

After that conversation, my stomach was churning, maybe with some fear, but mostly with excitement. Total financial control over your husband is many times more powerful than control over everything else. I walked away with a real high, like on drugs.

I will not be giving him any allowance like others do. He has a blue-collar job and brown bags it every day, so he doesn't need money for lunches. He is to have $10 in his wallet if anything comes up, and needs to tell me when it does so I can replenish it. If he needs to buy anything for the house or yard, he is to ask for my debit card. I am sure I will have to make minor adjustments to this as they come up.

Of course he wasn't happy when I told him of this. But afterward he said his only happiness is to see me happy. Which I am. When done, I told him to return to his chores. It gives me “butterflies” in my belly when I tell him that.

*

Mark,

Thank you for your for sharing my story with your wife. I felt uncomfortable sending it to a man, but most female led relationship blogs by women are too much kink, dominant, male hating, and I don't want to be involved in that.

My story is “perfect-world”-based, of course. Are our boys always obedient and worshipful? Yeaaaa...right! As they say, life happens. They need to be reminded who they are. The way our daughters and I act sometimes, my husband and son must wonder what is so superior about females. Female superiority is natural, but we have a lot to learn about it.

Women are advancing in the workplace in pay and promotions. But most wives would still prefer not to have to work. I work part-time a few hours a week mostly for the interaction of the people there. My husband earns enough that I don't have to work. Would your wife prefer to not have to work full-time? I would encourage you to get a part-time job weekends so she could “kick up her feet” and do more for herself. Unfortunately in our economy today, too many wives have to work, though many find their jobs fulfilling.

I know how your wife feels with an egalitarian nature. A wife who understands female superiority means realizing your husband is inferior, and women have a hard time thinking of their husbands in a negative term like inferior. But the facts I laid out for you in my story give no other option. Once your wife sees herself as superior, that will allow her to accept your worship. Most husbands today understand, even if subconsciously, that they are inferior to their wives.

You say my husband is a lucky man. He has to obey even when he disagrees. He comes home from a hard day’s work (where they don't have A/C!) and, after taking a shower, starts supper, cleans after supper and does other chores. He is no longer allowed to watch TV (takes his focus away from focusing on my desires and takes too long to get it back), has to be in bed by 10 p.m. (works 6:30 a.m. – 3 p.m.). After working all week, never sees or has access to any of the money he earns. He has accepted all this to worship me. He admits lucky is the last thing he is. He does it for me. I am the lucky one.

I can enjoy myself doing something I love and come home to a hot-cooked meal. The guys wait till us girls start to eat and they take what is left over. I have the evening to enjoy with the kids, watch something on TV, or go out with some girlfriends and come home late and not have to explain anything to him. I can sleep late and wake up to fresh coffee, he has to put on another pot when he leaves for work. I can spend money on whatever I want (within my budget). He occasionally has to work a Saturday. That allows me to buy something special that I show him so he knows what his overtime bought me; he specifically requested I do this. I don't want to discuss our sex life, but I pursue it when I want it, not him. And I am worshiped. “Lucky” is not the same at all as “worshiped.” No, I don't consider men in an FLR to be lucky. To be a woman knowing she is superior is special.

You have a good site, but you need to have female perspectives of what it is like to be worshiped.

*

Mark,

Yes, you may use my (real-life) story for your post, as long as you change the ages a little, and any other personal information I may have in there. And feel free to share with your wife, this is more important for all women to understand.

I can understand how you have a hard time with being consistent, you were raised in a society where women were considered equal to men and were expected to share or do more of the chores than their husbands. I don't think you have accepted female superiority as a fact yet, though you want to. If you did and truly worshiped your wife, you would have no problem after you came home from work and started in on dinner and your chores. You need to set a good example for your children, and your wife will quickly accept her role to be worshiped.

In the past, men were always required to work 12 hours a day in hard labor 6 days a week. Farmers worked in their fields and barns from early morning till late at night 7 days a week to provide for their wives and children. You have the comfort of your wife's home to continue your work before you need to go to bed. Why are men in our society reluctant to do their job?

