Monday, March 4, 2013

NANCY & DENNIS: TOWARD A LIFELONG FEMALE-LED MARRIAGE: DOMESTIC SERVICE



(Note: This is the second of four postings on "TOWARD A LIFELONG FEMALE-LED MARRIAGE." Part one dealt with "Obedience." To follow, as time permits, will be postings on "Personal Service" and "Atonement.")

Housekeeping - a Gentleman’s Concern

Housework has long been a point of contention in marriages; we did too much and men did too little—if, any! With women entering the workplace and taking managerial jobs, things are changing. Women are demanding that their husbands do more housework—much more! And their husbands are doing it!

So how much housework should a man be doing? How about all of it! Ladies, it’s true! A properly trained man can do all the housework and have a job outside the home, too. My man does. It will take some work on your part to properly train and manage him, but once he’s trained, he’ll do what you want, when you want, how you want it done—AND he’ll enjoy doing it.

Now how much housework he does always depends on what you want. Let's be pragmatic. If the woman has a job and earns the bulk of a couple’s income then he should be doing all the housework—very simple formula here! The opposite however, is NEVER true! Even if he’s the sole source of income, we feel that he should be doing at least 50% of the housework. This is because his doing housework has numerous desirable benefits in any relationship:


  • Frees up your time to pursue a career, further your education, go out with friends, or just relax. And don't ignore your just relaxing, it's important!
  • Housework keeps him productively occupied; is there anything better he could do with his time?
  • Men want to please women, and housework is a great way to let them do that!
  • Keeps him at home where he’s not likely to be corrupted by male influences
  • His doing a traditionally female task teaches him some humility and recognizes your superiority
  • His doing housework shows him who’s boss – You!
A woman shouldn’t feel guilty if her man is doing the housework; she and her man both benefit. Besides, women are morally, intellectually, and emotionally superior to men; why should we be doing housework?

Start Early!

A woman shouldn’t go too far in a relationship before she brings up the topic of housework and her expectations that he’s going to be doing it. Exactly how much she’ll determine later, but he shouldn’t concern himself with that! And it’s never too early to start! When he visits, point him to the vacuum and have him sweep your living room. Have him clean up after dinner. See how adept he is with a feather duster when you tell him to do some dusting! He works; you watch! Don’t be ashamed of sitting down with a cup of tea while he vacuums; you’re showing your power and setting his expectations.

A woman-friend has had her boyfriend doing housework for her from the beginning of their relationship. She’s progressively given him more and more to do. Now when he visits he finds things to do without being told. “He enjoys helping me,” she says. When wedding bells ring for this couple, she’ll have him and his expectations where she wants them!

Starting early has other benefits, too. When a man is in an apron cleaning up the kitchen you can look into his soul! When you tell him to do something—yes, tell; don’t ask—you can learn a lot about him by his response. If he refuses or says that it’s ”woman’s work,” don't waste your time, you can move on. Progressive gentlemen, though, are excited by the opportunities to serve that doing housework presents.

Train Him!

Most men have little experience with housework and need to be trained. So, ladies, train him! This is one of the best investments you can make. Show him how you want the living room cleaned, the laundry done, the dishwasher loaded, the bathrooms scrubbed, the linens changed, the table set. Be firm with him! Have him work with you the first time and then supervise him as you ease him into the task over a few days. After that he’s on his own and should be doing his work with no supervision. If he wants supervision, he is game playing – don't tolerate it!

You’ll want to periodically check on his work and correct him if thing are not done to your satisfaction. Dennis understands it’s my way or there’s hell to pay! He understands that if things aren’t done right, they’re done over! And over! And over again, if need be. He also understands that things done wrong mean demerits; get enough demerits, and there are consequences!

Women have told me that some men play “difficult-to-train” in hopes of having women give up and do the task themselves. Don't fall for this! Make him do his housework and make him do it right.

Need help with training? Well, think about:
  • Get some assistance—outside assistance. In my case I’d loan him to my Mother and aunt who’d put him to work doing housework. They’d show him how to do something and then watch over him while he did it. When he came back after a weekend, Dennis' skills would be a lot better.
  • Enroll him in classes – A woman friend enrolled her husband in cooking classes at a local community college; his cooking skills have improved significantly
  • Give him a subscription to a woman's magazine that focuses on homemaking. He'll pick up some useful tips he can use around the house. When he sees how useful the magazine is in his homemaking, he'll read it cover-to-cover.
Book of Wisdom for Him

Tell most men to “clean the living room” and you’re not likely to get what you expect! It’s why we have written standards for how to do household tasks. Consider doing this. Many of the standards we have were written by my mother and aunts long ago. Newer ones I dictate and Dennis writes down what I say. Since we have things spelled out, Dennis knows just what to do and how to do it. I get what I want and he stays out of trouble by doing things the way I want them done.

