Thursday, March 31, 2011

Starting Early on an FLR

A young man (in his twenties, I’d guess) just commented anonymously on a post from last September 9, Au876 on Financial Control, Part 2, and I enjoyed it so much that I decided to build a new post around it.

First, his comment in its entirety:

My girlfriend manages my finances. We aren't married (yet) and she makes a point to differentiate between manage and control. She set up two bank accounts for me. My name is on the account but she has signature authority over them. She is the only one that knows the on-line passwords.

I have a debit card for one account. We keep $250 in this account and it's primarily for emergency situations. Also, if I need to buy a big dollar item, something like airline tickets, she will transfer the money into the account to cover the cost.

My direct deposit goes into the other account. While it's still my account, I am not "allowed" access to it. We both know that the money is still mine, but she decides how it is spent. My portion of the bills are paid from this account as are my various loan payments (I still have car and student loan payments).

Every Monday, she gives me $100 in cash. But then every Monday evening, we go out and have dinner with three to four of her girl friends. They all know about our relationship and it's sort of a little ritual we have. She'll order something simple for me (a soup or salad) and I basically wait as they eat their meals and socialize. She'll signal me when it's my time to leave, and I'll pay the bill then go wait in the car.

My allowance is really what's left over from the $100 after paying for their dinners. It usually ends up being around $20 per week. Sometimes she'll encourage them to break their diets and order desserts. When she does that, I usually have to use money saved from the previous week to pay the bill. One time I didn't have enough surpluses from the previous week and had to use the debit card. She docked my allowance the two following weeks to replenish it.

She does occasionally take liberties with how she manages my money. She's occasionally informed me that I've “treated” her and one of her friends to session at the day spa. Then she'll point out that I spent the past three days at work so they could enjoy a couple hours of relaxation.

You've advised against allowing girlfriends financial control. But in my case, prior to her taking over, my finances were in the crapper (I was wasting money and was habitually late on credit cards and stuff). I'm also young enough that even if she does take everything, it's not as if I've got a whole lot of time invested in it. And like you and your wife, I really have no reason to not trust her. She seems to enjoy doing things to remind me how much control she has over me. And her enjoyment is what I have found ends up making me the happiest.

I also believe that since she owns my time, my employer is really paying her to have me work there.

And here is my enthusiastic reply:
Anonymous, I have to say that this is one of the most exciting comments this blog has seen in its three-plus years. Exciting especially because you are embarking on your FLR at such an early age, with so many delightful decades ahead of you if, as perhaps we both hope, your girlfriend consolidates her loving authority over you by taking you to husband.

Many, if not most of the FLR bloggers and commenters I’m familiar with seem to have converted to this lifestyle after many years of marriage, in their mid-forties, fifties and even beyond. Many seem to be empty-nesters, especially those who are privileged to live in an FLR 24/7. And I doubt not that most of them—I’m talking about guys now --would share my envy of you for coming so thoroughly under your girlfriend’s control so early.
I hope that you will comment or email in future, with updates about your evolving relationship. As I said, with so many years ahead, and your girlfriend demonstrating such a fertile imagination (like those Monday-night dinners with her girlfriends) in her “management” of you (as opposed to “control”), the possibilities ahead for both of you seem almost limitless… and truly exciting.

I also commend you for realizing how you are prospering under her judicious financial management—even if she does restrict you to a meager allowance. I would like to see a survey of just how many wives, whether in official wife-led marriages or out, take control of hubby’s paycheck, for exactly the reason that your girlfriend has done.

By the way, I don’t recall ever having advised against having a girlfriend take financial control. I have certainly read such advice, and understand the commonsensical reasons for it. As Lady Misato observed, “It is possible for a woman to exercise erotic power within a long-term non-marital arrangement but outside of marriage, there is a) a temptation on the part of the man to seek an easier resolution, and b) no committed relationship into which to invest.”

Finally, because I am so intrigued by your comment, and I want to share it with more of my blog followers, I propose to include it in a new post in the next day or so. Again, thank you, and keep us all posted!

