Farewell Repost: WORSHIPPING YOUR WIFE: 750-Word Digest Version

(Note From Mark Remond: After four-plus years of blogging on the challenges and rewards of wife worship, and another four years of working with a wide range of guest-bloggers, many with views quite different from mine (and to all of whom I am deeply grateful), I have decided to suspend new publication here in favor of other projects that have now caught my fancy. My intention is to leave the WYW archive intact as a resource.)

For those who, for whatever unaccountable reason, have not yet read the book, Worshipping Your Wife, here is a 750-word Readers Digest or Cliff Notes version:

WORSHIPPING YOUR WIFE: Six Steps for Turning Marriage Back Into Passionate Courtship

“Boyfriends need to understand that if women are worshipped, the world will be a better place.”
—Nicole Kidman

“If you want your wife to be a Goddess, worship her.”
—Clairette de Longvilliers

“The thrill is gone.”

It’s the lament of so many married couples. Husbands and wives drift apart, physically and emotionally, or maintain alliances of custom and convenience, keepers of a flickering flame.

Love has its seasons, as John Gray reminds us in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It's folly to expect eternal springtime, perpetual romance.

But what if it's not necessarily true? What if love can be rekindled, even the all-consuming passion of first love? And not rekindled briefly, for just a season, but “ever after,” creating that fairytale future couples dream about when saying their vows?

That’s the extravagant claim of Worshipping Your Wife: Six Steps for Turning Marriage Back Into Passionate Courtship. Yes, courtship—because that’s when guys and girls find each other most mysterious and magnetic.

Here's the entire six-step program in a nutshell—nominally addressed to husbands, but most effective when hand-delivered by their wives (or girlfriends), with salty or salient passages underlined.

The husband needs to:

Step 1: Realize that "the thrill is gone" and that he wants to get it back

A man will do anything to win the woman of his dreams. Should he lose her, he will do anything to win her back. Why, then, is he not willing to do anything, on a daily basis, to keep her contented? Because husbands don't perceive that a wife can be lost if never again wooed or won, that marriage is also a crisis, deserving of extreme efforts.

Step 2: Save his sex energies for his wife

The dirty little secret is that passion doesn't ebb, magic doesn't vanish—not for most husbands anyway. Their fantasy life continues unabated, only focused away from their wives. With visual erotica a mouseclick away, too many husbands, while technically faithful, yield to imaginary infidelity. And, at the risk of sounding Victorian, chronic masturbation, solo and secretive, can rob a marriage of its binding energies.

Step 3: Make her his fantasy

The solution is for the husband to make his wife the centerfold of his inflamed imagination, as she was during courtship. When a husband begins treating her with that same homage, the deadening scales of familiarity will dissolve and he will see her restored to full, feminine mystery and radiance.

Step 4: Court her every day, attempt to win her anew

Let the dragon-slaying, and sonnet-making, and gift-giving continue. Also: In courtship, the man proclaims his romantic ever-readiness, but the woman decides when (or if) sex will happen. It is a wonderfully workable formula, attuned to the dynamics of male and female sexuality. Let the man be hopeful all day long, striving to earn or seduce ultimate favors. Let the wife initiate and announce the main event ("Gentlemen, start your engines!"). Sex will be better and hotter for both--and more frequent.

Step 5: Pamper her and pitch in around the house

Is it unmanly to pamper your wife? Is it insulting, or infantilizing to open doors for her when she's perfectly capable herself? Should a husband stick to gender-specific chores--washing the car, hauling out the garbage? The courtship model makes quick work of such debates: You can't do enough for her! And, in today's
two-income marriages, the woman ought not be expected to tie on the apron the minute she parks her briefcase. Let her log a few after-work hours in the La-Z-Boy (with a magazine and a Merlot). It may pay erotic dividends later that night.

Step 6: Dare to be known by her

Most men aren't comfortable discussing intimate or emotional issues--even sexual fantasies. But the more a marriage returns to the courtship model, the more a husband's thoughts—and fantasies--turn to his wife during the day, the more he will have to share with her at night (or other private times). Opening up to her will serve to strengthen emotional and sexual bonding--and preclude any temptation for a "misunderstood" husband to unburden himself to another woman.

Summing up

“To me it’s pretty simple,” began a memorable post I found in a wife-worshipping message board. “It’s all about doing what I can do to make my wife happy. Because when she’s happy, I’m happy. It doesn’t take much once you get the hang of it. Every single day I just pretend we are dating and I try to win her heart.”