Hopefully, what I have written will help get people to understand and accept female superiority as a fact of life. One point I would like to add. The last few years, women have been striving for equality in all things. We are not equal, we are superior. There are a few roles in life women should not be permitted to be involved in. These would be safety forces (police and fire) and military combat. It is the role of men to always protect women. In dangerous situations, men will put others at risk to protect a woman…

Ask those men on the Titanic who encouraged women to enter the lifeboats, knowing the kind of death that awaited them in the icy waters. Men understood the importance of women and protecting them at the cost of their own lives. A century ago, men understood and followed term “women and children first.”

*

In my circle of friends, others husbands also serve their wives in various ways. All are marriages where the wife is in control. We have a couple of friends who want the arrangements we have but their husbands are uncooperative. Unfortunately they have chosen to avoid us when possible.

Yes, these friends are aware that my husband is the one who does all the housework; others share the housework, or do most of it themselves. We (girls) have discussed this often and they have brought it up to their husbands. Their husbands agree they need to do more of the housework so their wives are able to spend more time in more fulfilling pursuits.

Though all agree they are in control of their marriage, they are amazed at my husband’s obedience. None of the husbands criticize him; over the past few years, they have learned to be more obedient to their wives.

I have been in the company of some when the wife gave direction to her husband about what housework to do as we were leaving her house, so my husband and I have been a big influence of them.


(Next: Beckie Sue on Female Led Families)

Thursday, January 22, 2015

REPRISE: BECKIE SUE ON WIFE WORSHIP & FEMALE SUPERIORITY, PART 1

(This guest article by “Beckie Sue,” from Sept.21, 2010, was perhaps the most popular and controversial ever to appear on this blog. It was taken from an email in which “Beckie Sue” related, carefully and persuasively, the gradual steps that led her ultimately to embrace the concept of female superiority. It was only because of this realization, she explained to me, that she was finally able to understand and fully accept her husband’s desire to worship her as a goddess. Beckie Sue’s “conversion story” affected many readers (including me), and sparked a heated debate (check out the comments section of the original posting). Her additional thoughts about female led families also inspired Ms. Amanda from the UK and Ms. Jenn from the Netherlands to write guests posts for the Wife Worship blog on female authority in the family. All in all, I decided, Beckie Sue's thoughts merited a second exposure to blog readers.—Mark Remond)

Dear Mark Remond,

Thank you for hosting this site on wife worship. Being worshiped is not something I, nor any normal female, would want or desire. It is a male fantasy. But I learned something along the way.

I have a wonderful husband and marriage. He is not what I would consider submissive. He has always been the head of our home. We made joint decisions, but he was my protector. I was a stay-at-home-mom for many years. I did all the chores around the home. What I liked about him was he always wanted to help clean the dishes with me—some together time. He wanted to help with the laundry or cleaning at times because the children kept me busy during the day, and he thought I needed to kick up my feet in the evening even though he worked hard all day, too. He often brought me little gifts to time to surprise me.

He told me a couple of times he just enjoyed worshiping me and wanted to continue to court me like when we dated. I loved his devotion, but WORSHIP ME? I was not better than he, I was his equal. I was not worthy of his worship!

From the time we were married, we believed in equality, making joint decisions. Often when we were not in agreement, we would argue. I always wondered how equality is supposed to work when two people disagree. But after arguing, almost without fail, any time I thought a different way, he would go along with what I thought. I began to realize even though he was the head of the family, I was the one really making all the decisions. I considered telling him that I would make decisions from then on, but I was afraid of damaging our relationship and that he would be upset or hurt. Or never ask me my opinion again. The thought that I would make him OBEY ME was never thought of.

I never wanted to call myself a feminist, but I did believe women were to be equal to men in everything. They should have equal pay, girls should have equal opportunities in school, women should be equal in politics and government, etc.

But a strange thing has been happening. We are no longer equal.

* A WSJ article recently showed younger women are now paid MORE than their male peers.

* Girls are exceeding boys in school. Almost 90% of valedictorians are girls, a majority of students in spelling bees are girls, college students are now almost 60% female and growing.

