(Note from Mark Remond: This is a
posting dennis sent to me some time ago, one which I meant to publish earlier. A
reminder to new readers: dennis has been directed by his Wife and Mother-in-Law
to lower-case all masculine nouns and pronouns and to capitalize all Feminine
nouns and pronouns. I do not interfere in his compliance with those directives.)
Carol
sent me to a workshop on software development today. i was flattered to be
selected, particularly since the Women we sent are all regarded as high-performing
management candidates. The company conducting the training had a significant
percentage of Women in technical, finance, and consulting positions just as our
company does. No accident here; Women simply have the needed talent and
education. So far the course is excellent; the Women conducting it really know
software.
It's
also been interesting watching leadership dynamics that come into play. Not
sure why, but the men in attendance, with the exception of tom and me, organized
themselves into their own team for the course exercises. tom and i chose to get
on one of the Women’s teams and were welcomed as members of their group. The
Women said they welcomed ideas no matter where they came from. The only
condition was that They wouldn’t tolerate male bravado and told us so; none of that
from tom or me. The Women took charge and moved forward with a good analysis of
the problem given us; lots of collaboration and exchange of ideas.
The Women also looked professional; i know from my work in the boutique that a business suit, pantyhose, and heels are a combination that screams “we mean business.” The men, on the other hand, came to class dressed casually if not sloppily. They had an attitude that they had all the answers—“piece of cake,” one said.
The
men looked on the workshop as a competition with the Women. they kept to
themselves, worked alone in another room on the other side of the building,
argued a lot, and even spied on the Women's work during breaks. The Women were
collaborative and open to ideas and inputs; yes, they reached out to the
obviously dysfunctional men but were rebuffed—“we don't need help from you
Girls,” one of the men said laughingly.
When
the exercises were completed at the end of the day it was the Women who, by
far, had the best solution to the problem put forth; the men were obviously
confused and greatly underperformed. The instructor made them stay late to try
and salvage something of the day for them. The men embarrassed themselves and
their gender. Anyone, even the most casual observer, would see that Women were
the obvious leaders here. It's no wonder Women are moving up in government and
business. Women are collaborating and getting things done, making a difference,
in spite of men. 
tom
and i were invited to have dinner with the Women. When one of them joked that
we “wouldn't mind being one of the Girls,” we agreed. Why would anyone mine being
on a winning team? As we walked out of the workshop, the sound of six pairs of
high heels echoed through the hallway—a sound can be intimidating, ominous, or
triumphant. One of the Women laughed at the sound and observed, “Wow, We make a
lot of noise!” i told Her that high heels on polished tile was the sound of the
future. “Leadership wears high heels,” i added. She agreed. It’'s the new
reality. And i LOVE the sound of high heels!
—d
21 comments:
Dennis, It’s sad the men were so competitive and jealous of the women. But, at the same time you and tom set a wonderful example for them. As you no doubt intended, your story is very metaphorical of what his happening in today’s world. There’s a man’s world and a woman’s world, and the woman’s sphere is becoming the one everyone wants to be part of because it’s more powerful and successful. But, I think for a lot of men it can be more fulfilling to be in a follower and supportive role rather than a leadership role. That’s the alternative to being intimidated and resentful in the face of Women’s leadership. Men have been deprived of the satisfactions of being supportive followers. That’s why it’ so important that people hear of your story.
LS
what happened to the men after this humiliating experience and similar experiences in general? Do they change their ways, ask to work with and for the women? I truly hope most of them realize that they can't compete with women and instead focus on obedience and servitude.
As for the heels, I think it's fascinating how women turned something that has at first been sexist, into the most powerful symbol of their authority and power. Even the sound they make can be both feminine and intimidating. But on the bright side for all men, the sound of heels across the hallway will tell us that the boss is coming even when she's still far away!
dennis replies to winston just above:
you are certainly right about high heels. High heels have morphed from something that only Women could understand into something that conveys their power and commands respect. The high heeled shoe has indeed become a unique symbol of Feminine authority, the sound of which men fear as high heels echo in the hallways, the unmistakable sound of approaching authority. High heels are a unique piece of Femininity definitely off limits to men but something that many men now admire for both their artistry and powerful symbolism. i take care of Nancy's shoes and feel it a sacred privilege to do so. Women have always reveled in their high heels and men, sadly, have typically ridiculed that interest. But no more; men understand all high heels convey - the rising authority and power of Women. Progressive gentlemen see high heels as symbolic of the now accelerating demise of patriarchy. i take care of Nancy's extensive collection of shoes - She has many pairs but not enough, in both our views. i lovingly tend to Her shoes and consider it a privilege to do so; it's a duty to be sure, but more importantly another way of worshipping my Wife.
d
@Winston
You are over generalizing. Anyone can pick out an isolated anecdote about women outperforming men or vice versa.
