Thursday, December 10, 2009

Men at Work

Q: I get the “perpetual courtship” thing—treating the wife like a queen, flowers, chocolates, love notes, etc. And getting down on my knees to give her footrubs, even pedicures, can be a real turn-on. But I don’t buy into the courtship angle of doing more and more of the housework, even including dusting and ironing according to some of photos I’ve seen here. You can call it “domestic dragon-slaying” if you like, but that doesn’t make it manly.

A: Well, you certainly sound more macho than I am. And in my much younger, studlier days, the only apron I wore was a leather nail apron and as a rough-framing carpenter (or carpenter’s helper). But these days, yes, in my daily romantic service to my wife, I make the bed, fold her nightgown, iron her blouses (along with my shirts), and, yes, even dust knickknacks. I’ve even surrendered the remote (though I sometimes do my domestic chores listening to baseball, football and basketball on a headset radio).

The challenge remains, can a guy follow all the steps of wife worship, including “doing more and more the housework,” without sacrificing his masculinity and self-respect?

My answer is yes, unless he wants to be emasculated, or his wife wants him to be emasculated. Instances of this apparently abound—where men dress, or are dressed, in French maid costumes and go teetering about in high heels and makeup, feather duster in manicured hand.

But, judging by all the FLR accounts I’ve seen from husbands and wives over many years, this aspect of role reversal is definitely in a decided minority

I suggest that most wife-trained husbands perform their domestic duties in a no-frills, masculine fashion. As one of my favorite oracles, Au876, once wrote in Lady Misato's original Wife Worship Forum:

“Over the years my wife has pointed out that men are better suited for housework in a lot of different ways. Men are stronger (generally) and thus more able to move furniture so you can vacuum or sweep. Men have more upper body strength and thus are more suited to scrubbing, mopping and etc. Men are taller and can more easily reach up to clean high places… Men don't have to worry about breaking a nail or messing up nail polish while they are cleaning and are not nearly as concerned about how their hands look. She makes good points and I totally agree with her.”

Of course, Au adds that “the main reason I do all the housework is because she wants me to.”

Get the image of the hunky helpmate? One of the gurus of housework online, Jeff Campbell, seems to fit the manly matrix (oops, wrong term there!). On his website, Jeff sells a very manly looking apron, even if it doesn’t have belt loops for power equipment and a 20 oz. waffle-patterned framing hammer. “Professional cleaners dress for the job in comfortable, washable clothing designed for work,” Campbell writes. “Check out their supportive shoes and kneepads. Goggles and gloves protect against chemicals.”

And, yes, some of these henpecked, pussywhipped husbands “hoovering” the carpets and “swiffering” the linoleum are imposing dudes, well equipped for domestic dragon-slaying. Here’s a trio:

“My husband is a strong-willed man who enjoys much control and leadership in his field,” a wife brags on Lady Misato’s website. “He is 6'3" while I am barely 5'5", yet, I even dominate him physically as he does not resist my pushing and pulling on him… He is much happier and is often humming or singing around the house now.”

No. 2 sounds even more macho: “I am six feet four inches tall, I played college football, I can still bench press over 300 pounds, and I have a black belt in karate. I could kick most guys’ asses, if I were not such a loving and peaceful guy. My wife is a petite woman who weighs about one third of what I do and who is eight years younger than I. Yet, she rules my life to the maximum. She is the bossiest and most dominant female I have ever met and I am madly in love with her.”

Here’s our third tough guy: “In terms of my own manliness, I am a few months away from being a black belt in karate, I am the father of two almost grown children, own a successful business, and am in a romantic blissful relationship with a fantastic woman. I have given my Mistress Wife the reins to our relationship, not because I am a wimp, but out of a choice.”

Macho or even semi-macho, however, what about a fair division of household chores? As I wrote in Chapter 5, Pampering and Pitching In, of my book, “In today's two-income marriages, ought the woman be expected to tie on an apron the minute she parks her briefcase at the front door?... Shouldn’t the husband voluntarily turn off the Big Game du Jour and lend a hand? Of course he should. He should, in fact, let his work-weary wife log a few hours of her own in the La-Z-Boy with a magazine and a Merlot.”

