When
my husband hears bells, he comes running! It’s one of the first lessons he
learned when he met my family. “Go to the bell! Ask what needs done,” my Aunt
told him. And he did!
In
my family the women gather in the living room while the men congregate in the
kitchen – why not? The men are going to prepare and serve dinner so they belong
in the kitchen! The men always look after us, keeping coffee fresh, serving
drinks, lighting cigarettes, the usual things. We love being served, and the
guys love serving. The problem was that we didn't want to yell for service. And
we certainly don’t want to be constantly interrupted to see if we need
something or, worse yet, have one of the men hovering around just outside our
conversation, waiting to be called. NO, this just doesn't work. We don't have
privacy, and the men waste time.
My
Aunt came up with a solution. She got the idea from a visit to an old Edwardian
mansion, now a museum. The wall of the servants’ quarters had lights, one for
each room in the house. When one lit, a servant quickly went to see what was
needed. What a great idea! But instead
of switches and lights, my Aunt suggested bells. Her sisters loved the idea!
The bells were bought, the men trained, and it works like a charm. The bells
have been ringing – and the men have been running – ever since!
If
one of the women needs something, she picks up the bell and rings it. A man
comes, serving tray in hand and politely asks, “How may I serve you ladies?”
It’s an opportunity for him not only to serve the one who rang the bell, but
also to see what the other women want. While he's serving, the women’s rules
are that he gather up glasses, cups, and ashtrays at the same time. He's more
efficient, and it makes for a minimum of interruptions.
Like
everything, we have “house rules” around “the bells”:
- When
the bell rings, he sets everything else aside; the bells are his priority!
ALWAYS!
- Men
should be 100% responsive while making a minimum of trips; he must do as much
as possible each time he is summoned.
- If
a group of men is in the house, only one should answer the bells but all must
take turns answering.
- A
tray is mandatory; everything is served from and removed on a tray.
- When
responding, a man should wait to be acknowledged; he is NEVER to interrupt a
conversation.
- Men
should not comment or attempt to engage in conversation when answering a bell.
Men are there to serve, not socialize; OK, I’ll say it again, MEN SHOULD SHUT
UP!
- Politeness
and deference are the rule; “Ladies, how may I be of service,” “Yes, Madame,”
“Yes, Ma’am”!
- Women
should expect to be served, so use of “please” and “thank you” is not needed.
The
bells have become a family tradition, and, like a groom getting an apron – or
many of them – the bride receives at least one bell; by the time she’s at the
altar, she knows what it’s for!
The
bells aren’t just for serving at dinner parties. If Mom sees something that
needs to be cleaned up, for example, she’ll ring a bell and summon Dennis to
take care of it. We have bells in every room.
We
use bells at home whether we have guests or not. The bells let everyone know
who's in charge and who's not! When women friends have come around, they have
learned to love the idea, and a few of them now have bells in their homes.
And
bells aren’t just for women. Most of the men in the family have one, but the
purpose of a man's bell is, of course, very different. A man isn't going to be
served – EVER! Instead he will leave his bell with a woman or group of women he
wants to serve. Dennis does this every day with my Mother. When he comes home,
he takes her his bell and a mixed drink – on a tray of course – and presents
them, telling her he’s now at her service. She’ll take full advantage!
N
