As discussed in the previous post, many in-charge wives put the clamps on their hubby’s night out with the boys, for a variety of reasons. But having done that, establishing their authority over their mate’s time, some wives encourage their husbands to seek male company—of a less macho sort.
These new male companions are hand-picked by the wives, just as my bride-to-be selected the male invitees to my bachelor party. The number one criterion for the new candidates is that they also be in female-led relationships.
The idea is that any male bonding that takes place will be within the inescapable context of their mutual interest—being controlled by their respective wives.
One way of ensuring that the two husbands reinforce each other’s commitment to the lifestyle, rather than indulge in a gripe session, is to have the wives present to set the agenda. And sometimes this is done, as you’ll read below.
At other times, however, the husbands are allowed to interact without wifely oversight. Does this lead to mutinous masculine grumblings, hatchings plots to undermine their wives’ authority?
Hardly. Almost always (judging by the online discussions I’ve seen) the husbands in FLRs form an ad hoc support group, comparing notes and trading tips on ways to be even more devoted and useful to their wives. Even complaining may take the form of submissive one-upmanship, each trying to top the other with stories about how strict his wife is. A typical exchange:
Househubby No. 1: “I’m going out of my tree. My wife has teased me every night and denied me orgasm for two weeks now.”
Househubby No. 2: “Is that all? Try two months, like my princess does to me.”
And I came across this quote from a guy boasting about his wife’s “developing dominance,” saying it was “intriguing and also a bit scary”:
“For example, only this morning she said to me, ‘I think I need two husbands, don’t you think that would be a good idea? You’re so good around the house and with the kids but we need someone handy. Plus you could compare notes on me. Wouldn’t that be fun?’ Of course, she was only joking (I think).”
Online support groups fill obvious needs for both wives and husbands in FLRs—providing reinforcement, reassurance, feedback, occasional cautionary words-to-the-wise and a wealth of been-there-tried-that ideas for taking the lifestyle up a notch.
Some of these valuable FLR-related forums have vanished (Spousechat), some have migrated (Lady Misato’s from Yahoo to Facebook, the Venus On Top Discussion Group to the new SheMakesTheRules message board), the old Female Led Relationship Board now operating under new management at Yuku.
Elise Sutton’s Q&A resource remains in place, though in recent months she has been using recycled material on her free site (and perhaps saving fresh material for her subscription site).
All of these I have found to be, by and large, congenial gathering places, non-judgmental, with new members welcomed warmly by existing members, as in this exchange I saved from Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship Forum:
"Welcome! Get a cup of coffee, sit back and read all the posts to this forum from the beginning. You'll soon see you're not alone! Keep serving your wife, putting her first. Listen intently when she speaks and do everything she says. Encourage her to join the wives' forum as soon as she feels like it…"
New member (replying a day later):
“Thanks for the warm welcome. Having read through all of the posts on this forum (as you suggested), I have come to one conclusion that every man here feels almost exactly as i do….”
Here’s how my favorite wife-worshipper, Au876, explained how much the online ommunity of like-minded husbands meant to him:
“I too very much enjoy all the postings and knowing other husbands find joy in serving their wives. I am glad to be here and am thankful for our Founder [Lady Misato] having the grace to set up a site where men on the cutting edge can discuss, exchange and even daydream. It is great to have a place where I, and we, can get it off our chest and know we are understood by those that read our post.
“For instance, I have never told anyone that my wife sometimes punishes me by making me stand in a corner or write some mundane essay for her. Yet you guys understand why I comply and don't laugh at me or consider me a wimp (I hope) for doing so.”
Of course, Au876 was talking about a virtual gathering place, an online Cheers! bar where everybody only knows your pseudonym. A similar confession—about being stood in the corner by one’s wife, say, and submitting to it—would be much more difficult, embarrassing and unlikely in an actual support group, with guys sitting around in the same room. Or even two guys, face to face.
If or until the idea of female-led marriages becomes safely mainstream, most husbands and wives will wish to keep their domestic arrangements behind closed doors.
Yet some husbands express a longing, not to be publicly “outed,” but to share their experiences with other like-minded husbands—in the flesh, not just in cyberspace:
“It would be nice if I were able to develop real-life friendships with some other guys who are part of an FLR couple.”
This particular househusband, however, did not think he would ever have that opportunity, because his wife was very protective of their privacy, and he dare not do this without her permission.
Some FLR couples, however, actually are quite up front about their role-reversal lifestyle. At restaurants, for instance, the leading wife may take the power position, dealing exclusively with the waiter, ordering for her husband, paying the check, etc. “Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ” were one such, who posted frequently on the old Spousechat message board. Here is a description by Ms. Lynda of one such “outing,” and how it led to Mr. Lynda making the acquaintance of another househusband:
“Mr. Lynda and I had decided to meet at a restaurant for supper. He arrived dressed in a nice pair of shorts and a polo shirt. I was late; I had a presentation to make and I was dressed in a dark blue business suit. I ordered for the both of us, unaware that this older man was watching us. He may have been in his early forties. He came up to us before we left and commented on what he had observed. He talked to Mr. Lynda while I paid the bill. He said, ‘She has you whipped boy, but, there is no better way to be! Just let her have her way. She is going far.’ He was on his weekly Boys' Night Out. The other friend he was to meet could not show up at the last minute because one of the children had gotten sick. He has been a househusband for over twenty years. He took Mr. Lynda's number; they are going to get together for a Boys' Night Out until we leave for my job later this summer.”
Somewhat kinkier forms of male bonding can take place within the context of FLR couple groups, if the wives are so inclined, as this husband explained in a posting:
“My wife and I recently had a business dinner in which our hosts were another Female Led marriage couple. After many drinks the women encouraged us men to discard our clothing and serve them naked. It was a very powerful first for us and I enjoyed it. It was my first time sharing ‘guy’ talk and tips with another househubby in a similar situation. The other hubby and I both agreed that sharing our nudity before our fully clothed wives and serving them was truly a powerful reminder of our place in our marriages… It was a thrill to be face-to-face with another submissive househusband.”
Another househusband reacted with envy: “You are so lucky! i wish i had the opportunity to talk with someone like myself who has assumed all the traditional duties of the 1950s housewife.”
What would two such husbands talk about? According to another posting, a typical interchange might start something like this: “Susannah's husband and I got to talk about being owned and controlled by such wonderful powerful women. How we both realized it was the best way and were glad to have found such loving knowing women to train us properly.”
A final word on the topic, from another husband:
“As we move deeper into our FLRs, some of our old lives will recede as our relationship with our Wives becomes our world. Perhaps one way to cope with these painful losses is to forge new friendships with their friends.”