dennis: ALL IN A DAY'S WORK – PERSONAL SERVICE

My Wife considers personal service as one of the four tenets of a Female Led Relationship, the others being domestic service, obedience, and atonement. What is personal service? Looking after the needs of one's Wife, pampering Her, serving Her; it's an obvious form of adoration, of worship. Housework is not personal service, although it is often conducted in parallel to it.

In our home personal service has rules and rituals, rooted in the tradition of Nancy's family. A student of social history, Nancy's mother has patterned personal service after the servants of the Golden Age of opulence, the Edwardian period. In the Edwardian home the Ladies of the house would manage and be tended to by maids, butlers, chauffeurs, and ladies in waiting. In our home the Women have only me, so i assume all these roles with all the protocol they entail. Personal service entails my serving the Women, driving them, greeting their Guests, and, in the case of my Wife, managing Her wardrobe. There are rules and rituals around personal service, and, of course, there is a need for unquestioning obedience and flawless adherence to proper protocol.

So, what does a progressive gentleman do all day? Well, i'm a homemaker – it's what i tell anyone who asks – but i also work outside the home at a professional occupation. Having to balance both work and housekeeping, i have to be organized and efficient. The Ladies won't do housework – out of the question – but they have arranged jobs and training for me that have made me more efficient. It's a lot of work – a seven-day-a week job to be sure – but it's very rewarding and gives real purpose to my life. On-weekdays the evenings are the busiest part of my day; i arrive home at 3:30 every day and for at least the next six hours will look after Nancy and her Mother, Sue, and undertake a regimen of housework.

On a typical day i arrive home and have ten minutes to change and present myself to Sue ready to serve; there's a lot to do and ten minutes isn't a lot of time. First, men aren't allowed to wear shoes in the house so i have to remove my shoes before entering and put them away. My business attire and briefcase have to be disposed of accordingly; clothes in the closet or laundry, briefcase put away – there's no time for outside work! Then I get into a pair of khakis and a shirt and head for the kitchen where I find the apron that Sue has hung for me to wear. I choose a coordinating pair of black ballet slippers and then put on the satin apron, squaring it away. I prepare a gin and tonic for Sue; this initial drink is always my choice, but it's wise for me to vary the drinks and be mindful of Her preferences. i place it on my tray along with cigarettes, ashtrays, linen napkins, and a bell, and it's off to present myself to Sue. Everything (!) is served from a tray!

Sue is at our pool reading and enjoying some bikini time; despite Her age, She wears a bikini well. I genuflect before the Matriarch of our family and place the bell and the drink on the table in front of Her. She declines a cigarette and criticizes my being slow. Aside from asking what went on in the office – my daily debriefing – and letting me know what She’s started for dinner, She says little. I'm a servant here, and She never lets me forget that. i stoop and bow as i leave, headed for the kitchen and then to check on dinner and set the table.

It's my responsibility to set the table. i select the china, flatware and linen and add an appropriate centerpiece and place candles. As i'm checking on dinner i hear Sue's bell and respond to Her. She informs me that Nancy is on Her way home and is going clubbing; Sue will be joined by Her friend Betty for dinner. I check my journal to refresh myself as to Betty's preferences so that i may properly server Her. Dinner is cooking, the table is set, and Nancy has yet to

arrive home, so i grab my cleaning caddy, feather duster, and vacuum and busy myself cleaning the living room. i pick up glasses, change the ashtrays, place new matchbooks, refill the candy dish, spot clean a carpet stain, inspect around and under the sofa cushions, rearrange the decorative pillows, and send my feather duster flying around the furniture, making sure not to miss anything since anything less than perfection just isn't tolerated. I think back to Nancy's Grandmother, Joan, my demanding trainer, who always told me that She loved “seeing the feather duster fly!”

