Sunday, November 25, 2012


Mr. Beth commented favorably on the last post, “Taking Over the Shopping Chores, “ describing how it works in his wife-led marriage, and adding, “I guess every dominate Woman as a different way of doing it!”

As I particularly enjoy this topic, I’m going to respond to Mr. Beth at somewhat greater length in this post:

However your wife wants to handle shopping is appropriate, Mr. Beth. It's always up to the woman to determine what she does or doesn't want to do. In my case Nancy doesn't care to do the routine grocery shopping and delegates that task to me. She and her mother do enjoy looking for clothes and, of course, they love shopping for shoes -- what woman doesn't?

When she allows, I accompany Nancy and her mother on their shopping excursions and am just as excited about discovering new styles as are the women. I justify my presence by driving, carrying bags, standing in checkout  lines while the women move onto the next department, and by being the patient husband/son-in-law who provides comments – always positive! -- on the things the women try on.

Going shopping with them teaches me a lot. I'm able to pull together a credible looking outfit, so much so that Nancy has long since trusted me with packing her bags for an out-of-town business trip and with laying out her next day outfit for work. This acquired skill has some benefits during the holiday season as I will discuss in another post.

As a submissive man I am compelled to better understand women and their tastes; I routinely scan the pages of the fashion magazines. Harper's Bazaar, Elle, and Glamour are required reading for me; I enjoy perusing their pages and routinely point out styles – particularly shoes – that I feel might interest the women. They are never dismissive of my suggestions but may not be as excited about them as was I. 

How women shop is very different from the approach men take. Men are in and out with the first thing they see; for them shopping is a chore. For women, shopping is a totally different experience. It's an opportunity to explore, discover, discuss, socialize, compliment, and to be pampered. Women rarely shop alone; shopping is a team sport that involves friends; like them, neither do I. I prefer to shop for clothing with my wife or her mother or with one or two progressive gentlemen I know from work. There is definitely a woman's slant to my shopping style. 

Indulging an interest in fashion is indeed a woman's right, one that men should recognize, accommodate and, yes, fund. While narrow-minded men of the dying patriarchy dismiss women's fashion as trivial or frivolous, progressive gentlemen see it as a celebration of women. There are ritualistic overtones to women shopping; something your typical male can't understand but something that a progressive gentleman appreciates and may, in fact, envy. To be invited to shop with women is to be given a privileged insight into the world of women, to figuratively walk in her shoes.  I can sit for hours while Nancy and her mother get a makeover at the beauty counter. Make-up is magic, taking an already beautiful creature and transforming her into an absolute Goddess. Men have no parallel activity; that women do is a testament to their superiority. 

Similarly I love accompanying the women to the shoe store; Nancy and Sue love shoes and frequent a wonderful boutique owned by a woman, Margie, who, like us, is in a Female-Led Relationship. Her shop is for women only, but men accompanying them are welcome, provided they sit quietly and patiently while shoes are tried on – her average customer tries seven pairs. Margie doesn't tolerate anything other than good behavior from men, and those who behave otherwise are firmly told to leave.

I find the shop fascinating and love wandering through the displays.  Seeing the endless variety of colors, styles, and heel heights is intoxicating; even the most jaded male has to realize why women want – no absolutely need – so many pairs of shoes! Women's shoes are an absolute work of art. Black pumps say, “I'm powerful!” The taupe peek-toe pumps say that the wearer is not just an accountant. The four-inch red sandals shout, “Party time!”

Nancy and her mother always find and buy at least one pair of shoes at this shop. Nancy says she is spending my money on shoes; she is, and I can't think of a better thing to do with it or a better way to worship her. I even worked at this shoe boutique for a few weekends when one of Margie's regular employees was off sick. It was a great experience--and a great opportunity to serve Margie as well as a few of her customers.  As a token of her appreciation for my helping her, she gave me a shoe calendar that is on my desk at work. It's 365 shoes, some traditional and others definitely avant-garde; all a celebration of women and a reminder of their superiority.

I have a reputation for knowing women's fashion, and a few months back was asked by a man at work for some help in selecting a gift for his wife, a friend of Nancy who knows of our lifestyle. This husband decided, or more likely his wife suggested, a nice outfit for work.  At a local mall I steered him into the women's department at Macy's and started pulling together options. As we moved through the racks, it was obvious that the guy didn't have a clue, so I matched a plaid skirt with a black jacket, and picked a feminine blouse. Thinking we were done, he was taking me to the checkout, but I steered him to hosiery where I picked pantyhose appropriate to a business outfit – and I made him carry the pantyhose.  Then to accessories for a nice necklace and finally to jewelry for a “chunky” watch.  Not done yet, we went to fragrances and bought her a small bottle of Chanel.

