Wife-Led Shopping – The Ultimate Test, Part 2

In chapter 5 (“Pampering and Pitching In”) of my book, I quote an ecstatic wife describing a few of the many benefits of wife worship: “Gone are the days when my husband just plops in front of the TV after work. Now he actually looks for opportunities to do household chores, volunteers to go shopping with me and helps me with carrying the purchases…”

But these husbands do more than accompany their wives to the nearest fashion marketplace and dutifully carry her accumulating parcels. Here is a sampling of devoted hubbies ready, willing or simply required to go the extra mall-mile:

“Take her shopping whenever and wherever she wants to go, carrying her bags for her, open doors for her, and pay the bills!”

“He should be taken shopping with you and allowed to hold your purse while you try on any number of items or test cosmetics for a perfect color or gloss. I have done both any number of times and it really demonstrates to her and everyone else for that matter your complete devotion to her. I have stood in front of a cosmetic counter for at least 30 minutes, holding her purse the whole while.”

“When I'm with her, she relegates me to the dutiful husband, who is expected to carry her bags and quite frankly, just do as I'm told. If she's trying something on in a change room, she'll have me holding her purse, her bags, and I'm not to move from the spot she puts me in. Often she wants me at arms length, in case she needs my opinion, or perhaps to fetch another size. The saleswomen probably figures I'm just henpecked, but the reality is this is all an expression of my utter devotion to my wife.”

In fact, shopping with the wife seems to be a standard component of “dutiful” hubby-ness. To rank husbands on a devoted-and- dutiful scale of 1 through 10, one survey asked: “Would you go shopping with your wife whenever she wished, since she enjoyed it, and stand around while she looked at clothes or shoes for whatever, to please her, despite the fact that you find it boring, and would rather do something else?”

Most wife-led husbands writing about this topic have learned to love these outings. Like these guys:

“I always feel ecstatic when my wife invites me to go shopping with her, Especially when she tries on new clothes. It gives me a chance to be the ‘mirror on the wall’ and tell her she is the best-looking woman in the mall in that new outfit. This is not untruthful because she never picks out ugly clothes and she is a very good looking woman. I’m never be too tired to appreciate her beauty in a new outfit and to tell here so, no matter how late in the evening it might be. I also carry the packages for her, of course.”

“She was shopping for clothes one afternoon while on the trip. Of course I was right there helping holding packages and helping her. She had picked out several blouses to try on. The sales clerk warned her they had to be hand-washed. My wife laughed and said, ‘I don't worry about washing instructions, that is my husband's job.’ The clerk said she wished she had a husband like that. They stood there and talked a few minutes with my wife telling a complete stranger in my presence how I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and etc. I have to admit I was proud of myself.”

“Next to me another guy was commenting to me about both of us had some nice-looking ladies to attend to and noted that we both were blessed with ladies who liked to show off when shopping.”

But occasionally you come across a reluctant escort who boasts about going along against all his macho inclinations, and maybe thinks he should get combat pay for his efforts: “Over the next few weeks, I found myself being attentive to my wife almost every night. I even went mall shopping with her on a regular basis; something I really hate.”


Some women are tolerant of guys who walk into stores and park themselves on the first available chair: “My husband especially loves shoe shopping because he knows there will always be a place for him to sit. Why don't more women's fashion stores have boyfriend chairs for the guys?”

For many other women, however, hanging back, looking bored, toe-tapping, watch-checking, heaving weary sighs, all constitute unacceptable behavior, not only in shopping but in any wife-led activity. The ideal would seem to be enthusiastic and helpful participation by hubby in all facets of the shopping experience.

The following quotes illustrate how acceptable or admirable male participation is encouraged by some wives (and how anything less is discouraged and even penalized).

“Jane called out to me, ‘We have forgotten this and that, do you want to go back to the shop?’ When I replied, ‘Not really’ in a less than enthusiastic voice, Jane was quick to add, ‘But you’re going, aren’t you.’ Realising my mistake, I said, ‘Yes, of course,’ and so it was that I had to go back, because Jane had insisted. (From the blog, At All Times)

“If we are out alone shopping and I am less than attentive, she has been known to send me to the car to wait for her and it has been hours that I've waited.”

“The past weekend we were in my wife's hometown. We were out shopping. She kept running into old acquaintances. I was not part of the conversations, not even introduced. I simply stood back, held the bags, and smiled.”

“I follow her around shopping malls carrying her bags, and coffee and coat, while trying to keep up to her and open doors for her while she waits for me while tapping her toes.”

“When we are together at the mall, I give her my undivided attention and I am usually always at her side and prepared to do her bidding. She prefers it this way.”

“Once we were in a shoe store for quite some time, and she finally picked out what she wanted and as we approached the register she said, ‘Pay for these, I'll be in the next store.’ One of my favorites was when we were shopping for a blouse. She was about 20 feet away and I held one up and said, ‘How about this one?’ She responded, ‘No, it's just like the one I own, and if you'd keep up with ironing, we wouldn't need it.’ There must have been about 5 women who heard that!” (From the Whatevershesays blog.)

“In one store I was handed a pair of stockings and several new pairs of panties that Jane wanted to buy. I had to carry these around the shop for sometime as Jane browsed for other items. In one part of the shop, there were three young, smartly dressed and particularly attractive girls all out shopping together. I think that they noticed me following Jane around, carrying her new underwear. Although they didn’t say anything I could see that they thought this was highly amusing.” (From the At All Times blog.)

“My wife went to the underwear dept. and picked out three pair. A clerk was there helping her and said she didn't know if it made any difference or not but those needed to be hand-washed. My wife handed them to me and said ‘All mine have to be hand-washed.’ There was no doubt what she meant.”

“My wife yelled out for me to get a different size while she was in a dressing room. When handed a shoe by a saleslady and asked if she liked it, my wife responded by silently handing me the shoe to put on her foot. I was carrying 6 shopping bags while she was empty handed. And I was then told to find her size in a particular outfit in a matching color.”


“Today, once my nail polish is dry and the kitchen is clean, my husband will bathe me in a milk bath and then he will accompany me and a friend of mine shopping at the mall. Not only will he follow behind us carrying our bags, but his allowance will buy our lunch, though he doesn't know that yet.”

“In a store once, I saw a young college-age woman and her boyfriend shopping for shoes. This young woman was having a conversation on her cell phone and she was discussing, not that I was eavesdropping, some kind of a complicated engineering research project, sounded like something to do with biomedical engineering. As she was heavily involved in her conversation, she'd point to various shoes she wanted to try on and her boyfriend would get them for her in her size, and try them on her feet.” [From the Spousechat archives]

“When we are in public together, such as on a shopping trip, her authority is obvious. I hold the door open for her getting in and out of the car. If we are in a store I follow behind her and push the shopping cart and I carry the packages. She carries the money and always handles the purchase transaction. I dress and groom well for these occasions and am always polite and friendly. This kind of behavior can sometimes have the effect of making other women jealous of my wife. Of course, she loves it when that happens, and I am likely to be rewarded later.”

For one extremely dutiful househusband, just being taken out a shopping expedition with his wife-leader qualifies as a special treat:

“My husband has been a home-bound house-husband for more than a year now, doing the housework, the yard and pool work, while I work 40 hours a week, bringing home the bacon. He gets to go with me to town for shopping on weekends, and sometimes on a weeknight after I get home from work. But the rest of the time he's my sweet little ‘Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-eater.’ I keep him in our ‘pumpkin shell’ and there he stays, very well.”

I’ll close with another quote from Au876 (again posting on Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! husbands’ forum). He describes what just might be the ultimate wife-directed shopping trip:

“Friday night my wife was reading the paper. A local department store was having a big sale on women's clothing (what else is new?). Anyway, she saw several dresses advertised that she liked. She already had plans for Saturday and didn't want to change them. So she said she wanted me to go to the sale, buy each one of the dresses in several different sizes and bring them home for her to try on. I could take back the ones that she didn't like. She also suggested I pick out some scarves and maybe a purse or two that I thought would go with them.
“So I spent most of Saturday afternoon shopping for her clothes. I got the clerk to help me pick out some extra things to go with the dresses. She tried them on Sunday and is keeping two dresses plus several of the other items. I am taking the unwanted items back this afternoon. My wife said this was a great way to shop and she didn't know why she hadn't thought of it sooner.
“I had to agree. She loves to shop but she often does not have the time. She was able to take advantage of the sale and still do what she had planned Saturday. I felt like I had been a real help to her and it was a step forward for me in our relationship.”

