NANCY & DENNIS: WORSHIPPING FROM AFAR

One of the wonderful things that women do is exchange handwritten notes and cards on special occasions or just for no reason. Nancy and Sue suggested it would be a nice idea if I were to do the same. While I am devoted to Nancy, it's a great way to reach out to the women in the family, all of whom are also in female-led households. It gives me an opportunity to show that I am thinking of them and shows how much I revere each of them. It's a great way to show my deference and it certainly is a compliment to Nancy and Sue.

Using the information I gather in my journal and suggestions from [my mother-in-law] Sue, I personalize each message. She insists I use matched pastel stationery; definitely no “guy” stationery with pictures of cars, planes, sports, or the like. My message is formal, in cursive writing, using a proper form of address, “Dear Ms. Smith.”

Except for holiday cards, my notes are to be written on an ongoing basis, a few a month, perhaps 2-3 a week. I want my efforts to reflect refinement and class; this is not a mass mailing. Each card has a personal note intended to pay a compliment to the recipient; a great way to show deference and respect . I mention her interests, needlepoint for example, and how I admire her skills with this particular craft.

Sometimes I include a small gift. It need not be expensive but has to reflect good taste, a sense of class, and relate to the recipient's interests and preferences. What to give? I visited the Hallmark store for an assortment of cards and stationery and then purchased small gifts to send along—gift cards, stationery, chocolates, scented candles, and so on.

I've been doing this for half a year and it's been something I enjoy. Nancy and her mother, Sue, have received many positive comments. It's something that derives from my view of women from the perspective of a man in a FLR. It's very rewarding to me and, hopefully, to the recipient.