Monday, June 20, 2011

Lighting Her Cigars, Part 1

Of course, she doesn’t smoke cigars, but if she did, we’d light them for her, wouldn’t we, mates? Because that’s who we are.
“You see many such couples… the man [is] completely trained and conditioned, he is ever alert for his cues. If his lady unsnaps her purse and frowns down into it, he at once presents his cigarettes, and they are always her brand. If she has her own cigarettes, he can cross twenty feet in a twelfth of a second to snap the unwavering flame to life, properly and conveniently positioned for her. It takes but the smallest sidelong look of query to send him in search of an ashtray to place close to her elbow. If at sundown she raises her elegant shoulders a half-inch, he trots into the house or onto the boat or up to the suite to bring back her wrap. He knows just how to apply her suntan oil, knows which of her dresses have to be zipped up and snapped for her. He can draw her bath to the precise depth and temperature which please her. He can give her an acceptable massage, brew a decent pot of coffee, take her phone messages accurately, keep her personal checkbook in balance, and remind her when to take her medications. Her litany is, ‘Thank you, dearest,’ ‘How nice, darling,’ ‘You are so thoughtful, sweetheart.’ It does not happen quickly, of course. It is an easy life. Other choices, once so numerous, disappear… And finally, of course, it comes down to a simple equation. Life is endurable when she is contented, and difficult when she is displeased. It is a training process, conditioned response."
—John D. MacDonald, A Tan and Sandy Silence

Clearly, John D. MacDonald--writing under fictional cover of his famous alter ego, Travis McGee--is deeply contemptuous of these men, who behave more like a courtier than a queen’s consort, devoting themselves utterly to her service, alert to, even anticipating her every whim.

But for many men like me—and it’s an increasing cohort of modern males, I am convinced---serving our significant female others as exalted queen or goddess is not seen as degrading, but as uplifting and deeply endlessly satisfying. Many submissively oriented guys can envision no more glorious fate, no greater manly endeavor.

For the first of many examples, here is an excerpt from a confessional letter to Elise Sutton, in which the writer revels in his fawning subservience to a beautiful, willful woman. And, among his many personal services, apparently, are lighting her cigarillos:

“She relaxed on her favorite white leather sofa with a bunch of new magazines I'd bought for her. I poured her a brandy and lit her Nat Sherman Black & Gold cigarette. She doesn't often smoke, but she and I agree that no pleasure should ever be denied her so this is a nice extravagance. I knelt by her feet, took off her shoes and began massaging her feet.”

It’s a common confession of wife- and girlfriend-worshippers, being exalted by obeisance to the adored one, leading a life in a devoted, female-centric orbit:

“I am most comfortable when my fiancee chooses to relax. In our relationship, I am doing the man's work. She is not expected to lift a finger. I bring in a plate of cookies, some coffee, tea, or Perrier and we spend some time in conversation. Sometimes she is busy and I find something else to do. However, I am always on call… She goes to bed first, and I straighten up the living area. I go up to the bedroom… While the house is always neat, I only take one or two days a week to do a complete cleaning.”

For many such husbands, their service to their wives extends to every room in the house, especially including bath and boudoir:

“I love to wash my wife's hair and scrub her in the shower, then dry her. Mostly because she loves it. If someone says it isn't important, I do not care. I know giving and loving are important to me.”

As I wrote in Chapter 5 (“Pampering and Pitching In”) of the original Worshipping Your Wife book, “There are manly guys who draw their wife’s bath. Who shampoo her hair. Who loofah her skin and even shave her legs. Who give facials while she luxuriates in the suds. And who are ready with a warmed, fluffed towel to enfold her as she emerges, a dripping Venus, from the bath. Who are rewarded with the further privilege of drying and powder-puffing her skin, or massaging it with moisturizing creams. And who, later, lovingly brush her hair, the traditional hundred strokes.”

And these:

“My wife came into the bedroom and sat at her dressing table to apply her makeup. She was wearing a silk robe that I had hung in the bathroom that morning. As she applied her makeup, she noticed that there was a chip in the polish on one of her toes. ‘I don't have time for a pedicure now, but fix that chip for me while I finished my makeup.’ I found the polish and first cleaned the old polish from that one toe and then applied a new color and topcoat. And then I remained at her feet…”

“Beauty care for my wife includes bathing her, brushing hair, doing makeup and nails, laying out and assisting in dressing her.”

“My Mistress requires me to massage her feet, paint her toe-nails and shave her legs. Occasionally she has me bathe her.”

“I'm going crazy, giving her footrubs, watching her try on new dresses, watching her put on her make-up in the morning, watching her do her fabulously thick and rich hair.”

“I kneel next to the tub and begin to bathe my wife as I have done so many times before. I try to remain calm as I run the sponge and soap over her back, breasts and legs as she relaxes.”