* Recently another U.S. Supreme Court member was added, making three females. Since this is a lifetime post, we have to wait till other male members quit or die, but I am sure in time it will be a majority (if not 100%) female. More women are being elected to office every year.

Women are only wanting equality with what men have always had. What is that strange thing I mentioned? Whenever we rise up and become equal, we always continue past equality! These facts, and many more, prove we are not equal to men. Females are superior in every aspect of our lives.



* Females are superior physically. We have a much more complex body. We have a complex reproductive system. We live longer than men. We are physically much more attractive, so that men desire us, court us, and seek us.

* Females are much more complex emotionally.

* Females are much more advanced intellectually and have more intuition (understanding without apparent effort, a keen and quick insight).

* Females are far better at relationships. They can express themselves to their friends, they can have several friends, male and female. Males have a hard time making friends and can never share their feelings.

Women are still thinking they need to be equal, and that being superior to men is wrong. But as I related in our marriage, equality is impossible. One side will eventually become superior and the other inferior.

But what woman wouldn’t want to have a marriage where what she said was final, where her husband would obey her and desire her? What wife wouldn’t want a home where the housework, cleaning, laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, were her husband’s job, where she would be free to pursue more fulfilling interests? How many would enjoy those more fulfilling pursuits during the day while he is at work earning money for her to enjoy? What wife wouldn’t love to have control of his paycheck and manage all the finances? What female wouldn’t love to be worshiped as a goddess?

Most women can’t see far enough that they are superior. They have had to submit to men through all history, and they can only hope for equality. Men have had the upper hand even though they are inferior and they know it, they instinctively prevented women from being equal because men know that women’s superiority would then overtake all aspects of their life. If men only could understand that female superiority would be the ideal for them. Men are created for worship. Women are created to receive worship.

As your site shows, there are many men who desire to worship women. Most men worship women in one way or another without necessarily using the term. But how many women say they want to worship a man? None that I know. In order for females to be worshiped, they naturally have to be superior to men. If we are to be worshiped, are we not goddesses? Who would ever call a man a “god”? That would be blasphemous.

I believe our society is moving quickly now to female superiority in all areas. Yes, all females are superior; they are born that way, it is not something they learn—though we need to learn that we are superior. Few women understand that. Just as the church teaches that we are born sinful because man and woman sinned in the Garden of Eden, this is something we find hard to comprehend. It is hard for women to understand how we are born superior, it is just in our nature. Men understand that much better.

But not all females are to be worshiped. This is for marriage. The husband is to “love, worship, and obey” his wife. Her protection, her well-being, her desires, her pleasure, and her comfort are his primary concerns, and he would, if called upon to do so, lay down his life for her.

So where are we at today? A few years ago, my husband and I sat down and I told him if I was going to make the decisions, I demanded he obey me without question. Do I make mistakes? More than I wish. But my husband takes the blame for them and the punishment; this is his worship of his goddess!

Housework: He does almost all of it. It is his job, to be expected of him. I do not micromanage him, or stand over him telling him what to do. He knows his chores and does them well. I offered to help with some, but he told me I didn’t need to bother with mundane housework when I should be pursuing more fulfilling things. I work part time 3 days a week and enjoy my work and the people I work with. I work with a community theater 1-2 times a week, I was in theater a lot in college and it’s good to be involved again. I am with the kids in the evening helping with homework. Once in a while I will take our girls out to the mall or someplace while my husband and son do the dishes and other chores.

Finances: With my part-time job, I opened my private checking account. Since then I wondered why I needed two accounts, and recently decided to close our joint checking account. My husband now deposits his paycheck into my account. He is to keep $10 on him at all times and let me know if he spends any so I can give him more. He gets no allowance. After closing the one account I have started paying bills and managing all finances. We use MS Money so he still doesn’t have access to any money himself.

Children: We have 2 daughters 16 and 11, and a son 14. Any expression of wife worship is hidden from them. But as a family we do show female superiority. My husband and son both open doors for us, and both stand whenever my daughters or I enter a room and remain till we are seated. The same holds for dinner; they stand till we are seated and allow us to fill our plates and start eating before they fill their plates. Our son helps his father clean the table and dries the dishes. A few months ago, they discussed if our son would want to do something special for his sisters to show his awareness of their female superiority. He chose to make their beds and straighten their rooms every morning. The girls are not allowed to tell him what to do, but may ask him politely to do something or get her something; he is not required to obey but he takes their requests as an order and still obeys. His father has been a good mentor.

