Friday, February 19, 2010

Being Shaped By Her, Part 3

(Note: Top-right photo is from Saharah Eve's website, used with her gracious permission.)

According to Goddess V (from the Wife-Led Marriage blog), “There are few limits to how far a dominant wife can push and control her husband if she handles him properly.”

Fumika Misato (of Real Women Don’t Do Housework) puts it this way: “You should be able to train your husband to do virtually anything you want.”

I not only believe this, I am utterly convinced of it. But, if you want additional verification, let me quote a husband from Lady Misato’s website: “My wife has been experimenting with the techniques on your website. One thing that concerns me is that there seems no limit to her power over me.”

Is his a genuine “concern,” do you think, as he feels himself slipping ever deeper under his wife’s newfound sovereignty? Or, in the guise of a complaint, is this guy really boasting of his helplessness?

Like this husband, who obviously relishes the way he turns into helpless putty in his wife’s capable hands: “At that point, I was so thirsty to submit that I felt there were no limits to my compliance.” He adds, in happy hindsight: “An assessment that turned out to be remarkably true.”

The point being that husbands, once they have bought into the wife-led concept, seem uniformly to enjoy hands-on training.

“Husbands here seem to fall into two groups,” one wag commented on Misato’s old Wife Worship Forum, “those who are already being conditioned by their wives, subjected to behavior modification along the lines advocated by Lady Misato, using sex as both the carrot and the stick, and those of us who WISH we were!”

Mistress Kathy, who writes the candid and caring Femdom 101 blog, likens a husband’s enthusiastic response to his wife’s commands to the way her uncle’s hunting dogs responded to their daily training (and no, she doesn’t equate men to canines):
“It was a joy to watch Liz interact with her husband… She worked with her husband almost every day to fine tune his skills. The smallest finger or hand movement was a signal for him to do something; fetch, come, go, or whatever. Just like my uncle enjoyed working his dogs, she enjoyed working her husband. Just like the dogs enjoyed being worked, her husband enjoyed the feeling of being ordered around and about by his lovely wife.”

The application of animal training techniques to husbands and boyfriends, as noted in the previous post, seems to have spawned an book category unto itself, along with a bonanza of magazine and website articles. Some of these articles are quite tame, excuse the pun, with girl-to-girl advice on teaching a guy how to plan a romantic evening—e.g., “Have your favorite chilled wine on hand so you can ask him to open it before dinner.” ("6 Ways to Train Your Boyfriend")
Other articles, especially those on female-domination sites, openly advocate rewiring husbands and boyfriends through more invasive means, such as autosuggestion, hypnosis, electroshock, neuolinguistic programming, operant and Pavlovian conditioning, even—say it isn’t so!—the prolonged chanting of matriarchal mantras.

Female-empowerment psychologist Elise Sutton takes a more traditional approach in her carefully crafted sequence of “Psychoanalysis of the Submissive Male” procedures. Sutton describes these as “a series of psychoanalysis exercises and procedures to help the dominant woman explore and better understand her submissive man…. [and] to better equip her in taking her proper place in her relationship.”

Ms. Sutton’s intent, clearly, is to empower the wife as the dominant marital partner, while encouraging the husband to dredge up and focus all his submissive feelings upon his wife. To facilitate the process of psychological surrender, the husband is usually to be naked during these procedures, while being interrogated, stimulated and often physically manipulated by his seductively clothed wife.
Hey, guys, like to schedule an appointment?

An even more direct approach to masculine mind control was advocated back in the ‘90s by a dominant wife called “Madame Rebecca” who operated her own Yahoo! Group entitled, I think, “Trained Husbands and Happy Wives.”

She simply advises husbands: “Let your wife do your thinking.” If this seems a bit vague, she spells it out:

“Too many males try to think for themselves. You must learn to allow your Lady to think for you, tell you what to do, what you like, what you are, what you are to think about and such. You have no need for your own thinking and it will only serve to cause you trouble.”

She gets even more specific: “Relinquish all thought process to her and accept whatever she tells you. Don't think for yourself, it will only get you in trouble, your lady will do your thinking for you, accept her thinking as your own.”

Does that sound, oh, I don’t know, a wee bit autocratic? Even dictatorial? But looked at the other way around, from the viewpoint of a husband eagerly seeking to increase his submissive service to his wife, Madame Rebecca is really offering a stirring motivational message. To wit:

“You want her to be more active and you desire to show her you are a useful male and serve her. Does it not appear to you that if she told you or asked you or that if you even thought she wanted you to do something, you should do it? Live for her and let her do your thinking for you. Let her know that you know she is always right and she is smarter than you and knows what’s best for you.”

Let me be clear. I am not advocating this kind of radical female-led mind control, simply including it in the discussion of “being shaped by her.” It does exist, and has no shortage of practitioners and proponents. Indeed, many husbands, who initially balk at having their wives mold their thoughts and opinions, become accustomed, and even addicted to the process over time.

