Saturday, April 25, 2009

Caught in the Courtship Loop, Part One

The animating idea of my book, Worshippping Your Wife, is that the magic of first love does not have to wear off. And, darn it, if it does, it can be recaptured and perpetuated. Yea, verily, a husband and wife can reinfect one another with honeymoon fever even unto the happy-ever-aftering of storybooks and Harlequin romances, until death do them part.

I lifted this hopeful concept, with (I hope) appropriate acknowledgment, from the website of Fumika Misato (Real Women Don’t Do Housework), but abundant articulations of this idea can be found on FLR websites, repeated in testimonials posted online in newsgroups, bulletin boards (and in emails to me) by worshipful husbands their worshipped wives.

Perpetual Courtship, I call it in the book. Think of “Ground Hog Day” meets “50 First Dates.” The husband wakes up each morning with an overwhelming urge (and need) to resume his hormone-fueled courtship of his wife, to win her all over again, as if for the first time.

I prescribe various kinds of courtship behaviors ardent hubbie can keep practicing, in an endless romantic loop.

But, you may ask, can’t this get a little déjà-vuish? Yes, it can. And, speaking guy-wise, it is especially hard to wake up après sex and launch into a full-court, courtship press. “You mean, we gotta win her all over again?” the hormones are apt to complain. “We’re not exactly in the mood right now.”

This is why Lady Misato counsels wives to master the art of keeping their husbands sexually “on edge”:

“As a general rule,” she writes, “you will elicit the best behavior from your husband if you keep him on the edge between frustration and satisfaction… A husband who is sexually satisfied will have no energy to attend to your needs.”

The same prescription is given by Emily and Ken Addison of the Around Her Finger website, books and CDs. “My husband is the perfect man until after he has an orgasm,” a woman writes to Emily, “then he rolls over like the ape that he was before we discovered your site. Is this normal?”

Keep him on edge, Emily replies. “It is no great secret that after sex men become very sleepy and disinterested in affection and communication… [but] I promise that any man that is denied an orgasm will have no desire whatsoever to get quickly off to sleep after being intimate with his wife… He will dote on his wife, playing with her hair, rubbing her back, and kissing her neck and shoulders. He will behave as if he is just getting to know her. It will be as if the old flames have been rekindled.”

It’s the “uncertainty principle” at work, according to one one Internet couples counselor calling herself “Dr. Ann” (quoted in chapter 4 of my book, “A Playful Step Beyond”): “When my female clients add the uncertainty principle of arousal and denial to their marriage, a woman can bring her husband back to the days when they were first dating.”

“Forcing a buildup of semen in men should be the goal of all females,” another controlling wife says simply. “Your man's behavior toward you will change dramatically for the better as his semen levels increase. You should always deny your man an orgasm prior to events that might require his maximum male energy and aggressiveness.” This, by the way, is pretty much the standard advice boxers are given by their trainers on the runup to a big fight. To help enforce it, fighters often are sent to hideaway training camps, far from feminine temptation.

But does perpetual courtship require perpetual denial? The answer, thank God, is no, and I have it on the authority of those two leading lights of the Loving Female Authority movement, Fumika Misato and Elise Sutton.

Let's start with Misato: “You absolutely do not want to frustrate your husband for too long. If your husband becomes overly frustrated, he will be tempted to seek relief outside the marriage. On the other hand, you do not want to overly satisfy him either. A husband who is sexually satisfied will have no energy to attend to your needs. Finding the right balance of sexual desire is tricky.”

Which, not surprisingly, is exactly, chapter and verse, the advice from Elise Sutton: “You have to find the balance that works for your relationship. You have discovered that your husband is balanced when you give him an orgasm every two to three weeks. That is great. With my husband, once a month works. Why don’t I deny him longer? Because through experimentation I have discovered that it becomes counterproductive to go longer than that. Some women allow their man an orgasm once a week. Some women can deny their husbands for months at a time... It all boils down to what works with your man.”

The process works, even when the husband knows he is being manipulated: “My lovely wife has it pretty well figured out that much more than a week begins to be counterproductive,” a happy husband writes. “She also understands that, as Lady Misato advises, she must continually keep me ‘on the edge.’”

Some guys, as Elise Sutton indicated, are made to endure longer periods of enforced abstinence: “I have been denied an orgasm for four weeks and It has caused me to be in touch and in sync with her moods, wants, and demands. So far, I regularly do the dishes, the laundry, get the kids ready and out to school, and basically all of the kitchen chores. She doesn't have to hound me to do any of it.”

This husband exhibits other classic symptoms of the courting male: “I find myself going nuts to attract her attention. Over the summer I lost a lot of weight and am about 14 lb. short of my ideal. I almost look as fit as when we met.”

