Lighting Her Cigars, Part 1

Of course, she doesn’t smoke cigars, but if she did, we’d light them for her, wouldn’t we, mates? Because that’s who we are.

“You see many such couples… the man [is] completely trained and conditioned, he is ever alert for his cues. If his lady unsnaps her purse and frowns down into it, he at once presents his cigarettes, and they are always her brand. If she has her own cigarettes, he can cross twenty feet in a twelfth of a second to snap the unwavering flame to life, properly and conveniently positioned for her. It takes but the smallest sidelong look of query to send him in search of an ashtray to place close to her elbow. If at sundown she raises her elegant shoulders a half-inch, he trots into the house or onto the boat or up to the suite to bring back her wrap. He knows just how to apply her suntan oil, knows which of her dresses have to be zipped up and snapped for her. He can draw her bath to the precise depth and temperature which please her. He can give her an acceptable massage, brew a decent pot of coffee, take her phone messages accurately, keep her personal checkbook in balance, and remind her when to take her medications. Her litany is, ‘Thank you, dearest,’ ‘How nice, darling,’ ‘You are so thoughtful, sweetheart.’ It does not happen quickly, of course. It is an easy life. Other choices, once so numerous, disappear… And finally, of course, it comes down to a simple equation. Life is endurable when she is contented, and difficult when she is displeased. It is a training process, conditioned response."
—John D. MacDonald, A Tan and Sandy Silence

Clearly, John D. MacDonald--writing under fictional cover of his famous alter ego, Travis McGee--is deeply contemptuous of these men, who behave more like a courtier than a queen’s consort, devoting themselves utterly to her service, alert to, even anticipating her every whim.

But for many men like me—and it’s an increasing cohort of modern males, I am convinced---serving our significant female others as exalted queen or goddess is not seen as degrading, but as uplifting and deeply endlessly satisfying. Many submissively oriented guys can envision no more glorious fate, no greater manly endeavor.

For the first of many examples, here is an excerpt from a confessional letter to Elise Sutton, in which the writer revels in his fawning subservience to a beautiful, willful woman. And, among his many personal services, apparently, are lighting her cigarillos:

“She relaxed on her favorite white leather sofa with a bunch of new magazines I'd bought for her. I poured her a brandy and lit her Nat Sherman Black & Gold cigarette. She doesn't often smoke, but she and I agree that no pleasure should ever be denied her so this is a nice extravagance. I knelt by her feet, took off her shoes and began massaging her feet.”

It’s a common confession of wife- and girlfriend-worshippers, being exalted by obeisance to the adored one, leading a life in a devoted, female-centric orbit:

“I am most comfortable when my fiancee chooses to relax. In our relationship, I am doing the man's work. She is not expected to lift a finger. I bring in a plate of cookies, some coffee, tea, or Perrier and we spend some time in conversation. Sometimes she is busy and I find something else to do. However, I am always on call… She goes to bed first, and I straighten up the living area. I go up to the bedroom… While the house is always neat, I only take one or two days a week to do a complete cleaning.”

For many such husbands, their service to their wives extends to every room in the house, especially including bath and boudoir:

“I love to wash my wife's hair and scrub her in the shower, then dry her. Mostly because she loves it. If someone says it isn't important, I do not care. I know giving and loving are important to me.”

As I wrote in Chapter 5 (“Pampering and Pitching In”) of the original Worshipping Your Wife book, “There are manly guys who draw their wife’s bath. Who shampoo her hair. Who loofah her skin and even shave her legs. Who give facials while she luxuriates in the suds. And who are ready with a warmed, fluffed towel to enfold her as she emerges, a dripping Venus, from the bath. Who are rewarded with the further privilege of drying and powder-puffing her skin, or massaging it with moisturizing creams. And who, later, lovingly brush her hair, the traditional hundred strokes.”

And these:

“My wife came into the bedroom and sat at her dressing table to apply her makeup. She was wearing a silk robe that I had hung in the bathroom that morning. As she applied her makeup, she noticed that there was a chip in the polish on one of her toes. ‘I don't have time for a pedicure now, but fix that chip for me while I finished my makeup.’ I found the polish and first cleaned the old polish from that one toe and then applied a new color and topcoat. And then I remained at her feet…”

“Beauty care for my wife includes bathing her, brushing hair, doing makeup and nails, laying out and assisting in dressing her.”

