Saturday, September 15, 2012


I keep a journal, actually two of them, and we feel it's a good idea for other men in an FLR to do the same.

The first journal is a day-to-day log of my household activities as well as comments, things-to-do, things-to-get, and so on. I can also put in comments and suggestions.

The journal is not private. Nancy and her mother, Sue, can browse it, make entries and so on. It's through the journal that I make suggestions that the women can either act on or ignore. Sue often takes my suggestions to Nancy for consideration. The journal is also a way of keeping track of my routine of housework, what I've done and what I've yet to do, our social schedule, and Nancy's business travel. What the women see in my journal often determines whether I participate in social outings or whether I have to stay home to complete chores.

This first journal also contains the dreaded “demerits” section. Violating rules, not meeting standards, missing deadlines, etc., are logged into the journal and an appropriate number of demerits assigned. When demerits accumulate to a level that is deemed significant, there is a reckoning and appropriate repercussions, the nature of which can vary widely. Nancy or her mother usually assign demerits, but I can recognize my mistakes and log them into the journal as an admission of guilt. Self-admitted transgressions accrue half the number of demerits, a progressive concept indeed.

The second journal is a “book of knowledge.” This book is constantly being changed to reflect our household situation. It lays out a typical week and month of housework as well as standards for each household task. The theory is, of course, that if I'm to do something, I want to do it properly; the journal tells me when and how. There is a right way to clean the living room, a right way to load the dishwasher, an appropriate way to scrub floors—and even the right way to light a cigarette. There is a chivalry section, long committed to memory, that needs no explanation. All of it has been learned over time thanks largely to the tutelage of Nancy, her mother, and her aunts.

The second journal also contains other important information. I have entries for more than twenty women who are either relatives or close friends, all of whom are aware of our FLR lifestyle. In these pages I note a number of things such as her:

  • Name and address for mailing cards, notes, and packages
  • Preferred form of address when being spoken to
  • Birthday (but not birth year!)
  • Occupation and position
  • Anniversary, if she celebrates this day, or, if appropriate, her divorce date
  • Favorite coffee, tea, and soda
  • Preferred mixed drink(s)
  • Wine preferences
  • Favorite perfume and dusting powder
  • Favorite chocolate
  • Favorite colors
  • Brand of cigarettes
  • Favorite dessert(s)
  • Favorite flowers
  • Favorite genre of books (e.g., romance novels, etc.)
  • Hobbies and personal interests
  • Husband’s/boyfriend’s name
  • Any comments, situations, opinions, events, challenges, etc., that she mentioned at previous meetings
This part of the journal is used in affording proper treatment to a woman visitor and also in my periodically sending her cards and things throughout the year, something I'll discuss later. I always greet women visitors to our home, serve them a drink, offer a cigarette (where appropriate), and engage them in light conversation. Women love it when men listen to and remember what they have to say. I think that listening and responding accordingly is a duty of a subordinate gentlemen. Being attentive, honoring her preferences, and being able to address her in meaningful conversation are important ways of worshiping women.

Women are worthy of our worship!


Anonymous said...

I love your comments.

Please tell us more about chivalry, how you are to treat Women.

Keep up the good work

I'm-Hers said...

I found all you explained to be quite helpful as it came at a time when Katie has a lot on her plate. I don't know if we will use the '2nd journal idea' which keeps track of the interests and likes of your guests but the first journal you explained is something we will replicate to some degree. She's already started writing a 'to do' list down to make sure that I don't forget to complete tasks she intends for me to undertake. Thanks again for an inciteful post!

Nancy and Dennis said...

I'm-Hers, Thank you so much for your kind comments. We are glad to have inspired your Wife and you to try using a journal. We find the journal a useful way of communicating and of making sure that assigned tasks are completed, among many other things, as we explained.

It's beneficial both to Her and you to place in the journal tasks as well as any particulars she may have concerning how you perform those tasks. This way there are no misunderstandings on your part as to what She wants done.

Please let us know how the journal idea works for you and let us know if you have any questions.

Anonymous said...

This sound eminently practical and very rewarding.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - Keeping a journal as described above is indeed "eminently practical and very rewarding." Once a couple starts with such a journal, they will wonder how they ever got on without one. Very useful and a great means of communication