Sunday, December 28, 2014
Faithful reader “Tony” (commenting on dennis’ Gift Suggestions for the Domesticated Man): “Some of us keep our WLM quiet confidential; while others, like ALL HERS and dennis, are not shy about revealing their wife’s power and control. For myself, this has been a gradual experience of sharing with others. I look at it as educational as well. The more other women see and observe the manner in which I show my respect to my Wife and serve Her, the more they want to learn ‘Her secret.’ We are discreet, but some in her family know, her daughters know, and they have been present when I have had to kneel to listen and to properly give thanks for Her attention and criticism. A few of Her female work associates also know, and two have begun to impose WLM rules at home. It’s a slow process, but worthwhile and helpful to others to see and learn.”
Thank you for your wonderful response, tony. You beautifully articulate so many good points. Revealing Female authority, or “coming out” with a Female Led Rrelationship, is indeed very important for a number of reasons, a few of which you have cited. As you say, revealing the Wife’s authority is indeed “a slow process, but worthwhile and helpful to others to see and learn.”
Couples are different and so reveal the Wife’s authority in different ways – some earlier in the relationship and some later. What is important is that Her authority is revealed in a timely manner to an ever-widening group of family, close friends, work associates, and so on. This, we find from our workshops, serves to solidify the couple’s relationship and encourages others who, as you say, “want to learn Her secret.”
Nancy and i have conducted workshops, usually for Women who’ve made a decision to pursue an FLR. A few things we’ve learned about coming out with Female authority:
It’s never too early to divulge the nature of a relationship. She may want to immediately confide in Her Mother, Sister, Aunt, or Girlfriends and ask their advice on establishing the rituals and courtesies so important to an FLR. These Women will not only help the new Head of Household but will spread the word about the couple’s situation through the family and beyond. This is important since it sets expectations when family and friends socialize with the couple.
She should have rules, work responsibilities, and rituals that She can put in place the moment the couple agrees on an FLR. This serves to formalize Her authority and provide the husband with ways of acknowledging that authority. His wearing an apron, kneeling in front of Her, bowing, curtsies, kissing Her hand on demand, addressing Her as Ma’am, are all devices that can be used. She should make it clear to him that behaviors She prescribes are 24/7, no matter who may be visiting.
Some Women have used a variation on the “at home” announcements that a new Bride often uses to communicate Her new address. In the case of an FLR She may elect to use a small announcement card to inform friends and family that She is now Head of Household. It will get conversations going and allow Her to bring family and friends into their new situation. Examples of such announcements we’ve seen are elegant, even regal!
Revealing Her authority isn’t just for the home; it has to take place in public situations, too. These should be unobtrusive but convey an unmistakable message. For example, he takes Her arm and walks slightly behind Her, She orders for him at a restaurant, She selects the wine, She tells, not asks, etc. Additionally he should show other Women the same deference and respect that he shows his Wife, addressing them as Ma’am, and so on.
After he’s been initiated into the new realities of an FLR have a “coming out party” for him. Invite a few friends who are aware of your relationship. It will provide him and opportunity to serve and your guests an opportunity to learn.
An effective way of revealing Her authority is for him to ask for her permission – “Yes, i’d love to have a drink after work, let me call my Wife to see if it’s OK.” Women will love you for such a response; men will be knocked off their feet! This is one to be used when you want to turn in your “man card,” publicly embrace your Wife’s authority, or renounce patriarchy.
Eventually men in an FLR get to the point where they are very comfortable with revealing Womanly authority and have no compunction about doing so.
Monday, December 22, 2014
To symbolize my new devotion to my wonderful Wife, Carrie (see part one), i began looking around for some kind of symbol, preferably one i could wear 24/7, that would symbolize this new and wonderful state relationship. i wanted something like a wedding ring, but, in our case, perhaps more intimate that would also reflect our new relationship (with Her in control).
Online i came across what seemed to be the perfect item, a ring to be worn by submissive husbands (or boyfriends) in a certain very intimate and private place (as to exactly where I’ll leave to the reader’s fertile imagination). When i cautiously discussed this idea with my Wife, i was delighted to discover that She approved! In fact, She liked it so much that She secretly commissioned a local jeweler to create a gold ring of this special type, on which She had engraved the words, “Love Honour Obey” equally spaced on the outside of the golden band.
When Carrie told me what She had done, i was so excited that i wrote a small Ring Ceremony for Her to use on the day She presented me with the ring. i also wrote a Ring Vow that would cover all the things i was committing myself to perform for my Wife/Queen on a daily basis for the rest of my days.