“My Mistress requires me to massage her feet, paint her toe-nails and shave her legs. Occasionally she has me bathe her.”

“I'm going crazy, giving her footrubs, watching her try on new dresses, watching her put on her make-up in the morning, watching her do her fabulously thick and rich hair.”

“I kneel next to the tub and begin to bathe my wife as I have done so many times before. I try to remain calm as I run the sponge and soap over her back, breasts and legs as she relaxes.”

“Saturday morning after she showered, my wife called me in and said, ‘You may watch me put on makeup and blow dry my hair if you wish.’ I do love that, I have always stolen glances just to watch her do that! To me, a woman doing that is so feminine, erotic and powerful.”

Fdhousehusband, whose discontinued blog “Her Househusband’s Life” is sorely missed by many us, offers this advice to husbands embarking on wife-led marriages: “Help Her dress and undress each day.”

And for macho guys who, like MacDonald, heap scorn on such servile behavior, “Fd” heaps his own scorn in return, leavened by pity:

“i always laugh when i see [husbands] on TV shows, films and even [among] my male friends impatiently waiting at the door for their Wives to finish dressing and yelling out something about ‘being late.’ i think to myself, ‘Why isn't he helping Her?’ One of my important jobs is to help Her get dressed each time She heads out the door and to reverse the process when She comes home. my assistance saves Her precious minutes from Her busy day and makes myself useful. And besides, i get to enjoy this very special and intimate contact with Her!”

But, to return to the main point of this posting, is it really possible to reconcile such servile behavior with manliness? It’s a fair question. In the first giddy euphoria of this lifestyle, back almost fifteen years ago after I first launched into all-out wife worship after reading Lady Misato’s revolutionary website (“Real Women Don’t Do Housework”, I went a little wacky, I guess. My wife quickly became annoyed by my constant (and almost overnight) solicitousness. “Don’t be a sycophant!” she snapped. She was right, of course. (When isn’t she?)

I think I’ve learned a thing or two in the years since—learned how to reconcile manliness with, uh, well, servility, for want of a studlier word. Or, shallwe say, with service to my Queen. She does not object to being adored, catered to, obeyed, and all the rest. But she wants a man to be serving her and obeying her, the man she fell in love with and married, not a toady, not a wuss or a wimp.

Which brings me back, as seems inevitable in these postings, to the old romantic courtship model of wife worship, as set forth by Lady Misato and many others since. The paradigm is embodied in the knighthood ceremony depicted on the cover of my first book. The worshipful boyfriend or husband defines and models his devotion along the lines of a heroic knight to his queen, kneeling before her after each brave deed and seeking her next commission.

I use Knight-Queen advisedly, in preference to Knight-Lady, because a major motive to the medieval knight’s devotion to his queen derives from the vast disparity in their respective stations. It is not a disparity simply of rank, of course, or social standing, but of power. In the case of a Queen, we may assume that her power over the man on bended knee is absolute.

Thus the intrepid man-at-arms bowing low before her and stretching his neck in his prostration, prays for a gentle downward touch of the flat blade of the great longsword in her grip, conferring knighthood. But his submissive pose, and the fearsome blade she wields, also illustrates that she has the power of life and death over him. She could as easily smite him with the edge and remove his head--or have it done, the way Queen Elizabeth I eventually disposed of her beloved Earl of Essex.

This particular queen-knight tale has inspired many dramatic retellings, notably Donizetti’s tragic opera, Roberto Devereux and Maxwell Anderson’s play in blank verse, Elizabeth the Queen, which was adapted to the screen as The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex, starring Bette Davis and Errol Flynn. FLR write large.

Which brings us to a new question: What is the role of the unequal balance of power in a Female Led Relationship? But I’ll leave that for another day and another post.

END PART ONE

Who Knew? Women Are Trying These FLR Blog Post Ideas on Their (Mostly) Willing Guys

I never imagined, when I began this blog back in 2007, that my imaginings and scribblings would actually influence marriages and romantic relationships. I kinda hoped that might be the case, mainly by leading more husbands and boyfriends into the path of perpetual courtship and wife worship. I have been especially delighted, for instance, to learn, via several emails and comments, that there are wives who have their husbands read aloud to them at night from my books.