If you were outperformed by another man would you bow down to him in obedience and servitude? Should the CEO of Samsung have bowed down in obedience to Steve Jobs? That's just silly.
I understand your fetish requires you to frame it that way, but, get a grip. You do realize the most powerful people in the world are men, right? And by a huge margin.
More and more women will gain positions of leadership and authority as time goes on. I realize women never had opportunities before. Now that they have access, their numbers will swell in the higher ranks. I mean, they have no where to go but up. The upper ranks were exclusively men, previously. So obviously, the growth of women in top positions will drastically outpace that of men.
I just don't get this mindset where people celebrate any female success as "women are taking over the world." It's comical and sad, really.
To Mr. Concerned above. This is not Winston, but please allow me to offer an answer to you. First, the the belief that women are innately superior to men is NOT based on anecdote. For example look at this metastudy--a study of 308 studies involving 1.1 million children--that shows that in school girls outperform boys IN ALL SUBJECTS not just recently, for the last hundred years. The authors credit "female thinking styles."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2616906/Boys-perform-worse-girls-EVERY-school-subject-100-years-claims-study.html
It's hard to explain this away.
Second, Anonymous argues that being outperformed isn't that significant because it doesn't (and shouldn't) translate automatically into male obedience. He's right. But, given the larger context of patriarchal beliefs and conditioning, the truth of female superiority is highly significant. It shows that male entitlement to have the world oriented around their selfish desires is simply bad for all. Once these patriarchal beliefs are widely understood to be wrong--and it is happening with accelerating speed--two things happen:
First, men get into the habit of seriously listening to Women, asking their advice, and following their leadership. It becomes something that men do in everyday life rather than a kink or a fantasy. Meanwhile, when women realize that EVEN WITH NO SPECIAL HELP, THEY WILL NORMALLY OUT-THINK, OUT-PERFORM, AND OUT-LEAD MEN simply because they employ their own superior ways of doing things, this will give Women greater confidence to think for themselves and not turn first to men. That will accelerate their ascension into leadership positions in work and family.
Second, as men realize that their gender wasn't born to rule they will give up the equation of male identity with patriarchy. This means that over time more and more men will relinquish the mindset of competing with one another for a few scarce positions at the top and explore the joys of being a nurturer, including being a homemaker. Every man can be a nurturer of women. Being a nurturer means they can get vicarious pleasure from facilitating the pleasure of others--in this case women--especially when that facilitation comes at their own expense. Meanwhile,Women come to see themselves as entitled to receiving such pleasure from men; it's their privilege as Women. This will be the real end of patriarchy. This shift has a sexual component because more and more men will be attracted to strong Women and Women will be attracted to men who can supply them with unselfish pleasure from taking care of them and their household.
Does this mean that men are subordinate? Yes, but being subordinate is not necessarily bad. It is only bad if it is forced and deprives a person of her opportunity for fulfillment. But, if it is done voluntarily and gives a person satisfaction, it is a good thing. The joy of serving others instead of being oneself served has always been a high goal for religion. Why shouldn't men try it for a change? Not only is it voluntary, but it is more in accord with the truth of overall female excellence and expands the overall potential of society. Each sex will be exploring its own unrealized potentials in a refreshing way. In short, what is called matriarchy here is a social advance and a win-win for all.
I'm not saying much new here. Nancy and dennis, Ms.Helene and Beckie Sue and our blog host have done so eloquently before.
LS
LS - You say that you're not saying much new here, but you say it so eloquently and clearly. Would you mind if I repeat this comment as a separate blog post? Thanks, Mark
Of course Mark. LS
@LS
Eloquent, indeed, and quite an extrapolation into the future. You've sure got it all figured out.
Thank you for the link to that study. Girls outperforming boys for 100 years? Wow! I admit, I'm impressed. I won't give my analysis here because I fear it will be unwelcome and I will be shouted down.
All I will say is that the researchers suggested several possible explanations. They did not credit superior female thinking. Different learning styles, cultural expectations, and parental encouragement were all cited as possible explanations. You chose to focus on the one you like and cite it as a rock solid conclusion.
However, you've raised some issues worthy of serious discussion and I'd love to discuss it with you privately if you're interested. Serious discussion will not be sexy talk appreciated on a blog like this.
But let's assume that females are generally smarter than males. Ok. All I was saying that the prescription for ALL males to become a subservient underclass to their superiors is ridiculous. Do you really think that Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet wouldn't have been successful if they had to compete against women?
Now, those are exceptional people, but we can all be successful according to our own abilities. I'm just saying it doesn't follow that men should just pack it in and take up housekeeping. Get out in the world and compete and find your place. Don't just pack it in and say "I can't compete with them." That's for losers.