We finally checked out. The outfit and accessories cost him more than $800.  He met his objective of getting a gift for his wife and I met mine. I wanted to get her a great outfit that cost the husband as much money as I could.  I met these goals, plus I enjoyed the shopping experience.  On the way home Mr. Macho, obviously irritated by my shopping directives, told me, “If I didn't know you were married, I'd think you were a queer. You shop like a girl.”

I thanked him for the compliment. A few weeks later I ran into this guy's wife. She told me she'd heard that I'd helped Tom shop for her birthday gift and she said it was perfect -- “right down to the perfume and pantyhose.” I told her that, had I known her shoe size, she would have gotten a nice pair of pumps out of the deal,

“Size 7 medium for next time,” she told me with a chuckle.


Anonymous said...

(Posted with my wife's permission)

It is great that your wife spends your money on shoes.

You know how women used to get "pin money"? That is what Clare calls my allowance :-)

I think what would be great would be working part-time in a shoe shop, serving all the ladies. And then Clare could spend my meagre earnings on shoes. Perhaps she could come into the shop and have me wait on her.

Mr Clare Doncaster (Jim, but I prefer Mr Clare)

Mr. Beth said...

I must say I was a bit taken back when you stated that you were writing a complete post based on a few of my comments. I was also very flattered so thank you!

I agree with much of what you said. I must say though for me, going shopping with My Wife for Her clothes to me is not real shopping since it's too much fun. Like your Wife, Miss Beth will sometimes bring another Woman along with our clothes shopping for Her most notably Miss Di. And if I happen not to go, She will almost always bring somebody else particularly Her Sister.

And the only thing more devine then going shopping for Women's shoes so your Wives feet can look so wonderful is to get the honor of shopping for lingerie with Her. Like you, I also keep up with Women's fashion by going through of my Wife's magaines every month especially Cosmopolitan, Vogue and Glamour. I actually shocked the wonderful salesLady at "Victoria's Secret" this past weekend due to my knowledge of Women's lingerie! On a side note, I also have to keep up with men's fashion as well so I am informed when we go shopping for my outfits therefore Miss Beth allows me to continue my subscription to GQ magazine.

Great work as always!

Mr. Beth

Anonymous said...

Yes its important too that we dress well to reflect well upon our superiors.

I know that you find womens shoes sexy but I also really like that you get fully into the spirit of things by learning about fashions and trends so that you can converse better on such subjects.

I really like giving up part of my allowance on things for her especially shoes.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Mr. Clare -

Nancy had me help Margie at her shop and it was a real pleasure to serve this entrepreneurial woman. Nancy made me available to Margie as her circumstances required. Margie had me doing stocking, cleaning up, and general tasks around her shop. I also ran the cash register and bagged purchases. I did get to wait on some of the customers but only when the shop was really busy. Very satisfying all around to be able to serve Margie and, by extension, serve women.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Mr. Beth - Thank you for your reply and comments. I have to agree that shopping with the women isn't a chore at all since I thoroughly enjoy doing so. But then a progressive gentlemen is going to derive great satisfaction from serving women no matter what the activity. And i agree with you concerning being aware of men's fashion as well. Nancy insists on my having a GQ look although I am very restricted in my budget.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - I agree with your comments on men's fashion as Nancy insists that I do. She likes me to have a GQ, if not an avant-garde look, and since my allowance is rather limited, she often and very generously buys an occasional item for my wardrobe.

As for men learning about fashion, it's a must! As is men keeping up with women's issues and things of concern to women. To support these goals I routinely read a number of so-called 'women's magazines'. I enclose the term 'women's magazines' in quotes since these are really gender neutral in the sense that any progressive gentlemen or anyone doing domestic tasks will benefit from reading them.

Anonymous said...

First, thanks for calling me Mr Clare. I changed my name by Deed Poll recently from Jim Stynes to Jim Doncaster (Mr Clare Doncaster for formal use). That is, I now use my wife's surname. I am still getting used to it.

I suppose new wives have a problem getting used to their new names too. I have had some humiliating moments explaining that my last name has changed. I don't say "surname" because that is a sexist term.

Second, unpaid work for women, just helping out in an unskilled way, is great. I have done a bit of work for a
fine woman politician locally, a staunch feminist with very progressive views. I did simple, mundane tasks which have to be done as a volunteer.

Mr Clare Doncaster (ex Jim Stynes)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your kind words Dennis and one of my guiltiest pleasures is reading what are ostensibly "Womens" magazines at the dentist or doctors or in a hospital waiting room.

