Saturday, June 1, 2013

AMANDA: TAKING CONTROL AT AN EARLY AGE

(Note from Mark Remond: I mentioned Amanda in a previous post, Ask Your Mother, as an articulate advocate of Female Led Families. Before sharing some glimpses into her own matriarchal household, Amanda offers the following self-introduction in her own words.)
 
I think it’s important to know a little bit about my upbringing as it played a large part in shaping my future as an alpha female. I will start with my teenage years and in a later post discuss how I met my husband.
 
My parents both worked, and our family was reasonably well off. I was the middle child of three with two brothers. One was a year older and the other two years younger than me. My brothers were typical teenage boys, idle, inattentive and nearly always in their bedrooms.
 
My life took a memorable turn one Saturday morning when I was 16. My parents went out shopping and I left for a girlfriend’s house, but returned earlier than expected to pick up a CD she wanted to borrow. Entering the house I heard laughing from my elder brother’s bedroom. I knocked on his door and walked in—and was shocked by what I saw. Both boys were sitting on the bed watching a porn video. It was disgusting stuff—well, for a 16-year-old girl!—involving two men and a woman. Leave it at that.
 
I was so angry (particularly with my elder brother for exposing a 14-year-old boy to this stuff) that I walked right to the video recorder and ejected the tape. I then informed my brothers that I would be showing Mum what they’d been watching. They knew—we all knew—that she would be livid. They pleaded with me not to tell her, but I was adamant and walked out of the room with the tape.
 
My older brother ran after me and said he would do anything as long as I didn’t tell Mum. He was really scared. This got me thinking. Anything? We all had chores to do in our house—cleaning bedrooms, doing our own washing and ironing, etc. I told my brother that if he and my younger brother cleaned my bedroom and cleared away the breakfast dishes (my job that particular day), then I would think about not telling Mum. He agreed, and I went back to my friend’s house with the incriminating video (in case my brothers tried to take it back) and my CD.
 
On my return I found they had done a pretty good job, but I told them that I would not be returning the tape. The matter would probably have ended there except for another incident a couple of weeks later. I went into my little brother’s bedroom (while he was out) to retrieve a CD I’d loaned him earlier (I had a big music collection!). When I couldn’t find it, I started to rummage through some of his things. That’s when I found several pornographic magazines hidden behind some books on a shelf.
 
I confronted my brother with the magazines on his return. I told him this time I would definitely tell Mum. He started crying and pleading. He told me he had only borrowed the magazines from his brother!
 
To cut to the chase, I did not tell my mother. Instead, the following Saturday while our parents were out of the house, I made my brothers burn all the magazines (in the back garden) but two, which I kept as evidence should I ever need it. When only ashes remained, I told them to come into the living room where I informed them that things were going to be changing for them. I told them that they were both immature and could not be trusted. Therefore, from that moment onward, they would be doing exactly as I told them.
 
There were some feeble protests, but I cut those short with the simple threat of telling Mum about their nasty habits!
 
As promised, from that time forward I had my brothers doing all my chores as well as their own, and some additional ones for Mum and Dad. In fact, it wasn't long before my mother was commenting that she’d noticed a change in the boys’ attitude and was very pleased.
 
I, too, felt pleased—with myself, and I enjoyed my new authority. Something that I particularly enjoyed thereafter was conducting random inspections of the boys’ rooms. I would walk in without knocking (which I had always done in the past) and start looking under the mattress, pulling out books and turning out drawers. I never found anything pornographic again, but I enjoyed the fact that they didn’t dare complain, but meekly accepted these regular intrusions. I would then leave, after instructing them to make sure everything was put back tidily and in order.
 
I’ll pause here, but, if anyone is interested, in future posts I’ll write a bit about how this power (and moral authority) over my brothers affected my subsequent relationships with boyfriends and eventually with my husband and my own family.
 
Love—Amanda

34 comments:

Sharon said...

Good story, but this seems more blackmail than female authority and taking control.

Mark Remond said...

Sharon - Perhaps Amanda will want to respond. Granted, blackmail of the family kind, but the kind often practiced by parents to incentivize the desired and good result: Do the right thing or else... I'll tell your father, your mother, etc. I've practiced it myself. This isn't a philosophical forum, but wife worship does endorse women exercising their considerable powers... to the great benefit of the men in their lives.

Obedient husband said...

Trust me Lady Amanda, we're interested.
Thank you for posting.

Anonymous said...