Two days ago my Wife presented me with my new gold ring. We performed our little ceremony to mark the occasion and to make it solemn and special. Let me say that the ring is quite comfortable; in fact, i am only aware of it when i undress and look down and see it—and am thereby reminded of my solemn commitment, as well as the love of my ruling Wife (at realization that often results in an involuntary salute to Her power over me).
Yes, Carrie and i know it’s still early days for us, but we both feel there will be no going back for us. In fact, together we are continuing our research into this exciting lifestyle, and are learning new things as we go, ideas and rituals that will make things even better and more exciting. The strange thing for me, is that the more things i do for my Wife, the more i find myself being aroused as i think about Her, and how it will please Her when She learns what i have done. i can’t stop thinking about Her, and new ways to please Her, pleasure Her, or serve Her. I’m totally addicted to my Wife and making Her happy.
Wife: This ring is a symbol of Love, Commitment, and Submission, and by wearing this ring you agree to submit to the total control of your Wife from this day on for the rest of your life, until death do you part.
This ring will be a constant reminder that you have committed yourself to the full-time job of making your Wife happy, obeying Her commands, and willingly submitting to Her total control over you.
By wearing this ring, you agree to do everything in your power to make your Wife happy, by pampering Her, helping Her, pleasing Her, or giving Her pleasure, as you are ordered by Her.
This ring must be worn 24/7, and can be removed only with the permission of your Wife. Failure to comply will result in serious punishment.
Each time you look at or touch your ring, you will remember your commitment to submit to the total control of your Wife in all things, for the rest of your life.
Husband: By wearing this ring of submission, i agree to submit to the total control of my loving Wife. i will devote my life to serving my Wife and making Her happy.
This ring will remind me to “LOVE, HONOUR, and OBEY” my Wife for the rest of my life.
The needs of my Wife will come before my own.
§ i will obey all commands of my Wife.
§ i agree to do all that i am commanded to please and pleasure Her.
§ i promise to pamper Her.
§ i promise to help Her in any way i can.
§ i promise to abide by all decisions She makes.
§ i acknowledge my Wife has total power and control over me at all time.
§ i promise not to argue or disagree with my Wife, all decisions She makes will be final, and i will respect all of Her decisions.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
With the holidays approaching, men are looking for gifts for the Women in their lives. i volunteer in a Woman’s Boutique at busy times of the year year selling everything from business suits to lingerie. i often serve Women in the shop and love doing so, but my primary responsibility is serving men who come in – bewildered - looking for gifts. But occasionally there’s the knowledgeable, fashion aware, sophisticated gentleman who obviously enjoys shopping for the Woman in his life – his Queen. For such sophisticated gentleman i offer the following:
Gifts aren’t just for the holidays – We’ll discuss this in another post, but gifts can and should be given your Wife all year round.
She’s expecting something nice – not necessarily expensive – but something thoughtful that shows you notice Her and Her sense of style. She knows that you are likely on a limited budge since She controls the finances but getting Her a gift is an absolute necessity!
Paying for it – Have a budget. Men in an FLR are likely on a limited one, but that’s not an excuse! She likely has you on an allowance so budget accordingly; set monies aside whenever you receive your allowance. i set aside 50% of my allowance for gifts for Nancy, Her Mother, and other important people in my life. Often Women will allow their man extra monies during the holidays. Although most men in an FLR won’t have access to it, NEVER charge anything to Her credit card!
Get some ideas – Ask Her friends and relatives what She wants. Ask early so you can plan and visit stores, particularly if She wants a technology gift such as a tablet. Remember that even though She wants a “big” gift, it SHOULDN’T BE HER ONLY GIFT! Plan and budget accordingly.
Look for discounts – Department stores have coupons and sales; take advantage. If there are after-hours sales i take advantage of them, but only if i have permission from Nancy or Sue to be out at odd hours
Shop early – If your Wife is a popular size – a 6-8, for example – you may find Her size in that perfect skirt is out of stock... Rember, an “I owe you a gift” card doesn’t work – shop early!
Catch up on fashion – You’re likely to be buying clothes, so learn what’s in vogue. Window-shop, visit stores, and read fashion magazines. i subscribe to a fashion magazine as does Sue; i enjoy perusing the pages and getting ideas for gift-giving.