Men Love Routine!

Men love routine; they love being told what to do. So take advantage and have something scheduled for him to do seven days a week AND make sure he does it. And he will, too! Giving him a routine is like putting him on automatic.

Dennis has a schedule; he washes on Saturday, irons on Sunday, cleans bathrooms on Thursday, scrubs floors on Friday, and shops on Tuesday. He vacuums, tidies up, and looks after mother and me every day. He comes home from work, puts on his apron and gets to work – he knows what to do and he has five minutes from the time he walks in the door to start doing it!

I can be working late or be out of town, and Mother could be out with her friends, but we know that dennis is at home doing what we expect. How long does Dennis work? Well, I get about four hours a day from him on weekdays; much more on weekends. Heavier and more disruptive tasks are scheduled for days when Mother and I will be out for a time; at the mall or spa, for example. Leisure time is built into dennis’ routine, too. As I’ll note later, leisure usually means free time at home or accompanying Mother and me somewhere. I want him to relax, but his free time is at risk if he doesn’t get his work done; housework can spill over into leisure time if he needs to get caught up.

Making Him More Efficient

I’m a business woman and I’m always looking to get more out of what I have. I want the same job and same quality in less time. Why not get more from my man? How do you do this? Well:
  • Push him, be demanding! Make him do his tasks in less time. Just a little less time for each task will give him time to do even more.
  • Make sure he’s busy; if he’s doing wash there’s a lot of time between loads when he could be dusting or vacuuming. I love to see that feather duster moving and hear that vacuum humming, and he knows it!
  • I limit Dennis to in-house tasks. Typical guy tasks take up too much time and aren’t worth it. You can have windows cleaned and lawns mowed for not a lot of money; a full-time maid, though, costs a fortune! Putting my man to work inside is the best use of his time.
  • One of the unique things I did to get Dennis to be more efficient was to send him out for a few Saturdays with a maid service owned by a woman I know. The maids clean six houses in an afternoon, so they’re very efficient. Dennis was always exhausted when he came home, but he learned a lot that he put to good use at home.
  • I get some of my best suggestions from Dennis! He’s always looking to do more and makes a lot of suggestions on how to improve. He's becoming a real Domestic Diva!
Knowing His Place
  • Men should accept their roles as homemakers and enter a relationship with the expectation of doing much or all of the housekeeping.
  • Men should take ownership of housekeeping tasks, which means doing them to her standards without being told.
  • Men should realize that their being asked to embrace the homemaker role is a direct result of women gaining their rightful places in the workforce.
  • The future is Matriarchy and under a Matriarchy homemaking is a viable career choice for progressive gentlemen.
  • He should be open and proud of his role as homemaker. When we're out and my husband is asked what he does, his response is, “I'm a homemaker, but also work outside the home.”
  • Women, too, should acknowledge the homemaking roles their husbands have and the benefits this provides their marriage. This can only serve to encourage others to explore and adopt the female-led lifestyle. Progressive gentlemen love being homemakers!
  • He should see homemaking as an opportunity to empower his wife and as a new and viable career direction for him.

Oh, and ladies, relax while he’s working—it shows your power when you read the paper while he's taking care of the house!

N

32 comments:

Obedient Husband said...

This post reminds me of this past Christmas with my in-laws. They gave my wife a pair of black leather riding boots, and they gave me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't know which of us was happier. My wife looks amazing in her new boots, and of course she hasn't had to touch the vacuum since we got it.

I can speak to the importance of high expectations. My wife is demanding regarding my household chores, and this helps me a lot.

While I am proud to work while my wife relaxes, I try to at least get the vacuuming done before she gets home. It's a nice vacuum, but very loud!

Nancy and Dennis said...

Obedient Husband -

My husband bought - with my supervision - a new vacuum cleaner last October. It is much more efficient than his old one and he loves it. A vacuum makes a perfect gift for the man of the house!

Your in-laws buying you a new vacuum cleaner speaks volumes! They obviously recognize who wears the pants in the family and - hint, hint! - it isn't you! You are obviously open about your domestic responsibilities and that's good. Too often I meet couples who live - or claim to live - the FLR lifestyle, but want to be closed about it. This is unfortunate since being open about one's FLR certainly invites good conversation. Speaking up may be just the thing that gets others to try the lifestyle or encourages hesitant couples to move further down the path to an FLR.

It's considerate of you to try and do your vacuuming before your wife gets home. The sound of my husband vacuuming is music to my ears - but I prefer it at a distance. He usually confines more disruptive chores to other areas of the house or when mother and I are out so as not to disturb us.

N

Anonymous said...