But the notion that girlfriends and wives would take “male management” ideas shared here and implement them verbatim in their own budding FLR relationships… well, as the title above says, Who Knew? With Elise Sutton, perhaps, but moi? It seemed farfetched and fantastical. But exactly that has been occurring.

For instance, my favorite guest blogger Beckie Sue took the blog post of Au876 on Financial Control, Part 1 (and yes, there is a Part 2) and applied several ideas from it more or less as written to her own marriage. As a result, her husband was instructed to surrender his debit card, had his his paycheck direct-deposited to his wife’s private checking account (just like me), and was restricted to $10 pocket money, with instructions to inform her promptly if he spent any part of it, so she could “replenish it.” “He had questions and doubts,” Beckie Sue writes, “but I told him the decision is final and permanent.” Moreover, she forwarded the Au876 posting (about husbands surrendering complete financial control to their wives) to “a couple of my friends to read and consider implementing some of the ideas.”

Whew! And as you are about to read, from the anonymous and adventurous young man whose postings I featured in “Starting Early on an FLR,” my blog on female-led shopping inspired his girlfriend to design mall outings for him in which he was basically the beast of burden for her and a girlfriend and… well, I’ll let him tell it.

But let me say first that no, I do not feel like a traitor to my gender for inspiring these women (and perhaps many others) to exert such increasing and sometimes capricious control over their husbands and boyfriends. I suspect these dudes are actually reveling in their new female-led constraints, despite discomfort, reduced status, etc. Please let me know, guys, if I’m wrong in this.

Now, to Anonymous and his experience in "Girlfriend Led Shopping"*:

Anonymous

My girlfriend and I had gone shopping a couple times early in our relationship. This was before it even started developing into what it is now. Those trips were the typical co-ed shopping trip; she would spend forever looking at stuff while I would wander off and either sit and wait somewhere or find a more interesting store to shop in (think video games).

It ended up being equally miserable for each of us, so we both sort of came up with an unwritten rule that shopping would be something that we'd each do on our own. Neither of us had reason to reconsider this unwritten rule.

That is until we worked our way back to your set of blog entries. She decided a trip to the mall (or “mauling” as I normally referred to it) would be a good way to evaluate my progress. She called her best friend and made arrangements for the following Saturday.

Prior to our departure on Saturday, she went over the rules. From the time we get there until we leave, I don't get to sit down. I carry all the bags and I'm not allowed to set them down. When they want me to, I also carry their purses. I am not allowed to fidget or appear to be bored. I have to stay three paces behind, yet still keep up with them.

Even though there was reasonably close parking, I dropped them off curbside in front of one of the big department stores, parked the car, and then caught up with them inside. They were sampling some of the perfumes. Without a word, they hand me their purses and go back to exploring the merchandise. I began my day as an obedient valet.

The first hour or so was actually easy and I would have to admit kind of fun. It's weird how it feels to be a good servant; it kind of gives a sense of pride. I diligently followed them around carrying their bags for them, carrying their purses when they wanted me to (which was actually most of the time), doing the holding all of the garments they wanted to try on, retrieving other sizes, and returning stuff they weren't interested in.

There was one incident where she gave me a dress to put back on the rack. The saleslady that was helping them tried to grab it saying that she could take care of it. My girlfriend chimed in and told her not to worry about it because I love doing stuff like that. The saleslady gave me a quizzical look. I just smiled and said, “I live for this” as I put the dress back on the hanger and headed to the rack to put it back up. My girlfriend's friend watched the exchange and got a good kick out of it. I didn't hear the comment the saleslady made after I walked away, but I bet it would have been interesting.

After they picked out the stuff they wanted, they'd retrieve their purses, and my girlfriend would give me the debit card and tell me where they were headed for next, leaving me to take the stuff to the register and pay for it.

For the most part, this wasn't a problem. However, one store we visited sold accessory type stuff and was fairly busy. One of my standing rules is that if I am in line and a woman gets in line behind me, I have to let her go in front of me. I was the only guy in the store. I ended up letting about 10 women go in front of me. The only exception to the rule is I don't have to let them go in front of me if they are displaying insignia from a sorority different from my girlfriend's. Luckily, I spotted Greek lettering on one lady's necklace that allowed me to secure my position in line.