Wife-Led Shopping – The Ultimate Test, Part 1

In an interview in Maxim magazine [January, 2007], actress Lacey Chabert was asked how a guy could impress her. She answered: "The true test is if he's willing to go shopping with me. Will you go shopping, and will you hold the purse while I'm looking around and trying stuff on? He should be interactive and make comments, too, rather than reiterating how bored he is."

Is Ms. Chabert right? Does co-ed shopping constitute a “true test” of romantic chivalry and “female-led”? What’s so difficult about publicly escorting the object of one’s affection into the retail depths of the Estrogen Zone (especially if one is being leashed and led by a delicious creature like Ms. Chabert)?

Yet, for a surprising number of guys, even would-be submissive guys, the female-led shopping experience can be alarming. It is almost as if they fear they will never emerge again, at least not with full macho functionality intact.

And maybe they’re right to be wary, even fearful. Witness what happened to one poor doofus after who knows how many wife-led shopping expeditions: “I enjoy shopping with my wife now, watching 'chick' flicks, etc. Is this normal?”

So let’s talk about it. After all, one of the chief purpose of this blog, like my book (inspired by Lady Misato’s original online support group for husbands), is to encourage guys, married or single, to share their woman-worshipping dreams and yearnings, along with any associated fears.

That was the spirit in which, around a decade ago, I posted the following confession on Lady M’s Husbands’ Forum:

“One area in which I've been a typical inconsiderate husband is shopping. Always looking for a place to sit down, wondering how long we're going to be in a particular store, looking bored, massively fatigued. Like many husbands, I even have to be dragged into men's departments to replace my won wardrobe, kept in the changing booth while my wife hands me stuff, over my protests that I don't need anything! It got to where she would ask me if I wouldn't mind if she looked around a bit before we left the mall, or would it be okay if we went into a particular store, or up to the next level. What an inconsiderate boob I've been.
“I've decided to reform. Okay, it's not ever going to be my favorite thing. But pleasing her is. And I'm going to make it clear that from now on, I'll be happy to accompany her into any store, she can shop as long as she wants, I won't complain, looked bored, etc. I'll be right with her, offering an opinion if asked, delighted to be beside her, carrying parcels, etc. About time, too.”

Have I kept that resolve? I wish I could say yes. Truth is, I’m still a mall-walking foot-dragger, looking for a place to plop down, preferably in front of a TV showing a game, any game. Not so for another member of Lady Misato’s forum, the oft-quoted Au876. was quick to offer support for my resolve to reform by sharing his own story:

“I had the same shopping problems in the past. Mostly shopping is just not a ‘man’ thing. We know what we want, go get it and get out. But that has changed now. I go with my wife (if invited -- sometimes she likes to go alone). I carry the packages. The last time she went clothes shopping - about two months ago - she got a bunch of clothes to try on. They only allowed two things in the dressing room at a time. I stood outside her dressing cubicle. She'd try on something, send me to get a different size or color, put it in the ‘to buy’ stack or back on the rack. Several times she sent me to get a certain color shoe to see how the dress went with them. Several other customers were struggling with trying on clothes without the help of their husbands. I found myself busting with pride to be so much help to my wife.”

Au876’s description of catering to his wife while shopping came as a revelation to me at the time. What a pioneer! I thought. What I was promising to do, this man had actually done, in defiance of masculine nature. If he could do this impossible thing, then other guys could, too.

And, indeed, I began to come across quotes from other husbands who, like wild broncos broken to the saddle, had learned to follow their wives obediently not only into department stores, but into all the feminine departments thereof, to fetch and carry and never speak a discouraging word. I saved a lot of these posts, and I offer them here as evidence of what a man can achieve if his wife sets his mind to it:

Let’s start with several examples from the old Spousechat board:

CHARLES
“Once Lisa was trying on some skirts at a department store. The saleswoman was assisting her and I was sitting in the ‘husbands’ chair with Lisa's packages, purse, etc. The saleswoman said that perhaps she should try a size 4. Lisa, without even looking in my direction, points in my direction and snaps her fingers. I immediately go to her and she simply says ‘go find this in a size 4’. The saleswoman smiled and I heard her say, ‘Boy, he sure is handy.’”

MS. LYNDA
“The company I am working for sent me to a town about 180 miles away from where I live. We had lunch and did some shopping before we returned to the home office. Mr. Lynda followed us through the shopping mall and carried out packages. When I tried on a new outfit, I had him hold my purse.”

CHARLES
Ms. Lynda, I frequently accompany my wife shopping, and on occasion, one or two of her friends will shop with her and I will happily accompany them. In order to make their shopping more enjoyable, not only will I carry their packages, but I will even take the outfits Lisa wants to try on to the dressing room for her and stand in line to pay so she doesn't have to. I'll hold her purse and her friends’ purses if they want me to. I've never received anything but compliments from women, customers and salespeople alike. On occasion, a man will say something like, ‘Boy, does she have you trained,’ usually jokingly. Any man who is saying this to me is probably out shopping with his wife as well and is probably also doing as he is told.
“When shopping with Lisa, I cater to her every demand without the slightest complaint. I even get on my knees and take off and put on her shoes for her when she is shoe shopping. Once, a saleswoman was joking with Lisa as I was trying a pair of shoes on her. The saleswoman asked if Lisa makes me kiss her feet, so I playfully kissed Lisa's instep, both of them were entertained by this.”

Another aspect of wife-led shopping, of course, is for the modern knight errant to be sent forth by his damsel in quest of needed feminine items:

MR. LYNDA
“As I begin to do more and more of the shopping by myself, I am having a little problem buying tampons and other feminine products. So far, Lynda has always been with me. How do you cope with everyone looking at you?”

CHARLES
“I have no problem buying most of Lisa's personal products, even pantyhose or hair and skin care products at the salon, but I must confess that the feminine hygiene products I do still find incredibly embarrassing to buy. The way to do it is to just mix them in with a large food order at the grocery store, and stay away from the younger checkout employees. The older ones will never say anything, the younger ones have.”

Charles, who, at the urging of Ms. Lynda began calling himself “Mr. Lisa,” goes on to describe one of these solo shopping expeditions in quest of personal items:

“This morning Lisa gave me a shopping list which required a trip to Victoria's Secret to get her four pair of pantyhose (Lisa really likes their pantyhose, although at $14.00 a pair, I think they are expensive). I approached the counter and told the saleswoman why I was there, and of course, she smiled and thought it was great. Two customers at the counter also thought it was fantastic that my wife sent me out to buy her pantyhose… Then it was off to the hair salon to get Lisa's shampoo and styling gel…”

Another Spousechatter, styling himself “Uxorious Husband,” takes up this same theme: “Learn to shop for her; learn what she likes, what colors, styles. Yes, you do have to be trained! That means going to shop with her over and over again, no more helpless mall bench sitting. No, sir. Go to every shop, ask detailed questions. Let her try on the whole store if she likes. Smell, look, taste, compare. Your style should be an extension of her style.”

Au876 also recommends taking careful notes on a wife’s sizes and preferences as an excellent way for a husband to make the most of mall outings (and earn future bonus points):

“I watched her like a hawk when she took me shopping. She would pick up things and make comments. To me this was a window into her likes and dislikes. I checked out her closet, not just for the obvious things like shoe size, but what colors were in her palate and what stores she shopped at.”

Fdhousehusband (whose discontinued blog, Her househusband’s life, is sorely missed) makes the same point: “I am amazed how many males do not know their wives' dress size, her shoe size, her color preferences, her food preferences, etc… I want to find out everything i can about Her. The more I know, the better I can serve her.”