Amanda's story reads like something lifted from a magazine. I generally don't question the veracity of posters on these blogs because I have no direct relationship with them and it doesn't hurt me to suspend my disbelief but does anyone really think teenage boys would accept slavery to their sister just to keep Daddy from finding out they had a porn video. Daddy might say, "well boys will be boys". At worst, the video might be taken away from them and they might be grounded for a week, far less onerous discipline than serving Amanda for next few years.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous, your reservations duly noted. I will only say, with Shakespeare, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Oh, and by the way, it was "Mum" whose finding out had them well and truly scared. One suspects they didn't think Mum's response would be "Well, boys will be boys."

Anonymous said...

Sharon, I agree with you. This has nothing to do with female authority or leadership, just blackmail.
A younger brother could just as easily blackmail his older brothers the same way.

Anonymous, the way this was written, it does sound like something from a magazine.

Anonymous said...

Why didn't she encourage them to watch erotica that would show women in a good light and not so male centred.

Femsup

Obedient husband said...

Growing up, I had both an older brother and a sister who was older than us both. It was a strict home. Amanda's story seems quite realistic to me as this could have easily happened in our home.
I'm looking forward to Amanda's next posting.

Mark Remond said...

Obedient husband - Agreed. I would have reacted exactly like the boys, who, by the way, profited by the sisterly coercion of proper behavior. Amanda has a bit more to say about this, I know.

Sam said...

I agree it was blackmail, but it is a good example of a girl realising how easily she can benefit from exposing male weaknesses. Of course girls mature faster and operate on a higher level than boys of a similar age. My sisters were just the same and had a knack of 'winding me up and watching me go'

Anonymous said...

Though it is a pity Nancy and Dennis stopped writing for the blog, it is good to see some family related subjects. I'm interested in the further life experiences and ideas of Amanda.

- J

Amanda FLR said...

Goodness me! So much debate over my post! I would like to reply to each individual who has taken the time to contribute a comment.

Sharon: You are absolutely right! When I now look back at that time in my life, I can see that it was blackmail! At the time I was just really angry at my older brother because I believed he had corrupted my younger brother who I had always been close to up to that point. The older I got, the more I realised that many, if not all boys watched porn! However the incidents did make me stamp down on that behaviour as I knew I had the moral authority. Anyway, by then I had started to enjoy my new power!

Obedient Husband: I will keep posting if people are genuinely interested. I have been corresponding via email with Mark for some time now and I chose his blog to air my views because “Worshipping Your Wife” deals with real issues in the real world. Most of the online blogs dealing with FLR’s would seem to pander to male fantasies and are a little too graphic for my liking. I also suspect many of the female contributors are in fact men.

Anonymous 1: Did you actually read my post? Perhaps you have been reading too many of the wrong kind of magazines yourself! Where in my post did I mention the words slavery or Daddy? My brothers were not my slaves! I simply asked them do some small tasks for me from time to time. They had the opportunity to call my bluff at any time. Had they done so, I would have told my mother and shown her the evidence. Mum would probably have just shouted at them and grounded them for a couple of weeks. However my brothers chose to remain silent and I suspect this was because of the huge embarrassment factor for them. If I had caught them breaking a window with a football, I very much doubt my blackmail would have worked.
Also, it would help me if people did not post anonymously. When several people do this, it makes replying to individuals difficult. Just use a pseudonym. I do ............ the only untrue part about my story is my name!

Anonymous 2: You asked “Why didn't she encourage them to watch erotica that would show women in a good light and not so male centred.”

You are kidding right? I was a 16 year old girl for goodness sake! I knew nothing about erotica. This happened in the mid 90’s. We didn’t even have an internet connection then!

Sam: You are correct about girls maturing faster than boys. I was much more mature than either of my brothers.

Anonymous 3: I too miss Nancy and Dennis. Many of their posts inspired me. I will continue to post as and when time allows.

Best Regards Amanda

Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like she was teaching her younger brothers a lesson on having respect for women. I had two older sisters and could see the my doing the same. It could have been watching porn sneaking out and smoking cigarettes ect. I think every kid should have a sister like Amanda the world might be a better place. Just my two cents...

Wishful4 said...

Wonderful post, Ms Amanda. I look forward to reading more about your experiences. Thanks so much.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Amanda,

Thank you for sharing your story. Do you take proactive steps to make sure that there is no competition between your children? I think I am submissive to women but because of competition for our parents approval, I never felt safe in being submissive in my early years.

Anytime they were praised for excelling at something, it only made me work harder to excel past them the next time. I make more money than them now, but I don't think I am happier. A stronger focus on household relationships instead of personal achievement might have benefited me. Not sure.