My wife and I are approaching our second year in a FLR. She has turned over all of the household chores to me with the exception of cooking which is something she enjoys. Of course I clean all the dishes afterwards. We are in are fifty's and have to younger boys that have recently got married. I feel it is my duty to be a role model for them so they see how wonderful a FLR can be early in the marriage.

Anonymous said...

My wife actually enjoys some areas of housework, but generally turns them over to me for one reason - she believes that it emphasizes her authority over the household.

Certain tasks are invariably mine, but my wife reserves the right to cook when it suits her, for example. She has learned to decide these things for herself, without recourse to my opinion, which probably indicates the progress of her confidence in takng the lead.

Must go - I believe a spot of painting awaits!

Kammi said...

As I have said before, our relationship evolved over several years to the point today that I am, for all intents and purposes, the model of a 60’s housewife, minus the dress and petticoats. We have never made a formal commitment to this lifestyle nor used contracts, lists, etc. But I know today that when I wake up every morning, I will gladly take the role of domestic service in every way, eager to please my wife as best I can. Looking back, I remember being drawn into this position with “suggestions” from my wife as she headed off to work – If you have a minute dear, can you…, On your way back from the gym would you mind picking up…, Any chance you could do a load of laundry…etc. Since I was in process of lightening my career work load I was happy to help out as her workload increased as she climbed the ladder in retail. Today, she does absolutely nothing that could be considered housework. I love this arrangement and so does she. Friends and relatives know that I “help out” around the house but, except for her sister, none know the full extent of my domestic service. Am I punished for mistakes or forgetting something? Yes, but infrequently and certainly nothing that would be considered “cruel and unusual”. Worst is punishment ironing – four continuous hours at the ironing board wearing 4” heels. Most frequent is getting my mouth washed with soap for swearing, especially when I am driving. I’m getting better at this but driving anyplace within Route 495 around Boston brings out the worst in me, and I pay for it. The biggest argument we have ever had was my “coming out” to her sister when she stayed with us for two weeks. I felt like a trained dog doing all his tricks as my wife insisted that I treat my sister-in-law just like I treated her. I complained that this seemed almost incestuous and she laughed, telling me that her sister was especially looking forward to having a man hand wash and iron her underwear. Having fresh, ironed pillowslips every day, as my wife demands too, was also high on her list of treats.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous (whose wife reserves the right to cook) --

Nancy and her mother love to cook, too. Her mother usually determines what we're having for dinner but when I come from work the responsibility for finishing the meal, preparing the table, serving, and cleaning up afterward is mine.

As for your wife turning cooking over to you, you are probably right about her wanting to emphasize her authority over you. Her doing so is an important part of an FLR. When she makes a request and you comply you are both acknowledging your respective roles within the marriage. Nancy does this frequently. Sometime she tells me to do some minor thing and at other times she has me drive across town at 12:00 midnight to get her cigarettes at a certain store. She does it because she can, because we both want to reinforce our roles in the marriage. She commands - I comply.

Good luck!

D

Nancy and Dennis said...

Kammi -

Thank you for posting. I know many couples who have gradually moved down the road to a female-led relationship. There are many ways to arrive at this wonderful lifestyle so, what matters is that couples get there, not how they came. As for formal contracts, prenuptials, lists, and so on, these are not essential to an FLR but can be used at key places along the way to mark and reinforce a couple's commitment and make powerful statements.

As for your coming out, I advocate that couples make the nature of their relationship known to friends, relatives, and beyond. Many men – and some women – are reluctant to let others know about their female-led situation because they are afraid of what others will think. My attitude is I don't care what others think. We find that being open has helped us find others in an FLR and allowed us to encourage other couples to explore the lifestyle, something we are committed to doing.

Keep in mind that coming out about an FLR doesn't have to be a dramatic thing. You can be open with friends and family but more subtle with others. Statements like, “I'm not sure I can go, I'll have to ask my wife to see if it's OK” or a concern my husband's boss recently received from a male subordinate, “I'd like to go on the business trip but have to ask my wife first”. And then there's the sales lady who directed her sales pitch for a vacuum at me; pointing at my husband, I told her, “he does the vacuuming at home, better talk with him”. My husband isn't afraid of saying he has to ask my permission, and he's not shy about showing me deference – little things, really – when we are out. Again, you don't have to be dramatic to make a powerful statement. And remember, with the ongoing gender-quake the 'woman-in-charge' in both the workplace and the home is going to be much more common MUCH more! Those in the lifestyle are ahead of the curve and should be envied for being so progressive!

I have to laugh at your worst punishment – ironing! My husband LOVES to iron; he'd iron all day if he had enough clothes! Sometimes my sister will bring hers over for him to do! He never objects!

Punishment for bad language is appropriate. I do not tolerate it from my husband or from men at work. You cite the 60s housewife, well, she didn't swear, a subtle indication of her superiority over men. If you aspire to the role reversal that makes you the 60s housewife, make it a point to reflect that in your language and demeanor.

