Tuesday, September 16, 2014


Nancy’s original Obedience post (“Toward a Lifelong Female-Led Marriage: Obedience ) was directed at Women. This post is a refresher of sorts and is directed at men.

Obedience, it’s the first and most important of the four tenets of an FLR. It is the key to domestic bliss! Obey your Wife without hesitation and you can expect domestic tranquility and happiness. Disobey Her and there will likely be unpleasant consequences.

In workshops we conduct for couples embarking on an FLR we encourage Women to demand obedience and put the necessary structures in place to get it. Why? Well, there are a number of reasons:

First, Women are intellectually and emotionally superior to men. They are also more benevolent in their leadership. Women are the superior sex and deserve to be in control.

Second, men behave better when specific rules and responsibilities are put in place for them to follow – men love structure and Women should give it to them.

Third, Women are increasingly in charge in the business world. Why should they surrender
their considerable and expanding authority when they return home? They shouldn’t! Rather they should carry their workplace authority seamlessly into their home life.

Fourth, households run smoother with Women in charge, and tranquil households are what we all want.

Fifth, and i know i will be criticized for this, but we firmly believe that men – today’s men – have to atone for patriarchy’s ill-gotten gains; obedience to Women and complete respect for their authority are a good start on the road to atonement...

Couples contemplating an FLR know this and understand that in such a relationship She makes the decisions, controls the money, sets the social agenda, assigns the chores, makes the rules and enforces them. his job? Simply to obey! Her decisions are not subject to debate; they are final! Women relish the leadership role and in our experience don’t hesitate to press their innate authority. Many men, on the other hand, conditioned by patriarchy, have some hesitation when initially confronted with a suddenly demanding Wife. She needs to quell his hesitation.

Here are some things for Women and enlightened gentlemen to do, based on my own experiences in Nancy’s family where Her Grandmother, Joan, and Mother, Sue, and others conditioned me to the need for obedience:

Remind yourself of your inferiority as a man and of the superiority of Women; i use notes and stickers as reminders. When i was leaning to obey when first introduced to Nancy’s family, each Woman and some of the men(!) reminded me of the superiority of Women and of my own inferiority. Joan, Sue, and Nancy would write “Women Rule and men drool” using lipstick on mirrors and on my windshield; sexy to be sure, but i really understood the underlying message!

Wear an apron; it’s practical in many ways but also calls out his subservient status; Joan
admonished me to wear a “pretty” apron as it multiplied the impact. My wearing an apron has been mandatory from the start.

Use honorifics. Ma’am is always acceptable; “Yes, Ma’am” is one of my favorite sayings, one that excites me and honors the Woman to whom it is directed. Make it your business to learn Women’s preferences for address and use them. Or men can experiment by using different honorifics: “My Queen,” “Madame,” “Lady” with Her last name (i.e., “Lady Gannon”) come to mind. All convey deference and respect and acknowledge the higher status of Women. Progressive gentlemen report excitement in using such terms.

Don’t limit the use of honorifics; i recommend “Ma’am” when addressing any Woman, at home of course, but also in public and at work. “Good morning, Ma’am”; “Yes, Ma’am.” These show respect and courtesy. “Ma’am” works well in all situations, and i would use it exclusively outside the home.

"Hear and do": The Women in Nancy’s family initially put me in situations where i was always getting requests or told to do things. Joan called it “Hear and do,” and it was great training. It taught me to hear a request, acknowledge it, and carry it out; and it taught me to love taking orders. While i understand that it’s not at all practical to constantly get orders from the Women, my doing so, especially during this initial period, made it second nature.

Set up rules. As noted above, it’s just not practical for Women to constantly be giving direction. In Nancy’s family we have an elaborate set or protocols and schedules that prescribe what i should be doing and how things are to be done. There’s a day to do ironing, laundry, and grocery shopping and a documented way that things should be done. Things happen automatically with little imposition on the Women. Obedience isn’t just listening to what She orders. It’s also following the protocols She has prescribed. With deference to Her, work with your Wife to develop similar rules. It will lighten or eliminate Her burden in managing your work.

Listen to Her. This doesn’t mean obeying Her – men know to do that – but rather to quietly listen to Her conversations – with permission, of course, no snooping! Women’s conversation should be regarded as private unless you are informed otherwise! But by listening to Her you can anticipate Her needs and move to fulfill them before She asks – now that’s obedience! And fantastic personal service, too! If, for example, She says She’s thirsty, you can rush to get Her favorite drink. Beyond this, listening to Her will help you learn Women’s perspectives and opinions and thus be a better man.

