Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Benefiting From Her Wisdom


I have the incredible good fortune to be married to a woman who is always right. I’d estimate around 99% and feel safe, since every once in a great while she’s actually wrong—about minor stuff, mind you–just to demonstrate that she’s not perfect.

I can deal with it. Not by disputing her, however, although I know some husbands resort to such tactics. They assert the great ape prerogative, strut about the cave and shout her down. But I prefer to cope with her near-infallibility by adopting her ideas whole hog, along with her viewpoints, suggestions, hints, directives, and generally profiting from the privilege of living with an Oracle.

“Oracle” because she’s not only right about current stuff, but about the future. My wife gives wonderful advice—almost off the top of her head. I am amazed when I see people, especially our kids, ignore it. Not only do I take her advice, I rarely do anything, even send an email, without asking for input.

Some husbands would go nuts to be so overshadowed by female omniscience. I know one guy, whose wife is also a brain and a gem, and this guy second guesses her or contradicts her about everything. She can barely get out one sentence without him rising, like an opposing attorney, to raise an objection, a clarification, to challenge, or to launch into a full-scale cross examination. Over the decades of this boorish and unbearable behavior, he has succeeded in undermining his wife’s confidence to the extent that she now second guesses herself on everything.

(PS. She’s actually a courtroom attorney, outearning him by a very long way.)

So when I read the advice of wife-worshipping husbands never to argue with your spouse, it’s hard not to take. But apparently I’m not so unusually in being married to a prodigy. Wives, it would seem, really are smarter, and the best way for us guys to smarten up is to listen up.

I share some thoughts along these lines:

Fdhousehusband: “…my second Key Insight of a Successful Submissive flows from the power exchange at the heart of any Female Led Relationship: KISS #2: ‘She has Authority to make mistakes.’ Looking at the flip side of this, if She only has authority to make good decisions, where is the power exchange? She would only be doing what you agreed with! But, if She has the authority to make mistakes, you are really putting yourself completely in Her hands!"

Beckie Sue: “A few years ago, my husband and I sat down and I told him if I was going to make the decisions, I demanded he obey me without question. Do I make mistakes? More than I wish. But my husband takes the blame for them and the punishment; this is his worship of his goddess!"

Au876: “Give your opinion or advice when she wants it BUT REMEMBER she is the decision maker. Once she makes the decision you have to adopt it as your own. It is no longer a question of her being right or wrong, it is a matter of you supporting and obeying her regardless of what you think… Vow to yourself that no matter what, you will support her position and make it work. If it develops she was in fact wrong, NEVER say I told you so or even hint at it. Be a man about it and take the blame yourself. There is a saying, ‘The boss is never wrong.’ It is not because the boss is never wrong, it is because She is the boss.”

Pussywhipped Prince: “The freedom and power of surrendering my thoughts and opinions that run contrary to my wife's position is the purest joy and most terrifying action I have encountered. You've heard the saying ‘The woman is always right.’ Standing there with steadfast commitment takes my becoming a stronger man than I have ever known myself to be. If a man has an opinion in the forest and no woman is around, is it still wrong?”

Madame Rebecca (who operated a now-defunct Yahoo! Group entitled, “Trained Husbands and Happy Wives”): “Let your wife do your thinking.” And elaborating upon this:
“You want her to be more active and you desire to show her you are a useful male and serve her. Does it not appear to you that if she told you or asked you or that if you even thought she wanted you to do something, you should do it? Live for her and let her do your thinking for you. Let her know that you know she is always right and she is smarter than you and knows what’s best for you.”

As I wrote in an earlier blog post, Being Shaped By Her, Part 3, “…many husbands, who initially balk at having their wives mold their thoughts and opinions, become accustomed, and even addicted to the process over time.”

23 comments:

subservient-husband said...

Mr. Remond,

The below quote from Ms. BeckieSue I find so appropriate. It is my obligation and privilege to be subject to punishment for my wife's mistakes or failure to meet a goal she has set for herself. It is an extension of my service to her do be the willing accepter of her blame.

