Wednesday, May 29, 2013


One wife worship theme I hope to feature with future guest bloggers is Female Led Families. It was my first guest blogger, Becky Sue, who introduced this idea to these pages:

We are not just a “female led marriage” but a "female led family." Our daughters are always having their friends over. Their friends are all aware that my husband is the one who does all the housework. They are there when he comes home from work and starts right in on dinner, or perhaps the laundry, while I am there reading or enjoying myself on our deck. Their friends are right there and hear me tell him to do a certain chore and he never argues.

Predictably, some readers were offended by these candid comments. It was as if the domestic arrangement Becky Sue described had little or nothing to do with the basic tenets of female led relationships or what this blog calls wife worship.

I beg to differ. I, too, am part of a Female Led Family. My children were aware early on that
Mom was the boss, the final decision-maker, the one with the money, the maker of family schedules, etc., etc. How could they not be? How could I hide this reality from them?

And why should I? I am not ashamed to honor and obey my wife, to benefit from her superior judgment, her practical commonsense and wisdom, her financial responsibility. I am proud to acknowledge her as my leader, as the head of our family and household.

Were not children raised to accept patriarchy as the natural state of affairs all these decades, all these centuries? Why, then, should the tenets, practices and underlying beliefs of matriarchy be concealed from children?

My daughter, in particular, recognized from an early age that “Mom is the head of the house.” She knew not to bother with Dad when she wanted permission to go somewhere or to request a cash infusion. (Especially when, around age 15, her allowance was larger than Dad’s.)

Does that mean my daughter disrespected me, or loved me the less? No. She simply recognized the practical power structure within the marriage. But she was not, and is not, averse to giving me advice, which I am not too proud to take.

Since Becky Sue’s guest posts, I have been in correspondence with several women who have implemented similar matriarchal rules in their family to positive effect. Husbands and sons are learning gentlemanly virtues, to not only respect, but to defer to the opposite sex. Teenage sisters are being actively encouraged to take on responsibility and leadership roles within the family, in preparation for later life.

One of my matriarchal correspondents, Amanda, has agreed to share a bit about her life—and more, I hope, in later posts. As she wrote me, “It does make sense to promote the message of strong women taking control of their families and careers. We owe it to women out there to show them that they can ‘have it all.’” She goes on:

I am a woman who believes that men and boys should always respect women and girls. My husband and I are both in our 30s. We have three children, a daughter 11 and twins (a girl and a boy) 9.

Obviously they are all too young to fully understand the female led dynamic that I have with my husband—although I suspect our eldest knows more than she admits. I recently overheard her telling her younger sister who wanted to join a sleepover at a friend's house, “Don't bother asking Dad, it's Mum who decides." How right she was—and is!

It is my wish to bring up all my children to be happy and successful. For the girls this means a good education and career and taking charge of their lives. I teach them to be self-reliant and not to play second fiddle to boys. Similarly for my son, I am teaching him that respecting girls and women is key to his happiness and success. For instance, he is often praised by my women friends when he holds doors open for them or when he stands when they enter the room. I have taught him the importance of these small courtesies.

I would add that I love all of my children equally.
As I wrote in an earlier post (She Decides, I Abide, 5.30.08):
I know my limitations, and the kids know them, too. If it was just the three of us, we’d be living in a chaotic house, without rules. But we all three know that Mother Knows Best, she makes the rules and will enforce them.
That creates order in the home, as well as harmony, domestic tranquility.

Yes, the kids sometimes challenge the rightness of her decisions, though in the end they know she will prevail. I have learned not to challenge, not only because I know she will win, but because I know she is right.
She decides, and I abide by her decisions.

My wife’s judgment and common sense leave mine far behind, and we both recognize it. She sits at the head of the family table. She is our spiritual leader, making sure we all go to church. The kids and I recognize her ascendancy. “Go ask your mother” is my frequent answer to a whole host of questions. The kids know that dad rarely has the last word.
A final word from an anonymous dominant woman: “I believe that the natural order is for
Females to be in control. Personally, I find it kind of funny that males think they're in charge in relationships or family situations, because in all of the families I've observed, when one of the children asks their father for something, they say ‘go ask your mother.’”