Do you think it would be respectful to have your son start asking his twin sister for permission? I think it is important that if a son asks his sister for permission (being able to watch tv, enjoy a snack, go and play with friends) that he is not made to feel weak because of this. Instead, it is just courteous to make sure you are not doing anything that might make her life more difficult or that she would object to.

Likewise, it gives a chance for your daughters to feel comfortable in the position of deciding whether or not an action is acceptable.

- Michael

Anonymous said...

Thank you Amanda for sharing this with us. You touch on something that is not mentioned too much and that is the loss of the expectation of privacy.

I get the impression that prior to the events you describe you would knock and await their invite before entering your brother's bedrooms. Following this, you were free to enter their rooms whenever you wished, with or without their permission and search anywhere you wanted for possible contraband.

I would assume they did not have a similar privileged to invade your privacy.

This is also reflected in our household. I am afforded no privacy. One of the rules I have is that I am not allowed to close any interior doors (unless instructed to). My girlfriend is free to search and inspect my belongings whenever she feels like it.

She has all my usernames and passwords. She has the administrator privilege on my computer, while I only have user access. In the evenings when we're both home, she keeps my phone and can access all the histories on it.
Her ever-present eyes only serve to keep me from misbehaving. While I have no intention to misbehave, I cannot honestly say I wouldn't if given the opportunity.

Privacy is one of the many double standards in our relationship. She has her privacy and I am not allowed to attempt to breach it. While I can't close interior doors, I also cannot open them until after knocking I'm invited in. I'm not allowed on her computer and the only time I can touch her phone is when I'm retrieving it for her.

-D

Amanda FLR said...

Michael & D: Thank you both for taking the time to reply. You two must be mind readers! I had already started writing a new post dealing with the issues you have both raised. The post will give a small insight into my family life now. I will send it on to Mark when it is completed.

Children will be children and that means competition between them. Parents must recognise this fact and make sure that they spend an equal amount of time with each child. I have said it before, but it is worth repeating that I love all of my children equally. There are thousands of websites online about bringing up children. I know because I seem to have read most of them! However this blog deals specifically with FLR’s. Through my posts I hope to give an insight into the daily running of my household. I will discuss how I promote female authority, how I encourage both of my daughters to take on more responsibility and how I encourage my son to respect his sisters and indeed all females.
With regard to the permission & privacy issues; I will discuss these points in my next post as I have already started writing about them.

However I would just like to clarify a point about this post. My brothers were never allowed access to my bedroom without my permission. They lost that same privilege with respect to me going into their bedrooms when they showed themselves to be immature and untrustworthy.

Best Regards Amanda

Siobhan said...

Amanda, thank you for your intelligent and thoughtful post. Yes, as a young girl, this was blackmail against your brothers. However this is not always wrong. A girl should have authority over her brothers. But it should not be through fear and intimidation.

Parents must have a role in training their daughters in authority at an early age. Boys must be taught that, as a female, their sister will have privileges they can never have. They need to understand to respect, admire, and worship her because she is female. By serving their sister (whether younger or older)they are receiving an education on female superiority. They need to understand they can not have the freedom to do as they want, privacy to hide what they do.

Their sister will learn to embrace her role as female, to love the freedom she has. She should be able to enter the boys room, even the bathroom, without knocking. Her mother should allow her to learn in disciplining her brothers.

I look forward to your future posts on female authority in the family. Training our daughters is very important for this.

Anonymous said...

To Siobhan,

Are you also a mother? If so, does Amanda's child rearing situation mirror your own currently?

Amanda,

I have heard of stories where the husband goes out of his way to do the chores while his wife relaxes. Children pick up on gender roles very quickly and the son soon imitates his father. The end result is where the norm becomes a proactive approach by the men in the family to make the lives of the women easier. I think it would be much more effective then sitting down the son and trying to tell him that he is not entitled to the privileges that a girl has. It should be obvious to him that gender roles dictate to trust in the moral guidance and decision making skills of his sisters. A nudge from his father, his mentor, that it would be nice if he cleaned his sisters room or asked them for permission should be all that is really needed.

- Michael

Amanda FLR said...

Siobhan: You a right about encouraging our daughters to embrace their natural authority over their brothers. However this is often easier said than done! For instance my eldest daughter is naturally bossy and it has been easy for me to persuade her to take on a more supervisory role with her brother. However my youngest daughter (my son’s twin) is much more shy and quiet. Persuading her to take on more authority is proving a little more difficult. She is naturally very creative and artistic and is happy to spend most of her time alone just painting and drawing new clothes designs!