And yes the progressive gentleman will be keen to learn from these magazines.

Nice to know that people here are supporting Womyns businesses.The more Womyn owned and run concerns are made successful the more independant financially and thus politically powerfully Womyn will become.


Anonymous said...

I really see how my typical male behavior has sabotaged me in the past. I've been the guy that goes to find a place to sit while letting my wife shop by herself or with other women. This is something that is going to change as of right now. Thank you, Nancy andDennis (and Mark) for showing us the way to truly worship our wives!


Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup -

Financial independence for women is VERY important. It's the best way for women to defeat patriarchy or succeed in spite of it. When women have financial clout, men will have to respect them. Women achieve financial independence when they get an education as many are today - 60% of masters degrees are awarded to women - they can then challenge men for highly compensated positions in business and government.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - Oh, and another point: progressive gentlemen do read women's magazines in public but they should also subscribe to them at home. With the holidays approaching, women might consider getting her man - or any man for that matter - a subscription to a 'women's' magazine, or two. Both men and women benefit when men develop an appreciation for female interests and perspectives.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Antwerp - Men can lean a lot from women and should avail themselves of every opportunity. Not only is women's fashion fascinating but so are women's social activities, magazines, and crafts. Consider attending the ballet, joining a feminist organization, reading women's magazines, or learning to knit. These are all women's activities but all are VERY rewarding to men.

Anonymous said...

Love your posts. It has helped us in our new FLR we have been in the past year. Keep up the good work.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous - Thank you for your comment. But it's you and your wife who have to keep up the good work. Keep strengthening your relationship and keep doing a little more for her each day. Both of you will be rewarded with a wonderful lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

I would join a Feminist organisation but would not want to hog the conversation.But the big stumblign block is that Feminism teaches that the sexes are equal but we knio wthat to be a falsehod.Womyn are far more superior so the basic premise although better than the current patriarchy is flawed.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - There are numerous feminist organizations; all are committed to advancing the rights of and opportunities for women. Some women's organizations promote equality, and you are correct that this was an initial objective of feminism. The group I work with doesn't stop at equality, however; they want nothing less than having women driving the direction of society.

And let me add that feminist organizations generally welcome men who want to work earnestly on issues of concern to women. Much of the work entails routine tasks associated with any organization, e.g., clerical work, cleaning and maintenance, running errands, fund-raising, putting up signs, etc. It also entails taking orders from the women who work at these organizations. Please be ready to do these things if you are considering joining a feminist group, otherwise you and they will be disappointed.

Anonymous said...

Nancy and Dennis

I have tried to do some work for a feminist organisation, and I too would like to see women not just equal but dominant in society. But I have been a bit disappointed. I don't think they really value men's input, even when all you want to do is routine tasks.

And a lot of women I know seem to actually prefer patriarchy. They will even say they don't trust other women to run things, and prefer men to be in overall charge!

I have grown more despondent about real change. I am 57, and I have seen things stall over and over again. The patriarchy has turned out to be more resilient than I ever expected.

Mr Clare

Anonymous said...

The biggest crime would be to join a Feminist organisation and to then try and run things.Our job is to support Womyn in first gaining equality which in turn will allow them to flourish and show their inate superiority.

Making sandwhiches and tidying up is a good way to show that men are not above such things.

If Womyn can't give the orders and run a Feminist organisation then when can they. I have helped in the past but I do believe that the basic premise is slightly ascue as I have said.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - We seriously doubt that any man will last long in a Feminist organization if he tries to run things - it won't be tolerated and he will be asked to leave. The same goes for those who attempt to join as a way of introducing male perspectives into the discussion. My experience is that men who work for Feminist organizations are usually recommended and usually undergo a supervised probationary period.

Even after he gained acceptance, Dennis knew that serving was a privilege; he knew to do what he was told and be grateful for the opportunity. He also knew that women want a man who speaks when he's spoken to and otherwise shuts up.

Anonymous said...

I hope that any male perspectives will be fully in accord with Female ones and that they will only be derivative of Womyns.

Any discourse will be to support and to better help realise Female goals.Acgtions speak louder than words and males should more often be seen and not heard.And seen doing useful things.


Edward said...

Hi Dennis: So many insightful points in this blog entry. My personal hot button is waiting in the hair salon while my wife gets highlights put in her hair. I would sit all day, and wait if it was required. I can read all the hairstyle magazines, and catch up on some of the latest styles, so it's a win win situation. I know some men would rather run off to a home improvement store, but you wouldn't catch me in a place like that ever.