Monday, March 15, 2010

Revisiting Vivian’s Domain, Part 2

(Continuing my archival republishing of sections of “Vivian’s Domain,” an FLR website originally hosted on, but no longer retrievable even on the Wayback Machine. Contrary to the expectations of several blog commenters, in this and subsequent installments “Vivian” does not continue the story of how she took control of her marriage and her husband. But she does offer well-seasoned advice to wives wondering how to get started on their own wife-led marriages, or even if they dare do so. — Mark Remond)

(From “Vivian’s Domain” / “Better Spouses Website”)

How Will I Know?
This is a common question from women I've talked with who are interested in Domestic Discipline but whose husbands have not outright asked them to try it. How do I know he wants or needs this? On its face it seems a legitimate question. To those of us who've been around a bit, it’s a no brainer. Of course he does! If he's like most men he won't come right out and tell you (too much ego), but that doesn't mean he doesn't know it's best for him.

This site is designed for women. That's why it is so wordy and detailed. If it were for men it would only need one page with a picture of me pointing my finger and saying, "You know you need to be punished for your bad behavior, don't you?"
He would simply gulp, catch his breath and say, "Yes ma'am." I would instruct him to tell his wife of that need. He would want to tell his wife but he'd be afraid to do so. He'd be afraid she wouldn't understand. He would assume his wife would think the idea of Domestic Discipline too weird. His fear would be justified. That's why I created this site.

I'll let you in on a little secret. If you are reading this, there is about a 90% chance it is because your husband (on some level) wants you to. I know this because of the ways I've "marketed" this site. If you are among the 30% who have come across this site on you own, there is still about a 70% chance your husband secretly desires Domestic Discipline.

Here are some ways for you to know without risking any embarrassment for yourself.

1. Think about it. Has he ever offered you a clue that he has a streak of sexual submissiveness in him? Does he like to be teased? Does he enjoy sex more with you on top in the dominant position? Has he ever admitted to you that he lacks self-discipline and needs external discipline? Chances are you'll find your answer in your own memories.

2. Laughingly show him this site or one of my recommended links such as The Disciplinary Wives Club or Mistress Lori's Chastity Site. Make a joke of it and say something like "Wouldn't it be great if something like that worked on you?" Observe his response. Unless he comes right out and says something like, "No way, don't even think of trying that with me," he's interested. He'll probably blush (if he's prone to doing that) or drop his eyes and he'll probably hint at his interest with a joking response. If he does that, say something like, "maybe this is the kind of thing you need." By maintaining a bit of humor in your voice you protect yourself from any risk in case he is really not interested in this. Chances are he'll say something along the lines of, "Maybe it is." A response like is really equal to,"Yes, Yes, Yes, PLEASE." Keep that in mind. If you get a "maybe" you should seize the moment and say something like, "Well, that is exactly what we're going to do then." The thing to remember about the conversation as sketched above is that you have risked nothing. You haven't revealed any so-called kinkiness but he has. You remain in control.

3. Just do it! Start by either talking to him about his behaviors or coming to an agreement that he will be punished if they continue or by simply doing what I did. You'll find that in My Story. Most of the Dominant Wives I've spoken with believe it is safer to discuss things first, but it worked well for me. The thing about "just doing it" is that it may work in a situation where the husband is not aware of and has not even thought about his need for discipline and submission. "Just doing it" touches him in his subconscious before his intellect has time to react.

Getting Started
I hope the information on this site is enough to get you started with this new and wonderful aspect of your marital relationship. I promised this page on getting started, but I honestly don't have much more to say on the subject that isn't already covered in the site. But I will try to offer something helpful here.

1. If your husband has already told you he is interested in trying Domestic Discipline.

In this case your next step is easy. Take him up on it! You'll want to begin by sitting down with him to lay out the rules. The rules may be as simple or as complicated as you like but they must include these two primary ingredients.

A) He must promise to comply with your discipline. This does not mean he has to be perfect. Just that when you order him over your knee, he takes his place there regardless of the mood he's in at the time. That is all you really need to start. Your other punishments and discipline will flow from there. He will comply with them knowing if he does not, a hard (or harder) spanking will follow.