Know her sizes – Nothing frustrates me more than to have a customer come in and not know sizes! he’ll go through the “Oh, She’s about this tall” thing and look like a helpless puppydog. i’m not sympathetic. As a minimum you should know the following:
§ Dress size – usually even numbers, 2-4-6-8-10-12-14, and so on – check the dresses in Her closet
§ Bra size – usually a number and a letter, 34C, 38DD, and so on
§ Panty size – can be numerical, 5-6-7-8, or correspondingly, S-M-L-XL
§ Outer wear size – coats may be S-M-L-XL
§ Shoe size and width
§ Pantyhose – usually A-B-C-D-E-F
§ Ring size – yes, ring size, numerical sizes starting at 5-6-7-8, may have half sizes, too. Take one of Her rings that fits to a jeweler, who’ll be able to instantly determine your Wife’s size. Buy a ring ½ size larger if it’s a wide ring...
Know Her preferences – notice Her and what She likes:
§ Clothing colors
§ Cosmetics – favorite brands
§ Perfumes – favorites
§ Dusting powder
§ What does She read? Steamy romances? Mysteries? Favorite authors? You should know!
§ Does She do crafts? Find out, perhaps there’s a gift here!
§ Pantyhose brand, shade, and style
Some suggestions and comments
Business suit – A coordinated outfit for work is always appreciated. A business suit can come with skirt or slacks or both, which enhances the flexibility of the outfit. Select a jacket and matching skirt, a blouse, scarf, and a quality costume jewelry item, a necklace, earrings, or a bracelet.
Party dress – “The Little Black Dress” - a nice dress is always appreciated; match it with a scarf or wrap. Buy the dress based on what She likes, not what you’d like to see Her in. Don’t buy Her a strapless dress or one slit to the hip if it’s not Her style. AND if you buy Her a dress, it’s expected you’ll take Her someplace where She can wear it – a party, a concert, a fancy restaurant – you should have this arranged...
Club dress – a club dress is a bit more risqué than the little black dress. A wide variety can be had and they are more expensive than the little black dress. Hemlines are shorter, slits are higher, and necklines are definitely more revealing. No need to arrange a night out, a club dress is for Girl’s night out!
Sweater – something She’ll always appreciate; knowing Her bra size can help when buying a sweater – buy quality and She’ll have it for many seasons.
Shoes – I don’t advise buying shoes since you may have a size issue, but if She’s looking for that special pair of pumps, then buy them. Be sure to get Her size and be sure that they can be exchanged for another size after the holidays; the concern here isn’t exchange policy but rather whether the shoe will be available
Jewelry – A Woman can’t have too many rings or too many earrings! Start by seeing what She has and plan accordingly. Hoops of various sizes and shapes are always appreciated, as are bangles and bracelets. Fun-to-wear dangling earrings are a hit, too - it seems that the bigger the better here! i look for quality pieces that go beyond the norm.
Lingerie – Buy quality lingerie at either a specialty store or the lingerie department of a big department store. They’re likely to have wide selections and knowledgeable sales help. i’ve always enjoyed visiting the lingerie department – it’s a celebration of Women, what with all the colors and styles to be had. Wonder among the rows and racks of pretty things, everything on its own hanger to be examined and felt, all attesting to what we know already – Women are special. Some hints for lingerie:
Bra - You know Her bra size but don’t buy Her a bra, that’s just not right. Instead buy Her a matching bra-panty set, you’ll see many styles and colors for both bra and panties and might want to buy Her one bra but with two panty styles to go with it. To add a bit of excitement add a matching garter belt and, if you do, don’t forget to buy nylons. i’d advise a color that coordinates with the ensemble but not the same color, i.e., taupe stockings with black lingerie.
Peignoir – A luxurious nightgown ensemble is sure to be appreciated; combines a nightgown and a coat or jacket; it’s usually long – ankle length, but can be shorter. Add a coordinated panty to the ensemble. A specialty shop will have the mandatory high-heeled malibu slipper as an accessory, thigh-hi nylons with a lace top add to the outfit. For entertaining at home a peignoir goes from after dinner drinks to the boudoir!
Panties – While i wouldn’t buy Nancy a bra, i would buy Her panties; 3-6 pairs of individually chosen panties in a small box with tissue paper and perhaps a sachet; a variety of colors and styles are in order. She’ll love knowing you ventured into the lingerie department to select them. i’ve also used a box of panties as gift wrap; one year i included a diamond tennis bracelet in the box. And a final note on panties; don’t even think of buying packaged panties from a discount store – the last guy who did that is wearing them!
