Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Devoted Hubby, I enjoyed your comment on the post, "SOME THOUGHTS ON HOUSEWORK":

“I find it has increased her confidence at home, knowing that I want to take up the slack so that she can focus on more important things (she is a terrific organizer). She is also a very messy person, and where that used to drive me crazy, I love tidying up after her. I don't know if she consciously continues to leave her work clothes lying around for me to put away, but I like it!”

I agree! There are many rewards for men in a female-led relationship. Most certainly relieving her of housework is important as it allows her to focus on her job, education, or leisure activities.

I enjoyed your mention of "tidying up after her" and your suspecting that she intentionally is leaving things around for you to take care of.  I, too, suspect that, yes, she is intentionally leaving things around, and I love to hear about a woman doing such things because, when she does, she is affording her man the opportunity — no, the privilege – to be of service. She has likely noticed the satisfaction you derive from picking up and is responding accordingly.

Picking up is something I do, too, and it was the result of my wanting to do more for her; I just started doing it and now it is expected. When Nancy gets home, she kicks off her shoes and changes clothes, sometimes leaving her things in one place, but often dropping things here and there as she knows I'll pick her things up wherever they land. I serve as her valet by picking up her things and taking care of them. Her shoes are always cleaned and her clothes are inspected to see if buttons are loose, whether they need pressing or dry-cleaning, and so on. If they do, these items are taken care of before they are put away in her closet. The same inspection takes place with whatever she plans on wearing the next day; my wife has to go out into the business world looking like the demanding executive that she is. For her it's dressing for success; for me it's a rewarding part of my day making sure she is well  and properly taken care of.


Anonymous said...

(Devoted Hubby writing)

I love being my wife's valet too!

I think the alpha women in these marriages need to become comfortable delegating these chores to their hubbies, and the hubbies need to be enthusiastic in doing them, for this to work. When I first took on the responsibility of keeping the kitchen tidy, she would profusely thank me. Now, the odd time she tidies up, she will almost complain about how long it took her (she hates boring tasks) and I profusely thank her!

Nancy and Dennis said...

Devoted Hubby, Yes, women definitely need to become more assertive in passing on chores to their husbands, but, as you note, men need to be more willing to accept such responsibilities from their wives.

Educated, professional women are not likely to want to come home to a sink full of dishes, a cluttered house, and a fast food meal, when her husband is quite able to tend to such things.

It's interesting to see that your wife 'profusely thanked' you. Many women do this - initially anyway - until they realize that they are deserving of such treatment and you don't thank someone for something you deserve. Also, by their insisting that a man do an appropriate share of the housework, he benefits as well, and it may benefit him even more when one considers all of the benefits the couple accrues.

Within our family the women rarely if ever say thank you as they realize that such treatment from their subordinate mates is an entitlement.

Finally, please see to it that your wife doesn't have to tidy up.

Anonymous said...

Although it is up to every Womyn to run her home as She wishes I have found many dominant Womyn to be most curteous and polite and to thank her submissive for attending to her.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Femsup - Somehow there is this expectation that a dominant woman is somehow mean or unkind. I suppose that this comes from the image of the leather-clad Dom frequently associated with female-led situations; these are, of course, not the norm. While a women will occasionally have to confront and correct her man, most of the time things go smoothly. If she lets her man know what she wants and how she wants it done, things usually go well since most men want to please their spouse.

To your comment about "thanking her submissive," our response is "Bad practice!" Thanks make him think that he has reached a level where he no longer needs to improve; a man can always improve and will continually strive to do so unless given a signal to the contrary.

Anonymous said...

We have to agree to disagree in part.I understand that it might make someone complacent but it is just polite manners to thank someone.That you expect the task done and done well does not preclude you from praising the person doing the task.

If I am served well in a restaurant I still give thanks to the person even after paying them.