Nancy has arrived, so I run to greet my Queen in the garage. I'm excited to see Her but She's indifferent, obviously preoccupied with the evening She's planned. “Get my bag,” She commands. “Yes, Dear,” i respond. “Don't give me that Dear shit,” She says. “Yes, Ma'am,” i respond as I follow my rushed Queen into the house. She kicks off Her heels, ordering me to “pick them up!” and heads out to speak with Her Mother. i check on dinner while They talk. Nancy reappears and tossing Her jacket on a chair, orders me to, “pick that up!” I follow Her upstairs where She steps out of Her skirt, throwing it on the bed while ordering me to pick it up too – She doesn't have to remind me but She does; it loudly clarifies our relative roles. Wearing only pantyhose and a bra She enters Her closet looking for something to wear but doesn't have the patience, so She orders me to pick something out as She heads for the shower. Taking off Her pantyhose She throws them at me, ordering me to “check these, I think they have a run.” I've laid out a little black dress and matching high-heeled sandals. Nancy is not happy with my selection. “I'm not going to a convent!” She

yells, throwing the dress and shoes. She emerges from the closet with a red club dress, 3" platform sandals, and a pair of red thong panties. Nancy's obviously rushed. i ask if She'd like a drink. “Gin and tonic,” She says, adding, “It should have already been here.” i get her the drink and check on dinner. Nancy does Her make-up and selects Her jewelry, filigree earrings, an assortment of rings, and a necklace. The doorbell rings; i'm expecting Betty but it's Nancy's Girlfriend; they'll be clubbing together this evening. Both Women are absolutely stunning in their club-wear.

With Nancy gone, i again check on Sue and do some cleaning. Sue's gone to Her suite to change for dinner. There's also ironing to do, so i set up the ironing board, looking forward to this most enjoyable chore – i love to iron! The doorbell rings, it's Betty. i greet Her, take Her wrap, and tell Her how happy i am to see Her. From my journal i know She loves knitting, so I ask Her what project She's now doing. She inquires so i tell Her about my own meager attempts at needlecraft. i invite Her to be seated – "Will Madame like to be seated?" i inquire. She loves the treatment i give Her probably because She gets too little of it at home; we're trying to change that though.

i seat Sue and Betty at the dining room table and get Betty a Manhattan, a drink i know She likes. i serve dinner, remaining on call listening for the bell, but periodically

checking on the Women. i'll eat after the Women are settled with desserts and after-dinner drinks; i never eat with guests unless specifically invited and that is infrequent. Once dinner is done, i take the Women's drinks on my tray and seat them in the living room. i serve desserts and return to clean up after dinner, periodically checking but always listening for the bell indicating that the Women need something. It rings twice, once for a refill of coffee and another time when Betty wants a cigarette lit – responding is my pleasure and i tell Betty so. She's not used to being served and likes to visit just to experience my service – flattering indeed but something She should be getting at home, too.

With the Women settled, i tend to Sue's suite – a Mother-in-law suite that Nancy and Sue added to our home when the Women decided Sue would move in with us. i clean, dust, vacuum, clean the toilet and shower, and pick up clothing and shoes, change the bed linens. my work as a housekeeper at the hotel has taught me some professional secrets that really come in handy in my daily work. i turn down Sue's bed, leave the lamp on, place Her romance novel within reach, and leave a nightcap for Her enjoyment. i select a peignoir with matching Malibu slippers for Her; She's given me the privilege of doing so this evening.

A car pulls up outside; it's Betty's ride. i get Her wrap and escort Her to the car. In the short time it takes to help Betty, Sue has gone to Her suite, leaving me to focus on housework. i'm going to be busy for the next hour, which will cut into my personal time, but i realize it's not personal time unless all the work is done. i busy myself with redoing the living room, packing the dishwaing toilets. i return upstairs to take care of Nancy's jacket and skirt; i steam clean both items and fix a button on Her jacket before hanging them in Her closet ready for Her to wear again. i discard Her pantyhose, the runner She mentioned being very obvious. i inspect and clean Her shoes, returning them to Her closet ready for Her to wear again. i'd like to take some personal time but can't resist doing the ironing; ironing is as relaxing as knitting. As i iron, Sue comes in wearing the peignoir i selected earlier – She is a devastating Woman; for a brief moment i envy Her boyfriends. She surprises me by bringing me a drink! Indeed a privilege and we talk as i finish the ironing. When the

ironing is done, Sue lights up a cigarette and offers me one – i'm greatly appreciative of Her gesture and tell Her so repeatedly as i enjoy each draw on the 120 mm menthol cigarette She's given me. She laughs, promising me, “tomorrow I'll make up for it by being a real Bitch.” And tomorrow will tell that She will, but i enjoy the moment and tomorrow will love Her just the same...