Or else!

Like this guy explains: “My wife these days is much less tolerant of my opinion. I can usually only get one of two statements in before she dismisses it. I don't think she realizes the change.”

An aspect of female-led thinking that I find particularly interesting, and that some readers will doubtless find controversial (or even shocking), is where a wife imposes her political views on her husband, not only in household discussions but all the way to the polling place.

Judging from many snippets I’ve collected, it’s definitely a trend. Maybe we can chalk it up to feminist payback for all those years of “the little woman” being required to say, “Yes, Dear” to her husband’s now-hear-this pronouncements.
Okay, so here are some “Yes, Dear” election stories, starting with a husband who identifies himself tellingly as “Mr. Karen”: “My wife and I have a system where we vote for only women. If there are no women running for a particular office, we don't vote for that office at all. She told me that that doesn't discount the ballot.”
Another husband confides to Elise Sutton: “[My wife] has melted her politically radical feminist views (specifically that women should be in positions of political authority) into the fabric of our relationship… we now surf the Internet for sites like ‘Emily's List’ and ‘Wish List’ to find female political candidates that we like and we send them small campaign contributions.”

Georgeann Cross, in her online book, Sexual Power for Women, mentions how, during her senior year at college, she targeted a “short-haired conservative” classmate who got himself elected to the student senate: “ I decided I was going to enslave him and make the necessary repairs. If I couldn’t change his views, I would at least take control of his vote in the student senate.”

Mistress Kathy is equally up front about disenfranchising her submissive husband, or, shall we say, appropriating his franchise: “John is not only allowed to vote, but is required to vote. He, of course, votes the way he is told… This morning John and I went to vote. We voted early. On the way out I asked John who he voted for. He answered ‘the way you instructed me to vote, mistress.’ That earned him a ‘good boy.’"

Such husbands, you might assume, are surrendering their proxies over to liberal candidates, and you might be right. But not necessarily. As Mistress Kathy goes on to explain, contrasting herself to a domme wife girlfriend: “While I love [my friend] Liz to death, we are very different people. She is liberal and votes Democratic. I am conservative, and tend to vote Republican. What we have in common is that our guys vote the way we tell them.”

The wife-led polling process can be highly erotic, as this wife tells Elise Sutton: “[As election day approached] I had my husband kneel between the couch and the coffee table in our living room and I brought him the checkbook, stamps, envelopes, and information from all the female candidates' websites, complete with a picture of her and address for sending her money… I made him write a check for each candidate (which I signed of course) and prepare all the envelopes to be sent out. I sat behind him on the couch supervising him and gave him an occasional gentle caress. Seeing my scantily clad foot soldier for the female gender on his knees licking stamps and filling out checks and envelopes was very sensual for me and when he was done, I wound up having him bring my vibrator and orally worship me for nearly an hour. I had some of the best orgasms of my life!
“Afterward I did take off his CB and laid him down on the couch and stroked his penis. While doing this, I softly asked him which candidates he found attractive or powerful and I showed him pictures of the ones he identified. I then shifted my focus by telling him in a variety of ways how weak it must make him feel to know that women are taking over society and that his own wife keeps his little cock in a cage and almost totally denied. While doing this I looked into his eyes and saw him in the deepest state of subspace I've ever seen, and he ultimately had by far the most explosive and continuing orgasm I've ever seen him have.”

This object lesson in wifely dominion earns an accolade from Elise Sutton (who seems to favor a Libertarian position on many issues): “I think it is wonderful how you used the ever-increasing candidacy of women for high political office to take your husband deeper into submission to you and the female gender as a whole.”

Let me add testimonials from two more wife-led husbands, both valued online friends of mine, as it happens, and both utterly devoted to their wives.

Husband No. 1: “my Wife does guide me in all things, including voting. It is only natural as She keeps on top of these things while i tend to the domestic side of life. She reads the front page while i go for the section of the paper dealing with home life.”

Husband No. 2: “i am [another] one of the ones whose Wife instructs on how to vote. i was interested in politics and my Wife and i mostly agreed. When we entered on our FLR, my Wife’s opinions took precedence and i deferred to Her more and more. i now adopt Her political and business opinions and follow Her lead. She now overrules me when we differ… i just let my Wife make those decisions and i vote the way she tells me. In voting, my Wife will make out a sample ballot or write down who and what to vote for. Occasionally we talk about it, but Her decisions are final.”

But at least one female supremacist demurs at this kind of unlimited spousal influence, Katherine West who posts intermittently at Loving Female Authority: “There is no question,” she writes, “that my husband would cast his vote however I tell him, but I also have no desire to rob him of this right.”

Such gallant female courtesy to the weaker sex definitely merits an accolade as well, but perhaps not the very last word in this long post. That goes to another anonymous take-charge woman:

“Let's face it ladies, it's quite fun to be in control of a grown male human animal.”


runpb said...