As I reread Anonymous’ Comment, I was reminded of a young man who joined Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! Wife Worship husbands’ forum probably ten-plus years ago and shared his fledgling FLR… except that term didn’t exist at the time. Lady Misato called it “wifedom” or “courtship marriage.” This young bachelor, who signed himself “quasarableu2000,” used the common term, “femdom,” to describe his evolving relationship with his girlfriend. His postings created quite a stir, I can tell you, among our group of mostly 40-plus husbands.

I trust Lady Misato won’t object to my sharing a sampling of quasarbleu’s postings from all those years ago:

Hi, I'm new to the forum... I'm not married but in a serious relationship with a girl that opened my eyes to this site and many others. What can I do to make her happy, yet not smother her? Yesterday I gave her a pedicure and painted her nails. What else? We are both in college and money is tight for me. Any suggestions would be good, we are great friends… I'm not her slave, I'm her submissive boyfriend and her best friend, she's the dominant friend with a twist. I'm madly in love with her and she's madly in love with me. Thanks for any input and ideas.

Just wondering how you guys are coping with this lifestyle? I've had some serious trouble adjusting to this lately. At first the domination was light and has now progressed into a full-blown life of my long-term GF's domination. She said about a month ago she wanted things to progress to the next level. I had no idea what that was going to mean until now. My releases have gone from 3-4 a week to now less than 1, while I pleasure her nearly 2 or more times a day. The chastity tube that's on me has been sized and resized until it fit so perfect I can't get out of this thing. I've now been in this thing for 9 days, that's a long time when it’s real. My resistance to her domination is long gone after 48 hours! She has modified most of our relationship and I must admit I'm in heaven, but how do some of you who have the more domineering wives cope?

This has come to a slow progression, but I'm looking around now and I can't see how I could ever go back. Recently my long-term girlfriend told me that she was going to be decorating my apartment and organizing it so she could move in easily. Basically, she said in no uncertain terms that “her” apartment was going to need to be organized and I was going to have to help her maintain it. Her dominance grows slowly but almost like a snowball, once she was comfortable with her dominance in our relationship it started to take effect in many parts of our lives like this. All I can say is this, this is what most of us asked for and I’m happy.

My long term GF says and I quote “I enjoy the absolute submissive disposition you get when you are denied. Your thoughts are so easily manipulated by me, it's a lifestyle I want us to get used to.” She enjoys her erotic power more when it “works” and it only seems to work if she truly controls my orgasms.

Okay, so my girl friend calls me and asks me if I want to go to dinner with her twin sister and her sister’s roommate and go out for the night. Her twin sister’s roommate was telling my girlfriend’s sister that her ex-boyfriend was a womanizing asshole and that she needed to find a guy like me, who would worship & obey her like I do Jenny. Then Jenny pats me on the head and says something like, “I’ve turned him into this girls, don’t think he came this way.” Which is true in every respect. Then her sister looks at us and says with a smile, “Jenny, you womanize Jeff.” Then they all start laughing and the roommate says, “Oh my god yes, Jeff you do her laundry, clean her room for her, do her nails, the pedicures,” then she breaks down laughing because of the alcohol and embarrassment of the topic. Then Jenny say out loud, “Looks like the big secret is out, Jeffrey, everyone knows about us.” Anyways, I don’t know what to think now, I feel so embarrassed. Does she have the right to do this to me?”

[I include here the answer to this query from my old friend, Au876: “Dear quasarbleu2000, I can understand why you would be embarrassed but YES, she does have the right to do that to you. All she has done is let some of her friends know about the relationship you enjoy with her. It put you in a rather humble position but I suspect you enjoyed it to some extent. You should be proud she brags on you to her friends. You can almost bet your bottom dollar they envy her.”]

quasarbleu2000 (continuing)
It's very common for girls my age to be the dominant one in the relationship and for that position to be stated and understood. Now don't take my statement to mean “More girls are into femdom relationships,” because I don't think they see them in that way. I think women in general, in my era are becoming less submissive as a whole. Several of my female friends are in what we would consider femdom relationships, they just don't call them that. To them, it's a normal relationship, they are in charge of it, and that's how all their relationships since they hit puberty have been.

