Sunday, January 27, 2013
NANCY & DENNIS: TOWARD A LIFELONG FEMALE-LED MARRIAGE: OBEDIENCE
I'm often asked what makes for a good female-led relationship. Well, there are really four things that bring about a happy female-led marriage:
1) Obedience – he does what I say! You know this had to be on top of the list!
2) Domestic service – he does housework - all of it! He loves it and is a real Domestic Diva!
3) Personal service – he's my “maid in waiting,” looking after all the little things.
4) Atonement – he puts women – all of us – ahead of himself.
Let's talk about the most important one first, because if your man is obedient – and he should be – everything else falls into place. Obedience is pretty straightforward. I give the orders and he follows them! PERIOD! No discussion or debate, just, “Yes, Ma-am!” when I tell him to do something. My husband recognizes that I manage the money, make all decisions, make rules as needed to keep the house running smoothly, and plan our social agenda.
You have to be assertive. Let's understand, ladies, that your man's acquiescence has to be matched by your assertiveness. You've got to be demanding. Don't be afraid to confront him when he displeases you. Raise hell! Yes, I'm in charge and he knows it, but I still get aggressive with him from time to time just to remind him that I'm the boss and whatever I say goes, without question, without hesitation. Don't be afraid to be assertive. Women have been taught that they have to be nice – don't believe it! You can't be nice and have an FLR. Release your inner bitch! Men love bitches! Be one!
Women are the superior sex – We are emotionally, intellectually, and morally superior to men and should be in charge. Make sure he knows it! Make sure you act like it! An everyday reminder to him that it's a woman's world is a good idea!
Start early – The earlier in a relationship you start giving orders the better it is for both of you. You're going to like being in control, and he's going to love your being in control. Men want to please women, so ladies, don't stand in his way! Tell him what he needs to do to please you! Dennis was looking for a strong, take-charge women and he found her – me! He's been taking orders since our first date and we wouldn't have it any other way!
Obedience makes him happy – I give the orders and he obeys! PERIOD! Dennis is well trained; when I tell him to do something, I get a little bow of acknowledgment and a “Yes, Ma'am” and off he goes. I love it when he does as he's told, and he loves being told. It reinforces both our positions. How important is it to him to follow orders? Well, if he's not told to do something by mother or me at least a few times a day, he'll get restless and concerned; it's as though he thinks I don't love him because I haven't told him to do something. Your man is going to see your ordering him around as a sign of love. You're going to see it as a sign of your authority. Well, everyone is happy!
Insist that he shut up! – I demand that my man shut up! And I have no problem telling him to shut up at home or in public. Why? Because men don't have anything to say; women do. I don't want to hear his complaints or how hard his day was, and I sure don't want to hear that he didn't get his housework done or that he didn't do what I told him to do. In our home men speak when spoken to or when asked to join a conversation, a conversation that is woman-led.
Insist that he listen – I demand that my man listen – same thing at work for the guys who work for me. By “listen” I don't mean “obey,” I mean listen. Men should shut up and listen to what women are talking about, what they have to say, what their plans are, what their concerns are; how they want things done. What women say matters and men need to understand this and act accordingly. When they listen, men are in a position to better respond to women, to be of service. This is satisfying to all involved. Dennis is a good listener. He'll hear that Mom or I need something and it's there. Or he'll hear that we're planning a get-together and he'll politely ask for details so he can prepare for it.
Insist that he show you deference – He should be treating you with respect. “Yes, Ma-am!” is mandatory at home and away, I don't care who is around. An apron is mandatory; he has to wear one at home no matter who is visiting. He has many aprons as do the other men in our family. If he doesn't find an apron hanging in the kitchen when he gets home, he gets the privilege of choosing one to wear. He enjoys wearing this sign of his subservience, but, like it or not, he wears it because I demand he does.
Insist that he ask permission – He should be asking your permission to do anything outside of his established routine. If he wants a cigarette, he asks; if he wants a mixed drink, he asks; if he wants to do his Tuesday evening grocery shopping, he asks. Every time he asks permission he is recognizing that I'm in charge.
Make and enforce rules – You'll want to have well documented rules and standards to ensure that he does things right. By “right” I mean how you want things done. We have plenty of rules for everything and he has to know them. He writes them in his journal so he remembers them. There are rules for how men behave with women guests, how he greets them, serves them. There's a right way to clean the living room, a right way to light a woman's cigarette, and so on. And there are established routines that he has to follow; every day of the week he has housework todo, in addition to looking after mother and me. We expect him to come home and do his assigned tasks and do them how we want them done. Mom and I don't have time to tell him every little thing to do – it's waste of time. But we do check on him on occasion and make sure he's doing his work the way we want it done. If not, there can be consequences for him. And, ladies, don't feel overbearing. Men love having rules and routines because they know just what to do and how to do it. Your man is busy, productive, and happy and you can go about doing what you want to do.
Exercise your power – An in-charge woman has to exercise her power. To keep him in the proper frame of mind we tell him to do things; all sorts of things. I'll come home and just drop my things here and there and tell him to pick them up – he loves doing it. I'll send him across town at 3:00 am for a pack of cigarettes; he'll get them. I'll send him to the mall for a pair of pantyhose even though I have a dozen pairs in my drawer; I'll have them in thirty minutes! He never complains about being told what to do but, as I said, he does get concerned when he's not asked to do something for a while. Men love to do things for women, it gives them a lot of fulfillment – fulfillment from being obedient.