Needless to say, my girlfriend was not pleased that it took me so long to catch back up with them. She accepted my excuse when I explained why I was delayed, but said that I would still have to make up for being late.

After what was probably about two hours, they decided it was time for lunch. We headed to the food-court. Before getting there, she reminded me that the rules about carrying the bags and not being able to sit down still apply in the dining area. Then she queried about how much cash I had left over from my allowance. We got to the food-court and they picked out what they wanted. My girlfriend relayed the order to me, added what I was to get for myself, and sent me off. She likes having me eat minimal sized meals when we're with her friends.

She noticeably didn't give me the debit card, so I bought the food with the remains of my weekly allowance, which was barely enough to cover the cost. This was obviously intentional since she had made sure how much money I had to begin with.

Carrying the food along with all the bags was a tricky juggling act, but I managed to complete it without spilling anything. Fortunately, the ladies picked a tall table so it wouldn't look too awkward for me to be standing there while eating.

While walking through the mall, there were other couples attempting to shop together. All of them were where my girlfriend and I were at the start. The guys were moping around looking disinterested, attempting to spot where the nearest seat was, and wishing they could take a detour to one of the electronic stores or something of more interest. My girlfriend would spot such couples and make sure to parade me right in front of them. She would also ask something as we passed such as, “are you able to keep up with us?” I would diligently respond with a smile, “Yes, dear.” She loves showing off and making other women jealous. I will admit it makes me feel good to help her do so.

As time went by, the number of bags grew and grew. While the weight of each bag wasn't a whole lot, the compound effect of multiple bags began to get taxing. While her girlfriend was in the fitting room, I requested to consolidate some of the bags together so that I wouldn't have to juggle so many of them. She merely responded by pressing her finger down on my upper lip, her way of telling me she didn't want me talking.

All that constant walking and standing was starting to really make my legs tired. I had to more and more make a conscious effort to remain well behaved. Even though it's where they would spend the most time just trying stuff on, I came to really like it when they went to the shoe stores. Helping her try on different shoes allowed me to kneel down and rest the bags on the ground.

I could also sense that they were starting to get tired as well (as if women could actually get tired of shopping). They would start doing a tag team at some of the fitting rooms, where one would sit and relax while the other was trying stuff on. Of course, that was not an option for me as I was either running garments back and forth or playing my role as a coat rack near the entrance to the fitting room.

Other women shopping or trying stuff on would seem to always make some comment, either directly to my girlfriend or her friend or open to everyone. The most common one was 'I need to get one of those.” Each time they'd say something, I could see my girlfriend beam a smile, reminding me again what this was all about. She would just tell them that the best thing about it was that I actually enjoyed shopping with her. I think she enjoyed the attention and comments as much as anything else.

The drive back to the house was a relief. It was the first opportunity to sit down that I had since driving to the mall in the morning. When we got back to the house she said that since it took me so long at that accessory store that I owed each of them a half hour of leg and foot massage. This probably would have been expected even if I didn’t have that blemish on my performance. I would give one of the ladies a massage while the other would be trying on all the different outfits and stuff they had bought, then they’d tag team swap. It probably ended up being about two hours.

After they were done, her girlfriend wrote her a check for her portion of the purchases and left. My girlfriend gave me her review of the day. She said I was much better behaved than way back when we first attempted shopping together. However, she added that she thought I was having to consciously work at enjoying it and that our goal should be that we get to the point where I don’t have to work at behaving and that it’s more natural. She summed it up saying, “On the whole, I had a good time. All of us had fun. I got a bunch of new stuff for my wardrobe, and I even made some money at it.” She folded up the check her friend gave her and stuck it in her purse. I do not expect she put it back in my account.

This all happened about six weeks ago and she’s decided that it’s time to make a return trip to the mall. She’s called another one of her friends (she says she has more fun when shopping with friends) and we’re about to head out.

Sorry about this being so long. I sometimes tend to ramble on. I also apologize for taking so long to post, but things have been busy for me and she doesn’t always consent to my internet time.

