Saturday, January 3, 2009

Letting Him

I might as well fess up. In my marriage, the impetus for wife worship came from me. I was the one making the sales pitch, though,. God knows, it was overdue. I had neglected my beautiful bride in so many ways. In fact, without my “conversion” to this courtship lifestyle, I don’t know that my wife and I would still be together.

Her initial skepticism over “wife worship” morphed into a kind of amused tolerance. Of course, I had to prove to her, over time, that this wasn’t just another crazy phase. When I began writing the book (intended primarily for her), I think she began to be intrigued.

At one point, when I was outlining all the various topics to be covered, she volunteered to write a chapter of her own: “Letting Him.”

I’m still waiting for that chapter, but, in a way, her chapter title says it all. Sure, she seems to be implying, it’s male fantasyland, but at least it’s putting the husband’s focus where it belongs, on the wife. So, ladies, why not let yourself be worshipped as your husband’s queen? Or his goddess? Or whatever hyperbolic imagery he prefers.

It’s the advice I would give to any wife who is approached by a semi-coherent husband with a tract or printout or webpage advertising the female-led lifestyle or a wife-worship marriage.

Let him—worship you. Serve you. Adore you. Just… let him.

My wife, these days, is doing so. Letting me. Not making a big deal of it. Often not even acknowledging it (best of all). It’s routine for me to make our bed, fold her nightgown carefully and lay it under her pillow. To do the laundry, and clean the house, and rub lotion into her lovely feet at night, and be instantly ready for her whenever she initiates intimacy.

And whenever I look around these days, I find another simple service right there in front of me, something to be done for her. A recent example occurred during a holiday trip, where we stayed several days at a hotel.

After we checked in and kind of collapsed, with Christmas packages and luggage all over the place, a lightbulb went off over my head. I remembered a posting on Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship husbands’ forum from my favorite poster, Au876. I saved it, so I can quote it here:

“We went to visit some of my wife's girlfriends at a lake cabin a couple of years ago. We had to take our own sheets and etc. One of the first things I did after getting the car unloaded was to make up our bed and put our clothes away. Later we were all sitting around talking. My wife asked me, ‘Have you made up my bed yet?’ One of the ladies started to laugh like that was a stupid thing to expect of a man. But I quickly responded, telling her yes and I had hung up all of her clothes, too…

“The lady who laughed made some sort of comment about what a good husband I was, and my wife responded, saying something like, ‘He knows what is expected of him.’ I was not embarrassed. I was proud of myself. I had done what I was supposed to do. The fact that my wife asked me was a sure sign she did not intend to keep my devoted status a secret from them. The fact I had already done it was a sure sign to her I was not ashamed of my status.”

Flashback to me, with that lightbulb flashing over my head. I was instantly energized. While my wife called our friends in other rooms and made evening plans, I began quietly to unpack, starting with her bag and her clothes, hanging up some items, putting others on a shelf in an adjoining wardrobe area, putting her book and reading glasses and other items on her bedside, her toiletries in the bathroom, then put away her bags. Did the same for me, even made a start with the kids’ stuff.

I had never done this simple service before. (Don’t ask me why.) But my wife took it for granted, just as Mrs. Au876 had, as if it were expected of me.

She was practicing what she had never gotten around to preaching in that unwritten chapter. She was “letting me.”


Anonymous said...

Hear, Hear, I couldn't agree more, "just let them. It can be just as easy as that, it doesn't have to be much more, and what harm is it to let the man that loves and worships the ground that you walk on, express it in a way that could give you both so much pleasure, if only you would let it.

Mark Remond said...

At all Times, thanks for the validation. In a way, "Letting Her" is contrary to the fairly rigid dictum of the "Around Her Finger" Addisons that stealth submission is unworkable, that no progress can be made unless and until the wife asserts her primacy in the marriage. Heck, that's a great way to go, but it isn't the only way. A consistent and incremental and even insidious program of stealth submission by the husband CAN lead to the wife getting used to being treated as a queen and "letting him" continue to do so. It is, profoundly, a return to courtship. And this second courtship, like the first, has the goal of having the "courtee" -- i.e., the wife -- fall in love all over again with the "courter." Only it's a different guy than the couch potato guy who takes her for granted.

Anonymous said...