B) He must promise to give you control over his sexual release and to never lie to you about masturbating. If you choose to use a chastity device, he must agree to wear it at your discretion.

That's it for the basics. Once those basics are established the rest is up to you and your imagination. It's a good idea, as I've mentioned, to agree upon a trial period. I believe the trial period should be at least three months in order to evaluate the effectiveness of the program. It is also good to agree upon a "safe phrase" your husband can use in case things go way too far for him. He needs to know that his use of the safe phrase ends the Domestic Discipline part of your relationship for a certain period of time so that things can be properly evaluated.

I also recommend a three-month interval between his use of the "safe phrase" and the recommencement of DD.

I recommend this lengthy period because you want your husband to be able to stop things if something is completely unbearable, but you don't want him using the safe phrase when discipline is simply extremely uncomfortable for him. That would give him too much power in the relationship. The whole point of this is that real power is exchanged in DD. He gives it up and you take it.

2. If your husband has not told you outright that he is interested in trying Domestic Discipline

In this case read the "How will I know" section of this site. Let me repeat that if you are reading this it is most likely that your husband wants and needs Domestic Discipline. You may or may not have a difficult time believing that, but my experience has taught me that most men yearn for and fantasize about DD. Most men do not think their wives would ever dream of taking on the role of disciplinarian and, therefore, do not ask. Simply show him this site or another that deals with the subject and jokingly let him know that you think it would be great to have him serving you for a change.

It is a good idea to probe for his willingness to try DD in a playful or humorous way. As I've said before, DD is part game and that is the part that will attract your husband.

After you have introduced the idea in a playful manner, be attentive to his response. Even if he initially seems to reject the idea, wait. He'll likely try to get you to bring up the idea again after he's had time to think about it. Most likely he'll make some safe, joking response like. “Yea, I bet you'd love that,” or even more to the point like, “Maybe that is something I need.” If he gives you any sign, even a slight hesitation, you can be sure he wants DD badly but is too ashamed to tell you. When you hear him say anything that hints at interest, suggest that you try if for a while to see how it goes. I can almost guarantee he'll agree.

Another way is to approach the matter like I did (see “My Story”[Mark Remond: In Part 1 of this multi-part post]). This is good if you are angry with him or if he has done something that merits punishment and he knows he is guilty. If he feels guilty about something, allow that guilt to sink in and after a while he will approach you to “make up.” That is when you can begin scolding him and letting him know that something must be done about his behavior. In a guilty state of mind he will accept your punishment (a hard spanking) and the rules you impose after the punishment. He will also adore you more than ever for the power you have shown him.

(In Part 3 Vivian’s responds to questions and comments from wives following her advice, and offers a provocative essay on why and how wife-led marriages work so well, “Toward A Fantastic Marriage.”)


whatevershesays said...

I sure do appreciate the time you put into your blog.

But I just can't fathom too many guys "leading" their wives into domestic discipline. From all the blogs I've read, most guys struggle with getting their wives to understand how great a wife led marriage could be.

Going from vanilla to domestic discipline would be, I think, too far a jump for almost all women.

Mark Remond said...

whatevershesays, I tend to agree, which is why I have carefully avoided the topic. And yet I think Vivian makes the case for DD far more persuasively than I have ever heard or read before. She had, however, a sizable grievance, justifying the arraignment and trial of her miscreant spouse. I would have a much harder time making a case for domestic discipline as a romantic courtship ritual.

Anonymous said...

I think Vivian is right on and I wish more wives would have read her blog! Thanks for reposting.

My wife spanks me now but it all began with me giving her all control over our sex life. I did this to make up with her, save our marriage and to fall in line with her different sex drive. To my surprise she got very comfortable with being in charge of sex. It did however take my committing and discipline to really not push sex on her and obey her. Eventually she pretty much decided that that is the way it is going to be and only that way. Side note to you guys out there. I have as much or more sex with my wife and it is all that much better since I know she is very willing.

Long story short after about two years of her being in charge of sex I reintroduced the idea of spanking, both erotic and disciplinary. I see major parallels between having the authority over all sex and being able to spank. She doesn't quite but is seeing the benefits of spanking me. I do as well.