Do any of my readers wish Anonymous had written shorter? I bet not. As for me, I can’t wait to read his next installment. And, as for his precocious girlfriend, she is welcome to borrow anything she likes to expand her delightful dominion over him.

* You can read his original comments below the post “Wife-Led Shopping: The Ultimate Test, Part 2”.

Female Superiority - Conversion Experience, Part 2

As I wrote in Part 1 of this two-part post, my conversion to belief in the idea and reality of female superiority has been gradual. Perhaps the “aha” moment — when years of accumulated evidence reached a tipping point — occurred as I read that first email from Beckie Sue, describing her own reluctant journey of discovery, from FS skeptic to convert.

By the time I had reached her concluding thoughts—that “female superiority is only natural and is showing up more every day [and] someday it will be accepted by everyone”— I realized that not only had she hooked me, but reeled me in. Oh, I was still thrashing around in terminal protest, but I was definitely netted.

It felt like all the parts of her argument, which so closely paralleled my own experience (with my wife and all our married friends and family), had fitted and clicked together, permanently. Like one of those three-dimensional puzzles I can’t disassemble. All at once the matter-of-factness of female superiority was just there—everywhere I looked—and, in Beckie Sue’s phrase, “only natural.”

It was certainly natural in my marriage. I’m wedded to an Oracle. She makes wise and prudent decisions on the fly, weighing all relevant factors including how the outcome will affect each person in the equation. I have no clue how she does it; she didn’t graduate from Hogwarts, but she’s a full-fledged wizard nonetheless. I’ve learned, over the two-decade course of our marriage, and considerable dating time before that, to take every problem to her and then do exactly what she says. Like an applicant, or supplicant, to the Oracle of Delphi, say.

Since I have learned that many other husbands, especially of the wife-worshipping persuasion, do likewise, and for the same reason. In our house and theirs, Mother Knows Best.

So I was well primed to accept and promote the proposition of female superiority. Except for the inescapable corollary, i.e., masculine inferiority, or, more specifically, my own inferiority vis-à-vis my wife. Female superiority can be taken with a spoonful of sugar; male inferiority has to be swallowed straight and it can stick in one’s craw. Was I “man” enough to truly accept that lowered status, and live it? Frankly, Beckie Sue wondered the same thing. “I don't think you have accepted female superiority as a fact yet,” she wrote me, “though you want to.”

But how could I justify holding out on my secondary status in the marriage? It was writ plain for all to see—for our kids, family and friends, waiters and waitresses, car salesmen, the tax guy, hotel clerks. Everyone knew where the marital power resided, who made the decision, who handled the money, who exercised the superior judgment. In fact, the areas in which I was subordinate to my wife just kept—and keep—expanding, day by month by year.

My paycheck was direct deposited to my wife’s private account, just as in Beckie Sue’s marriage. (And for good reasons, which perhaps I can detail another time.) Again as in Beckie Sue’s marriage, all “our” decisions were wife-made and final. I was automatically out of the loop on almost everything of consequence, from permission for sleepovers to vacation plans. Arguments had become a thing of the past because I deferred to the Oracle on all matters great and small, and had grown comfortable doing it (and increasingly uncomfortable when circumstances required me to decide important matters without benefit of her wisdom and common sense).

And my wife was, and is, at ease with the female-first order and hierarchy. She knew her decisions were superior, that her judgment to mine was as a mother’s to a child’s. Even in supposedly masculine areas of expertise, like fixing mechanical things or organizing home-improvement projects, I have learned humbly to take the problem to the Oracle. She will study the matter until she finds a practical solution.

Anyway, I was excited after reading Beckie’s Sue’s email, and immediately sent a copy to my wife, wanting to share it, wanting her reaction. She emailed me back, “That was quite a letter from that woman.” Only later did I realize that a likely reason that Beckie’s Sue’s ideas had resonated with my wife was that my wife had already—quietly and calmly—reached the same convictions. Namely, that women are superior.

And I wondered: How many women are similarly convinced of female superiority and, out of social courtesy or reverse chivalry, go through the motions of according males a status they we not merit? I suspect it might be a very large percentage.

“I have asked my wife if she thought she was superior and she didn't answer,” wrote one commenter to the Subservient Husband blog. “I asked if she thought I was wrong in saying she was superior, and she was unable to disagree with me on that point.” Exactly.