My father in law was the most enslaved, emasculated, hard working, intelligent, submissive man I've ever seen. He was married to domineering 'mommy dearest' type wife who could not stand any man except one she could overpower. He is dead now and when she speaks of missing him it is always in terms of what he could be doing for her. She has disabled daughters, one a cancer survivor, and all she can focus on is her daughters don't do enough for her and they should each leave their husbands for the bottom line is that she really doesn't like men. I guess her example is why so many daughters with mothers like her grow up with a confused sexual identity and likewise their sons either turn out gay or bisexual for they did not really have a man for a dad.

Anonymous said...

In reading Anonymous' comments regarding his father-in-law I just want to interject one point.....submissive does not mean doormat. While I certainly can appreciate there are men comfortable in completely submissive roles within their marriages. Not all FLR are so one sided. My wife and I make most decisions together, she values my opinion and while the ultimate decision in matters is hers, very rarely does she completely over rule me. I would also mention that not all FLR equate to the man doing ALL the most households with two working parents, that simple can't work.

Mark Remond said...

sean, Yes, yes, I agree with you. I don't always raise my disagreements with posters, but I agree with you that submissive does not equate to doormat. Our marriage also is two working parents, and most weeknights we're both going as fast as we can just to cover the necessaries -- homework, house tidied, kids' messes shoveled aside, dog walked, dinner served and dishes done. Isn't it romantic? And, like your wife, mine does solicit my opinion and values it... and then she decides. I don't argue, and don't second guess. She has the right to decide and be wrong. But, doggone it, she's usually right.

Anonymous said...

As I stated in an earlier post, "a horny husband is a good husband". My husband and I are in our late 50's, and our life together has never been better or happier. I keep him without release for at least 1 month, and I add a week or weeks if he has displeased me in ANY way during that time. I also add weeks because I can and I do often. He is so great after being horny for a month that I hate it to end. So I'll tell him that it would make me very happy to have him wait another x amount of weeks, any problem? Of course, he says no, that making me happy is more important. I can't believe that I have actually gotten him to that point. It's great!! He has promised me and swore to me that he would not do it himself, and I know I could tell right away by his actions if he did . But to be sure and to do away with temptation, HE wanted us to purchase a chastity device online which we did. It is the CB 6000, and after about 2 weeks of no release I have him put it on and I lock it with the small lock and I keep the 2 keys. He says this way I really have control over our sex life. I agreed and he wears the chastity device until I allow him release. He pleases me about 3 times a week in bed, and has no expectations for himself afterwards. We just roll over and go to sleep when I am finished. Once a week I do take the device off him for cleaning since it is plastic. And I also give him a good teasing sesson, with a warning about not having any "accident" during that time. He must tell me if he is getting close to going over the edge, but I have become so good at this teasing that I can tell now when he is close and I'll stop for awhile. I usually do this 4 or 5 times, then some ice on it to shrink it, then back into the chastity device. I never have to command anything anymore. He knows a nightly foot rub is a must, and picks up on my suggestions right away. He will take me shopping and stay with me to hold the clothes I wish to try on. He will make me a cup of coffe in the afternoon without being asked. I guess being so horny has him tuned in better. Needless to say, we never quarrel and he will say that I am right when we discuss something. He says he worships me and adores me, and I do love him so much. He is the best.!!!No whips or spanking as punishments. I'll only have to tell him he has not made me happy or he really displeased me. That alone he says makes him very sorry, plus I'm sure the added weeks he going to get added on makes him sorrier. But that's the poiny. Seldom do I ever have to resort to any punishment his behavior is so good. Along with making him wait longer for release, I sometimes have made him strip to nothing and stand in a corner for 2 hours a day for 3 or 4days in a row. I also will not let him see me as I dress or undress, he must turn and face the wall. He must earn that privledge again. And he must buy me a nice gift, all before I will accept his apology. We love your site and all of the comments that are posted. Thanks!!!! pology.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous, I really enjoy your posts and, as I said elsewhere, I envy your husband. You've really got him jumping through hoops, and happily. I don't know how I'd hold up to standing in a corner for two hours, but really, what choice does a devoted husband have, if his wife-owner decrees it. Love, honor, worship and obey -- those were the pledges that I made to my wife on our recent anniversary. So far, though, no punishment, just stern words. Yes, Ma'am!