Michael: My husband does indeed do all of the housework and he sets a very good example to both of his daughters and son. Part of this is because of his natural character, but our family would not be in the female led position we are today without my continued training of him. I can already see my children picking up on this. Again this is something I wish to discuss in future posts.

Everyone: Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this discussion. I welcome all comments, positive and negative. All I ask is that you do not post anonymously so that I can direct feedback appropriately. I particularly enjoy reading about women in similar situations to me, who run female led families. One of the main reasons I agreed to do these posts was to promote more discussion on this particular subject, which I believe does not get the coverage it deserves.

My next post will be delayed as I shall be away on business for the remainder of this week. However I will complete it and forward it to Mark on my return.

Best Regards Amanda

Mark Remond said...

Amanda - Hurry back!

Anonymous said...

Ms. Amanda, it is not that I read the wrong magazines, it's that sometimes tucked between perfectly wonderful stories of firm handed Women disciplining their husbands and males shipwrecked on an island populated by Amazons there would be a story or letter about teen sibling dominance and I would say "oh not this again". So I owe you an apology. I realized it is not that your post is similar to other erotica, if a Wife uses corporal discpline and posts about it, it will read like magazine stories about corporal discipline. It is that I do not find teen sister-brother discipline stories interesting. If you look at Mr. Redmond's previous posts you will see that at one point the Nancy-Dennis stories segweyd into Dennis being dominated at work by Carol. And one person commented, "is this now going to be titled Worshipping Your Female Boss". Well, since I have a Female Boss, I liked the Carol story arc but obviously this fellow didn't. I guess I have the same reaction to those brother-sister stories. But you have the right to post them and if Mr. Redmond wants to re brand this blog to be "Worshipping Your Teen Sister" I guess he can do that. By the way as for names, I used to call myself "Obedient Husband" but on this blog another person has used it first so maybe I can be The Person Formerly Known as Obedient Husband.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous (just above) -
I had no rule excluding Anonymous commenters, but it is confusing when trying to respond. I strongly suggest that you adopt your suggestion, "The Person Formerly Known as Obedient Husband," or some other cybermoniker, however, because Ms. Amanda has requested that you do so. On his guest posts, Sam has made no such rule.

As for me, I wrote five years of posts on Wife Worship, most of them vanilla-esque, designed to reach the widest range of readers, and for amorous, submissive husbands to be able to show to their wives. So I've kind of been there and done that as far as wife worship and perpetual courtship; I remain committed to that ideal, but I needed to infuse the blog with new voices.

Along came Becky Sue, and, believe it or not, she converted me to a true believer in female superiority. No, I don't want to debate it; it is, for me, a religious conviction, or akin thereto. And I think it did revivify the blog.

Amanda and Sam are also believers and practitioners of female superiority, actively and passively respectively. As for the past and future discussions of female-led families, I tried to explain how this evolved in my own family quite naturally from my teenage daughter perceiving and commenting on my obvious obedient submission to my wife... her mother. Yes, this has influenced my daughter to become a very take-charge young woman, and I am gratified by this.

Anonymous said...

Mark,

I agree. Female led marriages just turn into female led families. It makes sense to post on both of them because couples generally don't stay childless forever.

You mentioned that you have a teenage daughter whose allowance is bigger than yours and feels comfortable giving you advice. Are there still things that you hide from her about the lifestyle? I imagine that you are physically disciplined by your wife as that is a staple in most female led relationships. Is your daughter aware that a woman can physically punish a man if he is deserving of it? Although I agree that there are aspects of the power structure that children will naturally pick up, I would imagine that there are other parts she would have to be taught.
- Michael

Mark Remond said...

Michael, that is so well said - about the natural evolution of female led marriages into female led families. Why couldn't I say it so simply? All your comments & questions are excellent in my opinion.
Amanda has been working on several posts, which I can't wait to put up.
My daughter is now 19 and back for the summer after an excellent first year of college. But she is so social & has a summer job that we hardly ever see her. Physical discipline is not a feature of our WLM - I'd be a better husband, I think, if it had been - but every other aspect my daughter seems well aware of. In fact, we talk about it... that Mom makes all decisions, controls money, that I obey her in all things, etc. My daughter had a Women's studies class in high school and is aware of all the trends that show women surpassing males "in everything," as she says. So when I tell her that I believe in female superiority, her response is kinda like, well, duh! Now that she's back, she's expecting me to clean her room, do her laundry, wait on her, etc., etc. I told her that her orders will have top priority unless her mother has me doing something more important.

Anonymous said...