Wednesday, May 22, 2013


A few days ago, in a response to a comment on her previous post, Ms. Nancy announced that she and her husband Dennis would no longer be contributing to this blog. Here is her actual signoff:
A feminist we know often says that we should think globally and act locally in promoting an enhanced role for women in the workplace and in their personal relationships. It's time to follow this wise woman's sage advice and refocus our efforts locally through our workshops and volunteer activities. So, back into the ether. This is our last blog. Good-bye!
I want to thank Nancy and Dennis publicly for holding the FLR banner high in this space for the last ten months. I was proud to step aside and yield the podium—especially to Ms. Nancy. Her powerful and commanding presence will remain here, unmistakable in her many provocative posts. I am confident that, through these forceful writings, she will continue to influence my readers on behalf of female empowerment.

I wish Ms. Nancy and her devoted Dennis continued success in their work.

And so we go on.

I’m in the process of lining up several additional guest bloggers, people who will bring a diversity of views and experience in regard to the wonderful world of Female Led. With their help in the weeks and months ahead, I hope WorshippingYour Wife will become even more of an entertaining must-check destination for those in the lifestyle (and for those wanting to be).

And, oh, by the way, if any readers would like to submit ideas or sample posts to be considered, please do so! I’d love to open up this blog to even more new voices. (Ms. Siobhan, are you listening?) Just email me at

Saturday, May 4, 2013


Books, magazines and hobbies are opportunities to involve your man in constructive activities that heighten his appreciation of women and our perspectives. These are great ways to productively occupy your man's leisure time.

·         Your man shouldn’t be reading books and magazines that are derogatory to women or that perpetuate traditional female stereotypes. Insist that he read the same magazines as you. Men can benefit from reading “women’s” magazines. They can learn what is important to women by reading these magazines and should be required to do so. Men may be skeptical at first but will come to enjoy the viewpoints and practical tips many “women's” magazines provide.

·         Since men are doing more and more housekeeping, books and magazines that deal with homemaking are certainly appropriate; get your man reading, ladies!

·         To make sure your man is reading appropriate magazines, get him a subscription in his name. If you subscribe to the same magazine(s), it's an opportunity to engage your man in discussions about certain articles and features.

·         Insist that your man have a “feminine” craft or hobby. One woman has her son-in-law doing needlepoint and he’s now learning to knit. Many other husbands have – and enjoy – such hobbies as a result of their wife’s urging. It's a great way for your man to expend creative energy and to use any down time you allow him. Dennis enjoys knitting, a shared interest with Mother. He's embarked on an ambitious project to knit a scarf for women friends and family; that's nearly twenty scarves before Christmas. Get knitting, sweetheart!
A woman might also have her man “come out of the closet” with his hobby by joining a craft group. Consider a knitting club or sewing circle. Dennis is involved with Mother's knitting group and her romance reader group. To be sure, his primary role is serving the women, but he participates in the discussions. Dennis regards typical male activities as boring but looks forward to social events involving Mother and her friends.

·         Reading romance novels is immensely beneficial to men. Romance novels portray women in a favorable light and communicate women’s desires, values and fantasies. One sees not only a positive image of women but also a realistic image of men. The male character is always a self-centered egotist – until the woman completely takes control by the end of the story!

Romance novels are wonderfully addictive to men as well as women. Mother got Dennis reading romance. The two of them share and discuss books. He always packs a few romance novels for trips out of town as he has lots of time to read after his early curfew. When Mother holds one of her Girls’ Night Out events at our home, dennis serves but is also allowed to participate.

·         Occupy your man’s time with a social or charitable activity. Involve him in a local feminist group. They'll put him to work stuffing envelopes, cleaning up, making copies – whatever is needed. And he'll be working for some aggressive women;  that should teach him some humility!

·         I'll say it again, workshops around Feminist topics are also beneficial. We have some impromptu meetings, mostly with women, but we're starting to see more couples – we don't accommodate single men. Topics range widely but some of the more energetic discussions involve men taking the woman's name in marriage, prenuptial agreements, the gender quake, and men doing more (why not all?) housework.

·         Take a casual learning class together. Cooking, art, and ballet classes are only a few suggestions.