There is knightly satisfaction in keeping Milady’s castle spotless, as this husband relates on Lady Misato’s site: “I do most of the housework now. I don't consider this a chore but a pleasure. I owe her so much and love her so much that I enjoy doing everything I can. I listen, respond, obey, and love every minute of it.”

He is also likely to be romantically rewarded for all his domestic drudgery, as this leading wife makes plain: “If you want to pamper a woman, do the housework for her. Do you think a woman likes to come home in the evening and do housework while her husband is watching tv and drinking beer? Having a husband who willingly does all the housework, laundry, etc., is a daily pampering. A woman loves to be pampered. Don't ever forget that.”

A CNN online article last June highlighted this issue, a familiar one in Wife-Led Marriags, in an article titled “Housework and sex: What's the connection?”

It begins: “Jen Simmons loves to watch her husband Danny tend to their two little boys, mop the floor or hang a picture. She also finds it sexy. Men do more housework than they used to, a study says, although they create more of it.” And goes on: “I am very turned on when he's doing housework," says the 36-year-old Camden, Delaware resident, a middle school teacher.”

Here are some supporting testimonials from houseworking hubbies:

“Before our FLR, we fought about housework constantly. Now I truly have learned to enjoy it. I enjoy pleasing Her. She especially loves it when I clean the toilets. It makes Her frisky. And I like a frisky Wife!”

Cautionary Note: Husbands shouldn’t expect a romantic payoff for substandard housework. As one Loving Female Authoritarian puts it, “I don't want to find panties or socks inside out or folded sloppy. Watch out if I do. I have become much more demanding as the relationship has grown.”

“It is a proven fact that most men cannot or will not clean as well as a woman,” another female head-of-house states, “but a little known fact is they can be taught!”


BOB said...

MR Remond
Fantasic article.Thanks for posting it.

It reminds me of one of my favorite commercials. It was the "cleaning hunk" commercial by Xtra Pine.[its on Youtube]

It featured a muscular hunk cleaning a woman's house .First by using his shirt and then taking off his pants as the woman drooled and smugly oggled his body.The best line was at the end when he says "you know ,my underwear would do a much better job at cleaning this".

This commercial was clearly aimed at women.And i think it's the type of fantasy many women have.A half naked muscular hunk waiting on them hand and foot.

I dont know about anyone else.But i have often heard female friends comment on some celebirty hunk[or some guy they see walking by] by saying "i wouldnt mind having him as my sex slave".

I think that the important part of the commercial was that the "hunk" was not only athletic and muscular.He was cheerful and happy to clean for the woman.He was manly.But also obedient.

Too often many femdom images are of pathetic looking men being debased.The men are cringing and the women are snarling.Nethier male or female seem to be enjoying themselves or seem to be happy.

Not exactly a good advertisment for Wife -led Marriages.

Photos like the one you have posted and advertisements like the Xtra Pine one seem to be a much better way to convince women to embrace the Wife-Led Marrige lifestyle.

BOB said...


BTW I have allready noted in comments in the past that many of my blue collar friends are MORE likely to do most or all of the housework in their marriages than my friends that work in an office.

As i have said before i think there are 2 reasons.

ONE-Most construction workers nowdays have wives that outearn them.

TWO-If you have been swinging a 10lb sledgehammer all day long,no one is going to think that you are a wimp for taking off your toolbelt when you get home and putting on an apron.

Also a blue collar guy often judges his worth not by how much money he earns[which sadly isnt much] ,but by how hard he works and how useful he is.this type of guy has always worked around the house[ home improvement]. housework is just a newer version of this.

Most of the guys i work with arent the least bit self concious about letting people know that they do most or all of the housework.They work a hard job and they are comfortable in their own masculinity.

I wish more Female Supremacy internet sites featured men like them.And normal looking girl next door type of women.