Thank you for the post.

-SH

"Beckie Sue: “A few years ago, my husband and I sat down and I told him if I was going to make the decisions, I demanded he obey me without question. Do I make mistakes? More than I wish. But my husband takes the blame for them and the punishment; this is his worship of his goddess!"

Mark Remond said...

SH - I am properly impressed by your attitude (and, of course, by "Mr." Beckie Sue's). Have you ever described in your valuable blog such a punishment episode, what led up to it, the kind of submissive fulfillment you experienced therefrom, etc.? I'm sure I'm not the only one of your readers who would enjoy being allowed into such an intimate event.

subservient-husband said...

Mr. Remond,

yes, link is below, but it never led to a "punishment". My wife and I tried tying her weigh in to being my responsibility. It still is, since I cook almost everything she eats. If she gains weight, it is my fault.

-SH

LINK:
http://subservient-husband.blogspot.com/2010/06/dieting-responsibilities.html

Mark Remond said...

S-H, Thank you. An admirable and inspiring arrangement. I'm wondering if I could figure out a way to do something of the kind for my wife. I'm also going to make sure I read all your posts from the beginning; I subscribe, but somehow I didn't read back in time, which I will now remedy. As my mentor, fdhousehusband once said, apropos of the secret fraternity of subhusbands, "We are all in this together." In fact, if you are like me, you really do yearn to be able to go public and declare proudly your subservient status to, and utter worship of, your wonderful wife.

Jim said...

Patrick, haha, you don't have the same admiration for FLR lifestyle you once did. What gives?

subservient-husband said...

Mr. Patrick,

I would suggest hacking through the thicket of commonly held beliefs to identify and then express submissive tendencies a rare occurrence which requires a tremendous amount of self realization and the ability to confront honesty with courage.

Ceding authority is not as you describe.

-SH

Mark Remond said...

Patrick's Comment:
Thank you, Jim and S-H, but I deleted Patrick's Comment. I'm just tired of his reflexive conrarian broadsides the moment I post something. If it's for not him, fine; but just let us exercise our pleasurable syndrome over in this corner of cyberspace, will you? Or, better yet, go get a blog of your own, and let the world enjoy your eloquence. However, I've had it.
For the record, here was his last broadside:

QUOTE STARTS HERE Patrick has left a new comment on your post "Benefiting From Her Wisdom":

I'm sorry, but this has to be said.

Nobody is right about everything all the time. I don't think that statement needs any elaboration.

Mark, your wife may be a very intelligent woman. Where can I find one of those? I have yet to find a woman who interests me intellectually and sexually, simultaneously. I'm sick of boring, shallow women. I guess you are a lucky man.

But even if I did find a genius of a woman, I would still not take every word she says at face value. I would use my judgment about whether her advice makes any sense.

Questioning why somebody holds a certain opinion is not being boorish. Asking for clarification is not necessarily challenging her. Wanting to understand her reasoning, and then evaluating it yourself, is not belittling her. These are basic aspects of critical thinking.

Nor is it an "ape prerogative" as you say. That's a radical feminist line creeping into your writing, Mark. Any time a man doesn't bow down to the feminist agenda he's accused of being a knuckle-dragging neanderthal who is afraid of powerful women, or an oppressive patriarch who wants to keep women in their place.

These same feminists and pro-feminist men will then turn around and make an assertion such as "Live for her and let her do your thinking for you. Let her know that you know she is always right and she is smarter than you and knows what’s best for you." Sounds a bit like "father knows best." Do you not recognize the hypocrisy?

Thinking for yourself is the first act of self-assertion. It is the first step to being a true human being. A person's mind is the only thing that separates him or her from lower animals. That doesn't mean we all have to be geniuses but we should strive to at least remain conscious and reflective. Dare to think. It is your birthright. Refusing to do that is backsliding down the evolutionary scale.