Nancy's still out clubbing and will be for another hour – She has a tough job and needs to relax. i shower, lay out my clothes for the next day as well as a business suit and shoes for Nancy and then retire for the night; another satisfying day in the life of a progressive gentleman who's life is centered on two demanding but deserving Women. It starts again tomorrow at 6:00 AM

--d

FEMDOMLIT

A faithful reader has sent me a couple of literary morsels that are beautifully descriptive of what we now call a Female Led Relationship. I was reminded that my very first blog posting back in January of 2007 (“RLS and the Enchanted Isle”) dealt with a similarly provocative passage in a short story by Robert Louis Stevenson:

“...Harry was transferred to the feminine department, where his life was little short of heavenly. He was always dressed with uncommon nicety, wore delicate flowers in his button-hole, and could entertain a visitor with tact and pleasantry. He took a pride in servility to a beautiful woman; received Lady Vandeleur's commands as so many marks of favour; and was pleased to exhibit himself before other men in his character of male lady's-maid and man milliner. Nor could he think enough of his existence from a moral point of view. Wickedness seemed to him an essentially male attribute, and to pass one's days with a delicate woman, and principally occupied about trimmings, was to inhabit an enchanted isle among the storms of life.” (From New Arabian Nights, "Story of the Bandbox")

I didn’t stop with RLS. Three months later I featured a passage from Charles Dickens’ Little Dorrit (“A Bit of Dickens”), describing Dorrit’s vain and lovely older sister, Miss Fanny, who ensnares the luckless Sparkler:

“…Mr. Sparkler entered on an evening of agony. .. But he had two consolations at the close of the performance. [Miss Fanny] gave him her fan to hold while she adjusted her cloak, and it was his blessed privilege to give her his arm down-stairs again. These crumbs of encouragement, Mr. Sparkler thought, would just keep him going; and it is not impossible that [Miss Fanny] thought so too... Mr. Sparkler put on another heavy set of fetters over his former set, as he watched her radiant feet twinkling down the stairs beside him.”

To be sure, whole shelves of period literature, English and European, celebrate the ideals of courtly love, and we need look no farther than Shakespeare. Sonnet 57:

“Being your slave, what should I do but tend

Upon the hours and times of your desire?”

Unmentioned by me, until now, are the worshipful sexual predilections of Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Here is an oft-cited passage from his autobiographical Confessions:

“To fall at the feet of an imperious mistress,

obey her mandates, or implore pardon, were for me the most exquisite enjoyments, and the more my blood was inflamed by the efforts of a lively imagination the more I acquired the appearance of a whining lover.”

And now to the selections of my anonymous and highly literate reader. He begins with John Ruskin’s Sesame and Lilies (from Lecture II—“Lilies of Queens’ Gardens”):

"… In all Christian ages which have been remarkable for their purity or progress, there has been absolute yielding of obedient devotion, by the lover, to his mistress. I say OBEDIENT;—not merely enthusiastic and worshipping in imagination, but entirely subject, receiving from the beloved woman, however young, not only the encouragement, the praise, and the reward of all toil, but, so far as any choice is open, or any question difficult of decision, the DIRECTION of all toil.

"That chivalry, to the abuse and dishonour of which are attributable primarily whatever is cruel in war, unjust in peace, or corrupt and ignoble in domestic relations; and to the original purity and power of which we owe the defence alike of faith, of law, and of love; that chivalry, I say, in its very first conception of honourable life, assumes the subjection of the young knight to the command— should it even be the command in caprice—of his lady. It assumes this, because its masters knew that the first and necessary impulse of every truly taught and knightly heart is this of blind service to its lady: that where that true faith and captivity are not, all wayward and wicked passion must be; and that in this rapturous obedience to the single love of his youth, is the sanctification of all man’s strength, and the continuance of all his purposes. And this, not because such obedience would be safe, or honourable, were it ever rendered to the unworthy; but because it ought to be impossible for every noble youth—it IS impossible for every one rightly trained—to love any one whose gentle counsel he cannot trust, or whose prayerful command he can hesitate to obey.