But philosophical acceptance of female superiority is one thing. Living day by day in a home and family structure that is ruled by that superior creature is another. That’s the New World Order I have been coming to terms with. And, perhaps surprisingly, the more I have accepted it deep down in my being, the happier I have become. Not only is female superiority “natural,” like Beckie Sue says, but it just feels right. It’s more in sync with the actual power balance in our marriage. I am a satellite, circling her, magnetized by her. She has the gravitas. She is the center of my universe.

Again to quote Beckie Sue: ”Most husbands today understand, even if subconsciously, that they are inferior to their wives.” Absolutely true in my case. I realized that I had always felt like an impostor playing the role of man of the house, lord of the manor, and all that. Once I dropped that leading-man pretense and accepted my supporting role, I felt liberated and, to use a modern pop psych word, “authentic.”

Now, finally, I have become comfortable with my true and subordinate status. I am free to enjoy serving her, my superior, the love of my life, a Goddesss incarnate who I am privileged to live with, to adore and worship and obey.

As a bonus, I am enjoying the company of a large online support group of happily “inferior” guys who have also had their eyes opened.

In his admirable blog, Subservient Husband explores his own sense of “submissive” liberation and his growing sense of pride in serving a superior creature:

“I have come to appreciate her leadership… I am thankful she gives me the benefit of her direction. I do understand my wife is more intelligent too. It is a big thing to admit since it goes to the core of self-preservation kinds of things, but I feel I have worked though that now…
“I think the term [inferior] is being shunned due to the societal image it conjures up. In my view, it is healthy to acknowledge and accept that my wife is better at things than me and my willingness to submit to her authority is in my best interest.”

For Subservient Husband, acceptance and understanding of his inferiority offers an additional benefit. As a service-oriented submissive, he finds the idealization of his wife and the consequent imbalance of power a wonderful motivator, energizing him in his daily chores of housecleaning, child care, wifely pampering, and so forth.

Typical of the lively debate encouraged by Subservient Husband, his post was followed by a long and intense exchange of comments pro and con. I especially enjoyed two strongly supportive reactions from wives:

“[My husband] knows he is inferior to me and he loves being inferior to me.”

“Accepting being inferior (or accepting your husband as inferior) is hard after being taught otherwise all your life. Thank you for not backing down. This is actually hard for me to understand and write here. But male inferiority is to be accepted and embraced by both wife and husband. Once both accept their respective role, a relationship will be much smoother.”

Or, as Subservient Husband himself puts it: “Some may think that living as the inferior in a relationship would be cause for discontent. For me it is a realization I acknowledge and find I thrive on the recognition of."

As Beckie Sue has said, “If men only could understand that female superiority would be the ideal for them.” So, thank you, Beckie Sue, for opening my eyes to this blindingly beautiful fact of life, one which I will never forget.

On this same topic, I came across the following quote from a now defunct FLR message board. I’m guessing it was written by the opposite (and superior) sex:

“Why does female superiority make males happy? They are happy because they have found their place in this world. They have found a reason to exist, a reason which they can intuitively link to the natural order of things. To learn that they are inferior does not make males unhappy, on the contrary; they state it with pride. Males who have understood female superiority know that at their place they can be useful, and this makes them happy. They also realize how lucky they are to share this planet with such wonderful beings as women. To serve a superior female is not degrading; on the contrary, it is an honor for males to serve their superiors, It is assuming their rightful place and duty in the order of the universe.”

Note: I am, of course, aware that the topic of female superiority is debatable, and tends to excite strong reactions, pro and con. But, as this is a personal “conversion” post, I’ve steered clear of all that, or tried to, as well as use of the more inflammatory term, “female supremacy.” Perhaps another time.

###

Starting Early on an FLR

A young man (in his twenties, I’d guess) just commented anonymously on a post from last September 9, Au876 on Financial Control, Part 2, and I enjoyed it so much that I decided to build a new post around it.

First, his comment in its entirety:

My girlfriend manages my finances. We aren't married (yet) and she makes a point to differentiate between manage and control. She set up two bank accounts for me. My name is on the account but she has signature authority over them. She is the only one that knows the on-line passwords.

