Monday, August 6, 2012

NANCY & DENNIS: IDEAS FOR MATRIARCHAL WEDDINGS


In an anonymous comment to the previous post on “Taking Her Name in Marriage,” I was asked, “What would an ideal Matriarchal wedding be like?”

An ideal Matriarchal wedding? Well, there are many possible components but ultimately it gets down to what the Woman wants. Here are a few suggestions from our experience.

A Matriarchal wedding may include a bachelorette party but does not include a bachelor party.

A key element would be marriage vows that are structured to reflect the couple’s female-led lifestyle. He would certainly take a vow of obedience to his new bride, and she might promise the traditional have, hold, love, and cherish. This is something to be planned in advance, and it serves a useful purpose of formalizing his commitment and letting all in the congregation know of the couple's intentions. I took a vow to love, honor, worship, and obey Nancy when we married. She and her family structured our vows, and until I got to the altar I was unaware of exactly what my vows would be, although we had discussed obedience. Waiting until the ceremony was a way of indicating my trust in Nancy and demonstrating that i believed she would always act in my best interests.

Consider having a female minister preside at the wedding ceremony. We find that female ministers are helpful with structuring wedding vows; some male ministers have been reluctant to depart from “tradition.”

Have the minister present the married couple with her name first, using whatever name or names the couple will use. In our case Nancy retained her name so, something like "I now present to you our newlyweds, Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. Frank Smith" would be done in such a case.

Another thing we recommend, which also comes from our wedding, is the giving of aprons to the groom. I received six different aprons, all beautifully decorated and all decidedly feminine. Each bridesmaid bought or made one of the aprons. This was quite appropriate to a man who was to have a decidedly domestic focus after marriage. I opened these gifts and tried all of them on during our reception and then danced with the bridesmaid who presented it. An apron is a gift that speaks volumes about the couple’s anticipated life after marriage and in giving me an apron each bridesmaid recognized my role. Incidentally, Nancy's bridesmaids were all feminists like Nancy and me; these women rarely wore an apron for any reason, although I’m sure their men did!

As a show of Matriarchal power have the bride order her new husband—wearing an apron, of course—to serve cake to the assembled guests. After a cutting the cake and having a toast, Nancy told me to serve cake to the guests. This was Her first instruction given to me as a married man. The women loved it, and I did, too.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding have the prospective groom make an apron. Nancy's grandmother said that an apron would be a useful item for a married man and suggested I make one. Under her tutelage I did, a very fancy, full apron that took a long time to cut and sew. It was unveiled at our rehearsal dinner the evening before our marriage. Lots of fun and very useful. Wearing my apron, I served champagne to the female members of the wedding party at our rehearsal dinner. I still have that apron and the other wedding aprons, although, in the interest of preserving them, I don't use them as frequently as I did earlier in our marriage.

If he is taking her name in marriage, something that, unfortunately, can still be controversial, a couple will want to make sure everyone present is aware of the couple’s intentions. I've mentioned this in an earlier post.

Before the wedding a couple should discuss and formalize issues such as whose career takes precedence, how much housework he will do, mention that she will manage finances, and so on.

Nancy and i have identical wedding and engagement rings. We also wore identical stud earrings. This was our preference, and other couples have done similar things.

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15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but some of that is too much. Groom serving cake in an apron?! Really? My wife would've wanted a divorce on the spot! Can't people have a WLM and not be bizarre?! I mean yeah, I do ALL the housework, serve my wife, and she controls my sex, but most of that stuff is just nuts.

dave94015 said...

I respectfully disagree with the anon poster who says the ritual is too much. Marriage is an important ritual that sets the tone of a relationship both to the principals and their family and friends. If the couple want it this way, then let them have it. Good luck to you both.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Dennis,
Your comments along with details from your actual wedding are
inspiring.

Do you currently wear an apron
when cooking or doing the housework?

Is the apron Feminine in nature?

Does Nancy Feminise you in any way?

Do you desire Feminisation, or ever wear Feminine things?