Mark,

Thank you for the compliment, I enjoy reading the blog and glad that you have multiple authors that we can ask questions to. Although some female led sites can be found online, its very difficult to actually get into a community in real life so entries here I always find interesting.

With regard to your daughter, its nice to hear that she is comfortable in a lifestyle outside the norm. I wonder if she has ever tried to bring up her family life to her friends and received different opinions.

Its nice to know that she loves you and respects you but at the same time she understands gender differences. The role of men is to love, protect, and take care of the women. Your daughter's delegation of chores shows that she is comfortable viewing the men in her personal life in this manner. It is too bad that she does not have other male family members to help split the chores with you.

- Michael

Mark Remond said...

Michael -
Actually she does have a brother, 3 years younger. He actually sort of "worships" her and will jump to do anything she asks... but on the other hand, he's a typical boy, rambunctious, maddening. He just showed her a dead squirrel the dog killed in the back yard to make her scream.

Anonymous said...

Was there any difficulty in raising him to be respectful to his sister? Was there ever a "talk" so to speak with your children to let them know that there were certain privileges and freedoms that women are allowed but men are not?

You mentioned that you receive an allowance and that your daughter's was larger by the time she was 16. Did your son have an allowance? Was he ok with the fact that it was smaller than what his sister's was at a similar age?

- Michael

- Michael

Siquierida said...

I love reading about how young dommes are born. Thank you for sharing, Amanda. I hope you write more.

Anonymous said...

From The Person Formerly Known as Obedient husband---Mr. Redmond, I well remember your tentative foray into the disciplinary side of Matriarchal Marriage with the "Whispering the P Word" posts. I was the Anonymous who had the first post on your Mother post wherein I stated I saw nothing wrong with descriptions of a Matriarchal household where the boys were expected to clear the table and do the dishes while the Females in the family retreated into the den to watch the WNBA. However, I also suggested that maybe there was something to the Patriarchal incest taboos and one should not confuse Matriarchy with brother is sister's slave fantasies and you responded "agreed". In the Patriarchy young girls were expected to help with household chores at the direction of their homemaker Mother. It may be that in helping Mother clean and do the laundry they may have collaterally performed chores for their brothers but they were not at their brother's beck and call. The brother benefited from having the parents put his education and maybe career first and generally pay more attenton to him but he could not say to the sister, "Make my bed, bring me a soda,etc." The sister having direct authority over the brother appears to be an invention of Femdom erotica, not a role reversal situation of real life. Still, if that is where you want to go that is your privilege.

Mark Remond said...

Michael –
These are excellent questions, but not easily answered. Ms. Amanda will be covering the ground on the dynamics of Female Led Families extensively in forthcoming posts, so I am sure your interest in these areas will be more than satisfied, and your appetite whetted for more.
When it became necessary for me to be driving my son to and from a new and more distant school, and to be spending additional time away with him at baseball games, my wife relaxed her financial strictures to the extent of allowing me to carry a credit card, for gas and other purchases. At the same time our daughter went away to college, requiring so much heavy financing that the idea of a mere “allowance” for her was suddenly laughable.
Finally, to bring you up to date, my wife has scolded me for misuse of the credit card, buying too much fast food, expensive baseball equipment, etc., etc. So this privilege she extended is now under executive review and may well be revoked. If so, I will be back to the prior status of asking, or begging, for money or an allowance, and justifying every purchase of $10 or perhaps $20. She can explain to my son why Dad is no longer allowed to carry a credit card. This is probably the way it should be. Otherwise I simply get into financial trouble, and it is up to my superior wife to sort things out—and pay the irresponsible charges I have run up.

Anonymous said...

Does your son have a paper round? If so might it be wise for him to hand at least a portion of it over to his Sister of Mother in order for him to get used to providing financially for them.

Femsup

Amanda FLR said...

The Person Formerly Known as Obedient Husband - I accept your apology. My future posts will deal with all aspects of female authority including sister-brother relationships. My first post was simply about how it all started for me. Whether you like this type of discussion or not, that is how my interest in female authority began.

Siquierida - Thank you and keep watching. I intend to write more posts on different aspects of female authority.

Femsup - Your idea of having a boy pay some of his earnings from a paper round to his sisters or mother is interesting. We live in the UK and so Ben would not be able to start a paper round until he is 13. Therefore it is not an issue at the present time, but I will keep it in mind for the future.

Ms. Amanda

Anonymous said...

From The Person Formerly Known as Obedient husuband---Ms. Amanda, thank you for your response. I enjoyed your post about how you exercise control over your husband.