A young man (in his twenties, I’d guess) just commented anonymously on a post from last September 9, Au876 on Financial Control, Part 2, and I enjoyed it so much that I decided to build a new post around it.
First, his comment in its entirety:
My girlfriend manages my finances. We aren't married (yet) and she makes a point to differentiate between manage and control. She set up two bank accounts for me. My name is on the account but she has signature authority over them. She is the only one that knows the on-line passwords.
I have a debit card for one account. We keep $250 in this account and it's primarily for emergency situations. Also, if I need to buy a big dollar item, something like airline tickets, she will transfer the money into the account to cover the cost.
My direct deposit goes into the other account. While it's still my account, I am not "allowed" access to it. We both know that the money is still mine, but she decides how it is spent. My portion of the bills are paid from this account as are my various loan payments (I still have car and student loan payments).
Every Monday, she gives me $100 in cash. But then every Monday evening, we go out and have dinner with three to four of her girl friends. They all know about our relationship and it's sort of a little ritual we have. She'll order something simple for me (a soup or salad) and I basically wait as they eat their meals and socialize. She'll signal me when it's my time to leave, and I'll pay the bill then go wait in the car.
My allowance is really what's left over from the $100 after paying for their dinners. It usually ends up being around $20 per week. Sometimes she'll encourage them to break their diets and order desserts. When she does that, I usually have to use money saved from the previous week to pay the bill. One time I didn't have enough surpluses from the previous week and had to use the debit card. She docked my allowance the two following weeks to replenish it.
She does occasionally take liberties with how she manages my money. She's occasionally informed me that I've “treated” her and one of her friends to session at the day spa. Then she'll point out that I spent the past three days at work so they could enjoy a couple hours of relaxation.
You've advised against allowing girlfriends financial control. But in my case, prior to her taking over, my finances were in the crapper (I was wasting money and was habitually late on credit cards and stuff). I'm also young enough that even if she does take everything, it's not as if I've got a whole lot of time invested in it. And like you and your wife, I really have no reason to not trust her. She seems to enjoy doing things to remind me how much control she has over me. And her enjoyment is what I have found ends up making me the happiest.
I also believe that since she owns my time, my employer is really paying her to have me work there.
And here is my enthusiastic reply:
Anonymous, I have to say that this is one of the most exciting comments this blog has seen in its three-plus years. Exciting especially because you are embarking on your FLR at such an early age, with so many delightful decades ahead of you if, as perhaps we both hope, your girlfriend consolidates her loving authority over you by taking you to husband.
Many, if not most of the FLR bloggers and commenters I’m familiar with seem to have converted to this lifestyle after many years of marriage, in their mid-forties, fifties and even beyond. Many seem to be empty-nesters, especially those who are privileged to live in an FLR 24/7. And I doubt not that most of them—I’m talking about guys now --would share my envy of you for coming so thoroughly under your girlfriend’s control so early.
I hope that you will comment or email in future, with updates about your evolving relationship. As I said, with so many years ahead, and your girlfriend demonstrating such a fertile imagination (like those Monday-night dinners with her girlfriends) in her “management” of you (as opposed to “control”), the possibilities ahead for both of you seem almost limitless… and truly exciting.
I also commend you for realizing how you are prospering under her judicious financial management—even if she does restrict you to a meager allowance. I would like to see a survey of just how many wives, whether in official wife-led marriages or out, take control of hubby’s paycheck, for exactly the reason that your girlfriend has done.
By the way, I don’t recall ever having advised against having a girlfriend take financial control. I have certainly read such advice, and understand the commonsensical reasons for it. As Lady Misato observed, “It is possible for a woman to exercise erotic power within a long-term non-marital arrangement but outside of marriage, there is a) a temptation on the part of the man to seek an easier resolution, and b) no committed relationship into which to invest.”
Finally, because I am so intrigued by your comment, and I want to share it with more of my blog followers, I propose to include it in a new post in the next day or so. Again, thank you, and keep us all posted!
As I reread Anonymous’ Comment, I was reminded of a young man who joined Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! Wife Worship husbands’ forum probably ten-plus years ago and shared his fledgling FLR… except that term didn’t exist at the time. Lady Misato called it “wifedom” or “courtship marriage.” This young bachelor, who signed himself “quasarableu2000,” used the common term, “femdom,” to describe his evolving relationship with his girlfriend. His postings created quite a stir, I can tell you, among our group of mostly 40-plus husbands.