Hosiery – i consider pantyhose and nylons as lingerie for Her legs. Pantyhose used to be a staple of a Woman’s wardrobe but has declined in recent years. Nevertheless, in-charge Women wear them religiously and can’t have too many pairs. i make sure i get Her style and color She wears and then try a few different styles/colors. For example, control top, sheer toe, business sheer in a neutral color for daily wear. i’ll include ultra sheers for dress, some sheer-to-waist for high skirts, seams, and so on – the varieties are endless. Nylons for wear with a garter belt are also nice as are lace-top thigh-hi stockings. She’ll love the hosiery but also that you ventured into the hosiery department to buy them!
Perfume – It’s a holiday staple and worth visiting the cosmetics department for. But beware, not all Women like perfume. Nancy told me not to buy Her perfume; i did and now She has me wearing it!
The spa – Treat your Wife to a day of pampering at an upscale spa in your area. She’ll love it. Since She won’t want go alone, buy Her two visits so She can invite a Girlfriend.
A day of service – Some Women in the family receive four coupons from me, each for two hours of inside work. The coupons are printed on stock paper and presented in a fancy envelope. Sue decides who receives the coupons and schedules my redeeming them. The coupons are transferable so the recipient can give them to a Woman-friend if She desires. Service is an appreciated gift that usually has me doing heavy cleaning.
Shopping Service – Since my work at the Boutique is well known, men always approach me, asking for help with gifts for the Wives and Girlfriends. i’m only too happy to accommodate them – for a fee – a flat 25% of the total bill. Gift-wrapping is extra. Nancy and Sue allow me to keep all the money i make from the shopping service provided i spend all of it on them and the Women in the family. Allows me to make the Women happy; the Family’s Women as well as the Women who’ve received the gifts purchased for them through my shopping service.
Monday, December 15, 2014
With the holidays rapidly approaching, one may wonder what to get the domesticated man – assuming, of course, that the Woman in his life deems him deserving! There are many suggestions depending on your budget, relationship to the recipient, and the preferences of the Woman in his life. We’d suggest gifts that are practical in terms of helping him in his domestic routine. The right gift makes a statement about his role in the relationship, so consider carefully. Better still, a man should ask his Wife to contact the recipient’s Wife for suggestions as to what She feels is appropriate. Gifts don’t have to be expensive to be appreciated. Often it’s an inexpensive one that is most appreciated or is the most meaningful. So here are some suggestions:
Vacuum Cleaner – Nothing says “domestic service” like a new vacuum, and i can attest to the fact that a vacuum is really appreciated. Nancy’s Aunt bought me a high-end vacuum, and i think of Her every time i use it, which is daily. The Women had me open it and try it out as soon as i unwrapped it. If your man already has a serviceable vacuum, consider a smaller, portable vac. These come with attachments that allow cleaning hard-to-reach places like heating ducts and vents and in tight spots behind furniture; they are surprisingly inexpensive. A portable vac can take his cleaning to new heights (and depths). i received one and use it often, always taking it when i clean outside our home. Giving a vacuum recognizes that he does the housekeeping and that She’s in charge!
Iron – This had to be at or near the top of the list as a gift for the domesticated man since ironing is a part of our domestic routine. A high-end, feature-laden iron might cost nearly $150 but is well worth it in terms of the quality and speed of his ironing. There are less-expensive irons that have impressive features and don’t cost a lot of money; check online. he likely has an iron but will always appreciate another; i have three irons and routinely use all of them. Again, giving him and iron shows you acknowledge She’s in charge.
Clothing Steamer – A portable, full-size steamer will allow him to better care for your suits, dresses, and skirts, all for around $125. i’ve worked a steamer into my repertoire, steaming Her business suits before returning them to the closet; they’re fresh, wrinkle-free, and ready to go when She next needs them.
Aprons – This, too, had to be near the top; an apron is an essential part of a progressive gentleman’s attire . i have a number of them, many received as gifts. Wearing one reinforces a man’s role in the relationship. Aprons range from very fancy to purely practical novelty aprons, the ones, for example, that say, “She’s the boss i only work here.” When he unwraps it, have him put it on although he’s likely to want to do that without prompting. And don’t worry about him having too many aprons; there’s no such thing! Can a Woman have too many pairs of shoes? Of course not! Well a domesticated gentlemen can’t have too many aprons! An apron can be had for as little as $25 but can cost significantly more depending on the material and decoration.
Serving Tray – We’re talking a nice pewter one here or something similar. In our home a tray is mandatory when serving the Women; everything is served from and removed to a tray. It’s a nice formality and one that the superior gender deserves! If he already has a tray, inquire as to the size and style and get him something different.