I know this has been a long letter. But I felt the need to write it out and tell someone, it has been building up in me. Every family is different with different ways to do things. Everything here sounds like we have it down perfect, but we have problems and daily issues come up to deal with. But female superiority is only natural and is showing up more every day. Someday it will be accepted by everyone.

—Beckie Sue


(To be continued in Part Two)

Friday, January 16, 2015

dennis: GIFTS FOR A GODDESS

An important gift-giving day is less than a month away, and most progressive gentlemen have already purchased and elegantly wrapped an appropriate gift for their Wife. Yes, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and She is definitely expecting something – something nice! She isn’t necessarily expecting something expensive since She most likely your spending money, but She is expecting a gift that shows you’ve denied yourself in order to give Her something special. Such a sacrificial gift is a nice way to worship Her and to thank Her for letting you into Her life; for letting you serve Her. Unlike Christmas, gifts on Valentine’s Day go one way only – from the man to the Woman. She’s not going to buy you anything, so don’t expect something – it’s better to give – to Her – than to receive.
 
What do you get a Goddess for Valentine’s Day? Traditional gifts work well:

§  Lingerie or a special peignoir, but don’t expect Her to wear it for you...

§  Jewelry – of good quality only! If you can’t buy quality, don’t buy jewelry! The elegance and quality of a piece must compliment the Woman. Once i mistakenly gave my Mother-in-law, Sues an inappropriate piece of jewelry as a gift. i was derided for it and had it thrown at me. It was a long time and many gifts before Sue forgave me for what She considered an insult. Don’t offend a Goddess!

§  A Trip to the Spa – at least a half-day visit – for Her and a girlfriend. Offer to drive them there and pick them up afterward, perhaps driving them to a dinner to cap off their day of pampering. Incidentally, this is to be a “Girl’s day” – you’re a chauffeur, not a participant!

While Valentine’s Day is important, it’s only one day a year. Gift-giving is year-around, providing numerous formal and informal gift-giving events. In our Matriarchal family these events demand elegantly wrapped gifts with a handwritten note or card. The following family holidays are opportunities for me to give gifts to the Women in the family and show deference and respect:

§  Wife’s birthday
§  Mother-in-law’s birthday
§  Mother’s Day
§  Aunts’ birthdays
§  Sister-in-law birthdays
§  Mother-in-law’s Day – fouth Sunday in October

§  Grandmother’s Day – first Sunday after Labor Day

Gift-giving is an important way to worship the Woman in your life, and the progressive gentlemen budgets accordingly. i set aside about 60% of my allowance for gift-giving throughout the year. i do housekeeping and borrow from Sue to get money for extra special gifts for Nancy, too. And gift-giving isn’t just for Christmas, Valentine’s Day or Her birthday! A progressive gentleman will give his Wife numerous “no-occasion” gifts throughout the year. Why? Because She’s a Goddess! Isn’t that reason enough?

Consider doing the following:

§  Bring Her flowers – a nice bouquet is $15, and She’ll love it; Nancy gets a bouquet every few weeks, just because.
§  Send Her flowers – Women love having flowers delivered at work; i do this for Nancy every two months or so.
§  Get Her something She enjoys – a bottle of wine, fine chocolates, and so on; do this every six weeks or so. And don’t expect Her to share the wine or chocolates with you.
§  Buy Her something pretty – Again lingerie comes to mind. i’ve bought Nancy lingerie and hosiery. Every Woman likes a gift-wrapped box of fancy panties, hand-picked by Her man. Nylons and pantyhose come to mind, too. Get Her a new shade, a seam, or a texture. Oh, and don’t expect Her to wear any of these things for you – doing so is Her prerogative.
§  Send Her to the spa, as mentioned above.
§  Get Her something from your travels – traveling on business? Many airport shops have quality jewelry and accessories so you don’t have to come home empty-handed!
§  Buy something out of the ordinary – i found a pair of very sexy clear Lucite platform heels for Nancy and Her Mother. i wasn’t sure how they’d react but they absolutely loved them! So much so that Nancy called Her Girlfriends for an impromptu trip to the club so She could wear them in public. Sue called Her Girlfriends over for drinks just to show off Her platforms. i didn’t expect the Women to wear these shoes for me but they love them so much they
often wear them around the house, so it’s an added bonus for me! Nancy and Sue NEVER say “thank you” for a gift – why should They? They’re entitled to gifts! But They’ve told me numerous times how much they love the shoes! What more could I ask than to know i’ve pleased the Women in my life in some small way!