Offering one’s opinions is fine, to a point. Charles, if you recall, had reservations about the practicality of some of Lisa’s preferences (VS Pantyhose @ $14 a pair). One wonders if he ever actually expressed these opinions to Lisa, as fdhousehusband dared to do to his wife-leader, with immediate consequences:

“Like most of America, we spent the day after Thanksgiving shopping. I followed along mostly to carry the bags. I made the mistake of saying that I thought the some of the items were too expensive. She didn't change her demeanor but continued to smile and enjoy the shopping experience with our daughters. When the girls were both in the changing room, she took me aside out of hearing range from anyone and chastised me. ‘Listen, I make almost all the money for this family. It is my money to spend as I see fit. Understand?’ she said. I apologized and she turned to walk back to the changing room. I meekly followed her carrying her bags of purchases.”

Now I wrote that around a decade ago, Au876’s description of catering to his wife while shopping came as a revelation to me. Later I learned that Elise Sutton, that intrepid Internet pioneer of Loving Female Authority, had earlier formulated female-led shopping as one of the procedures she offered to wives just exploring the lifestyle: “Elise Sutton's Procedure No. 10: Public Outing (a trip to a shopping mall was never more fun)”

One husband described Ms. Sutton’s outing thus: “A woman’s day shopping trip, with the woman dressed seductively, or in leather skirt or boots, anything powerful. The male follows behind carrying packages and taking orders. The woman drops hints to cashiers, interested shoppers or women waiting in line. If any are interested, again they are explained the dynamics of the relationship.”

Judging from Elise Sutton’s “Real Stories” archives, there has been no shortage of wives eager to give Procedure No. 10 a trial run, with results gratifying (in different ways) to both parties. An example:

“Dear Elise, I followed your exercise and I made my husband walk behind me and carry my purchases. I was nervous at first, but as the day went on I grew very comfortable and confident. I bought a lot of clothes and other things. I was really having a great time shopping, as this was the first time I can ever remember that my husband wasn't bitching and complaining the whole time. He couldn't because he wasn't allowed to speak.”

More recently Ms. Sutton has suggested a refinement to female-led shopping, especially when mall parking is at a premium. The wife can “send her husband early in the morning, before the mall opens and have him get a spot near the door. Then when his [wife] shows up, communicating via a cell phone so she can find him, she can take the place he has reserved for her… Better yet, have him go and park far away after she has taken his spot and he can join her in the mall and carry her purchases.”

And perhaps carry more than just her purchases, as this observer notes: “Have you ever gone to the mall to people watch? How many times have you noticed a male following a female as she is leading the way? Sometimes he will even hold her purse for her!”

In fact, carrying milady’s handbag carrying seems to be part and parcel of the whole FLR shopping experience, according to much of the online testimony I’ve collected from proud husbands and demanding wives:

“My wife hands her purse to me frequently when errands/shopping - nobody takes notice. She likes being out and about and so this is going to happen frequently as a matter of course. A few times she called out to me in apparel stores to hold her things so she could try some stuff on. Then she would pile stuff in my arms as she went through her various outfits.”

“Last Sunday, at a large outlet shopping center north of New York City, I watched two men laden with shopping bags and their girlfriend's purses as they walked from store to store. The women carried absolutely nothing. The men seemed quite content with their beasts-of-burden status and the women were free to talk and walk without distraction.”

“My wife took me shopping with her on Saturday. For an entire day, I follow her around, holding the clothes that she selects from the racks. I hold her purse (and sometimes her shoes) while she goes into the dressing room. I carry her selections to the register and pay for them. Then, of course, I carry all her bags. I take her to lunch. I'm basically her fawning, pussy-whipped husband for the entire shopping day. “

“We went shopping two nights ago at a local mall. I saw a lot of men sitting on benches in the pedestrian areas waiting for their wife. Not me. I was following in her footsteps carrying all the packages and most of the time her purse. My shoulders and back ached by the time we got home. Then I had to rub and feet and give her a massage. I really feel good about myself right now. I feel so useful to her.”

“On Monday, we were shopping and I held her coat on my arm and wore her purse over my shoulder the whole time we were in the mall. Very often she will just hand me her purse to hold.”

Starting to get the picture? Just to make sure, in the continuation of this two-part post, I’m going to offer additional examples of husbands happily harnessed to their shopaholic wives.

**

Spouseclub Archive Excerpt No. 3

Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 3

Editor’s Note: This is third in a continuing series of samplings from www.spousechat.com, a message board active between 2001 and 2003. This installment begins with the first posting by “Ms. Lynda,” who, by the frequency of her posts and forcefulness of her online personality, would quickly assume a position of primacy on the board. “Ms. Lynda” kept the focus on matriarchal marriage and generally functioned as de facto moderator.

MS. LYNDA
In private, my boyfriend tells me "I am the most pussywhipped man in the universe, and I love it." In public, he is afraid to show his subservience to me. I want a husband who will be subordinate and submissive.

ANON
I think a family run by a woman will be more democratic. Sometimes the larger wage earner must be heard more. It is you who determines vacations, family outings, etc. In some respects that should not upset a relationship where people are equals. However, most men are scared to death. Women must take over. Stand your ground. You will probably see that your husband will capitulate. Treat him fairly, but let him know who the new boss is.

MS. LYNDA
I told my boyfriend that I was taking the job offer because it made the most economic sense. I told him he should follow me, spend some time as my househusband to help me get settled and establish his role in our relationship, and to give him the freedom of finding the right job if he really wants to work in the outside world during our marriage. He caved in within minutes. He needs my direction in his life. He then served me some tea and fruit, ending the evening's discussion with some Empress Wu treatment that was out of this world.
Thanks for the support and suggestions. I think we women have to be more determined and make our own decisions. The men will follow; they have to follow.
Do you have any words of advice for my future husband? He needs to know that he is not alone. This is not a fantasy. As he gets more comfortable being submissive and subordinate to me, I hope he never loses what has made him special. I do not want a doormat. I want a man who gladly takes women's rule seriously.
We want to have children. I will want them to know in very real ways that Mommy Knows Best. I want my children (male and female) to know that I head the household. I also want all of us to continue to grow. If my husband does nothing but obey me, he will be very boring very soon…
I have decided to throw a dinner party for the one female professor (Feminist Studies) who has given me the most encouragement. My boyfriend will prepare and serve the meal. I do not intend on humiliating him in front of my teacher. However, I do want him to get experience in serving since he will be doing a lot of this to foster and nurture my career. Of course, I will praise him for his abilities if he provides excellent service. I can prove that I am in charge without making him be less of a man. I think my professor might truly enjoy being served by a nice, young college guy.

MS. LYNDA
I would also like to hear from other men and women who are going through similar situations. I do not want to be abusive to my future husband. I just want to be the head of our family, with him taking his directions from me. I have noticed some entries here regarding the man taking the woman's last name. Are there men who have really done this? What problems have you had? Are most of you only submissive in the bedroom, or do you carry it into other areas of your life?

GUY
All I can say, is good for you, Lynda! I've been in a couple of female-led relationships and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I found that within a relationship where the girl was boss I actually grew and improved myself in many ways I never would have had roles been reversed. I think it’s only natural for women to lead and we as a species are beginning to put this together. It’s an exciting time to be alive and its very encouraging to know there are Ladies like yourself who are becoming acquainted with their own innate power.

MS. LYNDA
Thanks for your observations. I have always been an "in charge woman." You are correct. My current boyfriend is submissive, but not that masochistic. He does like the humiliation of serving me in front of selected friends. And then he balks at doing his duties at times. I just have to learn how to enforce my will.

AMAZON
I hate always having to give directions to the boys who work for me. I love the power, but sometimes I want to come home to a clean house without having to inspect every job they attempted, and to a meal that I did not have to order them to do. There are so many jobs a boy can learn.

LADY ANON
It is always easy to find men to take the subordinate role in my household. While I am not a "dominatrice," I am bossy. No man talks back to me. I can be generous as I reward the man who serves me. My career is going so well because I have nothing to worry about on the homefront. However, I have friends who want the man outside the home in the work force even when they are the head of the household. Finally, I do know a couple that celebrate their relationship with female sadism and male masochism. I believe in total matriarchy. Bob, how far do you want to go with being a male homemaker?

NEWELL
Hey Lynda, How's everything going with the Matriarchal Clan? I assume the dinner went well?

MS. LYNDA
Newell, The dinner party was a great success. Let us just say that several other women on campus now know who the boss is. He performed very well indeed. He wants to submit, but his pride will not always let him do what he must. I have to show even more strength. I like a challenge. I want a man I can walk all over only after I have bested him. I do not like "Casper Milktoast" guys. A little spirit goes a long way into making a relationship meaningful.