I recently found myself home in the kitchen while my wife went out to vote for president. I was not eligible to vote.
(we are citizens of different countries)
She did, of course, cast her vote for the amazing Yulia Tymoshenko of Ukraine.
If I had been eligible to vote, there is no question that I would have been influenced to vote in a way in which my vote complimented my wife's vote.
Interesting post Mark.
We enjoy reading you.

Mknight said...

I like your blog for the most part however I find it bothersome how often you seem to move away from topics about courtship and more and more topics about female supremacy. In my own blog while I defend my view that a Wife led Marriage is a benifit to many if not all men, that outside of the home it is important that women and men be equal. Katherine West correctly describes voting as a right but it is also a responsibility and to blidly vote for a women based on her sex, or mearly differ to somone on issues that can effect many other people is dogeing that responsiblity.
As I said in my blog "the problems of this world are not the soley owned by men, and there solutions are not soley owned by women, they are to big to exclude anyone from the process of solving them."

Mark Remond said...

runpb - thank you for educating me about the "amazing Yulia Tymoshenko."

Mknight - I think your critical comments are well stated and on target. I have strayed from the original intent of the book to keep these discussions in the vanilla-esque realm of a return to courtship, into the realms of female supremacy. I guess I got tired of restating the same case.

Leslie said...

I also really like your blog and general point of view. The quality and breadth of your writing sets you apart from most FLR bloggers, and puts you in the class of experts.

That said, I also regard complete female control with skepticism. Georgeann Cross shared her college experience, I recall, to convey the importance of restraint (in the exercise of power, haha). Later in her book, she cautioned:

"You may feel [your husband] should be spending [all] the time with you, but if you cut [an activity] out of his life, and then you cut something else, and then another thing besides, you'll eventually find that you're married to an empty shell."

All perspectives are valid, though, and what works for one would certainly not work for all. But, it is still possible to have a happy, harmonious FLR while allowing the man to retain his individuality and (most:) personal freedoms. Just my $.02. There's certainly nothing wrong with expanding beyond your original thesis.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I appreciate your liking my photo enough to use it on your blog. However, I would ask that you kindly credit my photo with a link to my site at If not, please take it down. Thank you, Saharah Eve

Mark Remond said...

Saharah Eve, I have now credited the top photo, with a link to your website. My apologies. I downloaded this provocative photo from another site (and cannot remember where) and did not know its provenance. I appreciate your allowing me to use it.

Anonymous said...

My pleasure, Mark. Thank you for being so understanding.

I enjoy reading your blog; it's one of my favorites! May I link you on my blog?


Mark Remond said...

Saharah, I would be honored to be so linked. I'll be reading your public blog. Don't think my wife would allow me to join your site, though! It's pretty overwhelming just peeking into the public area. Be still my beating heart! May I link to you in the "Advanced FLR sites" list?

Anonymous said...

By all means, please do. I'd be honored too. :-)


Anonymous said...

I love being dominated by the Higher Sex (Female). I am trying to convince my wife to turn into a dominatrix, which she has been denying so far. Lastly, though, I feel the more humbly I worship her in the evenings by serving her and trying to only do as I'm told whenever it's about sex, I am gradually winning her over. It's a pitty that there's so little advice online for men who want to be enslaved sexually but have the ordeal ahead to convince their desired dominatrix of actually turning into one.

Anonymous said...

Saharah Eve's webpage, especially her gallery, is so beautiful, I just love her without knowing her! As a male, I feel so profoundly understood by her! I strongly recommend to educate themselves by watching that gordeous site!
Thank you, Mistress!

Steve Darnley said...

. Regrettably' I'm not married but if I were I would obey my Wife. A Woman should have total control of her Man -Husband or Boyfriend. Subservience & obedience to Women is the natural order. We need a Woman to control us;they are our Superiors.

Steve Darnley said...

All Men Must be obedient/subservient to all Women all the time. We need them to control us for our own good.Submitting to A Womans will should be our duty and pleasure. Their natural superiority demands this.

Anonymous said...

A previous comment by Leslie touched on this, but Georgeann Cross related her college experiences purely as a cautionary tale. She did influence her boyfriend's vote, but she did it by using blackmail. And I mean the kind of blackmail that could lead to criminal charges. Also, later in that chapter she sexually assaulted and raped him against his will. Also illegal, not to mention ethically and morally wrong. She used the story to explain the serious mistakes she had made in her youth, and to emphasize the importance of consent in D/s relationships. In fact, she mentioned that as the last relationship she ever had that wasn't completely consensual. She definitely was not making a case for using a D/s relationship to influence your partners vote. I enjoy your blog, Mark. Extremely professional and well written. Thanks!

Steve Darnley said...

if I were Married I would be my Wife's obedient Slave. Men must obey Women1 They are cleverer, tougher and smarter than us period