Hopefully this will be useful and spur you to provide your Wife thoughtful gifts as a way of showing your adoration of Her. There are other occasions as well, but they demand a very different gift from progressive gentlemen. We’ll discuss these in a future post.



–d

Sunday, December 28, 2014

dennis: REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY

Faithful reader “Tony” (commenting on dennis’ GiftSuggestions for the Domesticated Man): “Some of us keep our WLM quiet confidential; while others, like ALL HERS and dennis, are not shy about revealing their wife’s power and control. For myself, this has been a gradual experience of sharing with others. I look at it as educational as well. The more other women see and observe the manner in which I show my respect to my Wife and serve Her, the more they want to learn ‘Her secret.’ We are discreet, but some in her family know, her daughters know, and they have been present when I have had to kneel to listen and to properly give thanks for Her attention and criticism. A few of Her female work associates also know, and two have begun to impose WLM rules at home. It’s a slow process, but worthwhile and helpful to others to see and learn.”

dennis responds:
 
Thank you for your wonderful response, tony. You beautifully articulate so many good points. Revealing Female authority, or “coming out” with a Female Led Rrelationship, is indeed very important for a number of reasons, a few of which you have cited. As you say, revealing the Wife’s authority is indeed “a slow process, but worthwhile and helpful to others to see and learn.”

Couples are different and so reveal the Wife’s authority in different ways – some earlier in the relationship and some later. What is important is that Her authority is revealed in a timely manner to an ever-widening group of family, close friends, work associates, and so on. This, we find from our workshops, serves to solidify the couple’s relationship and encourages others who, as you say, “want to learn Her secret.”

Nancy and i have conducted workshops, usually for Women who’ve made a decision to pursue an FLR. A few things we’ve learned about coming out with Female authority:

It’s never too early to divulge the nature of a relationship. She may want to immediately confide in Her Mother, Sister, Aunt, or Girlfriends and ask their advice on establishing the rituals and courtesies so important to an FLR. These Women will not only help the new Head of Household but will spread the word about the couple’s situation through the family and beyond. This is important since it sets expectations when family and friends socialize with the couple.

She should have rules, work responsibilities, and rituals that She can put in place the moment the couple agrees on an FLR. This serves to formalize Her authority and provide the husband with ways of acknowledging that authority. His wearing an apron, kneeling in front of Her, bowing, curtsies, kissing Her hand on demand, addressing Her as Ma’am, are all devices that can be used. She should make it clear to him that behaviors She prescribes are 24/7, no matter who may be visiting.

Some Women have used a variation on the “at home” announcements that a new Bride often uses to communicate Her new address. In the case of an FLR She may elect to use a small announcement card to inform friends and family that She is now Head of Household. It will get conversations going and allow Her to bring family and friends into their new situation. Examples of such announcements we’ve seen are elegant, even regal!


Revealing Her authority isn’t just for the home; it has to take place in public situations, too. These should be unobtrusive but convey an unmistakable message. For example, he takes Her arm and walks slightly behind Her, She orders for him at a restaurant, She selects the wine, She tells, not asks, etc. Additionally he should show other Women the same deference and respect that he shows his Wife, addressing them as Ma’am, and so on.

After he’s been initiated into the new realities of an FLR have a “coming out party” for him. Invite a few friends who are aware of your relationship. It will provide him and opportunity to serve and your guests an opportunity to learn.