MS. LYNDA
My boyfriend and I graduated this past Saturday. I graduated Magna cum Lauda; he just graduated. He threw the nicest party for us with the help of some of his male friends. It is really nice to attend a party where all the serving is done by men. We have summer jobs here to do some more research. I will then move for my new job and my boyfriend will follow me to be my househusband. It is beginning to work out like I want it to work out, and, I think he is secretly happy about his new role. Sometimes he puts up a fuss in front of his friends, but at home in the quiet of our solitude, he tells me how happy he is. This is a great time to be a career minded woman with a man willing to be in a subordinate position. As a couple of people have said, this may give rise to a new matriarchy. I hope so.

CHARLES
Lynda, your story fascinates me. You are so much like my wife that it's scary. I have been a househusband since we got married 5 years ago. From the moment we met, she was in total charge of everything. I was working as a personal assistant to a real estate agent (female) who introduced me to Lisa (my wife). Lisa owns an extremely successful real estate agency. Lisa and I dated for about 9 months and then got married. Lisa, and her career, quickly became the most important thing in my life. I adapted quickly to the role of househusband, probably because I had been accustomed to working for a female boss. From your postings, Lynda, I have noticed that your partner was somewhat reluctant at first, but soon "caved" as you put it. I just want you to know that it will get easier for him. That first time you made him serve at the dinner party for your feminist studies professor was probably a very difficult thing for him. I know because the first time I served my wife and her friends at a dinner party, it was difficult for me. However each time it got easier, and I got better at it. Now, it is so easy that all my wife has to do is tell me when and how many guests.
Please assure your partner that it will get easier. Being a househusband is a demanding role, but each success my wife has makes it all worth it. As I complete my daily tasks, I constantly keep in mind the effect these tasks, no matter how small, have on the quality of her life. The fact that her skirts and blouses are ironed to perfection hopefully plays a small part in her success. I truly, truly admire you Lynda.

MR. LYNDA
Charles: thank you for the posting. I am getting more comfortable with my status in the relationship. I freely use the terms "subordinate" and "submissive". What is your comfort level? Is Lisa the head of your household? Are you "subordinate" and/or "submissive" to her? Lynda wants me to take her last name in marriage. At the present time, we will use both names with a hyphen. We will drop the hyphen when we have children and my last name will become a second middle name. How do any of you feel about this? When you serve a dinner party for your wife, how do you serve? At the one I did, I was more like a butler. I served everything before sitting down and eating with the guests.

CHARLES
I avoid terms and labels, especially the term submissive, since it is so clearly associated with the S & M community, of which I am not a part. I am, however, subordinate to Lisa, she is in charge, her decisions are final. Regarding names, I would say if you intend to take your wife’s last name, as I did, just do it right from the beginning, it's much easier. Sometimes, at her dinner parties, I am treated much like a waiter or butler, but I'm used to it. I wait on Lisa hand and foot all the time, as she is a busy woman. Why should a woman like Lisa (or Lynda) have to ever lift a finger around the house except to direct us?

MR. LYNDA
Charles, I am comfortable taking Lynda's last name. We thought using the hyphen might appease my family. At parties or gatherings, are you ever known as Mr. Lisa? I am comfortable with Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ as our formal address as I think it opens new ground for a career woman. Am I just being silly? Like you, I want the final decision to be Lynda's own, but I am glad I have a say. Your comment about labels is well taken. I am not part of the S and M community; "subordinate" and submissive" are the way I am naturally, and I want to reclaim them from a community that uses them to further the myth of weakness in the partner who is submissive. Again, am I silly?

CHARLES
Nah, not silly, As far as names, my name since marriage is Charles (Lisa’s last name). I took it from the beginning. However, I've never used or been called Mr. Lisa (LLN), by anybody. Women have always taken their husband’s last name, so I don’t see what the big deal is. As far as age, I'm 39, Lisa is 37. As far as kids, who knows? As far as how I'd raise them, who knows? Right now I'm just thinking about pleasing Lisa, furthering her career, making her life comfortable and convenient, and trying to avoid displeasing her.

MR. LYNDA
How did you announce your name change in the newspapers? If you would be comfortable, would you tell me what newspaper reported your wedding? I think it would be cool to say: "The groom will be taking the bride's last name as his own. The family will be known as Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ."

CHARLES
We did not announce it to the world, the people who knew us, obviously knew that I was going to take her name, and everyone was cool about it. The bottom line is that it was Lisa's decision and in your case it should be Lynda's decision. Find out what she wants you to do.

MR. LYNDA
The only time I feel uncomfortable with my role is when I take too much heat from friends. And I am finding that I am choosing more female friends who support the decisions we are making. Lynda is the one who would like to have the newspaper announcement about our wedding complete with the name change. I like what it says about our relationship, but we must also think about her career.
This may be too personal, but would you say something about your sex life? How do you keep it interesting for a woman like Lisa who is out in the world all the time? How do you dress? It is interesting when we go out sometimes because Lynda is dressed like an executive and I am in neat sports wear. I am extremely tall and muscular; one of her friends has said I will be her trophy husband. Have you ever been called this? Lynda is petite and muscular; I call her my Amazon Queen sometimes.
What were your wedding vows like? Do you think it is wrong for me to use the ancient form and promise "to love, honor, and obey"? We are planning a bachelorette party where we are going to recreate a scene from RITUAL OF PROOF. Sometimes, in a very polite and servile way, I have to make Lynda take it easy. It is nice to know that there are other men like me around. I have found much inspiration and support in SPOUSECLUB. This way of life may become more and more accepted. I think there are a lot of men ready.

CHARLES
Regarding your marriage vows, if Lynda wants "obey" in there, put it in. Regarding our sex life, I keep Lisa happy because I put her pleasure before mine. It’s that simple. She always decides when, where, and how and has no problem finding creative ways for me to please her. Lisa is absolutely breathtaking, so I don't think anyone will be referring to me as a "trophy husband" when they see the two of us together. However, to her, and to all of her female friends, I am a "trophy" if not at least a "prize." I know many men would kill to be in my shoes, but there are many, many powerful, assertive, successful women out there, and if a man wants to meet one of these women, he can. From there, it's up to him to show her the joys of life with a subordinate mate. So tell me, Mr. Lynda, what are Lynda's expectations of you? What is your typical day like?

MR. LYNDA
We must work to encourage women to take the lead. Men will follow. I am convinced that many want to take a more subordinate role. We need to hear from these women. Can a woman who is a CEO come out of her closet and tell the world that she is the boss at work and home without some kind of retribution against her?

CHARLES
I agree that the women who are in charge at work and at home need to set the example for other women. This website should be required reading for female executives.

MS. LYNDA
It should also be required reading for all boys from junior high school through college who may have to assume new roles to support the women in their lives. Home Ec classes that became Bachelor Training classes may again be Home Ec classes for boys. Do not laugh. I am very serious. We must do everything in our power to encourage young women to become everything they can be and to encourage the men to be everything they can be, with the great option of being a househusband and subordinate partner in marriage.
In looking at the local newspapers, every high school in our area had female top students. Some, not all, had males. This is happening while we are still hearing reports that women must be encouraged to study sciences, etc. There was a time when all of the 7 Sister Colleges and all of the Ivy League schools had male presidents. I think every one of the 7 Sister Colleges has a female president and two of the Ivy League colleges have women presidents. It will be a great day for rejoicing when Harvard and Yale have women at the head. Long Live Girl Power!!! Long Live Woman Power!!! Thanks to the men who will support us!

CHARLES
You're welcome, Lynda! Most of the top students in the schools I'm familiar with are women. These women will all have successful careers. But just think how much easier it would be for them, and how much more successful they would be, if they had supporting husbands staying at home. Unfortunately, most of them, if they marry, will marry husbands with careers. These women will not be able to concentrate as effectively on their own careers. When they arrive home from work, they will still have to worry about household duties. Instead, they should be coming home to a nice dinner, a hot bath, and a clean house, all prepared by their supportive husbands. Who is teaching our young men that it is acceptable to take a supportive role, that it's OK to be a househusband? Nobody is. It would be cool if somewhere in their education, young men were exposed to life as a househusband, perhaps in a Home Ec course like you suggest, Lynda. Make it mandatory.
In a store once, I saw a young college age woman and her boyfriend shopping for shoes. This young woman was having a conversation on her cell phone and she was discussing, not that I was eavesdropping, some kind of a complicated engineering research project, sounded like something to do with biomedical engineering. As she was heavily involved in her conversation, she'd point to various shoes she wanted to try on and her boyfriend would get them for her in her size, and try them on her feet. I wish Lisa was there to see this. How can we encourage this to become the norm rather than the exception?