“I do not insist by any farther argument on this, for I think it should commend itself at once to your knowledge of what has been and to your feeling of what should be. You cannot think that the buckling on of the knight’s armour by his lady’s hand was a mere caprice of romantic fashion. It is the type of an eternal truth— that the soul’s armour is never well set to the heart unless a woman’s hand has braced it; and it is only when she braces it loosely that the honour of manhood fails…”

Amen, Mr. Ruskin, and thank you, my Anonymous friend. But he followed up with an inflammatory sentence from a Medieval poem by Bernard de Ventadorn:

"She would do a wrong if she did not invite me to come to the place where she undresses, so that I may be at her command, next to her, at the edge of the bed, and I would take off her graceful slippers, on my knees and humble, if it pleased her to extend to me her feet.”

And, voilà, we are full circle, back at Robert Louis Stevenson’s celebration of “servility to a beautiful woman…”

*

dennis: MOST WOMEN LOVE THE DYNAMIC OF AN FLR

AW (commenting on dennis’ post, LEADERSHIP WEARS HIGH HEELS!:

Just wanted to share that this blog has been inspirational. I'm not sure I agree with it all, but it has made me think, and I am trying very hard to properly worship my wife. I always thought I did, but after really trying, it is amazing how often I forget myself and put my needs before hers, in conversations and in deeds. It's tougher than it sounds! But it really feels right, and I will continue to try my hardest. I think she is enjoying it too, and our relationship has always had that kind of dominance anyway, but I was just surprised at how much more I had to learn.

Anyway. thanks for the inspiration. I look forward to keeping up with your and other blogs on the lifestyle.

PS: An interesting conundrum here, I don't think my wife would appreciate me sharing this, so I am anonymous and feeling a bit guilty for now, but we'll see if I gather the courage to bring it up with her in the future!

* 

dennis responds:

aw, your sentiments concerning Worshiping your Wife are indeed real and valid. Getting into the lifestyle is something that takes time and effort on your part and acceptance on the part of your Wife. She is the one who will ultimately determine the facets of your relationship – accept what She says!

Nevertheless, you can move things forward by doing little things for Her and seeing how She responds. This is how my relationship with Nancy evolved. So many of the things i do for Her, weren't suggested by Nancy at all; rather, i started doing something for Her that She enjoyed or that was beneficial and just kept on doing it. Taking care of Her shoes, for example, or the little stoop and bow that i do as a show of respect. Now these things are a part of the dynamic of our relationship. They are no longer a courtesy but, rather, something expected.

you note that “it is amazing how often I forget myself and put my needs before hers, in conversations and in deeds.” This is natural, particularly early in a relationship; men are conditioned this way and it's essential that you change such behaviors. While you should make a mental note to defer to Her, actions speak louder than words. Defer to Her in conversation; ask for Her views; agree with Her; immediately do what She says, compliment Her; listen to Her responses! Listening is VERY important; Women want to be listened to, but men rarely do this. The Women in Nancy's family gave me an invaluable piece of advice when they told me i should “Shut up and listen.” i've learned a lot by listening, whether the Women are speaking to me or not. By listening you learn about Her likes, dislikes, wants, and needs. With this knowledge you can do more for Her and move your relationship along. And by listening, you're telling Her what She's saying is important; by keeping quiet, you're telling that what you have to say isn't. This is confirming exactly what She feels. And it's a powerful demonstration of who's in charge of the relationship!

i'm not sure how far your Wife will take your relationship, but most Women love the dynamic of an FLR and will eventually start moving things forward. Nancy and i are well along in our relationship; Nancy is quite authoritative and that's how we both like it. No “please and thank you” on Her part, just an order or an expectation met with a energetic, “Yes, Ma'am.” It's the reality of our life together, and that's how we like it! Nancy loves giving orders and i love taking them; now that's real worship, to our way of thinking! Men outside an FLR don't understand; those inside do, and those contemplating an FLR are excited at the prospect!

Good luck!