An effective way of revealing Her authority is for him to ask for her permission – “Yes, i’d love to have a drink after work, let me call my Wife to see if it’s OK.” Women will love you for such a response; men will be knocked off their feet! This is one to be used when you want to turn in your “man card,” publicly embrace your Wife’s authority, or renounce patriarchy.


Eventually men in an FLR get to the point where they are very comfortable with revealing Womanly authority and have no compunction about doing so.

–d


Monday, December 22, 2014

CARRIE AND GEOFF—PART 2: FLR RING CEREMONY

To symbolize my new devotion to my wonderful Wife, Carrie (see part one), i began looking around for some kind of symbol, preferably one i could wear 24/7, that would symbolize this new and wonderful state relationship. i wanted something like a wedding ring, but, in our case, perhaps more intimate that would also reflect our new relationship (with Her in control).

Online i came across what seemed to be the perfect item, a ring to be worn by submissive husbands (or boyfriends) in a certain very intimate and private place (as to exactly where I’ll leave to the reader’s fertile imagination). When i cautiously discussed this idea with my Wife, i was delighted to discover that She approved! In fact, She liked it so much that She secretly commissioned a local jeweler to create a gold ring of this special type, on which She had engraved the words, “Love    Honour     Obey” equally spaced on the outside of the golden band.

When Carrie told me what She had done, i was so excited that i wrote a small Ring Ceremony for Her to use on the day She presented me with the ring. i also wrote a Ring Vow that would cover all the things i was committing myself to perform for my Wife/Queen on a daily basis for the rest of my days.

Two days ago my Wife presented me with my new gold ring. We performed our little ceremony to mark the occasion and to make it solemn and special. Let me say that the ring is quite comfortable; in fact, i am only aware of it when i undress and look down and see it—and am thereby reminded of my solemn commitment, as well as the love of my ruling Wife (at realization that often results in an involuntary salute to Her power over me).

Yes, Carrie and i know it’s still early days for us, but we both feel there will be no going back for us. In fact, together we are continuing our research into this exciting lifestyle, and are learning new things as we go, ideas and rituals that will make things even better and more exciting. The strange thing for me, is that the more things i do for my Wife, the more i find myself being aroused as i think about Her, and how it will please Her when She learns what i have done. i can’t stop thinking about Her, and new ways to please Her, pleasure Her, or serve Her. I’m totally addicted to my Wife and making Her happy.

Ring Ceremony

Wife: This ring is a symbol of Love, Commitment, and Submission, and by wearing this ring you agree to submit to the total control of your Wife from this day on for the rest of your life, until death do you part.
This ring will be a constant reminder that you have committed yourself to the full-time job of making your Wife happy, obeying Her commands, and willingly submitting to Her total control over you.
By wearing this ring, you agree to do everything in your power to make your Wife happy, by pampering Her, helping Her, pleasing Her, or giving Her pleasure, as you are ordered by Her.
This ring must be worn 24/7, and can be removed only with the permission of your Wife. Failure to comply will result in serious punishment.
Each time you look at or touch your ring, you will remember your commitment to submit to the total control of your Wife in all things, for the rest of your life.

Ring Vow
Husband: By wearing this ring of submission, i agree to submit to the total control of my loving Wife. i will devote my life to serving my Wife and making Her happy.
This ring will remind me to “LOVE, HONOUR, and OBEY” my Wife for the rest of my life.
The needs of my Wife will come before my own.
§  i will obey all commands of my Wife.
§  i agree to do all that i am commanded to please and pleasure Her.
§  i promise to pamper Her.
§  i promise to help Her in any way i can.
§  i promise to abide by all decisions She makes.
§  i acknowledge my Wife has total power and control over me at all time.
§  i promise not to argue or disagree with my Wife, all decisions She makes will be final, and i will respect all of Her decisions.