“I feel more focused, alive, vital, and sexual when I am denied regular orgasms by my wonderful wife. When I come too oftgen, I become torpid, disaffected, and disinterested in her. Far better to be kept tantalizingly on edge.”

Another teased-and-denied husband echoes this: “I do not perform for my wife as well when I come to often. I have been living this lifestyle long enough to know that denial by our dominant wives for us is one of the most effective things.”

“My wife has been keeping me on edge constantly, and although I never would have predicted it, I love it. She has me waiting on her hand and foot, doting on her constantly, and sexually it has become all about her, as it should be.”

So, is the ultimate happy-ever-after marriage an endless replay of courtship? Perhaps surprisingly, my answer is no. But I’ll save the explanation for the next post.


whatevershesays said...

Very well said. A must read for all men and women seeking or in a wife led marriage. On second thought, a must read for ALL marriages. I'll be sending it to my wife.

Thanks for you website and all the work you put into it. It doesn't go unapreciated.

Mark Remond said...

Thank you for your words of appreciation,whatevershesays. I'm aware that I am mostly recapitulating and paraphrasing and outright "lifting" the words of others in this field, maybe organizing a bit, with my own spin. But it is a labor of love, and it helps me keep on my wife-led marriage course.

Anonymous said...


Your posts are always great. But the artwork is incredible.

In most sites about female domination, everybody is dressed in leather and no one seems to be having fun, least of all the woman.She always seems to be snarling.

i love the photo's and drawings where the women is shown in charge and is enjoying her authority and smiling sweetly at her obediant husband.Both the wife and the husband seem happy and content.

The fact that your pictures are from "mainstream " sources makes it all the better.

I love photo's which depict women enjoying themselves and laughing while their husbands quietly wait on them and do household chores.

A picture of a husband dressed in shorts and a short apron ,and nothing else, serving his casually dressed wife and her friends, is far sexier than any S& m scene.

Or a photo of a group of wives enjoying a male strip show at a male revue ,while their husbands are "barefoot and in the kitchen" cheerfully preparing a large dinner party for when their wives return.

Too few sites online show real people or discuss real scenarios, or issues of female supremacy.

Please keep up the good work. There are too many sites featuring whips and chains ,and not enough sites like yours.

Thank you for running this blog
sincerly " BOB"

bob said...

This is off topic ,but the spouse-club is often mentioned here.Are there any archives on the internet.

I have looked and could not find any.the posts by AU876 seemed to be especially interesting.It's a shame that he does not have a blog of his own.

Mark Remond said...

Bob, I enjoyed your comment, both as "Anonymous" and "Bob." I do try to concentrate on the romantic aspects of what Lady Misato first termed "wife worship," not where this lifestyle can veer far away from the mainstream.

As for Au876's postings, and the archives of the old Spousechat (or Spouseclub)... I'm afraid they don't exist any more. Au876 posted principally on Lady Misato's original Yahoo! husbands' forum (though you might find a couple of other postings elsewhere through Google). As for Spouseclub, I think the only online archive now exists through Barbara Abernathy's Venus on Top Society, and she charges for access. But, at least, she does make them available. For many years after the original website ceased operating, it was available through Google and the Internet Archive "wayback machine," but Barbara seems to have precluded that as well.

bob said...

Thank you for your reply Mr Redmond. it's a shame about the lost spouseclub archives.

thanks again for your work on this blog.

Anonymous said...

My husband (60% husband and 40%slave) both truly enjoy your site. As many comments state, it is a site for a dominant wife and a submissive husband without all of the leather and whips of so called female led sites. I encourage him to read every word of each posts. (Well, I actually demand he do it). I have a motto that we live by in our house, "a horny husband is a good husband". I make him wait a minimum of one month, longer if he has displeased me in any way during that time frame. He will be punished by waiting an additional week or weeks. That rarely happens though because he is totally in favor of wife worship, and strives to please me in every way possible with no expectations for himself. He is very well trained, and we have a very loving relationship, one that all of my friends are in envy of. Our lives have never been better since we began practicing wife worship about four years ago, and we have been married for 36 years. We are both in our late 50's, the children are married or on their own. So he and I are alone in our house which makes wife worship very easy to do 24/7. Again, keep up this great site.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous, I'm sure I'm not alone among the male readers here in envying your husband. Especially delicious is the 60-40 breakdown you mentioned. It would seem that the longer your husband was enjoying his husband status, the more he would realize that at any second the 40% identity would be coming his way. In fact, that 40% would seem to carry more weight than the 60, permeating every aspect in one way or the other. And, of course, I was especially tickled to know that you are both reading and enjoying the blog posts. Please do keep me informed of your domestic doings!