For Women: There are things that a Woman should be doing to ensure that Her husband is an obedient and acquiescent spouse:

Instruct him – make sure he understands Your expectations and any protocols You’ve established.

NEVER say “Please,” Ladies! You are entitled to have Your requests fulfilled and he is privileged to fulfill them. And there’s absolutely no need for “thank you” once Your request is filled.

Have him use “Ma’am” or whatever honorific You prefer. ALWAYS!

Set up household rules as above. Complying with the rules is the same as his complying with Your orders, and it’s far less burdensome to You. If it’s in the rules and he doesn’t comply then, consequences are due.

Raise Your voice. It helps to periodically reestablish Your authority by raising Your voice. Nancy and Sue do this from time to time to keep me on my toes. Learn to love releasing Your ‘inner Bitch.” men love Bitches – be one!

Exercise Your authority. Have him do things because You can. Give him an opportunity to serve you – men LOVE serving Women! Nancy and Her Mother periodically send me on little excursions. Going across town for a specific brand of cigarettes at 3:00 a.m., for example...

Finally, there’s a little sheet with phrases on it that serve as thoughtful reminders.  Nancy’s Grandmother, Joan, dictated them to me years ago as reminders that I could post in key places. Today i have them on a small sheet of pink paper as She instructed and place them on mirrors, on my phone, on my computer. As She ordered i recite these phrases a few times a day, as a tribute to Joan. Here they are:

§  She says, you do!
§  She commands, you comply!
§  She decides, you abide!
§  She rules, you obey!
§  She speaks, you listen!
§  She requests, you fulfill!
§  She instructs, you learn!
§  She orders, you acquiesce!
§  She leads, you follow!


Anonymous said...

Awesome! I totally agree. Wrote down the list and will post in home. I would add; maybe the worst thing that we do as men is act w/o the permission of the Woman in charge over us. Even if on the rare occasion we have a good idea it still shows disrespect and a lack of recognition of Her head of household status. Now when She hasn't assigned a task I simply kneel and give Her a foot massage or just kneel at Her feet and watch what She's doing. When She's not busy She tells me what to do next-Billy, servant of Lady R.

Henpeckek Husband said...

I was think the most important tenet of FLR is Financial Control.

With Financial Control she can always press on the male the obedience.

Anonymous said...

"....Women are intellectually and emotionally superior to men. ... Women are the superior sex"

Didn't we have a heated discussion in the past that neither male nor female is superior? So why are men now so inferior?

Kathys obedient wife said...

I love it when Kathy "releases her inner bitch" and keep track of her menstrual cycle so I will know when she will be at her bitchiest.

She controls the household finances and I'm much more motivated to be obedient when I have to ask her for spending money.

Anonymous said...

I don't mean any offense but isn't "Women rule, men drool" a bit childish? I could never see any of the Women in my household doing that...it would probably hurt their authority more than help.

Lady Grey said...

I can't tell you how annoying it is to hear you bandying about a ridiculous statement such as "Women are intellectually and emotionally superior to men". This absurdity - used by males referring to females over the course of millenia to keep females under foot - is no more true than any other dogma perpetrated as an inarguable tenet of female dominance.

As far as I'm concerned, such statements do more harm than good and really have nothing whatsoever to do with a FLM. I have been a dominant female since my early teen years. At no time have I felt that my leanings make all females automatically superior beings. That right has to be earned on an individual basis, and a flat statement of any sort of "superiority" is simply laughable.

My husband is an economic genius. He made tons of money before I met him, and he continues to do so today. He has set me up financially for life and has seen to it that no matter what our particular future has in store for us (including divorce) I need never again worry about money. How intelligent would I have been had I exerted my "intellectual superiority" by taking over the economic part of our marriage? I can think of many more examples.

I know you're just trying to be true to the concept of women "justifiably" ruling men, but mindless acceptance of any dogma always leads to disappointment, and your assertion that all women, by their very existence, are superior to all men is simply silliness.

Anonymous said...

Lady Grey, Madam, we don't measure IQ or EQ to determine superiority. We believe all living creatures are eternally valuable. However, if we had to save a human baby who is mentally retarded or a very smart monkey and it was absolutely either or, we would save the baby's life with lots of pain for that of the monkey, whom is smarter and also eternally valuable because to us a human being represents more than a non human living creature for whom we have all the inconditional love nonetheless. Too, a Woman is more valuable to us as a bearer of life. That is all. More valuable, like a human next to a monkey. That is why we also believe She has more rights, even rights over her inferiors. Because she is, after all, Superior.

Kathy said...