A submissive male

Mknight said...

I'm sorry but this whole post sounds to much like someones fantasy to me. Husband serving cake in an apron, dancing in aprons with the bridesmaids making his own apron. Mark used to write such wonderful down to earth posts about real FLR and wife worship why he let you take his blog over with a bunch of fantasy is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

mknight is correct..too few of these "bloggers" are what they say they are.....just too hard to believe.

Mistress Denise said...

An Apron? Hardly humiliating. At my small wedding (8 women guests). My sissy husband, who was dressed in a baby doll with garters and ruffled panties. When the ceremony was over each women took him over her lap where he was given 20 hard swats. By the time he got to me he was crying. After his spanking he was diapered. The diapers symbolize who is in control. He wears his diapers 24/7 and serves me as my slave.

Mistress Denise

Anonymous said...

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Women in the US, then vote Green. Jill Stein is
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is the vice presidential candidate. For more
info:

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Anonymous said...

Any ideas for proposing for a marriage vow renewal ceremony? I want to propose to my wife again, but don't want it blatantly FLR or submissive because that will turn her off, but at the same time, I want it clear that she is the head of household (which she is).

Anonymous said...

A Matriarchal couple that I know once showed me a video of their wedding. They were married by the High Priestess of a recognized Goddess Worshipping religion. The High Priestess was empowered under the laws of Her state to perform marriages. The Bride waited at the altar in a conventional wedding dress. The groom was brought to the altar in a burlap bag. When the bag was opened, the groom stepped out naked. The groom was told by the High Priestess that he would have to accept his Wife's discipline. To accentuate this the Bride struck his behind several times with a riding crop. He then took a vow to love honor and obey his future Wife and the High Priestess pronounced them Woman and husband. She then took him into an adjacent bedroom, chained him to the bed and had his male organs pierced and a wedding ring inserted. She then led him back out to the receiving line and he knelt at Her feet as She accepted the congratulations of Her guests. The couple has now been married over 25 years. My own ceremony was not as elaborate. I took a vow to love, honor and obey my Wife and we were pronounced Woman and husband. On our wedding night Wife had me lie naked on the bed and caned my behind.

Matriarcal said...

This blog is amazing. Thanks for sharing your antipatriarchal experience!

Anonymous said...

I have not and do not wear an apron as I don't think one is needed.But I appreciate that it is a strong symbol and the marriage ceremony is a public demonstration of love and loyalty.

If my partner wanted me to wear one we would discuss it and if she still wanted me to wear one I would.

There is nothing humiliating in serving honoured guests pieces of cake.

Femsup

Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - In our relationship an apron is a powerful symbol of the relative roles that Nancy and i have. My wearing an apron is mandatory and while it is a strong symbol of my subordination to her, it is also a cherished item of feminine attire that has been extended me. I consider it a privilege to wear an apron. Sue echoes this sentiment and tells me that an apron is something that a man earns; in our family having a man wear one is a privilege not given, or taken, lightly.

Anonymous said...

Thats very good to hear and accords with my own beleif that wearing Womyns attire is to be looked on as a privelage and flattery in showing that one appreciates the superior sex.

Femsup

Gary said...

I think these are excellent ideas, and a when a man gets married he should certainly acknowledge his Wife's authority over him by taking the wedding vow of obedience - to love, honor, and obey his Wife.
Obviously when a man gets married he should openly recognize Her rightful role as the undisputed Head of the household by taking Her name in the marriage, and becoming the lawfully wedded Mr. Her Name, and a couple should live openly and without apology as Ms. and Mr. Her Name.
I am a man, but also a staunch believer in a Matriarchal society, including Female led relationships and Matriarchal marriages.
I believe the Wife should definitely be the Boss in Her marriage and call the shots in Her home, and the husband should be fully subordinate to his Wife and completely under Her supervision where he belongs.
I believe this represents the most ideal, and most natural gender roles for marriages and relationships.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree with Gary's comment any more than I do!
billy servant of Lady R