DENNIS: MEETING JOAN AND LEARNING OF ‘THE PROTOCOLS’

It was my second time home for a weekend with Nancy, and She promised me it would be a very busy one with plenty to do and a lot to learn. i was looking forward to it. On my first visit i was introduced to “housekeeping Her way” by Sue, but She wasn't the real trainer in Nancy's family. Rather, that title belonged to Sue’s Mother—Nancy's Grandmother—Joan.

Joan was an attractive Woman with Grandmotherly charm, but, i was warned, She also had a quick

temper and an intolerance for anything other than respect and obedience from males. Joan was the family Matron, regarded as a Wise Woman. Everybody respected Her and sought Her  opinion and followed it when they got it. She was like the Oracle of Delphi in Her own right. Family members would travel literally hundreds of miles to seek Her advice. No marriage partner was taken without Her approval, no home bought, no vacation planned, no investment made, no college major selected without consulting this Wise Woman.

In concert with Her daughters, Joan made the rules under which the family ran, all of which She referred to as The Protocols. The Protocols covered everything! They included the details of housekeeping as well as rules concerning how men treated Women in the family. A lot to learn, but it all made sense and resulted in a smoothly running household with the Women firmly in charge. No man ever got into trouble when he followed—to the letter—The Protocols. In fact, many men, myself included, have actively contributed to this body of rules, regulation and Female privilege. i'd go so far as to say that men benefit more from The Protocols than do Women.

Joan wasn't in charge just at home; She was the office manager for a large car dealership where She wielded a great deal of authority. When Joan spoke, people listened and obeyed. Even the dealership’s owner sought Her opinion and deferred to Her. He never hired anyone without Joan first interviewing them and giving Her approval. Joan had the last word on promotions, demotions, pay raises, and bonuses. She ran the place with a tight fist, and while some surely were jealous of Her power and even resented Her, they respected and obeyed Her, and that's what She cared about. In an era before Women ascended in the workplace, Joan had, power, position, privilege, a salary that eclipsed Her husband's, and a company car.

Joan held court; people and activity came to Her. So, on a Friday evening, having driven over 100 miles from school, i met Joan. She would be my tutor, my confidante, and my disciplinarian. Joan was expecting me when Nancy brought me in and gave me a brief introduction. From a fashion perspective Joan was dressed to the nines. Black dress, complementing patent leather pumps, ultra-sheer hose, and a mesmerizing array of jewelry. Nancy told me previously that i should genuflect to Joan; I did and was alone kneeling before the family Matron. She was seated in a high-back chair and motioned to me to sit on a stool at Her feet. She asked questions, and we talked for quite a while. After some time She mentioned The Protocols—the rules I had to learn to “make it” in the family. She went over some of the rules and behaviors, discussing them in depth; i listened intently, wanting to write them down—but that would come later.

Here is a sampling:

• Men are to continually demonstrate their deference to Women in ways appropriate to the social setting they are in
• When a Woman enters the room, all men rise out of respect for Her; they can remain in the room only with Her permission
• Men are to speak only when spoken to; Women don't really care what
  
  men have to say; men learn by listening to Women
• Women gather in the living room, men convene in the kitchen from which they can better serve Women
• Women are referred to by Ma'am, Madame, Mademoiselle, Dear Lady, or Ladies; men are never to refer to a Woman by just Her first name
• Proper attire is required of men serving Women
• Men are to seek out opportunities to serve Woman
• If a Woman extends Her hand, he genuflects and kisses it, indicating that it is his privilege to do so
• If a Woman extends Her foot, he genuflects and kisses it, indicating that it is his privilege to do so
• When a Woman enters a room, the gentlemen accord Her a “stoop-and-bow.” I was to find that a “stoop-and-bow” is somewhat like a curtsy and one of the reasons for wearing an apron
• When a Woman leaves the room, gentlemen accord Her a “stoop-and-bow”
• When encountering a Woman for the first time, such as when he enters a room, a Woman is accorded a “stoop-and-bow”
• When he leaves a room having served Women, a gentlemen accords them a “stoop-and-bow”
• When walking, She leads and he walks beside and slightly behind Her
• At social functions he remains with Her, being attentive and supporting Her in conversation
• At the theater She leads the way and presents the tickets
• In a restaurant he may make his own selections, but She places the order and pays the check
• he is expected to serve Her and Her Guests and do so in an attentive manner indicative of his and Their relative roles
• There is a right way—the Woman's way!—for every household task and service rendered
• Her career and interests take precedence 
  
• He is responsible for housework so She can better pursue Her career and personal interests
• She controls the finances
• If marriage occurs, the man takes vows of obedience and fidelity; She does not!

Joan noted that these are small things that are not the least obtrusive but are very appropriate to a modern relationship. These little courtesies become second nature to men who benefit from following them; the next morning i'd start learning them and was very excited at the prospect.

Nancy entered the living room to show me to my room for the night. Following The Protocols, i stood and looked to Her. “Good!” i recall Joan saying. Joan then extended me Her hand; I genuflected and kissed it. “Very Good!” I recall Joan saying. Then, starting to get up from Her chair, She hesitated and said, ”Oh, why not?” She sat back down, crossed Her legs and extended me Her  foot. I recall saying, “Oh, yes, Ma'am” as I knelt before Her and, gently taking Her foot, kissed it through the sheer taupe hue of Her nylons . It was the first of hundreds of times that i'd do this.

“Oh, we are going to get on splendidly” Joan said, leaving me kneeling as She rose and left the room.

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