A CIVIL DEBATE ON THE APPEARANCE OF FEMALE ASCENDANCY

(Note from Mark Remond: I’m conflict averse, a trait utterly in keeping with my comfort level in a “Yes, Dear,” wife-worship marriage. I grew up in an often acrimonious home, and I’ve seen, and deplored, many marriages where even the silence is charged with hostility. In our home, my wife wisely decides and I happily abide. In this spirit I was particularly pleased by a recent civil exchange between two reader-commenters on the topic of whether women are truly outperforming men in more and more arenas of everyday life. Pleased because each commenter, while arguing for his position forcefully, was at least respectful of the other’s viewpoint. I was pleased as well by the thoughtfulness of the comments and the lively back-and-forth, so much so that I reprint the exchange here with only a few minor deletions.)

Readers Debate “dennis:LEADERSHIP WEARS HIGH HEELS!” 

Mr. Concerned comments:

You are over-generalizing. Anyone can pick out an isolated anecdote about women outperforming men or vice versa. If you were outperformed by another man, would you bow down to him in obedience and servitude? Should the CEO of Samsung have bowed down in obedience to Steve Jobs? That's just silly.

I understand your fetish requires you to frame it that way, but get a grip. You do realize the most powerful people in the world are men, right? And by a huge margin.

More and more women will gain positions of leadership and authority as time goes on. I realize women never had opportunities before. Now that they have access, their numbers will swell in the higher ranks… they have nowhere to go but up. The upper ranks were exclusively men previously. So obviously, the growth of women in top positions will drastically outpace that of men.

I just don't get this mindset where people celebrate any female success as “women are taking over the world.” It's comical and sad, really.

L.S. replies:

To Mr. Concerned above… please allow me to offer an answer to you. First, the belief that women are innately superior to men is NOT based on anecdote. For example look at the metastudy below--a study of 308 studies involving 1.1 million children--that shows that in school girls outperform boys IN ALL SUBJECTS not just recently, [but] for the last hundred years. The authors credit "female thinking styles."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2616906/Boys-perform-worse-girls-EVERY-school-subject-100-years-claims-study.html

It's hard to explain this away.

Second, [you] argue that being outperformed isn't that significant because it doesn't (and shouldn't) translate automatically into male obedience. [You’re] right. But, given the larger context of patriarchal beliefs and conditioning, the truth of female superiority is highly significant. It shows that male entitlement to have the world oriented around their selfish desires is simply bad for all. Once these patriarchal beliefs are widely understood to be wrong--and it is happening with accelerating speed--two things happen:

First, men get into the habit of seriously listening to Women, asking their advice and following their leadership. It becomes something that men do in everyday life rather than a kink or a fantasy. Meanwhile, when women realize that EVEN WITH NO SPECIAL HELP, THEY WILL NORMALLY OUTTHINK, OUTPERFORM, AND OUT-LEAD MEN simply because they employ their own superior ways of doing things, this will give women greater confidence to think for themselves and not turn first to men. That will accelerate their ascension into leadership positions in work and family.

Second, as men realize that their gender wasn't born to rule, they will give up the equation of male identity with patriarchy. This means that over time more and more men will relinquish the mindset of competing with one another for a few scarce positions at the top and explore the joys of being a nurturer, including being a homemaker. Every man can be a nurturer of women. Being a nurturer means they can get vicarious pleasure from facilitating the pleasure of others--in this case women--especially when that facilitation comes at their own expense. Meanwhile, women come to see themselves as entitled to receiving such pleasure from men; it's their privilege as women. This will be the real end of patriarchy. This shift has a sexual component because more and more men will be attracted to strong women, and women will be attracted to men who can supply them with unselfish pleasure from taking care of them and their household.

Does this mean that men are subordinate? Yes, but being subordinate is not necessarily bad. It is only bad if it is forced and deprives a person of her opportunity for fulfillment. But if it is done voluntarily and gives a person satisfaction, it is a good thing. The joy of serving others instead of being oneself served has always been a high goal for religion. Why shouldn't men try it for a change? Not only is it voluntary, but it is more in accord with the truth of overall female excellence and expands the overall potential of society. Each sex will be exploring its own unrealized potentials in a refreshing way. In short, what is called matriarchy here is a social advance and a win-win for all.