—Geoff Wescott

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

dennis: GIFTS FOR THE QUEEN - PART 1, HOLIDAY SEASON

With the holidays approaching, men are looking for gifts for the Women in their lives. i volunteer in a Woman’s Boutique at busy times of the year year selling everything from business suits to lingerie. i often serve Women in the shop and love doing so, but my primary responsibility is serving men who come in – bewildered - looking for gifts. But occasionally there’s the knowledgeable, fashion aware, sophisticated gentleman who obviously enjoys shopping for the Woman in his life – his Queen. For such sophisticated gentleman i offer the following:

Gifts aren’t just for the holidays – We’ll discuss this in another post, but gifts can and should be given your Wife all year round.

She’s expecting something nice – not necessarily expensive – but something thoughtful that shows you notice Her and Her sense of style. She knows that you are likely on a limited budge since She controls the finances but getting Her a gift is an absolute necessity!

Paying for it – Have a budget. Men in an FLR are likely on a limited one, but that’s not an excuse! She likely has you on an allowance so budget accordingly; set monies aside whenever you receive your allowance. i set aside 50% of my allowance for gifts for Nancy, Her Mother, and other important people in my life. Often Women will allow their man extra monies during the holidays. Although most men in an FLR won’t have access to it, NEVER charge anything to Her credit card!

Get some ideas – Ask Her friends and relatives what She wants. Ask early so you can plan and visit stores, particularly if She wants a technology gift such as a tablet. Remember that even though She wants a “big” gift, it SHOULDN’T BE HER ONLY GIFT! Plan and budget accordingly.

Look for discounts – Department stores have coupons and sales; take advantage. If there are after-hours sales i take advantage of them, but only if i have permission from Nancy or Sue to be out at odd hours

Shop early – If your Wife is a popular size – a 6-8, for example – you may find Her size in that perfect skirt is out of stock... Rember, an “I owe you a gift” card doesn’t work – shop early!
 
Catch up on fashion – You’re likely to be buying clothes, so learn what’s in vogue. Window-shop, visit stores, and read fashion magazines. i subscribe to a fashion magazine as does Sue; i enjoy perusing the pages and getting ideas for gift-giving.

Know her sizes – Nothing frustrates me more than to have a customer come in and not know sizes! he’ll go through the “Oh, She’s about this tall” thing and look like a helpless puppydog. i’m not sympathetic. As a minimum you should know the following:
§  Dress size – usually even numbers, 2-4-6-8-10-12-14, and so on – check the dresses in Her closet
§  Bra size – usually a number and a letter, 34C, 38DD, and so on
§  Panty size – can be numerical, 5-6-7-8, or correspondingly, S-M-L-XL
§  Outer wear size – coats may be S-M-L-XL
§  Shoe size and width
§  Pantyhose – usually A-B-C-D-E-F
§  Ring size – yes, ring size, numerical sizes starting at 5-6-7-8, may have half sizes, too. Take one of Her rings that fits to a jeweler, who’ll be able to instantly determine your Wife’s size. Buy a ring ½ size larger if it’s a wide ring...

Know Her preferences – notice Her and what She likes:
§  Clothing colors
§  Cosmetics – favorite brands
§  Perfumes – favorites
§  Dusting powder
§  What does She read? Steamy romances? Mysteries? Favorite authors? You should know!
§  Does She do crafts? Find out, perhaps there’s a gift here!
§  Pantyhose brand, shade, and style

Some suggestions and comments

Business suit – A coordinated outfit for work is always appreciated. A business suit can come with skirt or slacks or both, which enhances the flexibility of the outfit. Select a jacket and matching skirt, a blouse, scarf, and a quality costume jewelry item, a necklace, earrings, or a bracelet.

Party dress – “The Little Black Dress” - a nice dress is always appreciated; match it with a scarf or wrap. Buy the dress based on what She likes, not what you’d like to see Her in. Don’t buy Her a strapless dress or one slit to the hip if it’s not Her style. AND if you buy Her a dress, it’s expected you’ll take Her someplace where She can wear it – a party, a concert, a fancy restaurant – you should have this arranged...

Club dress – a club dress is a bit more risqué than the little black dress. A wide variety can be had and they are more expensive than the little black dress. Hemlines are shorter, slits are higher, and necklines are definitely more revealing. No need to arrange a night out, a club dress is for Girl’s night out!

Sweater – something She’ll always appreciate; knowing Her bra size can help when buying a sweater – buy quality and She’ll have it for many seasons.