Dear Mr. Concerned, You will not be shouted down by me, only welcomed. And I apologize for not fully enumerating the possible reasons for the results of the study demonstrating girls' superior achievement. I certainly don't think all men should be full-time housekeepers. Neither does Nancy, if i remember her correctly. It's just that their talents can best be utilized under female leadership.
But, let me address your underlying patriarchal mindset that is evident when you stress competition. In a society that is based on merit, there will always be some level of competition, but more and more people, choose self-fulfillment and personal enjoyment as their highest goals in life. Trying to claw one's way to the top, though it may give you status, wealth, and power, is not personally satisfying to most people--men or Women. I suspect that may hold for you as well. To find out, I would invite you to try this experiment:
Abandon the idea of competing with women at least for a short while. Instead of viewing Women as your rivals, try just supporting and following them for a short period--perhaps a month. Seek out their advice whenever you have a problem; during meetings support their views (without compromising your values); when talking to Women listen to them attentively and quietly without interrupting them; try looking at things from their point of view; become better versed in Women's topics and issues; try to anticipate their interests and needs; volunteer to do things on their behalf. This doesn't mean becoming passive or a loser. It means setting your male ego aside and enlisting your efforts and intelligence on behalf of others.
While you do these things, consult your own feelings. You may find that this gives you the kind of nurturing fulfillment that I discussed earlier. You may also find that you are become more popular among the Women of your life. If this works for you, push ahead and carve out a space for this kind of behavior in your life. It's not all or nothing. You don't have to take up this lifestyle completely or not at all. You can just make it a small or medium-sized part of your life at first. It all depends on what gives you fulfillment. As for me, I am not in the kind of relationship dennis or Mark are, but I do get satisfaction in supporting and following Women in many parts of my life--whether I'm among Women or among men.
It's possible that you don't get any nurturing satisfaction from doing these things. in that case, you have learned a valuable lesson and you no longer need to visit these sites. My hunch is that you are intrigued enough to try out this little experiment. If you do, please report your experiences on this site. Many will find it quite interesting and instructive.
LS
I really like the sound of this experiment and look forward to hearing any results.
On the subject of shoes: I love to see women in high heels on special occasions, but I really do feel that some of this stuff is just pure male driven fantasy. I know many women who just do not do high heels. especially at work, and here are some of the health reasons. Sorry to be a party pooper.
High heels can cause foot problems while exacerbating foot problems that you already have.
Leg and back pain also are common complaints from those who wear high heels.
Posture
The lower part of your body leans forward and to compensate for that, the upper part of your body must lean back to keep you balanced. This is not your body's normal standing position.
Gait
When walking, your foot is in a more fixed downward position (plantarflexed) therefore you are not able to push off the ground with as much force. This causes your hip flexor muscles in your legs to work harder to move and pull your body forward. Your knees also stay more bent (flexed) and forward, causing your knee muscles to work harder.
Balance
Walking in high heel shoes is like walking on a balance beam. It takes a lot of balance and just like teetering on a beam, there is not any support in a high heel shoe to catch you if you fall. High heel shoes cause your foot and ankle to move in a supinated (turned outward) position. This position puts you at risk for losing your balance and spraining your ankles.
Back
The normal s-curve shape of the back acts as a shock absorber, reducing reduce stress on the vertebrae. Wearing high heels causes lumbar (low-back) spine flattening and a posterior (backward) displacement of the head and thoracic (mid-back) spine. High heel shoes cause you to lean forward and the body's response to that is to decrease the forward curve of your lower back to help keep you in line. Poor alignment may lead to muscle overuse and back pain…
For the rest http://foothealth.about.com/od/shoessocks/a/HighHeelsBad.htm
It's not far short of footbinding.
High heels have never done much for me either, for the reasons previously mentioned. I think that they probably evolved, with ever higher heels as it became known that men liked to see women in high heels. Women wanted the attention from men.... voila.... the high heel became fashionable.
I won't argue that they have come to symbolize feminine power. They just do nothing for me accept to feel sorry for the woman wearing them.
Running shoes do it for me!
Here's a new twist on female domination:
This morning I was out running, as I have done regularly for most of my life. I was working my way up an arduous hill of about 0.4 miles.
While I am getting older, and not quite as fast as I used to be, it is rare for me to be passed up by another runner, rare indeed.
So, working up this challenging hill I hear female voices behind me. Hmm, "that's unusual", I thought. I had not noticed them when I had turned onto this road. Either way, I fully expected their voices to fade into the distance as I muscled my way up the hill, naturally leaving them further behind. A minute or so later and it was undeniable, these girls were gaining on me and comfortably chatting away while doing it. Sure enough, as we neared the crest of the hill, these girls pulled abreast of me. One of them quipped, "Stay with us if you can" in a friendly way.