“Saturday morning after she showered, my wife called me in and said, ‘You may watch me put on makeup and blow dry my hair if you wish.’ I do love that, I have always stolen glances just to watch her do that! To me, a woman doing that is so feminine, erotic and powerful.”

Fdhousehusband, whose discontinued blog “Her Househusband’s Life” is sorely missed by many us, offers this advice to husbands embarking on wife-led marriages: “Help Her dress and undress each day.”

And for macho guys who, like MacDonald, heap scorn on such servile behavior, “Fd” heaps his own scorn in return, leavened by pity:

“i always laugh when i see [husbands] on TV shows, films and even [among] my male friends impatiently waiting at the door for their Wives to finish dressing and yelling out something about ‘being late.’ i think to myself, ‘Why isn't he helping Her?’ One of my important jobs is to help Her get dressed each time She heads out the door and to reverse the process when She comes home. my assistance saves Her precious minutes from Her busy day and makes myself useful. And besides, i get to enjoy this very special and intimate contact with Her!”

But, to return to the main point of this posting, is it really possible to reconcile such servile behavior with manliness? It’s a fair question. In the first giddy euphoria of this lifestyle, back almost fifteen years ago after I first launched into all-out wife worship after reading Lady Misato’s revolutionary website (“Real Women Don’t Do Housework”, I went a little wacky, I guess. My wife quickly became annoyed by my constant (and almost overnight) solicitousness. “Don’t be a sycophant!” she snapped. She was right, of course. (When isn’t she?)

I think I’ve learned a thing or two in the years since—learned how to reconcile manliness with, uh, well, servility, for want of a studlier word. Or, shallwe say, with service to my Queen. She does not object to being adored, catered to, obeyed, and all the rest. But she wants a man to be serving her and obeying her, the man she fell in love with and married, not a toady, not a wuss or a wimp.

Which brings me back, as seems inevitable in these postings, to the old romantic courtship model of wife worship, as set forth by Lady Misato and many others since. The paradigm is embodied in the knighthood ceremony depicted on the cover of my first book. The worshipful boyfriend or husband defines and models his devotion along the lines of a heroic knight to his queen, kneeling before her after each brave deed and seeking her next commission.

I use Knight-Queen advisedly, in preference to Knight-Lady, because a major motive to the medieval knight’s devotion to his queen derives from the vast disparity in their respective stations. It is not a disparity simply of rank, of course, or social standing, but of power. In the case of a Queen, we may assume that her power over the man on bended knee is absolute.

Thus the intrepid man-at-arms bowing low before her and stretching his neck in his prostration, prays for a gentle downward touch of the flat blade of the great longsword in her grip, conferring knighthood. But his submissive pose, and the fearsome blade she wields, also illustrates that she has the power of life and death over him. She could as easily smite him with the edge and remove his head--or have it done, the way Queen Elizabeth I eventually disposed of her beloved Earl of Essex.

This particular queen-knight tale has inspired many dramatic retellings, notably Donizetti’s tragic opera, Roberto Devereux and Maxwell Anderson’s play in blank verse, Elizabeth the Queen, which was adapted to the screen as The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex, starring Bette Davis and Errol Flynn. FLR write large.

Which brings us to a new question: What is the role of the unequal balance of power in a Female Led Relationship? But I’ll leave that for another day and another post.



Anonymous said...

We waited over a month and this is what you post?

Whatever happened to Beckie Sue? She understood what female superiority really is, and it's not this. Maybe I just like a woman's viewpoint of the female led family.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous, well, yes, this is what you got after a month. And there's another part to it! However, I am going to be talking about Beckie Sue in that installment. Wish I could be posting her words, as well.

Lady Grey said...

As you so eloquently put it..."serving our significant female others as exalted queen or goddess is not seen as degrading, but as uplifting and deeply endlessly satisfying. Many submissively oriented guys can envision no more glorious fate, no greater manly endeavor."

John D.Macdonald notwithstanding, what Dom wants a wuss at her disposal? Controlling an "A" personality type man, bringing him happily to his knees before you, to be served not in a servile manner, but in a deeply grateful manner...well, I'll opt for that every time.

Having an intelligent man who is perfectly comfortable in his manhood and who responds to your unspoken commands, to your gestures, your shrugs, your raised eyebrows, your tapping feet, and who can anticipate your needs and knows what to do to satisfy them...well, to me that's a real man. A man worthy of control, of rewards, and even punishment if need be.

You ask "what is the role of the unequal balance of power in a FLR?" I'd answer that the inevitable imbalance of power in such a relationship is the very ESSENCE of the relationship. A balance of power would make a FLR unworkable. What would be the point, after all? No, a man who accepts and relishes this imbalance of power is a man who understands and desires the resulting situation of having a woman in control. A sub needs his Dom, and he needs her to understand and utilize the imbalance. In my opinion, a Dom who has such a sub, has a MAN in every sense of the word.