Well, my GF told me that she wants me to start checking with her before I buy anything large from now on. Also, she mentioned that she wants to start looking at my paychecks and bills, seems as though she is interested in controlling my money more so than before. She is interested in a joint-checking. I didn't even think banks would do that unless two people were married. It’s obvious she wants us to get married sometime, and she's trying to get me ready for what it will be like, well so she says. Frankly, the idea turns me on. Truth is, I'm horrible with money, while I make great money even while in school, I manage it like total crap. I trust her with everything, my heart first and foremost, my money also. I'm content with her control, it's all the more real this way. (End of Excepts)

Quasarbleu2000, are you still out there? If so, could we have an update?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Female Superiority - Conversion Experience, Part 1

My conversion to the idea and practice of wife worship happened about a dozen years ago. I can remember vividly the rising arc of emotion, from the first suspicions that this could be special, then gathering and building until it culminated in one of those indelible “Aha!” moments. I don’t recall the search terms that led me to Fumika Misato’s “Real Women Don’t Do Housework” website, but they were certainly providential. As I scanned and scrolled my way down those female-savvy, pink-backgrounded paragraphs and pages, a lifetime of thoughts and yearnings and confusions converged in my mind and fell into a coherent structure--Lady Misato’s coherent structure, which I immediately adopted, then adapted to my own purposes.

Yes, I thought, this is how it was meant to be for me, all along. Why did I never realize this? Lady Misato was offering me a way not only to transform my marriage, but possibly to save it. For too many years I had stolen and siphoned off erotic energies from my wife and our marriage bed by secret masturbation. An indispensable activity, no doubt, for a monastic, a reclusive bachelor, but a dirty word for a married man, at least as applied to me. I had become addicted, like a teenage boy, to porn imagery, and, increasingly, courtesy of the Internet back room, femdom porn.

Lady Misato was offering me a way to take all my submissive yearnings, which even while pursuing I regarded as shameful, and redirect them back into my marriage, expressing them openly as the rituals of romantic courtship. It was praiseworthy, not shameful, she explained, for a man to get down his knees and worship the flesh and blood goddess he was already married to. She deserved no less of me, every day, every night.

And guess what? It worked, and it still does. In fact, I wrote a book about it, and then another one.

More recently, I have undergone an additional, but similar conversion experience, one which is, I believe, taking me a bit farther along the blessed path of wife worship. This latter-day conversion has been so incremental that I am unable to locate the precise moment when everything coalesced into “Eureka!” or “Aha!” But it has been in process, in percolation, for the dozen years or so that I have practicing and preaching wife worship.

The post title above gives it away, of course. Without really knowing when or how or why it happened, I have become a believer in female superiority.

Some of my conversion process has been public and actually chronicled in the Comments section of this blog, appended in particular to the two guest posts on “Wife Worship and Female Superiority” by “Beckie Sue” last fall. Until her posts, I had tiptoed oh so carefully around the term, and the concept, of Female Superiority, sensing that it might be inflammatory. (And was it ever!)

And yet, in the first wife-worship book, and even more in the several years of blog posts that became the sequel, the apotheosis of womanhood was certainly on almost every page. It’s not a big step from there, bowing before the idealization of the Divine Feminine, to open espousal of the idea of female superiority, starting with one’s obviously superior wife.

Certainly I was aware of all the research indicating that females are the prototypical gender, with males being an obvious chromosomal variant thereof, and the overwhelming statistics showing that young women are on the ascendant in secondary and higher and post-graduate education, and in any number of professions. In fact, I’ve made a practice of bookmarking these studies and articles and emailing them, or the URLs, to my wife, as if to say, “Okay, I concede the point, girls rule!”

A copy of Ashley Montague’s seminal work, The Natural Superiority of Women, a birthday gift from me to my wife, is prominently displayed on an end table in our family room, just beside me, in fact, as I write.

And yet, in some inner recess of my compartmentalized brain, I held fast to the illusion of masculine superiority. And publicly I never strayed from the orthodox and politically correct view that everything and everyone is absolutely equal in every aspect. Because… well, because that’s only fair, and certainly Mister Rogers and Thomas Jefferson and Barney the Dinosaur all agree that everybody is a very special person and nobody is allowed to be better than anybody else at anything!