MS. LYNDA
Why can't men handle powerful and assertive women? Why can't women be encouraged to be assertive and dominant? Charles, you were a male secretary. Did your boss ever scare you with her sexual assertiveness? Did you simply accept her power, which might include some sexual innuendo at times of your working beneath a woman, for a woman, etc.?

MR. LYNDA
How does my typical day compare with your typical day? I am up quite earlier than Lynda. I prepare the coffee and do whatever baking is needed for the morning. (I have a batter prepared for muffins. If a muffin is what Lynda wants, I will finish the preparation and bake several muffins for us.) If not, I shower and shave. I finish preparing breakfast. Most of the time, it is toast, fruit plate, yogurt. Sometimes I prepare an eggbake of some kind or fix eggs, etc. I bring her coffee in bed. Sometimes I make her morning coffee more erotic by serving her on my knees and kissing her feet and legs while she has her coffee. I make sure that her clothes are pressed. (This is difficult for me. I am going to have to take classes in ironing.) She comes to the breakfast table and we have breakfast together. After she leaves, I do the dishes and prepare to leave for my work. (At the present time, work is a class for lifeguards. I will be working at the pool this summer.) I arrive home at about 4:15 p.m. and begin to prepare for supper.
(Sometimes I prepare a supper as chosen by Lynda. Sometimes I have to prepare it using my own thought. I have noticed that some men think everything must be decided by the woman. For us at least, this is unreal. Lynda does not always have the time to make these decisions. Also, while I have read that men who do the housework like to be inspected by their mate, it is an unreal expectation. The house needs to be clean. Most of the time, Lynda does not have time to inspect my work.)
I begin to prepare supper. I take a quick shower and change into clothes for the evening. I get the table ready and finish supper. Lynda arrives home at about 5:45 p.m. I meet her at the door with the newspaper and a cold drink. She lounges while I do the last minute preparations. She may go upstairs and take a quick shower or bath to relax. I serve supper and sit down with her. After we have eaten, she goes into the living room, den, or library while I clean up. (She has helped me in the kitchen several times so that we can talk. It is her decision to assist me or to relax. I am most comfortable when she chooses to relax. In our relationship, i am doing the man's work. She is not expected to lift a finger.) I bring in a plate of cookies, some coffee, tea, or Perrier and we spend some time in conversation. (Sometimes, she was work to continue. I find something else to do. However, I am always on call.)
We have decided to wait until we are married until we have intercourse. However, she may want me to go down on her while she relaxes. Before bed, we may go for a walk or I may spend some further time pleasing her. She goes to bed first, and I straighten up the living area. I go up to the bedroom. We may have a little more fun. Sometimes, she has me do a strip tease for her. We are ready for another day. While the house is always neat, I only take one or two days a week to do a complete cleaning. I often run errands for Lynda. We tend to do the shopping together. However, she has told me that I may have to do it by myself when we are married. She may not have time.) About twice a week, I meet her for supper at a restaurant. Because I had read it somewhere, I once made reservations a restaurant out of town in the name of Ms. and Mr. Lynda (Her Last Name).
You are right in saying that the assertive woman is out there. I am doing the lawn work for the feminist sudies professor who came to one of our first dinner parties. She is dating a male professor from another college who is completely smitten with her power. He has already taken the subordinate status in the relationship, including taking her last name in marriage if they marry. As men, we have got to let Women know that they can have the power in the relationship. Lynda dresses very well and she turns me on. However, she has never worn leather and carried a whip. I asked Lynda to share her expectations. She said she will post them herself. Yes, she wants me "to love, honor and obey."
Please tell me about your typical day. I noticed from a posting from you today that you might consider becoming Mr. Lisa (Her Last Name.) Are you having a change of heart?

CHARLES
I don’t know if I'm having a change of heart. My typical day is much like yours. I get up first, make coffee, sit down and have a cup while reading the paper. Lisa gets up, I get her coffee, then I get her breakfast which is usually just cereal or fruit. As she eats her breakfast, I make sure she has towels for her shower, and that she has all of her hair and body care products ready. As she showers, I get her clothes ready, making sure they are pressed (you will get the hang of ironing, it’s not hard). I lay her clothes on the bed. As she is a fanatic about shoes, I also usually shine the pair she has selected for the day, if they need it. As she dresses, I clean up the kitchen, she gives me a list of errands she needs done ( she usually writes them out for me so I don’t forget) and she leaves for work.
My day then consists of typical househusband duties, cleaning, laundry, ironing, grocery shopping, cooking, and running Lisa's errands. Typical errands include shopping for any items she may need, getting her car washed, picking up her dry cleaning, and other errands. As far as meals, since I know what Lisa likes, I plan all of the meals. You’re right, she doesn’t have time for this. She doesn’t inspect my housework either, however if something is not the way she wants it, she's not afraid to let me know.
When Lisa gets home, I serve her dinner, we eat and talk. Lisa and I constantly communicate with each other, and if there is a problem she will listen to my side. She has the final decision, but she does not ignore my input. After dinner I clean up while Lisa relaxes with a cup of tea or a glass of wine. She is usually on the phone for a while taking care of business. Since she has so little time, I take care of a lot of her personal needs such as manicures, pedicures, and facials, and as I said I’ve attended schools to learn these things. Manicures are usually once a week, same for pedicures, although I also usually do a polish change for her in between. I give her various massages to relax her, I've also learned facials and other skin care. All of these things give us a lot of time to talk and communicate. As Lynda advances in her career, you will find that you will be doing more and more for her, simply because she just will not have the time. But then again, that's what househusbands are for.

End of Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 3
(To be continued…)

Spouseclub Archive Excerpt No. 2

Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 2

Editor’s Note: This is the second in a continuing series of samplings from www.spousechat.com, a message board active between 2001 and 2003. What began as a networking site for husbands wed to high-powered executives rapidly morphed into a provocative forum focusing on “matriarchal” — or, as they are more commonly called now, “wife-led marriages.”

LARS
There are some African tribes where the man is presented to the bride's family. They then offer him to their daughter. In some Jewish ceremony, we seemed to remember that the groom was presented to the bride. In Sweden, where it is very common for the man to take the wife's name and where there is a growing number of househusbands, the groom is often presented to the bride. In a civil ceremony I attended, the groom was bound to the bride with a white cloth before he recited his vows to her. He promised to "love, honor, and obey"; she was a matriarchist and refused to be bound to him for her vows to him.
Finally, in another civil ceremony I attended in Europe, the groom showed his submission to his new wife by creating his own vows. He said something like, "May your feet take you all the places you desire to go and I will follow. (He then kissed her feet) May your hands continue to create, and I will help. (He kissed her hands) May your heart always have room to love as I will always love you. (He kissed her breast) May your head always know its leadership that I accept for ever as your spouse." (He kissed her face)
This might be going too far for American ceremony. Perhaps it could become a ritual at the honeymoon. He made several other statements. Just some ideas for you and your bride to consider. It is good that you have decided to take your bride's name. How far are you going? Are your going to be known formally as Ms. and Mr. (Her First Name) (Her Surname)? It truly proclaims your subordinate status in the relationship. Except for those things, how equal do you consider yourself to be to her? You have found a wonderful woman if she is comfortable with your submission.

JON
Rituals were made to serve people. You may have to make some new ones for your situation. You may be setting a standard for other guys in the same boat to follow. I like the idea of you wearing white. You know that some brides wear something old, something borrowed, and something blue. To begin a new tradition, you could wear a "name bracelet" with Mr. Her Name on it. Perhaps you could carry something in her favorite color. Whatever you do, do it with pride. You are setting a high standard for guys to follow.