It should be mentioned that there is more than one type of housework. Men have always worked as a group at a friends house to buid a deck ,garage,shed,ect.It is usually to please the friends wife.And the women usually chat and relax while the men work outside.

The men and women in these cases probably dont use terms like "FLR" or " WLM" but that is what they are basicly practicing in reality.

Anonymous said...

Great post! What consistently impresses me with your blog (vs. most male-authored FLR blogs) is your insight into what women actually want from FLR. A refreshing perspective, indeed.

I'm kind of astounded, though, that any FLR-aspiring man wouldn't understand the correlation between housework and romance. Because, seriously? The wifely burden of neverending laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning is the exact opposite of an aphrodisiac. Truly.

In fact, the effect of domestic overwork on a woman's libido can be soundly condensed into one simple phrase: take the couch, baby. Countless studies concur.

But, does this mean we want our men to abdicate their manliness? No way! Not in a thousand years! The occasional husband-in-drag notwithstanding, most of us (in charge or not) are secretly just as delighted with masculinity as many of the FLR guys seem to be with femininity.

My boyfriend, for example. He's a civil engineer. Loves sports, working on cars, pumpin' iron, and grillin' on the barbie. A guy's kinda guy. I, on the other hand, am a full-time grad student, working retail on the side. We're both pretty busy, so it wouldn't be fair for either us to slack on the housework. It's pretty 50-50 in that area, which works well, all things considered.

The thing is, my boyfriend is just as hot cleaning the toilet (which I hate doing) as he is changing a tire (which I could take or leave). Seriously. If anything, though, his status as sole toilet cleaner has only raised his desirability in my eyes, because it comes from a place of consideration, and (with little exaggeration) true masculine heroism. He's happy to save me from something I detest. And I adore him for it.

But, guys have it tough, I know. While women's roles now run the spectrum of housewife to CEO, society seems determined to keep men in this tiny, little box of "acceptable" masculinity. Which is too bad. Everyone loses.

The macho non-domesticator may have noticed, though, that roles are really changing. For everyone. And he would do well to consider the sage advice of a recent MSNBC article:

"Women make passes at guys who wash glasses."

(Even the "porn" industry has caught on... in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way.) :)

whatevershesays said...

Mark: Great post. And btw, great book. Gave it to my wife.

I suspect my wife is like others, willing to do more around the house. But if I have the time and it fits into our wlm lifestyle then why shouldn't I do it!

And the very great added benefit is that then we have more time to spend together.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I mutually made the decision that I would be doing all of the housework when we began out WLM 6 years ago. Now I prepare most of our dinners, do the wash and iron many of her clothes. She loves it!! She makes me clean the house wearing only my panties (24/7I wear my own ) and she teases me by walking around or watching TV when I clean wearing only bra and panties. Every so often the bra will come off, but I cannot touch her tits without permission. So I can only glance at them once in a while. And she believes in orgasm management in a big way, so no relief usually for me, unless I have gone a month. Then she will start to think about it. Meanwhile she has me give her orgasms, but she says it's much better if I wait a long time. I will not argue that, she, as usual, is right.

BOB said...

MR Remond: i would just like to take this oppertunity to wish you and your wife a Merry Christmas!

And i would like to thank you for all of your hard work spent on this blog.Thank you for writing about the loving aspect of Wife-led Marriage instead of JUST the bsdm side .This post is a perfect example .Thank you for using artwork of househusbands in aprons who are athletic,attractive and happy to serve their wives!Instead of the cowering fat guys that you see on some female supremacy sites.

Have a great New Years and i look forward to your posts in 2010!

VJ said...

Nice article Mark. Currently I am a bachelor but would love to do all housework for my wife when I get married. Your blog is an excellent guide for people like me.

Have a happy Christmas and New Year ahead.

Mark Remond said...

I want to thank Bob and VJ and all the commenters and readers for their supportive words, and I return the wishes for a wonderful holiday and New Year, with increased devotion to our blessed wives!
PS - And I'll try to be a more frequent poster, I really will!