I trust Lady Misato won’t object to my sharing a sampling of quasarbleu’s postings from all those years ago:
Hi, I'm new to the forum... I'm not married but in a serious relationship with a girl that opened my eyes to this site and many others. What can I do to make her happy, yet not smother her? Yesterday I gave her a pedicure and painted her nails. What else? We are both in college and money is tight for me. Any suggestions would be good, we are great friends… I'm not her slave, I'm her submissive boyfriend and her best friend, she's the dominant friend with a twist. I'm madly in love with her and she's madly in love with me. Thanks for any input and ideas.
Just wondering how you guys are coping with this lifestyle? I've had some serious trouble adjusting to this lately. At first the domination was light and has now progressed into a full-blown life of my long-term GF's domination. She said about a month ago she wanted things to progress to the next level. I had no idea what that was going to mean until now. My releases have gone from 3-4 a week to now less than 1, while I pleasure her nearly 2 or more times a day. The chastity tube that's on me has been sized and resized until it fit so perfect I can't get out of this thing. I've now been in this thing for 9 days, that's a long time when it’s real. My resistance to her domination is long gone after 48 hours! She has modified most of our relationship and I must admit I'm in heaven, but how do some of you who have the more domineering wives cope?
This has come to a slow progression, but I'm looking around now and I can't see how I could ever go back. Recently my long-term girlfriend told me that she was going to be decorating my apartment and organizing it so she could move in easily. Basically, she said in no uncertain terms that “her” apartment was going to need to be organized and I was going to have to help her maintain it. Her dominance grows slowly but almost like a snowball, once she was comfortable with her dominance in our relationship it started to take effect in many parts of our lives like this. All I can say is this, this is what most of us asked for and I’m happy.
My long term GF says and I quote “I enjoy the absolute submissive disposition you get when you are denied. Your thoughts are so easily manipulated by me, it's a lifestyle I want us to get used to.” She enjoys her erotic power more when it “works” and it only seems to work if she truly controls my orgasms.
Okay, so my girl friend calls me and asks me if I want to go to dinner with her twin sister and her sister’s roommate and go out for the night. Her twin sister’s roommate was telling my girlfriend’s sister that her ex-boyfriend was a womanizing asshole and that she needed to find a guy like me, who would worship & obey her like I do Jenny. Then Jenny pats me on the head and says something like, “I’ve turned him into this girls, don’t think he came this way.” Which is true in every respect. Then her sister looks at us and says with a smile, “Jenny, you womanize Jeff.” Then they all start laughing and the roommate says, “Oh my god yes, Jeff you do her laundry, clean her room for her, do her nails, the pedicures,” then she breaks down laughing because of the alcohol and embarrassment of the topic. Then Jenny say out loud, “Looks like the big secret is out, Jeffrey, everyone knows about us.” Anyways, I don’t know what to think now, I feel so embarrassed. Does she have the right to do this to me?”
[I include here the answer to this query from my old friend, Au876: “Dear quasarbleu2000, I can understand why you would be embarrassed but YES, she does have the right to do that to you. All she has done is let some of her friends know about the relationship you enjoy with her. It put you in a rather humble position but I suspect you enjoyed it to some extent. You should be proud she brags on you to her friends. You can almost bet your bottom dollar they envy her.”]
It's very common for girls my age to be the dominant one in the relationship and for that position to be stated and understood. Now don't take my statement to mean “More girls are into femdom relationships,” because I don't think they see them in that way. I think women in general, in my era are becoming less submissive as a whole. Several of my female friends are in what we would consider femdom relationships, they just don't call them that. To them, it's a normal relationship, they are in charge of it, and that's how all their relationships since they hit puberty have been.
Well, my GF told me that she wants me to start checking with her before I buy anything large from now on. Also, she mentioned that she wants to start looking at my paychecks and bills, seems as though she is interested in controlling my money more so than before. She is interested in a joint-checking. I didn't even think banks would do that unless two people were married. It’s obvious she wants us to get married sometime, and she's trying to get me ready for what it will be like, well so she says. Frankly, the idea turns me on. Truth is, I'm horrible with money, while I make great money even while in school, I manage it like total crap. I trust her with everything, my heart first and foremost, my money also. I'm content with her control, it's all the more real this way. (End of Excepts)
Quasarbleu2000, are you still out there? If so, could we have an update?