LARS
Since I am Swedish and married to an American career woman, we decided I should take her name. I am her very submissive househusband. She is the Head of the Household, and most people realize who the boss is in our relationship. We were not married in a church ceremony. However, I was presented to her, and, I promised to "love, honor, and obey." At the ceremony, she had a Matron of Honor, a Maid of Honor, and a Bridesmaid, all of whom were executive women. My Best Man was the secretary to the Maid of Honor, the second Groomsman was another Househusband, and the third was a childhood friend from Sweden who was doing graduate work in the U.S. At the reception dinner, the three men of the wedding party served as servants to the women. I had the most fun when I removed her garter with my teeth. I got to "go down on her" for a few moments. The women loved it.
About taking her name, I did it because my bachelor name was so difficult to write and say. However, I also wanted to do it because she is the Head of the Household. While we did not know it could be done, we did take the unofficial step of being Ms. and Mr. (Her first name) (Her last name). Now, we realize that some couples are doing this with few difficulties. To us, it suggests that this is the Year of the Woman, the Decade of the Woman, etc.

ELIZABETH
Sue, I think being new to this site, you may not be aware that there are many of us here who promote and encourage matriarchy or female rule. Perhaps you are an egalitarian feminist. If so, your belief that human relations should not be based on gender is at odds with many of us. I and many others of us believe that power in relationships should belong to the female partner. In short we are "matriarchists." We believe that not only individual relationships but the world in general would be a far better place for all of us if women held the reins of power. We, that is those of us who are matriarchists, differ from equality feminists in this regard. As such we very much regard the question of "name changing" as a matter of power and gender, and believe that the question of who takes whose last name SHOULD be determined by who holds the power in the couple, and we believe that should be the female. This is a site, after all, that was established to help men cope in relationships in which they are subordinate, and the subordinate or submissive role is one in which many of the men here are perfectly comfortable. In short we want the woman to have the power and to be the dominant partner.

LARS
I think I would have changed my name to my wife's last name even if I was the one with the career and was the Breadwinner. We still would have wanted to proclaim the woman as head of the house, and we would have wanted to proclaim our matriarchal choices. Finally, I like my new name. Everyone can spell and say it without too many problems. When a woman has the career and makes more money, there should be a power exchange. Even if you do not believe in or practice matriarchy, you have to give special consideration to the family wage earner. Family schedules, vacations, etc. are all determined by the one who has the career.

ELIZABETH
I am a matriarchist, will continue to be one, and will train my husband, sons, and daughters in the ways of matriarchy. I am not even against the "kinkier" side of relationships, but, the important issues here seem to be with men coping with a secondary status in the workplace, home, and family. I, for one, am happy to see the changes.

BARRY
My wife is a lawyer. She hires me regularly to do depositions. She is the boss at work and at home. IT IS WONDERFUL!!! Men in that position should enjoy!

BARBARA
My husband is a researcher in a business founded by my father. I am now the CEO. I am his boss at work and at home. We have few problems. If I fire him, he can stay at home and do his other work. It is great!

JON
My wife and I reversed roles a little over three years ago when she got a big promotion. She was already making more money than I was and was the major decision maker. We no longer needed my salary and she decided she wanted me to become a full time househusband. I wasn't really sure about doing that but she insisted I give it a try. After one year if I didn't like it, I could go back to work.
She had to teach me how to cook a wider variety of meals, how to iron her clothes and a few other things but I was a quick learner. It only took me a few months to realize how much I enjoyed just being her househusband. I was able to keep the house cleaner than it had ever been, keep her clothes clean and pressed, have her meals ready on time, run her errands and a host of other duties and still had time for a round of golf now and then.
After the first year we sat down and discussed the situation. I wanted to continue as a househusband and not go back to work. She agreed but with some conditions. I would have to recognize her as head of the house and with the final say in all areas of our relationship. I was to consider it my primary responsibility to support her and her career in whatever way I could and that she wanted. And since she was making all the money, I would be put on an allowance and expected to live within it.
I had no problem agreeing with this. The last two years have been great. It is my opinion men are much better suited to keeping house. And believe me, submitting to your wife, honoring and obeying her is the way to go.
How has this worked for you? How far did you go in the role reversal? In honoring your wife as head of the household, did you take her last name to acknowledge her leadership? Do you identify her as head of the household on tax forms, etc.? In what ways do you obey your wife? How does her family feel about her being the head of your household? How does your family feel? If you have children, how are you raising them to know that the wife is the boss in your household? Is she the boss in all areas?

CHRISTOPHER
Someone asked for more details about our wedding. We are going to walk down the aisle together. I will have to walk a couple of paces behind since her dress is so fancy. But, I will be walking behind this fantastic woman for the rest of my life. The priest is going to announce us as Dr. and Mr. at the end of the ceremony. We have to go and get the details so I can change my name to hers.
We have decided to start a new tradition with the rehearsal dinner. Since the man pays for the dinner, I am going to have all the groomsmen serve the women at the dinner. We are serving a fancy dinner with soup, salad, pasta, sorbet, entree, cheese and coffee, dessert. It will be at this dinner where I will announce to the guests that I will "love, honor, and obey". The priest would not allow this during the ceremony since it would imply being submissive. Little does she know.

UPDATE: CHRISTOPHER
The wedding is only a little over a week away. All the plans are coming together very well. I got a unique present from my wife to be the other day. She gave me Barbie and Ken dolls. Barbie is a politician. Ken is her househusband. He even comes with his own leash so that he has to obey Barbie. I always knew this was the way of their relationship. I think I will put the dolls on display at the reception. I think some people will get a big kick out of it.

JENNA
I am a woman and I knew I wanted to be the head of the family since I was ten years old. I loved ladying it over the boys at my school, and they loved accepting my leadership. I have never given up on wanting to be the boss. At the present time, I am boss at work and at home. If you were to ask my husband, I think you would be amazed. He has wanted to be the submissive partner since early teens. We are both living our dreams.

CHRISTOPHER
I knew from a very early age that I wanted to be in a matriarchal household. Finding the right woman was difficult, but it can be done. I have just returned from my honeymoon. I am going to finish work on my PhD, begin my career as a househusband, and, do some work for my wife. I want my wife to be the boss at work and at home. The wedding went off without a hitch. The honeymoon was wonderful; we even met two other matriarchal couples. Yes, there are men who are taking their wife's last name. Yes, there are men who are taking the subordinate role in the marriage. And, yes, there are women who like being in command. A matriarchal life can be as nurturing and wholesome as the many other options. One suggestion, to attract a young woman who is wanting the control, take cooking and house management classes. Also, take a few classes in feminist studies. Offer to type her papers. Be giving!

JAMES
Here is what a young friend of mine did, and, it worked very well for him. He moved in with four flight attendants. Because each had to be gone at certain times for flights, he was the caretaker. When they were at the apartment, he was the one who offered "coffee, tea, or me." He was responsible for all the housework. They never lifted a finger. He lived rent free in exchange for his domestic duties. He became quite a popular houseboy as the four entertained quite often. This service also allowed him to finish his undergraduate degree from a local college. You will notice that this is written in the past tense. After six years of working for these wonderful women, he married a woman who is a pilot. He is now at her beck and call. As so many of you have suggested, she is the head of the family. She is the boss. He is her submissive househusband. While he does work as a teacher, he is always home to greet her, has her meals cooked, the house clean, and eagerly awaits his queen's command. For professional reasons, he kept his name in marriage, but the family is known by her last name, and, he is Mr. Her.

CHRIS
While people thinking matriarchy is relatively new, I know several men who desire this life, and have found it with the women in their lives. In two cases, the women were medical doctors who could not take their husband's name in marriage. The husbands then took their wife's name in marriage. Both stay at home and take care of the house. One is a lawyer. Her husband works for his wife as an investigator. However, he is home in time to prepare and serve meals. Three women own their own real estate business, and, their husbands work as agents for their wives. Another woman owns the family car leasing business. Her husband is her mechanic. I could go on and on with different stories. In terms of who is the smarter person in the relationship, you would have to judge for yourself. Each person brings special gifts to the relationship. In one case, the man has a much higher IQ, but, his wife has the best business sense. He was smart enough to subordinate his career to hers, and that was the smartest thing he ever did. In terms of my wife and me, we had almost identical test scores. I had a higher GPA in college. However, she had more financial backing from her family, and has a great investment sense. I am extremely happy to acknowledge her as head of our household. She does wear the pants in our relationship. She is the boss. I am extremely pleased to announce her leadership in public and private. I guess that makes me very intelligent. May She rule for a long time.