But I could not apply that politically correct, 50-50 standard to marriage. The observable evidence, in my marriage and all the marriages I was able to observe, was that they prospered with the women in control, as they usually were, and foundered to the degree that the husbands began to assert their own inclinations and proclivities.

And it was, and is, absolutely true that, in my marriage and our family life, without my wife’s wise and loving leadership and superior judgment in every area, the kids and I would be utterly lost. I’m no dummy, but even on my best day, in our family, Mother Knows Best

So, like I say, I continued to be a stubborn holdout against any categorical assertion of female superiority. Sure, women were socially superior, but no way a WNBA all-star team could hold their own against the NBA slam-dunkers! Okay, so maybe girls and women are better at real life and in the classroom, but they can’t go one-on-one with guys when it comes time for recess and playground activities.

Then Beckie Sue sent me a lengthy email about her own slow and even reluctant conversion to the idea of female superiority, and her own gradual assumption of leadership in her marriage. My initial reading of her story is pretty close to my “Aha!” conversion moment. With her permission, I published that email and several additional ones as a two-part guest-blog:

Wife Worship and Female Superiority, Part 1

Wife Worship and Female Superiority, Part 2

Take a look, if you haven’t already, and we’ll discuss at the next class.

(End Part One)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Lucky to Be a Guy

When I was a kid, I used to thank God I was born a boy. The stuff we got to do was a lot more fun, I thought–baseball, basketball, wearing raggedy jeans (girls didn’t like holes in their knees back then), standing up to take a whizz—in the bushes, behind the school, anywhere. Girls had to play with dolls, have pretend tea parties, wear skirts and pinafores and shiny black Mary Janes, all that silly stuff.

Post-puberty, my feelings didn’t change, only I had a lot of new reasons for my preference. Being a guy didn’t just mean doing guy stuff, but being excited by girls, being close to them, as close as we could get, and thinking about them all the time. Those strange and shunned stick-figure classmates had suddenly developed wondrous curves and cupolas and metamorphosed into magical creatures.

All these decades later, I still thank God I was born a guy, but the rationale has evolved. Now it’s because God in his or her infinite love created women, allowing men the incredible luck to live on the same planet with these incarnate goddesses. And, yes, I am more and more convinced that it is the proper place of men to adore, worship and obey these creatures, who bless our lives with their beauty and wisdom, creators of family of “man” and, indeed, of civilization itself.

Which reminds me of a friend who used to thank God he was gay, because it meant he didn’t have to deal on intimate terms with the opposite sex, whom he found, almost without exception, to be devious and manipulative. Guys he found much more straightforward, much more—well, like himself. He no doubt would have agreed with the exasperated and militant march of Henry Higgins, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?”

But, as I wrote in Worshipping Your Wife, most guys crave the opposite sex for their very oppositeness to us (among other attractions). Waxing semi-philosophical, I mused, “Are we drawn to them, biologically, as the literal matrix of masculinity, from which we emerged?”

For answers, I’ll yield the lectern to some other voices, beginning with an anonymous and articulate wife-worshipper I quoted in Chapter 7 of my book, who believes that women’s “rightful roles” are “as the divine inspiration to our otherwise sad and empty lives.” Men are most happy, he wrote, when we “give our bodies, our minds and our lives to serve and defend these brave, beautiful, nurturing, challenging, life-giving, playful, wondrous women. With their guidance, our lives once again become real and connected to the natural world.”

Anyway, that’s why I think males, whatever we lack in other areas, are luckier than females, because we get to be the recipients of all their bedazzling powers.