I have a debit card for one account. We keep $250 in this account and it's primarily for emergency situations. Also, if I need to buy a big dollar item, something like airline tickets, she will transfer the money into the account to cover the cost.

My direct deposit goes into the other account. While it's still my account, I am not "allowed" access to it. We both know that the money is still mine, but she decides how it is spent. My portion of the bills are paid from this account as are my various loan payments (I still have car and student loan payments).

Every Monday, she gives me $100 in cash. But then every Monday evening, we go out and have dinner with three to four of her girl friends. They all know about our relationship and it's sort of a little ritual we have. She'll order something simple for me (a soup or salad) and I basically wait as they eat their meals and socialize. She'll signal me when it's my time to leave, and I'll pay the bill then go wait in the car.

My allowance is really what's left over from the $100 after paying for their dinners. It usually ends up being around $20 per week. Sometimes she'll encourage them to break their diets and order desserts. When she does that, I usually have to use money saved from the previous week to pay the bill. One time I didn't have enough surpluses from the previous week and had to use the debit card. She docked my allowance the two following weeks to replenish it.


She does occasionally take liberties with how she manages my money. She's occasionally informed me that I've “treated” her and one of her friends to session at the day spa. Then she'll point out that I spent the past three days at work so they could enjoy a couple hours of relaxation.

You've advised against allowing girlfriends financial control. But in my case, prior to her taking over, my finances were in the crapper (I was wasting money and was habitually late on credit cards and stuff). I'm also young enough that even if she does take everything, it's not as if I've got a whole lot of time invested in it. And like you and your wife, I really have no reason to not trust her. She seems to enjoy doing things to remind me how much control she has over me. And her enjoyment is what I have found ends up making me the happiest.

I also believe that since she owns my time, my employer is really paying her to have me work there.

And here is my enthusiastic reply:

Anonymous, I have to say that this is one of the most exciting comments this blog has seen in its three-plus years. Exciting especially because you are embarking on your FLR at such an early age, with so many delightful decades ahead of you if, as perhaps we both hope, your girlfriend consolidates her loving authority over you by taking you to husband.

Many, if not most of the FLR bloggers and commenters I’m familiar with seem to have converted to this lifestyle after many years of marriage, in their mid-forties, fifties and even beyond. Many seem to be empty-nesters, especially those who are privileged to live in an FLR 24/7. And I doubt not that most of them—I’m talking about guys now --would share my envy of you for coming so thoroughly under your girlfriend’s control so early.
I hope that you will comment or email in future, with updates about your evolving relationship. As I said, with so many years ahead, and your girlfriend demonstrating such a fertile imagination (like those Monday-night dinners with her girlfriends) in her “management” of you (as opposed to “control”), the possibilities ahead for both of you seem almost limitless… and truly exciting.

I also commend you for realizing how you are prospering under her judicious financial management—even if she does restrict you to a meager allowance. I would like to see a survey of just how many wives, whether in official wife-led marriages or out, take control of hubby’s paycheck, for exactly the reason that your girlfriend has done.

By the way, I don’t recall ever having advised against having a girlfriend take financial control. I have certainly read such advice, and understand the commonsensical reasons for it. As Lady Misato observed, “It is possible for a woman to exercise erotic power within a long-term non-marital arrangement but outside of marriage, there is a) a temptation on the part of the man to seek an easier resolution, and b) no committed relationship into which to invest.”

Finally, because I am so intrigued by your comment, and I want to share it with more of my blog followers, I propose to include it in a new post in the next day or so. Again, thank you, and keep us all posted!

As I reread Anonymous’ Comment, I was reminded of a young man who joined Lady Misato’s original Yahoo! Wife Worship husbands’ forum probably ten-plus years ago and shared his fledgling FLR… except that term didn’t exist at the time. Lady Misato called it “wifedom” or “courtship marriage.” This young bachelor, who signed himself “quasarableu2000,” used the common term, “femdom,” to describe his evolving relationship with his girlfriend. His postings created quite a stir, I can tell you, among our group of mostly 40-plus husbands.