Cookbook – If he cooks – or you want him to learn – then a cookbook is a great gift; if it’s for your man you might consider going through it first with bookmarks to highlight recipes that interest you.
Needle Crafts – Knitting, crochet, and cross stitch are frequently associated with Women but enlightened gentlemen are crossing gender lines to eagerly take up these crafts. Take a knitting class and i guarantee there will be male students. i find needle crafts to be relaxing and enjoyable. i enjoy participating in Sue’s knitting group and have participated in community knitting projects such as making and donating knitted scarves. You can assemble a nice gift from a local craft store. Choose yarn, needles, and a basic book, and put it all in a pretty knitting basket, and you’ve started your man down the path to an enjoyable hobby. i started at the insistence of Nancy and Sue as a way to occupy my free time and to possibly participate in Sue’s knitting circle – yes, i am in Her circle and look forward to serving and knitting with a house full of Her friends. i love to knit and it’s a nice departure from patriarchy.
Stationery – Matching paper and notecards are always welcome as the domesticated man has numerous opportunities to send off a note; not only for what he writes but for the impression he makes. i make use of fine stationery as i routinely write the Women of the family to both keep in touch and to worship them from afar. Stationery is readily available locally in card shops or online. It can be customized with the recipient’s name if desired. Styles range from plain to elaborate, and the man seeking to distance himself from patriarchy will love pastels or florals.
Potpourri – Potpourri is a mixture dried flowers, spices, and leaves used to freshen a room. A jar of potpourri will be appreciated by the homemaker for the extra touch it adds to a just cleaned room.
Sachet – Like potpourri a sachet contains dried flowers and spices but in a small bag that can be placed in a drawer with clothes, towels, or sheets or hung in a closet to give a fresh scent.
Lessons – Give the gift of learning by signing him up for lessons in knitting, needlepoint, ikebana, cooking, or whatever his Wife might want him to learn. Courses aren’t expensive and can provide a lifetime of enjoyment.
Jewelry – Increasingly progressive gentlemen wear jewelry, so a nice ring, earrings, or a bracelet are certainly to be considered. Check with his Wife and buy based on Her preferences and guidance. i love wearing the rings and earrings Sue has given me over the years, particularly the ones that were once Her Mother’s.
Final points on gift-giving:
§ Check the appropriateness of any gift by having your Wife contact his Wife and follow the guidance received. i wouldn’t dare buy my friend tom a gift without getting Linda’s full approval; similarly i know that what i receive from tom will have met Nancy’s approval.
§ Buy within your budget; have your Wife advise you and do as She says.
§ Buy him things that are conducive to his role as homemaker.
§ Shop with your Wife so She can critique your selections and approve or disapprove.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Having read both your books, i just wanted to thank you and let you know that my Wife Carrie and i have recently started a Wife-led -marriage, and we are happier now than any other time in our 35 years together. In fact, we are enjoying this lifestyle so much, that we would love to share it with others.
Why change a long-running happy marriage? I’ll try to explain. A couple of years ago i came to the realization that i had a deep-seated desire to be sexually submissive to my Wife. She, however, was not comfortable with the idea of becoming a dominatrix, and all my attempts to coax Her to help me experience my sexually submissive side fell on deaf ears.
It wasn’t until i stumbled on the concept of Female Led Relationships that i felt that I’d found something that just might interest my wife. So i printed out a couple of essays on FLRs and, hoping for the best, showed them to Her. She looked them over and said that She was at least interested, but wanted to learn more.
That’s when i came across your Worshiping Your Wife books. i downloaded both and, with hope and nervousness, handed them to Carrie. To cut to the chase, after She read your first book, She decided we should give “wife worship” a try. To say i was excited at the prospect would be a gross understatement!
We started our FLR on Oct. 26, so, as of this writing, we have been enjoying our new lifestyle just six weeks. So far, the passion and sex are just like back in our courting days. Ever since i started helping, serving, and pampering my Goddess, Her sex drive has reignited, and She is averaging better than an orgasm a day.
As for me, well, i get stimulated by my Wife every day, but She allows me only one orgasm a week. It is hard to put into words how happy we are with this new female-led dynamic, and how intense our love has become. On a couple of occasions, i have asked Carrie if She wants to go back to the old way, and She just laughs and says, “You must be joking!”
Mark, i’m only sorry i didn’t discover this 35 years ago. In fact, i recently apologized to my Wife for all the years during which i didn’t help and serve Her while i was busy playing the dumb male role.
(To be continued...)
(To be continued...)