LARS
I know a man who founded a business. He named his wife CEO. The company has an all female executive team. Men, including some of these women's husbands, are hired in more menial positions. They make a good profit; no one is complaining. However in that town, more men acknowledge the wife as head of the household, leave work early to go home where they clean and cook for their women, and where all women are respected. With some of the changes in attitude, the girls' high school volleyball and basketball team got male cheerleaders. The girls think they are so cute in the shorts and tank tops. Rah! Rah! Rah!

CHRISTOPHER
One can be a matriarchist and not be a submissive doormat to the woman in his life. One can be subordinate without losing maleness. And maybe there will be new fashion shows that allow the man to be seen in an apron, using his male strength to support his wife as her underling without ridicule.

LEOPOLD
I think this lifestyle shouldn't be just a part-time activity. Maybe you should change your perspective to a matriarchal point of view in every aspect of your life. For example: Support your wife in her work and career (how you do it depends on what the career of your is). Let her lead you intellectually. Follow her political choices. Examine her opinions and find the wisdom behind them. Let her be your spiritual leader. After all, women have much more spiritual potential than men. Wiccan practices can be a perfect mach for a matriarchal couple. Find a coven where women rule and men are their servants. Or you can even make up a new coven shaped to your own beliefs. Get together with like minds and have great discussions about this lifestyle. Organize "goddess-parties" where wives have great fun (don't forget about chip chip 'n dale boys ;-) ) and men are waiters, cooks and servants. Etc, etc, etc.

CHRISTIAN FEMINIST
Thank you for your help, Leopold. You have opened up a new realm in regard to matriarchy that I never considered before--the intellectual. I hope to make "let her lead you" my motto in this area, too. As far as the spiritual realm, I see the rise of matriarchy as the dawning of what the Pope calls the "Age of Mary" wherein She shall crush the serpent's head and restore the Paradise of God. And like it was when Jesus came to earth, it seems as though the religious people are going to be the last ones to catch on! (It is noteworthy, though, that within days after the Pope consecrated Afghanistan to Mary's maternal care, the Northern Alliance made the breakthrough at Mazar e-Sharif after which snowballed from there resulting in the toppling of the Taliban.) If you are interested there is a treatise which describes in detail how to become a love slave of the Virgin Mary at: www.ewtn.com/library/Montfort/TRUEDEVO.HTM
It is written from a Catholic perspective, but you do not have to be a Catholic to make this consecration to Mary. I have also found interesting that in the Middle Ages there were "double monasteries" which were headed by an abbess and the men served the women. This was based on the relationship of John to the Virgin Mary.

CHRIS
My wife gave me some stock shares for a wedding present. Rather than freeing me from her, this is attaching me further to her and allowing me to stay home and be her househusband. It also puts her firmly in control. As for working for her, I hope this continues for the rest of my life. She is very generous with her other employees, but I get minimum wage or less. I also get the honor of being bossed around by her in front of others. For me, that is a great experience. We have a luxury that many will never have; she makes enough money that I should never have to work in the outside world. She wants me to finish my degree so I can be an active conversationalist, can keep her aware of what is going on in the world, and can be a trophy husband. Without being sadistic, she loves to show her power over me. She can wilt me with one of her looks of disfavor; she snaps her fingers and I grovel before her. That is how I feel relationships should be. I know I am the envy of several friends.

JM
How do you know that your friends envy you?

CHRIS
They tell me so. I get teased a lot. I am so "pussywhipped." However, they desire the very same thing. If they could have such a wonderful wife, they would also stay at home, cater to her needs, and remember who the head of the household is. There may not be many men like us, but, there are some. Just read the other entries at this site. I also know that I am envied because several single men have come up to me and wondered if my wife had sisters, cousins, etc. Do I know other women like my wife?

LADY ANON
I am a career woman with a submissive, stay at home boyfriend. It is working great for us. I would only suggest that being Christian does not mean that the man must be the head of the household. It seems that many women are more concerned with the spiritual life of the family. When that is the case, should she not be the spiritual head of the clan? I see nothing wrong with the husband being obedient to his wife. There always seems to be a fear that women will treat men like men have treated women in the past. I think we are more mature than that. Everyone needs to develop themselves to the fullest...
I am a Catholic. I do not believe that good works get you to heaven. I believe it is grace. And that is one of the reasons I believe that matriarchal lifestyles are supported in scripture as good. They must have existed because St. Paul was extremely scared of women in power, even though several of his epistles were read by a woman deacon.
For families that are matriarchal, religion can be made more important and the man can submit to God and his wife so that he can experience the grace he was missing. I also further believe that God does not care who the leader in a family is as along as they are true to God and live the two great commandments put forth by Christ...
More important than being a conservative or liberal, a patriarchist or matriarchist, is the chance to be religious. We all may be surprised when we get to heaven. She may not be amused with how we messed things up for others. The important thing is to live your life in a decent, manner. And for me, that means matriarchy. For my husband, that means that he is the subordinate partner. It does work for us. I am not a fundamentalist Christian; that may be why I feel the woman can be the head of the household without any trouble. Churches that are headed by women bishops and ministers are growing. And, men have not lost their manhood in those congregations.
It is also an historical fact that many double abbeys were ruled over by a nun, not a brother or priest. In fact, in some of these situations, the male members of the abbey were servants to the women of the abbey. In those times, the monastic tradition flourished. Today, it is in real trouble.
Could there be some positives to women's rule? As I said before, I think some men are scared that if women rule, we will be as abusive as men were. For the tradition of the church, men have had their way and everything has been stated in male terms. We always call God, "Father." However, Holy Scripture and God tells us, "I am like a Mother Hen looking after her brood." Maybe God wants the best person in the family to lead; and, that may be the woman quite often. Please comment.

MELANIE
I am 18 years old, a young woman. When I marry, I will head our household. My husband will take my name, even though he may continue to use his own name for professional reasons. I hope I can make so much money that he can stay at home, supporting my career in ways that will allow me to become a CEO. I hope we can do this proudly and out in the open. It seems that men have been henpecked for ages. Now is the time to proclaim it as a positive thing. I would never be cruel to a male. He needs my love and support. I will always demand great service; if I mistreat my property, he might not give as good a service as possible. Do not take this lightly. There are many young women like me out there. We want to rule. I have seen some good advertisements for our women's rule at stores. "Boys are great. EVERY GIRL SHOLD OWN ONE!"

FRED
I love the idea of a woman being totally in charge in everything. I want to be the househusband and the supportive spouse. And when the lights go off at night, I want to be the one who pleasures the Woman of the House; I grovel at their feet and worship the ground the Women of the World walk on.

CHRIS
I recently married one very powerful woman; she is the leader in all things. She always has a warm meal ready for her when she comes home, I gladly fetch her slippers and bring the paper. And sex is done her way at her command. I enjoy waiting on her hand and foot, and I also enjoy using my creative mind to serve her in new ways. Long live the matriarchy! Long live the men who have become the supportive members of the family. And yes, I took her name in marriage so that any one might know who is at the center of our household.

MR. BEVERLY
My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years and living the traditional lifestyle. We were talking recently about how to celebrate our 20th anniversary and I suggested renewing our vows. She thought that was a perfect idea and then took it further. She said one night "since you keep telling me you like to be submissive and want me to take over the dominate role in our marriage, it would only be fitting for this renewal wedding that we switch roles. You will plan the wedding down to the last detail. Furthermore you will take my name this time, for how long will be determined later." So I am in the process of planning our wedding and experiencing what it's like to be a blushing bride. Our wedding will take place in April in Las Vegas. I am also going to have to write the vows where it will be clear that I am giving over complete control of my life to her. We will be flying her sister and brother and my sister out there, and possibly our parents as well. My parents are pretty conservative and I'm not sure how they will react to this new lifestyle.