ALL HERS said...


My wife and I do like the post. It shows that in a true WLM or FLR a man should not have to be told everything by his wife she wants done. I know that I must do some housework every day, as well as the major cleaning once a week. She wants our house spotless at all tiimes.

Also, I know when to rub her feet at night as we watch tv or go to bed a little earlier. She dooesn't have to ask. We are retired now, so most mornings we don't have to rush anymore. We get up together and I go into the kitchen and prepare coffee, wash any fruit for her breakfast, and set everything up. I am still wearing only my panties. After she comes into the kitchen I will pour her coffee and then put a robe on to go outside and get the newspaper for her. Then I go and dress. When she wants another cup of coffee she will lift the cup off the table and I must be ready to fill it immediately. She doesn't ask. She is doing the crossword puzzle at this time.

After breakfast I help her get ready for golf or tennis. She will hand me something to be ironed, and I will go and do it. If she has been pleased by my behavior I may get to lift her panties up her legs and help put her bra on. Always a pleasure.

Later in the day, I can sense when she would like to dine out without her telling me. Or I will prepare something I know she will enjoy depending on what I see as her mood. I will make arrangements and she will say, "good boy". Later in the evening I will say that I am going to make her a cup of green tea, and then massage her feet as they rest on the ottoman.

In a true WLM as ours, a wife should never be barking out orders all day long. A submissive man should know what pleases his wife and how to do it. Some days when we have no activities, I will say to her, "may I take you clothes shopping today and lets go to xyz restaurant for a nice lunch". She loves that, and she doesn't have to ask.

Also, my wife very rarely says '"thank you" and never "please". I am doing for her what I freely wish to do. It is now expected of me. If anything she will say,"that was thoughtful of you", or "how nice". But she feels why thank me for what I am supposed to do. We agreed that this would be our lifestyle many years ago, and I have said before that she is never going back to our old ways. I asked her for a WLM, she agreed to try it, and ended up loving it. I do too!

Mark Remond said...

Lady Grey, Actually MacDonald is one of my favorite writers, though I disagree with much of his world view. His female characters are especially well drawn, I think. But the provocative passage in your wonderful comments puts his in the shade: "Having an intelligent man who is perfectly comfortable in his manhood and who responds to your unspoken commands, to your gestures, your shrugs, your raised eyebrows, your tapping feet, and who can anticipate your needs and knows what to do to satisfy them...well, to me that's a real man. A man worthy of control, of rewards, and even punishment if need be."
What a lucky man yours is!
And ALL HERS, what a blissful romance your devotion and her dominance have made! It makes me giddy!

ALL HERS said...

Thank you Mark for your comment. Yes, it is blissful romance and devotion. We both have achieved what we really wanted. My wife wants to be served, and I want to serve my wife. The round peg in the round hole as is said.

As she came home this morning from tennis, I met her outside of the front door and untied her tennis shoes, removed them and then removed her socks. I had a pair of flip flops ready for her to slip on. I gently patted off her sweaty legs, cleaned her shoes with a brush, and then went inside to fix her a sports supplement drink. Then I prepared her lunch as she showered, and we sat a took our time talking and enjoying each others company. Sometimes I feel I may be dreaming,our life together is so great!

Again, no "thank yous", and there will never be. And it is not needed. Every day I am home I meet her at the door and follow the same routine.

I should say, as for sex, there is very little for me and alot for her. I have told you before that she believes all men should be kept very horny and made to wait a very long time before given the privledge of cumming. We play around almost every evening which always leads to her getting several orgasms. She teases me but stops before I cum. And she hasn't given me permission so I wouldn't .

When she feels I have waited long enough I may be allowed to enter her with a plastic cup nearby in case she allows me to cum. I must release into the cup. Or she will rub me through my panties and give me permission to "mess yourself". Or she will have me pull out early or stop rubbing me, saying that she wasn't pleased with her bathroom 2 days ago, or that I wasn't cooperative to her last week.Therefore, no cumming for xxx weeks.But that is the way it should be!

Anonymous said...

All Hers, I do agree with you. Men are so much more docile when kept in a very horny state. My wife makes me wait, but not as long as yours does. How do you go so long without orgasm, you must climb the walls?

garth said...

This hand-Made Cuban Cigar has cedar notes and elegant floral scents with a sweet chocolate. This was definitely a full flavored stick with very deep tobacco tastes.

cohiba cigar

ALL HERS said...