I agree with much of what you said except the most important tenet of a FLM is love. Words like yes ma'am or yes mistress fail in comparison with words like I love you.


Anonymous said...

Hooray for Lady Grey and Kathy!

As a surrendered husband I completely agree with all your comments.

Especially: Words like yes ma'am or yes mistress fail in comparison with words like I love you.

Although I do find saying: I love you Ma’am, or I love serving you, Lady A. really do fulfill both the desire to express my love for my wife and satisfy my desire to acknowledge my surrender to her.

Thank you both for taking the time to comment. It is wonderful when women contribute to the discussions here on this great site.


Anonymous said...

Lady Grey roolz

Dantheman said...

Hello, I am wondering if you still offer FLR workshops of any kind or know of any place that does . Thanks and I enjoy your blog

Mark Remond said...

Dantheman, let me answer for dennis as, actually, he has responded to similar queries several times in the past. he and his Wife Nancy (their preferred capitalization) do conduct occasional FLR workshops for couples associated with a Women's Center near them. This is not a service that they intend to publicize, though of course they would love to see such workshops become available, as no doubt would you.

Anonymous said...

As a husband in a long WLM, I would agree that obeying is number 1 . Also, to listen to your wife when she speaks to you. Stop what you are doing and give her all your attention. If she is taking the time to speak to you , then she wants you to listen. I always stop reading, watching tv or doing housework and either sit or stand and listen to my wife. That is what she wants.

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to Anonymous just above:

Thanks for your comments. you are absolutely correct that one should stop and give his Wife his undivided attention when She speaks. i do this, too. When Nancy or Her Mother speak i pay attention until dismissed; sometimes it's a few seconds when instructions are involved or it can be much longer if one of the Women see a need to lecture me or deliver some admonition or as they like to call it, "motivational speaking". No matter the issue i listen because i am often called on to restate what She's said as a check that i have things right.

Not sure whether your Wife permits you to listen in on Her conversations. It's something that Nancy and Her Mother allow me but only after receiving specific permission. i'll sit quietly and listening to the Women talk; it's a great learning opportunity.

Aex said...

Anything new?
I think it would be beneficial for all to have a sequel on this post but focused more on aspects such as those about Female Superiority and about punishment. We do miss you writing, and Ms. Nancy's writing would, of course, be a fabulous gift if She wants to give it.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes its hard to get the balance right. If I am too quiet it might be construed as dumb insolence.

That will get a sharp slap round the face.

Then again if I am saying Yes Ma'am and other small interjections too often she might rebuke me and tell me to keep quiet.

Oh those lectures they can be an ordeal and I find myself going red. There again there can be a problem. Am I going red with supressed anger. "Well I will make your face go red boy" and I will get a slap.

But for me its the embaressment of having failed Her.


Anonymous said...

I agree I should obey my wife. It is obvious that she should be in charge luckily for me we both accept it. We have even acknowledge that when we compare our personalities to other couples mine is always more like the females and hers is more similar to the husband however I am still a rebellious male. I don't always want to do what she tells me when she tells me. A lot like a teenager or two year old. How do I improve in this area? Any advice is welcomed.

Gaias Pet said...

I happily serve my wife as she desires. It has little to do with who is "superior" and more with the fact that we came to find that cultivating my submission to her feminine power has made for a more harmonious, peaceful, and loving, marriage. At first she assumed full sexual control, then her authority over me began to branch out into other aspects of our marriage. As it did, we argued less and less frequently. Having the last word has become unimportant to me. Her strength keeps my ego in check. And yes, adresssing my wife as "Ma'am" has come to be so natural to me that I have begun to do it outside the home too. And I am proud to do so even if it causes some raised eyebrows. My wife is worthy of such a show of respect.

My wife reserves the right to use corporal punishment and I have received some fearsome paddlings and canings. But my wife rarely has to resort to that. I see value in obeying and pleasing her. Besides, I have learned that having her angry dealing with my backside with a paddle in her hand is an experience to be a avoided whenever possible.

Becoming more submissive to my wife is continually making for a better marriage and is making me a better husband and a better man. I am happy and proud to be her humbly serving knight and am lucky to have such a strong and wonderful Princess to serve.

Edward said...

The one that strikes a chord the most with me is 'releasing her inner bitch'. This is what I need most. A good dressing down from her is most beneficial for me without a doubt. Being reduced to tears by my wife's voice never fails to remind me just who the superior one in our marriage is!

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to edward:

i obey my Wife as a matter of principle. i recognize Her innate superiority and accept Her dominion over me. But, all this aside, i still fear Her and dread not meeting Her expectations, no matter how high.