Shoes – I don’t advise buying shoes since you may have a size issue, but if She’s looking for that special pair of pumps, then buy them. Be sure to get Her size and be sure that they can be exchanged for another size after the holidays; the concern here isn’t exchange policy but rather whether the shoe will be available


Jewelry – A Woman can’t have too many rings or too many earrings! Start by seeing what She has and plan accordingly. Hoops of various sizes and shapes are always appreciated, as are bangles and bracelets. Fun-to-wear dangling earrings are a hit, too - it seems that the bigger the better here! i look for quality pieces that go beyond the norm.

Lingerie – Buy quality lingerie at either a specialty store or the lingerie department of a big department store. They’re likely to have wide selections and knowledgeable sales help. i’ve always enjoyed visiting the lingerie department – it’s a celebration of Women, what with all the colors and styles to be had. Wonder among the rows and racks of pretty things, everything on its own hanger to be examined and felt, all attesting to what we know already – Women are special. Some hints for lingerie:

Bra - You know Her bra size but don’t buy Her a bra, that’s just not right. Instead buy Her a matching bra-panty set, you’ll see many styles and colors for both bra and panties and might want to buy Her one bra but with two panty styles to go with it. To add a bit of excitement add a matching garter belt and, if you do, don’t forget to buy nylons. i’d advise a color that coordinates with the ensemble but not the same color, i.e., taupe stockings with black lingerie.

Peignoir – A luxurious nightgown ensemble is sure to be appreciated; combines a nightgown and a coat or jacket; it’s usually long – ankle length, but can be shorter. Add a coordinated panty to the ensemble. A specialty shop will have the mandatory high-heeled malibu slipper as an accessory, thigh-hi nylons with a lace top add to the outfit. For entertaining at home a peignoir goes from after dinner drinks to the boudoir!
 
Panties – While i wouldn’t buy Nancy a bra, i would buy Her panties; 3-6 pairs of individually chosen panties in a small box with tissue paper and perhaps a sachet; a variety of colors and styles are in order. She’ll love knowing you ventured into the lingerie department to select them. i’ve also used a box of panties as gift wrap; one year i included a diamond tennis bracelet in the box. And a final note on panties; don’t even think of buying packaged panties from a discount store – the last guy who did that is wearing them!

Hosiery – i consider pantyhose and nylons as lingerie for Her legs. Pantyhose used to be a staple of a Woman’s wardrobe but has declined in recent years. Nevertheless, in-charge Women wear them religiously and can’t have too many pairs. i make sure i get Her style and color She wears and then try a few different styles/colors. For example, control top, sheer toe, business sheer in a neutral color for daily wear. i’ll include ultra sheers for dress, some sheer-to-waist for high skirts, seams, and so on – the varieties are endless. Nylons for wear with a garter belt are also nice as are lace-top thigh-hi stockings. She’ll love the hosiery but also that you ventured into the hosiery department to buy them!

Perfume – It’s a holiday staple and worth visiting the cosmetics department for. But beware, not all Women like perfume. Nancy told me not to buy Her perfume; i did and now She has me wearing it!

The spa – Treat your Wife to a day of pampering at an upscale spa in your area. She’ll love it. Since She won’t want go alone, buy Her two visits so She can invite a Girlfriend.

A day of service – Some Women in the family receive four coupons from me, each for two hours of inside work. The coupons are printed on stock paper and presented in a fancy envelope. Sue decides who receives the coupons and schedules my redeeming them. The coupons are transferable so the recipient can give them to a Woman-friend if She desires. Service is an appreciated gift that usually has me doing heavy cleaning.

Shopping Service – Since my work at the Boutique is well known, men always approach me, asking for help with gifts for the Wives and Girlfriends. i’m only too happy to accommodate them – for a fee – a flat 25% of the total bill. Gift-wrapping is extra. Nancy and Sue allow me to keep all the money i make from the shopping service provided i spend all of it on them and the Women in the family. Allows me to make the Women happy; the Family’s Women as well as the Women who’ve received the gifts purchased for them through my shopping service.


—d