Now, granted these dominatrixes of the road were much younger and unusually fit, but it was the first time I've ever felt so thorough dominated by a couple of girls at my own game. The only reply I could come up with as they pulled away was, "I think you ladies are in a whole other league".
I enjoyed the view from behind as these girls continued to demonstrate their athletic superiority and seemingly easily increased their lead until I made a turn for home while they ran on.
Girls in running shoes do it for me.
@LS
That's an interesting experiment. I suspect that I would enjoy some of it. I just don't interact with that many women on a daily basis. I don't have the type of job where I see many women.
Let me just state, my comment was in no way an indictment of female dominance/male submission. I'm a sub and am very attracted to calm strength and assertiveness in women. I even enjoy being "trained" by a woman in a relationship, even in the vanilla sense of the term.
All I was saying is that I think men are selling themselves short when they drop out of the race thinking they can't compete. Showing up is half the battle and I think that's one thing young women have on men today - they show up - to college, to job interviews, to work.
Women may have the biggest edge in soft skills - responsibility, maturity, cooperation. Men seem to take longer to learn these things.
However, I think it's a toxic and self fulfilling prophecy to say "I can't." Because then, you surely won't.
@Obedient Husband,
Girls in runners do it for me too! Whenever I'm on the trail, either biking or jogging, and I get passed by a fit young woman going almost twice my pace, I get turned on. It helps that they're always dressed so damn cute for a work out too.
I've also noticed that when there's two or more they're often talking and laughing like they're in a coffee shop as they pass me.
I think we need to take a step back here and consider some of these "superior" women in the world. I get jaded when I hear this argument when surrounding you are examples of females running entire countries into the ground. Where has this been even brought up in your column?
Hmm, I'm curious.
To what country or national leader do you refer?
Team Pelosi-Feinstein-Boxer can certainly be implicated in California's demise.... but not so much the whole country.
Angela Merkel has done a pretty good job with Germany except for her getting to cozy to with Putin who, imagine it, is not such a nice guy after all.
Not trying to start a fight, but I am curious regarding to what country/leader you are thinking.
In responding, I can just as easily point out that Brazil's president along with Argebtina's leader have had horrible effects on the citizen's everyday lives. This filtering effort to ignore others such as Indira Ghandi, the rising Marie LePen in France does not wquivicate with female superiority. The corporate wolrd is the same.
I was speaking to a corporate headhunter a few years ago. They were mainly involved in finding hiring recruits for the banking and financial industries. They told me it had become common for their clients to insist on female interviewees.
The explanations he got basically came down to women being better at multitasking, generally staying more focused on work, and be more personable.
Of course, the biggest reason for male workers being more distracted is the increased presence of females in the workplace.
Well, we will see the full effect soon enough. I can reliably inform you the CEO experiment leaves the business world listless with female heads of IBM, Xerox, Hewlett Packard..and a few others where this has not been born out. Maybe mAry Bara will be a benchmark...time will tell.
Hi
Just wanted to share that this blog has been inspirational. I'm not sure I agree with it all, but it has made me think, and I am trying very hard to properly worship my wife. I always though I did but after really trying it is amazing how often I forget myself and put my needs before hers, in conversations and in deeds. It's tougher than it sounds! But it really feels right and I will continue to try my hardest. I think she is enjoying it too and our relationship has always had that kind of dominance anyway, but just I was surprised at how much more I had to learn.
Anyway. thanks for the inspiration I look forward to keeping up with your and other blogs on the lifestyle.
AW
An interesting conundrum here, I don't think my wife would appreciate me sharing this so I am anonymous and feeling a bit guilty for now, but we'll see if I gather the courage to bring it up with her in the future!
I too have been very ambivalent upon the subject of high heeled shoe wearing because of the damage and the bondage idea that its harder to get away from trouble.
They do though provide a powerful symbol of Female power and its undeniably sexy to hear their clack across a floor or road let alone their look.
Though as a male I might be technically better at something Women are better team workers and leaders. My skills are there to be utilised.
Males can understand the concept of adhering to and following orders in the military for a higher purpose and for others.
Why not then acknowledge that a Matriarchy would be better for all and that they have their place working towards the betterment of Womankind.
Femsup
Dennis, I liked both the story and its title; I'm also happy to hear that Nancy enjoys wearing heels and understands the message a woman's shoes convey. Her behavior and attire are especially important since she's a successful businesswoman, surely a lot of women at her office imitate her and learn from her.
And whoever dissmises the topic of women's clothes and shoes as unimportant is wrong; women do care about those things, meaning we should care also. Shoes have become a sign of financial power; when my girlfriend buys another pair of designer boots both of us know I can't do anything about it (because she completely controls the finances) and that I'll have to polish and clean them. It's a chore like any other, but also a demonstration that she's the boss - a bit playful, perhaps, but very powerful nevertheless.
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