CHRIS
You do not have to reinvent the wheel. Just use the old vows and "I promise to love, honor, and obey" from you to her. You might also exchange a collar or penis leash instead of another ring. Of course, your gift to her is the leash. Her gift to you is the collar or cockring. As you exchange your promises to her, she might hold you by the balls. That is such power for a woman. Good luck! Be brave.

(To be continued...)

Point of No Return

“Is there a point of no return when one truly embraces this way of life?” – “Ms. Kathleen,” writing in Elise Sutton’s Predominant e-magazine, February 2005 issue.

I’ve noticed a number of female-led relationship blogs bowing out recently. Some go quietly dormant, while others exit with brief regrets on the part of the blogger, almost always male that there’s nothing more to write about. The wife has lost interest in all things FLR, the husband’s enthusiasm has consequently faded and fizzled, their relationship has devolved back to the status quo ante.

It’s an oft-told tale. Euphoria is a volatile emotion, hard to sustain. There can be a manic quality to the early days of courtship, and of courtship marriages. I’m talking strictly guys now. One week hubby is a passion-primed dynamo, writing love poems and feverish resolutions, buying roses and boxed chocolates, giving footrubs and scrubbing the baseboard. The following week finds him back on the couch, cuddling a remote and frosty lager.

Yet courtship marriages exit where the initial euphoria lasts long enough to be replaced by a steadier fuel supply, where escape velocity is achieved to a sustainable FLR lifestyle.

As fdhousehusband wrote in his valuable blog, “To convince my wife that I truly wanted to worship and serve her as my queen took years of dedication to housework, child-rearing and pampering without any thought of reward. I did the chores cheerfully and enthusiastically. Yet, each time I failed and became lazy, I felt that I took several steps backward for both of us. I was moving from one equilibrium to another in terms of our relationship, and I needed to be perfect, not anything in between, not just sometimes. Ultimately I convinced her that this was my life, that I was fulfilled in that role and didn't want anything other than to worship and serve her.”

Here is a wife talking about the gradual process of overcoming her own reservations about taking the leading role in her marriage: “It took me a couple of years to really embrace this lifestyle completely. But my husband was incredibly patient with me, offering help when I needed it and backing off when I needed him to. Communication and patience have been the keys for us.”

Whether the prime mover is wife or husband, the rule seems to be that progress needs to be gradual and incremental, and both parties need to find real benefits in the altered domestic and romantic arrangements.

There needs to be a comfort level achieved, as well. Courtship marriage, like real successful courtship, has to be anchored in reality and honesty—and in the existing relationship. Wait a minute, I think I may have lifted that last sentence almost intact from an extremely articulate FLR advocate known as “Mistress Rika”: “The key to a successful [female-led] relationship is to add the exchange of power to the dynamics of your [existing] relationship rather than to replace existing ones.”

But at some point, it seems, there needs to be a milestone, or maybe several such, at which both parties pause and reflect and acknowledge that the experiment is working for both of them. That Fantasyland has morphed into Realityland. That, in a phrase, “There’s no going back.”

To reach that milestone, Emily and Ken Addisons of the Around Her Finger book and blog suggest a one-week FLR boot camp, after which the deal is sealed (or not. The happy AHF boot-campers who report back, not surprisingly, usually have both thumbs-up. “We tried the boot camp about four months ago, and we have never looked back.”

Even some initially skeptical wives come out of the boot camp as gung-ho converts to the lifestyle: “Not only did I enjoy my week in charge much more than I imagined that I would, I would never imagine having it any other way. Just as you suggest, I told him in no uncertain terms that from that point on I would expect him to obey me and respect my authority. In the weeks and months that have followed nothing has changed. We have never been happier and I never would have imagined that this would have worked so well.”

So, the answer to the question posed at the top of this posting, “Is there a point of no return when one truly embraces this way of life?” is “Yes.”

Not always, of course, is the “point of no return” question asked hopefully. Sometimes it is asked with a certain apprehension, even dread, by husbands and boyfriends getting a sudden case of cold feet upon seeing long-cherished fantasies becoming all too real. Just how far down the Female-Led road dare they go before it’s too late to turn around and scramble back to “the way things were”?

Like this hapless guy, quoted in Elise Sutton’s monthly Q&A column: “I am coming to the realization that I am approaching a point of no return and each step, including reading your book, is taking me there.”

Or this guy confessing last-minute FLR jitters: “Is there any chance we could ever go back to being a more traditional husband and wife?”

“The short answer to your question,” Ms. Sutton responds, “is No. Why should she and why should you?” Or, as she tells another husband: “[Your wife] may constantly be looking for new activities but I doubt she will ever desire any other type of relationship. She is hooked and she does not want to go back.”

Her bottom-line to apprehensive husbands, of course, is a positive pep talk: “Go for it.”

Which, I think, is the way most husbands feel upon reaching “the point of no return.” These giddy guys, for example:

“It took many years for us to learn how to get along and build a new relationship. I am sure that nobody knows the extent to which she wields the authority in our house now. For what started out as one weekend a month has gradually become second nature 24/7… Like the Nike add says, ‘Just Do It.’”

“Having made the choice to live my fantasy, I have never regretted it. Good luck on finding your path.”

“My wife’s Loving Female Authority over our relationship has gone from habit to lifestyle in just under one year. … I would say that we are now firmly embedded in a Female-Led Relationship 24/7. Because of the positive changes in every area of our marriage, we both agree that there is no turning back to our old ways. That door is closed, and the key is gone.”

“It would seem that any and all periods of adjustment are over for me, and have been for some time. I feel like I have been reconditioned and have changed so much over the last couple of years, that I am like a different person in so many ways… I arrived at total acceptance.”

“Good luck and remember, once you give her all the keys to your heart there is no going back.”


“I realized just how pleased and proud I was to be so completely controlled by my wife, how we had already gone beyond a point of no return, and how (deep down) I had always yearned for this ever since we met… It really made me feel in touch with my natural self, and even more accepting of who and what I am.”

“My fiancée and I converted to this lifestyle two years ago (at my instigation) and both of us can honestly say that we have never been happier in our lives. Definitely no going back for us! She has adapted to her position of power with far more relish than I ever imagined possible, and our relationship really works.”

“Once you get her to accept that part of herself and take charge there is no going back.....but why would you want to? It is so much nicer this way!”

“The female-led lifestyle has changed our lives for the better. We both realize that there is no going back to the way things used to be. We are on a new path now, and we are both giddy about where that path will lead us.”

“I can’t imagine my wife accepting any laziness from me ever again. I can’t imagine her performing sex again as an obligation. I see her thriving in her new role and as much as I love it, it’s a bit intimidating. I’m thrilled and terrified… and hope I’m up to the challenges that lay ahead of me.”

Any hesitancy on the part of this husband is quickly dismissed by his wife’s certainty: “She has come to the point where she feels this is her due, instead of a game we play. Occasionally I have had moments where my interest has flagged, have been too tired from work, etc., but she has shown me that there is no going back, and I love Her so much for this.”

Same deal for this husband: “Sometimes I get frightened as to the monumental changes occurring so fast. But obviously there is no going back because my wife has fallen in love with this lifestyle.”

And one more: “Once my wife saw all the benefits that were in it for her, she started to get really interested. I've in a sense created a beast and there is no going back.”

Female supremacist Paige Harrison apparently dealt with her husband’s recalcitrance with a now-hear-this ultimatum: “There will be no going back to how things were before. So I want you to get used to this. This is not a game.”

Ditto this take-charge wife, as she confides to Elise Sutton: “My husband and I kept going deeper into FLR and the more we did it, the more I wanted from him. For a while, he was the one who had reservations, and tried to apply the brakes and began to rebel. But eventually he realized there was no stopping me, and that this is no longer a game. This is really our lives and our marriage and there will be no going back.”

For one wife, the “point of no return” was before the beginning: “I told my husband that if he wanted me to agree to try this, there would be no going back because I was not going to undertake these big changes only to have him change his mind later.”

The opening question of this post was taken from an Elise Sutton’s website, and we’ll close with a last word of advice from Ms. Sutton to husbands reaching their personal “point of no return”:

“You can’t go back and you don’t want to go back. In fact, you want to go deeper into [this lifestyle]. You want this wonderful woman to take you deeper into submission so that your old life becomes an even more distant memory, so distant that it cannot be seen in the rear-view mirror of your mind.”