Anon, it is very difficult to wait 6 weeks or even much more for an orgasm as anyone can imagine. Especially at night when my wife plays with me, leaving me aroused and I give her orgasms as she desires. As I am constantly reminded, I asked my wife for a FLM and most of all for her to take charge of my orgasms. She said she would, but I could expect very few because in the past she liked my attitude better when I was horny. She did her own research on line and she found from different sites that a man should never receive the privledge of more than 10 orgasms a year. I only get 6 to 8 at best.

I concentrate on other things when I have that very aroused feeling. Ice packs on "her" cock and balls work well when my wife has almost brought me over the edge, but stopped in time. I apply them during the day if I am still have the intense feeling in the morning or afternoon. My wife watches me apply the ice pack, smiles wickedly and says, "poor baby, but it's good for you to keep the cum inside you, right?" Of course I agree with her. I would never say you are wrong. And she isn't.

I have had 2 wet dreams in the last 3 years. The first one woke me as I moaned and that caused my wife to also wake up. She was so angry, she didn't go back to sleep. She thought that I had rubbed "her" cock making it cum, even if I was sleeping. I was punished for a long time for that wet dream. The second one she was more understanding because I hadn't been allowed to cum for 8 weeks and she had really teased me the night before. I did tell her about it in the morning. Yes, I was punished but not as bad as the first time and for not as long.

Now when I feel over aroused at nighttime, I put on my CB 6000 and sleep with it on. It does stop wet dreams and gives me more security. My wife doesn't like it, she feels it is an artifical method of control. I am not allowed to wear it for very long. She will lock it at night and unlock it first thing in the morning. So far, so good.

Tambee said...

Mark, although you are very busy with other responsibilities, you still take the time to write lengthy posts just for our reading pleasure. You are very generous, and I want to express my appreciation to you.

Mark Remond said...

Tambee, I appreciate the comment. I lament the long lapses between my postings, and appreciate as well those who continue to check back. Every day I'm hoping to post the follow-up of Lighting Her Cigars. I am, however, writing a novel, or rewriting one. And then there's the darned dayjob, grrr!

kelmag said...


Just wanted to write and thank you for your web site and book. It has made a wonderful contribution to my marriage. For some time, I have been trying to get my wife interested in controlling the frequency of my orgasms and in the male chastity lifestyle. The results were, at best, inconsistent and temporary - that is, until I found your web site, read your book and later gave it to my wife. I describe what happened in the May 6, 2011, entry in my my blog "The Wife Led Husband in Male Chastity,"
Here is an excerpt:
"So much as happened in the last month that I'm not sure where to begin. First, notice the change in title - The "Secret Chastity Husband" title is now "Chastity Husband - No Longer Secret, and Now Wife Led." Now, my wife has known for some time that I've been wearing a chastity device, but until this month has not really understood why I'm wearing the device. Second, the addition of "wife led" means that I am now in a wife led relationship and my wife fully accepts this change in our relationship. Whew! That's a lot of change for one month.

So, how did this all happen? Well, it started with my finding a web site, a blog actually, entitled "Worshipping Your Wife" ( It is a blog about "Wife Led Relationships (also variously and apparently interchangeable called "Female Led Relationships" and "Loving Female Authority") and how adopting this lifestyle can improve and energize your marriage or relationship. It was interesting stuff, with blog entries going back several years. It was interesting enough that I bought the book of the same title, "Worshipping Your Wife," by Mark Remond. Well, I received the book and read it quickly. It is a concise, well written 99 pages on why and how to adopt a wife led relationship. Reading the book, I had one of those "Eureka" moments where you suddenly realize what the solution is to a long standing problem.

What Mark Remond had done was write a book about a purely vanilla form of female domination where there is in fact no mention of the phrases "female domination," "submissive," "slave," "D/S," "BDSM," "Cuckolding," "Dominatrix, or any other of the many kinky practices and phrases." Now there are any number of Femdom and Chastity blogs and books but all of them I have found are thoroughly littered with the words and phrases of kink that would shock and repel those people (particularly women) who think of themselves and sex in purely vanilla terms. Even the very well written and valuable book, "Be Careful What You Wish For - A Guide to Male Chastity," by Sarah Jameson, is replete with those terms. Although she goes to great pains to explain that male chastity need not include those kinks, the very mention of those words in association with male chastity made her book unusable to me as far as using it to introduce my wife to the male chastity concept. . . .
After reading the book, I knew I was ready to adopt a Wife Led Relationship. The question was, whether my wife was ready to assume the lead in our relationship - not as an occasional bedroom game played while both of us have an alcohol buzz and are sexually inflamed, but as a part of our regular life, in the cold sober light of day. I determined that the only way to answer that question would be to conduct an experiment."
The blog entry goes on to describe that experiment and its success. You have made a great contribution to our lives. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Mark I too miss FDHoushusband and his tips.He like you was so all embracing and a peaceful gentleman in most of the meanings of that word.