Mr. Concerned responds:

L.S.: Eloquent, indeed, and quite an extrapolation into the future. You've sure got it all figured out. Thank you for the link to that study. Girls outperforming boys for 100 years? Wow! I admit, I'm impressed. I won't give my analysis here because I fear it will be unwelcome and I will be shouted down.

All I will say is that the researchers suggested several possible explanations. They did not credit superior female thinking. Different learning styles, cultural expectations, and parental encouragement were all cited as possible explanations. You chose to focus on the one you like and cite it as a rock-solid conclusion.

However, you've raised some issues worthy of serious discussion, and I'd love to discuss it with you privately if you're interested. Serious discussion will not be sexy talk appreciated on a blog like this.

But let's assume that females are generally smarter than males. Okay. All I was saying is that the prescription for ALL males to become a subservient underclass to their superiors is ridiculous. Do you really think that Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet wouldn't have been successful if they had to compete against women?

Now, those are exceptional people, but we can all be successful according to our own abilities. I'm just saying it doesn't follow that men should just pack it in and take up housekeeping. Get out in the world and compete and find your place. Don't just pack it in and say "I can't compete with them." That's for losers.

L.S. responds again:

Dear Mr. Concerned, You will not be shouted down by me, only welcomed. And I apologize for not fully enumerating the possible reasons for the results of the study demonstrating girls' superior achievement. I certainly don't think all men should be full-time housekeepers. Neither does Nancy, if i remember her correctly. It's just that their talents can best be utilized under female leadership.

But let me address your underlying patriarchal mindset that is evident when you stress competition. In a society that is based on merit, there will always be some level of competition, but more and more people choose self-fulfillment and personal enjoyment as their highest goals in life. Trying to claw one's way to the top, though it may give you status, wealth, and power, is not personally satisfying to most people--men or Women. I suspect that may hold for you as well. To find out, I would invite you to try this experiment:

Abandon the idea of competing with women at least for a short while. Instead of viewing Women as your rivals, try just supporting and following them for a short period--perhaps a month. Seek out their advice whenever you have a problem; during meetings support their views (without compromising your values); when talking to women, listen to them attentively and quietly without interrupting them; try looking at things from their point of view; become better versed in women's topics and issues; try to anticipate their interests and needs; volunteer to do things on their behalf. This doesn't mean becoming passive or a loser. It means setting your male ego aside and enlisting your efforts and intelligence on behalf of others.

While you do these things, consult your own feelings. You may find that this gives you the kind of nurturing fulfillment that I discussed earlier. You may also find that you are become more popular among the women of your life. If this works for you, push ahead and carve out a space for this kind of behavior in your life. It's not all or nothing. You don't have to take up this lifestyle completely or not at all. You can just make it a small or medium-sized part of your life at first. It all depends on what gives you fulfillment. As for me, I am not in the kind of relationship dennis or Mark is, but I do get satisfaction in supporting and following women in many parts of my life--whether I'm among women or among men.

It's possible that you don't get any nurturing satisfaction from doing these things. in that case, you have learned a valuable lesson and you no longer need to visit these sites. My hunch is that you are intrigued enough to try out this little experiment. If you do, please report your experiences on this site. Many will find it quite interesting and instructive.

Mr. Concerned gets the last word:

LS: That's an interesting experiment. I suspect that I would enjoy some of it. I just don't interact with that many women on a daily basis. I don't have the type of job where I see many women.

Let me just state, my comment was in no way an indictment of female dominance/male submission. I'm a sub and am very attracted to calm strength and assertiveness in women. I even enjoy being "trained" by a woman in a relationship, even in the vanilla sense of the term.

All I was saying is that I think men are selling themselves short when they drop out of the race thinking they can't compete. Showing up is half the battle, and I think that's one thing young women have on men today--they show up--to college, to job interviews, to work.

Women may have the biggest edge in soft skills--responsibility, maturity, cooperation. Men seem to take longer to learn these things. However, I think it's a toxic and self fulfilling prophecy to say "I can't." Because then you surely won't.

*