***

Guest Post: LADY SUSAN—INTRODUCING DENNIS TO THE MATRIARCHAL LIFESTYLE

(Note from Mark Remond: “Lady Susan,” Nancy’s mother and dennis’ mother-in-law, who has previously commented on this blog, favors me with occasional observations on her family’s matriarchal lifestyle—and on FLRs in general. Recently, she has given me permission to use limited excerpts from these emails as blog posts. This is the first of what I hope will be a continuing series of contributions from Lady Susan.)

We are all in the female-led lifestyle and have been. Again, we’ve been at this for a long time and have evolved in our practice of the lifestyle. An overriding theme is that we women crave authority, and the men we’ve chosen to marry crave giving it to us. Our word is law and our decisions final!

Dennis has previously posted here about how, not long after he met Nancy, he was brought to her family home to be assessed by Joan (my mother), Julie (my sister), and by me. We were all looking for a man who would fit into the already established rhythm of our matriarchal family life, one where we women are in charge and the men take orders and care for the house.

For example, I don’t often speak of my late husband, but there are reasons for that. Though I loved him dearly, his opinion simply didn’t matter in the overall scheme of things. He knew to turn over his pay and get into the kitchen and be happy about it. And he was happy because he did as he was told. That's the secret to a successful marriage, an obedient husband!

The only time my husband ever appeared during Dennis’ initial visit was when I rang the hand bell for coffee, which my husband dutifully brought, wearing an apron, with all the courtesies I expected accorded me. I immediately watched for Dennis’ reaction to my husband’s dutiful performance and didn’t see a bit of trepidation on Dennis’ face. In fact, he seemed excited at what the future might hold for him.

Nancy had previously confided to me that her new boyfriend was thoroughly pussywhipped, and his reaction that day clearly confirmed it; that and what Nancy had told me about how their relationship was unfolding at school. Dennis is a number of years older than Nancy. They met in college, but she was an undergraduate and he already a graduate student with a well-paying career—very important that “well-paying” thing, as we women want love, but NEVER underestimate the importance of money to us! LOL!

Speaking quite candidly, any man who wishes to join our family will be judged on three things: money, sexual performance, and a willingness to comply with our wishes, which is, in our view, the manifestation of love on the part of a man. A man certainly needs to score high on two of these three criteria. After all, a woman can get sex—good sex—anywhere, but we expect more from our men. A guy who is fantastic in bed still had better be bringing nice gifts and provide great evenings out!

But back to Nancy and Dennis at college. They met at a feminist rally and soon became good friends, working with a women's group and taking elective classes in women's studies. Nancy suggested that Dennis also participate in marches and other public forums in support of women’s issues. He took her suggestions (quite properly) as orders and complied, another good sign. It’s no secret that we women love manipulating men, especially when it results in our getting control of some of man's ill-gained money. Nancy did this with great aplomb!

In her second year she convinced Dennis that she deserved more than the dormitories and belonged in an upscale downtown apartment. Thinking he was going to move in with Nancy—silly boy!—he arranged a very nice apartment. But Nancy had no intention of his moving in with her. She arranged the lease to be in his name only with a sublet to her for $1 a year! This meant that Dennis paid for the year, yet still couldn't move her from the apartment. In fact, Dennis never moved in, though he did visit on Thursdays to clean the place—that was his responsibility. Dennis was, in effect, my daughter's sugar daddy, renting the apartment for her for three years. Now that's a man worth looking at—money and obedience, two very important criteria. (As for that third essential attribute a woman requires in a man, well, let's just skip over that one for now.)

Our matriarchal circle is a small but growing. Many of the couples who join seem to be like your wife and you, Mark. We’re seeing so many educated women who want as much on their terms as they can get—and they deserve it all! You’d be surprised how many men are turning over paychecks, doing housework, and not standing in the way when their wives want regular nights out with the girls—or, more and more frequently, with the “boys.”

Life in our family homes is fairly routine. It’s not some kind of femdom scene, just a well-organized situation with well-established rules to make sure everyone knows their responsibilities. Much of the real lifestyle work we do is outside the home. For example, Dennis has jobs outside of his regular career where he works for women-owned businesses. He also spends a lot of time working at the women’s center, a feminist group that is into a lot of activities, workshops, demonstrations and so on.

I’ll be happy to share more about all this in future posts.

—Lady Susan