Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Making HER Your Fantasy (Reprised)
That’s the title of Chapter 2 of my book. It’s directed to husbands, and, of course, “her” refers to “wife.” I could have said, “Making Her Your Fantasy — Again.” The way she was during courtship, and the honeymoon. Until the glamour wore off somehow.
The point being, wives can regain that fantasy status. Because, to quote myself, “Men need sexual fantasy. It's the highest-octane fuel they can burn. They do idealize womanhood. They do empedestal their girlfriends.”
Men are going to have those perpetual adolescent fantasies about some female or other. So shouldn’t it be the woman we’re married to, instead of Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Simpson or whoever?
I know, guys think they can’t control the sexual fantasy process. But, in fact, they can. If they want to, and are will to make an effort for a glorious payoff.
The first step – stop masturbating. Easier preached than practiced, of course. I spent most of a chapter on the topic, and it’s certainly more than I can deal with in this post. But, cutting to the chase, as I wrote…
“Once I stopped siphoning off the fuel needed for the marital combustion chambers, my sexual fantasies automatically refocused on my wife. She suddenly regained the status she possessed during courtship—seductress, enchantress. The creature to be pursued and won, again and again…
“I began thinking about her a lot. Daydreaming about her. Tripping out on tactile replays of her morning embrace, recalling the warm smell of her hair, the salty taste of her skin. She went, in the words of another song, from being ‘gentle on my mind’ to being very intrusive. In fact, I was thinking about her all the time. What I wasn't thinking about, or lusting after, were glamourized images of other females. Those had vaporized.’”
A commenter to this blog had the same experience when he stopped self-pleasuring. “Suddenly my wife looked really good to me,” he wrote, “and I began what I could easily be called courting (I developed a crush on her -- never thought I would feel that again)… Our sex life now is the best it has been since before we were married.”
A dominant wife explains how it operates on her husband, referring to a photo of some glamorous actress: “I have to admit girls, this young and beautiful woman on the left is what I would like to look like. Once a long, long time ago, I kinda looked like her, but even in my 20's, I didn't look as good. Now, I'm in my 50's and gravity is winning more and more every day.... But in the eyes and mind of my husband, I am FAR, FAR, superior to this beautiful young lady, because to him, I am his Goddess and his Queen, I am beautiful in his mind and eyes and he shows it to me EVERY Minute of EVERY day.”
Once this begins happening to a husband, he can actively encourage the process, and he will find himself living with a fantasy figure.
Or, to quote my favorite bit of advice on this topic, “If you want your wife to be a goddess, worship her.”