Furthermore, if she is that smart you would be wise to question her as much as possible. Pick her brain. Learn everything you can from her the same as you would with any brilliant business advisor or mentor. It's not a sign of disrespect to ask questions. Truth doesn't shrink from clarity. If what she is saying is true and just, she shouldn't fear the light of your questions.

You guys actually take blame for your wife's failures? That's interesting.

Take no responsibility for your lives. Blame everyone else for your failures. Lash out at them when you fail. Claim divine right to do so. Profess to be right in all matters while closing your mind to rational thought and discussion...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the FLR woman's approach to life.

Posted by Patrick to Worshipping Your Wife at February 24, 2011 5:48 PM

beckiesue said...

Mark, I don't mind Patrick's ramblings. He just expresses what most people believe. He has failed to experience the beauty and privilege of having a wife he can worship.

I do take responsibility for my mistakes. My husband knows that. It is my husbands desire to transfer those mistakes over to him. He loves to worship me, and when he sees the result of my mistake it is hard for him to sit at my feet. When there is a mistake on someones part, that mistake needs to be acknowledged and acted upon. When he sees any mistake on my part, he comes to me and admits it as his mistake. It is then he accepts his punishment. I no longer feel bad for any mistake, and he can now worship me with his total obedience.

I understand this concept is hard for most to understand but if all marriages would start to practice this, they would all be much happier.

Beckie Sue

subservient-husband said...

Mr. Patrick,

you are welcome on my blog. Currently, I have a post about a modern day purist matriarchal society I am sure you would enjoy emensilly.

;-}

-SH

Mark Remond said...

S-H, that's a nice big-tent gesture you made to Patrick, and I've noticed that about your site's comments section. You engage and welcome all viewpoints and never lose patience. As for me, the older I gets, the more curmudgeonly I becomes. I'm starting to be like those irascible talk radio guys who start hanging up on callers, saying "Get your own show and leave me the hell alone!"

ALL HERS said...

I had thought that perhaps only my wife and I were the ones who had the following obedience rule. Now I see it isn"t so. My wife makes the decisions and I must (and I willfully obey) them. When she makes a mistake I am the one who gets punished by her. She says it makes her aware that she made a mistake, will remember punishing me and will help her not to do it again. Or I will not bring the mistake to her attention.

Just last weekend she had some ribs in the oven re-heating for our 5pm "happy hour". She left them in too long and smoke began coming out from the oven. They were burnt beyond identitiy. She said that she was punishing me for that, "and don't you agree I should"? Of course I did agree, and said that it was my fault She added 1 week onto my 6 week wait time to cum, and for the next 7 days I had 1 hour of corner time while wearing only my panties every evening after dinner. Even though I was not in the house when the ribs were burned, I still received the punishment. A true WLM!

Mark Remond said...

ALL HERS, S-H & Beckie Sue, this is a new FLR doctrine for me, the husband taking the punishment for the wife's mistake... although I've tried to practice it in small ways. But you have all taken it to the next level. I WAS aware of a certain kind of vicarious atonement practiced in some FLRs, especially those using corporal punishment, where the husband volunteered himself as convenient whipping boy for the wife's use to exorcise any frustrations or furies built up during a hard or unfair day at the office...

ALL HERS said...

Mark;

The punishment my wife gives to me for her mistakes help her to avoid making the same or similar future mistake. Hard for someone not in a WLM to comprehend, but it does make sense (especially to her).When she sees me standing in a corner every night for a week or even longer, it reminds her what SHE has done. When I am so horny after 6 weeks, but she says she has added another week because of her mistake, she sees the effect of her mistake. It does seem to work for her, she makes very few of them to be very honest.

But when she does, it never results in a spanking or whipping. She never uses that form of punishment in our WLM. Extra cleaning, and usuallly re-cleaning the same room or floors all over again a second or even third time. Corner time, or if a more severe punishment is in order, I will be told to strip and then tied to a hook in her walk in closet for several hours. I may be tied from the wrists, but I have been tied with a cord around my balls and that fastened to the ceiling hook while my hands are tied behind me. That was for some very bad behavior.