I trust Lady Misato won’t object to my sharing a sampling of quasarbleu’s postings from all those years ago:

quasarbleu2000
Hi, I'm new to the forum... I'm not married but in a serious relationship with a girl that opened my eyes to this site and many others. What can I do to make her happy, yet not smother her? Yesterday I gave her a pedicure and painted her nails. What else? We are both in college and money is tight for me. Any suggestions would be good, we are great friends… I'm not her slave, I'm her submissive boyfriend and her best friend, she's the dominant friend with a twist. I'm madly in love with her and she's madly in love with me. Thanks for any input and ideas.

Just wondering how you guys are coping with this lifestyle? I've had some serious trouble adjusting to this lately. At first the domination was light and has now progressed into a full-blown life of my long-term GF's domination. She said about a month ago she wanted things to progress to the next level. I had no idea what that was going to mean until now. My releases have gone from 3-4 a week to now less than 1, while I pleasure her nearly 2 or more times a day. The chastity tube that's on me has been sized and resized until it fit so perfect I can't get out of this thing. I've now been in this thing for 9 days, that's a long time when it’s real. My resistance to her domination is long gone after 48 hours! She has modified most of our relationship and I must admit I'm in heaven, but how do some of you who have the more domineering wives cope?

This has come to a slow progression, but I'm looking around now and I can't see how I could ever go back. Recently my long-term girlfriend told me that she was going to be decorating my apartment and organizing it so she could move in easily. Basically, she said in no uncertain terms that “her” apartment was going to need to be organized and I was going to have to help her maintain it. Her dominance grows slowly but almost like a snowball, once she was comfortable with her dominance in our relationship it started to take effect in many parts of our lives like this. All I can say is this, this is what most of us asked for and I’m happy.

My long term GF says and I quote “I enjoy the absolute submissive disposition you get when you are denied. Your thoughts are so easily manipulated by me, it's a lifestyle I want us to get used to.” She enjoys her erotic power more when it “works” and it only seems to work if she truly controls my orgasms.

Okay, so my girl friend calls me and asks me if I want to go to dinner with her twin sister and her sister’s roommate and go out for the night. Her twin sister’s roommate was telling my girlfriend’s sister that her ex-boyfriend was a womanizing asshole and that she needed to find a guy like me, who would worship & obey her like I do Jenny. Then Jenny pats me on the head and says something like, “I’ve turned him into this girls, don’t think he came this way.” Which is true in every respect. Then her sister looks at us and says with a smile, “Jenny, you womanize Jeff.” Then they all start laughing and the roommate says, “Oh my god yes, Jeff you do her laundry, clean her room for her, do her nails, the pedicures,” then she breaks down laughing because of the alcohol and embarrassment of the topic. Then Jenny say out loud, “Looks like the big secret is out, Jeffrey, everyone knows about us.” Anyways, I don’t know what to think now, I feel so embarrassed. Does she have the right to do this to me?”

[I include here the answer to this query from my old friend, Au876: “Dear quasarbleu2000, I can understand why you would be embarrassed but YES, she does have the right to do that to you. All she has done is let some of her friends know about the relationship you enjoy with her. It put you in a rather humble position but I suspect you enjoyed it to some extent. You should be proud she brags on you to her friends. You can almost bet your bottom dollar they envy her.”]

quasarbleu2000 (continuing)
It's very common for girls my age to be the dominant one in the relationship and for that position to be stated and understood. Now don't take my statement to mean “More girls are into femdom relationships,” because I don't think they see them in that way. I think women in general, in my era are becoming less submissive as a whole. Several of my female friends are in what we would consider femdom relationships, they just don't call them that. To them, it's a normal relationship, they are in charge of it, and that's how all their relationships since they hit puberty have been.

Well, my GF told me that she wants me to start checking with her before I buy anything large from now on. Also, she mentioned that she wants to start looking at my paychecks and bills, seems as though she is interested in controlling my money more so than before. She is interested in a joint-checking. I didn't even think banks would do that unless two people were married. It’s obvious she wants us to get married sometime, and she's trying to get me ready for what it will be like, well so she says. Frankly, the idea turns me on. Truth is, I'm horrible with money, while I make great money even while in school, I manage it like total crap. I trust her with everything, my heart first and foremost, my money also. I'm content with her control, it's all the more real this way. (End of Excepts)

Quasarbleu2000, are you still out there? If so, could we have an update?