The same point was made, in eloquent if sometimes awkward English, in a letter to Elise Sutton from a German gentleman calling himself “Dieter”:
Dear Ms. Sutton, “My dad taught me that men only under the leadership of women can become lucky and successful to the same time. He told me that women led us away from the apes into civilization…
During puberty, I realized something else, something mystic with the girls. I wanted to be a part of this womanly Beauty. I didn’t want to be a girl, I wanted to be a part of the girl that made me falling into awe. Girls in general made me feel that way. Everything of them were a mystic beauty – their face, their body, how they moved, talked, laughed, how they looked at me - overwhelmed my sense of Beauty.
Making love to [the girl who became my wife] gave me for moments the illusion I had achieved what I longed for, being a part of her, being a part of the endless Beauty of womanhood she represented for me.
[And later] I was a part of her. I had experienced the Beauty of womanhood – that is like KNOWING what the word paradise really means. For more than 30 years now THIS is the highest level I try to get in sex life. Compared with this, ejaculation means nothing for me.
Every women who is aware of her supremacy looks beautiful and my wife is most beautiful for me. Maybe our femdom lifestyle is a bit old-fashioned. On the other hand there is hardly another man who lives for more than my 57 years under female authority. So I think I am blessed – blessed by Goddesses.”

My old cyber friend, Au876, puts it this way, even more briefly: “Anyone who has a wife they can love, adore and worship is lucky.”

From another kindred spirit: “If more men would quit trying to understand women and just sit back and enjoy them, I think we'd all be better off. I am so lucky to have my wife to serve, obey and please every day of my life!”

Another wife-worshipper chimes in: “Think of your beloved as a fabulous courtesan, whom you are courting and presenting with costly gifts, each night, hoping she will notice you. Aren’t you lucky to be the man who gets to buy her such presents?”

Admit it, isn’t it kind of a relief, to hear husbands drop the macho, cocky façade and gush openly and excitedly about their addlepated adoration of their magnificent wives? If you don’t’ think so, better stop reading, because I’ve got a few more to share:

Amen Chorus:

“My wife is everything a man could ever want in a woman and I am so lucky to have her. I tell her every day that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and that I love her with all my heart.”

“I will never take my wife for granted; I will be mindful of how lucky I am to have her and seek a thousand little ways to express my gratitude.”

I felt like a 17-year-old Romeo who was newly head over heels in love, but with my own wife. I also felt like a veil was removed from my eyes and I could see her much more clearly as a confident, intelligent, and very sexy woman who I was lucky to be married to. [from “Wife’s Romeo”]

“Many men only dream of being in deeply romantic relationships, instead sitting at home alone, night after night. You have the opportunity to please a goddess that most men would die for. Make the most of it!”

I looked at this wonderful woman and I thought about just how lucky I am. And I could feel the love I have for her welling up inside me as I gazed at her face. And the longer I was like this, the more entranced I felt. She was so beautiful, and I was so fortunate.”[from Enoch]

“My eyes and mind never wander from my wife. All my attention and energy are spent on pleasuring her. I am aware of people saying how lucky she is to have a young devoted husband but the truth is that I am the lucky one. She has given me experiences that I can only dream of. She has made me a real man.” [from another letter to Elise Sutton}.

“The key to a man’s happiness is to realize how lucky you are to share this planet with such wonderful beings as Women. To be a servant to your Wife is not degrading : on the contrary, it is an honour for males to serve their Superiors, it is assuming their right place and duty in the order of the universe.”

“I figured i better get busy and be more attentive and romantic--just call Her at least once a day and tell Her how much i love Her and how important to me She is and how lucky i am to be Hers and how happy i am to belong to Her. And to take the time to be genuinely happy and devoted to giving Her my full attention when She comes in the house, or any time we haven't seen each other for awhile.” [from Semanticus]

I suppose some wives could OD on all this sugary speech and assign hubby corner time to cool off. But a lot of wives manage somehow to adjust to the daily burden of apotheosis, and some even get to like it a lot:

“My husband constantly tells me how beautiful I am and how lucky he is - and he's right! He too is much happier and is often humming or singing around the house now. He has become my knight in shining armor as I have become his glorious Queen.”


Friday, March 11, 2011

Taking Her Name, Update

I've been unable to find posting time of late, swamped at work and at home, but I thought I'd at least post this new comment to an older article, "Taking Her Name, Part 1," since most readers would be unlikely to see it:


"I am secretly envious of the men on this blog. My wife kept her name when we were married 20 years ago, but since then her career has eclipsed mine and her role in our marriage has become obviously dominant. It used to bother me that she kept her name, but over the past few years I've rather enjoyed being known as Mr. 'wife's surname.'"