I love my wife! If you are a women out there reading this. Give it a try. Be firm, don't be afraid to spank firmly and to take charge. It works.


Anonymous said...

My wife used to spank me for many years when I annoyed her or she didn't like my attitude. She would have me lie face down on the bed and tie my hands to the bedposts, or lead me to the basement where she would tie my hands to a ceiling rafter. She had 3 different whips, all really hurt, and she would sometimes use all 3. She would give me at least 20 lashes over my pantied ass (she felt less marks over panties ) and sometimes anywhere up to 50. Then I would remain tied up for an hour or two while she read or watched tv elsewhere. Yes, it was very erotic and stimulating for me, in fact too much. The only items she wore were only panties or a sexy bra and panties. She said this was to make me drool and she would not allow me to cum for several weeks

After one session where I was wearing red panties, when she was done she came around to the front of me to talk to me and also rub me. I had been especially aroused by this spanking and I had leaked a large amount of pre-cum inside the red panties. It spread all over the front, making a dark contrast against the red. She thought I had ejaculated while she was spanking me (I almost did). She yelled and told me that I wasn't supposed to be enjoying the spanking. I had suggested spanking to her as a way of punishing me, and she said now she knew why. In the past I was wet, but my panties were black or white, and the wet spot wasn't noticed. So now she punished me by making me clean all of our floor tiles by hand on my hands and knees. Corner time while naked for 2 hours a night for a week or 2. Also, using a toothbrush, I have to clean all of the grout and tiles in a very large shower. Takes about 3 hours. If she doesn't like the way any of the work comes out, I must do it ALL over again. She means business. And I won't cum for more than a month, sometimes 2.

carpadeim said...

I recently remarried now for 2 years to a wonderful lady Rosemarie. I noticed about 14 months into the relationship that she disliked one of my friends coming over to the house Benny. Benny is an affable jokester and very funny and loves talking about sex jokes frequently. Rose started to tell me not to have him come by anymore. Well, this pissed me off, to say the least because I wanted to show her that I have control not her. Well, I started telling Rose that we can get a divorce every time that topic was mentioned. She would just go upstairs and cry and that started to make me feel very bad. In the following weeks I started to study verses in the Bible how a husband is supposed to treat his wife and Vise Versa. To my bewilderment I was amazed at what i was reading directly from the scriptures.

Well, there is a hierarchy of submissions..

God is first
Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

Wife is 2nd
Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and have himself up for her,

Family is 3rd
Deuteronomy 5:16
Honor your father and your mother

Nothing about

I deliberately choose a friend over my wife and this made me start to think what the hell was I doing, Yeah I was laughing at benny's jokes, but at the same time my wife was crying upstairs in the room. So I told Rose I would change and not invite him by the house any longer. Things started to improve. I kept searching online for more help.

Serve Your Wife

I know this will shock some people, but the Bible does say that we are to serve our wives. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, The New King James Version. 1982 (Ephesians 5:25). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Love your wife unconditionally. Ephesians 5:25

Serve your wife. According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).

God tells us specifically that if we want to lead, we need to serve. Men, if we are going to be the head over our wives, we need to serve her. We need to sacrifice for her. She needs to be the focus of our attention, apart from God himself. The word Jesus uses, servant, means more than what we commonly picture as a servant. It is not a butler, or a cook, but a full on slave!

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence” (1st Corinthians 7:3).

Out of all my research, this one sole verse stuck in my head

Husband submits to his wife’s need to be understood and honored.
When a husband submits to his wife, God answers the man’s prayers 1st Peter(3:7).

So God will answer my prays if I submit to my wife.. Wow!!

I told my wife that im going to change and please don't think of me as weak if I submit to You because I want you always to perceive me as strong. She's happy in her heart and she thanks God that he changed me now..

I wrote this open acknowledgement to my wife last month:

I submit to my Queen Angel Rosemarie always and I trust in her for my guidance and direction in my life. I honor her and will serve her the rest of my days.. thank You God I officially submitted to You baby! Mauh!

Good baby And Thanks God And to my husband steven