As we enter our 7th year of WLM, she seldom has to punish me as I know what she expects of me. It seems it is only for her making a mistake. She says "someone has to be punished for this stupid mistake, and it certainly isn't going to be me. Who is left?"

Mark Remond said...

All HERS, the final quote from your wife -- the punch line of your comment -- is priceless. "Someone has to be punished for this stupid mistake, and it certainly isn't going to be me. Who is left?"

I don't know if the delicious irony could sustain me, however, during an hour of corner time, or "hang time." Which makes me hope that this obviously witty and wonderful woman will make fewer and fewer mistakes in future, for your sake.

ALL HERS said...

Mark;

Thanks for your comments. What we do may seem odd or out of place for many couples, but it really works for us. When I am standing in the corner and she is on the computer or reading in the same room, I may not speak. She tells me to think of ways to please her. And I do just that. Even what surprise gift I will buy her.

Yes , she is a wonderful woman. Very attractive, great body, works out 5 days a week, and most of all we love eachother very much. Hence, I would do anything for her, even absorb her punishments for her mistakes.

Thanks for this great blog. This topic seems to have created alot of interest with comments

Mark Remond said...

ALL HERS, I wasn't being critical. A little tongue-in-cheek perhaps, but not critical. In fact, if my darling wife adapted this kind of tactic with me, I would melt in a puddle at her feet. So call it envy on my part.

ALL HERS said...

Mark;

I didn't perceive anything critical in your comments. Just two guys talking about our WLM's. This topic really did bring out a large response from your readers/followers. It was nice to read others ideas and thoughts on this.

Thanks again for the time you put into this blog. It is THE BEST one written out of all of those that are written. And there are many good ones.

Mark Remond said...

ALL HERS, thanks for the nice words, which I immediately email-shared to my wife. I'm fussy with words, but it means I don't post as often as I should.

Obedient husband said...

The husband gets punished by the wife for the wife's mistakes? Sorry, but I don't see that as very sustainable. I think very few women would want to do this.
Of course I never thought I would see my wife become a "wife worship" blog reader, but it was with raised eyebrows, a slight smile and an air of confidence that she took in this latest posting this morning. So... I guess she will decide...

ALL HERS said...

Obedient Husband;

Looks like things are about to change for you. Get ready for some corner or hang time. And you probably will be kept alot hornier. Not so bad though, shows that my wife is fully in charge and enjoys it, as your wife seems to be. That's what it's all about after all, right?

Anonymous said...

I have long been fascinated by the concept of the "Whipping Boy".The important person can do wrong but its the servant that has to take the punishment.The rich person was to take responsibility for their mistakes by not getting the whipping boy in trouble.

But it also must have meant that the rich person made mistakes or transgressed on purpose.Just so that She might enjoy the suffering of others.It taught the concept of power.

In the case of the ribs being burnt the guilt is that the sub was not there to help and prevent the burning of the food.He should feel guilty for not being there and its a lovely concept for him to admit that guilt and take the consequences.

All the best LR

ALL HERS said...

Anon;

That is exactly what my wife feels. I should have been there to check the stove, even though I was outside doing something else for her. It was something that I will not do again. I will always check to see that everything she is doing is okay.

Hence, the punishment works. I will not allow that to happen again even though it was not my fault. Because somebody always has to be punished, and as she stated it is not ever going to be her. I thought about it every evening when I was in the corner for an hour for the week. Plus I had to go out and buy her a gift. (A handbag). Anytime she has to punish me, I must buy her an expensive gift to make up for the fact that she had to actually take the time and punish me for bad behavior or poor housework

Anonymous said...

ALL HERS,

That's great that you could take the blame for the ribs mix-up.

The point I think you've discovered is that her problems and issues are ALWAYS your problems. I really no longer see my wife as screwing up anything - she is way more capable than me, and if something goes wrong, it's not blame issue but just an issue of fixing it for the two of us. If it helps her to point out how I could have avoided the problem, it's really no skin off my back! I'd rather she not feel like she screwed up.