Finally, why are your arguing with your wife about ANYTHING! If she says it, YOU DO IT!

N

Kathy said...

Over the years I have read of lot of blogs. One of the things I have never understood is why men are so stimulated by doing routine house work.

In our home John does most of the cleaning and laundry. With wash and wear there is very little ironing, but what there is he does.

What I do agree with is the importance of a man taking ownership for house work. It is pleasing when some one makes a compliment on how nice the house looks. For the most part John enjoys house work. It gives him the astisfaction that he is serving mistress, and this is important to his sense of ego and
pride.

Kathy

Kammi said...

Miss Nancy, let me clarify "punishment ironing". It is not like regular, everyday ironing. I too love to do lingerie, pretty blouses, skirts, and dresses. I especially like to do pleats. Yes, it takes time but I take great pride seeing my wife in a perfectly pressed pleated skirt. On the other hand, standing in one place for four hours is not pleasant. I do not normally wear heels so this adds to the punishment as my feet and legs hurt when I am done. Then there is the boredom of doing sheets, table cloths, napkins and even towels. Does anyone iron towels? Try ironing sheets that have been deliberately wrinkled to make the job harder. Bet even Dennis would hate that.
But, as always, you are right about obeying the head of the household. I argue far less now than I ever did, mainly because I do love her and want to please her but also because I know that there will be instant retribution. Being slapped across the face is not only painful but terribly humiliating.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Dennis.

I begin to see a logical progression in yours and Nancy's prescription for a path to lifelong female-led marriage.

It all begins with male obedience, which underpins everything. Domestic service and personal service are the outward manifestations of that obedience and submission to loving female authority. Atonement, I'm guessing, is the price paid for forgetting one's place and falling short in any of parts a, b or c.

The chronology seems important to me. It's cyclical, too - lessons do need to be reinforced so that the head of the house can enjoy her rightful place without challenge. Lessons that I'm still learning.

Michael said...

The "coming out" is really a problem for me.
There is no doubt that my girlfriend is in charge - or as we say in germany 'hat die Hosen an'. She just received her Master's degree and already got a really great job. I really admire her. And I already do most of the housework.

We planed to make it known to our close friends in a very "soft" way. But it is pretty hard anyway:
recently a good friend of ours and her fiancé came to visit us and of course I was responsible to prepare the guestroom.
In the evening we all sat down together and had dinner and my girlfriend made sure that everybody was listening and then asked me:
"Michael, did you prepare the guestroom?" and I responed 'yes I did'. She went on:
"And you did clean the shower, right?"
Again I said 'yes, sure' but it was a strange feeling. Everybody sitting at the table was watching me now.

My girlfriend went on:
"And I hope you did not forget to clean the toilet!".
I went red in the face as I said: "No, I did not forget it. The toilet is clean."
"All right", she said and turned to out guests and explained:
"I didn't have time to check his work, so I hope everything is done properly."

Our guests were pretty amused - and a bit confused, too.
Our friend cheerfully asked my girlfriend:
"So the business lady doesn't do such menial tasks anymore?".
And my girlfriend showed her hands and just said:
"My nails are not meant for doing housework. As a business lady I can't afford to ruin my nails by cleaning toilets. This is Michaels field of duty."
*silence* You could feel the WOW!-moment.
Then the topic changed REALLY fast and they were talking about my girlfriends new job.
As for me it was really though. It felt strange but in a good way.

My main point is: "coming out" is not as easy as a lot of people suggest. It costs me quite an effort to do it.

Thank you for this blog and for reading my text. And excuse my bad English!

Anonymous said...

I was interested in your use of a maid service as training device for your husband. As a single believer in Female-led relationships, I have taken part-time employment with such a service here in the UK. I believe it will enable me to make a better husband when the time comes.

Also - as a thirty-something male - I find it helps condition me to the Female-led lifestyle. My team leader is a 19 year-old Polish girl who expects high standards and doesn`t mince words when if these are not met!

Like Dennis I find it very tiring but also instructive and satisfying.

Sam said...

Excellent reading and every word so true. I think its high time boys are taught domestic duties at school. We are all heading into a Female led future, with girls outperforming boys across the board at schools and universities and achieving the highest qualifications, it won’t be long before the highly skilled and highly paid professions become women's territory.

Surely teaching boys and young men to wake up to this and realize that cooking, cleaning, ironing etc is not something to be ashamed of but rather accepting that men are basically 'designed' to work for and serve women.

I was taught the basics of Female supremacy at school, admittedly most of the teachers were women and girls outnumbered boys, but there was no ‘playing down’ of the fact that the girls excelled intellectually over boys and so we were kind of ‘out ranked’ by the girls and this naturally led to us being secondary to girls. We always took the chairs down from the table tops first thing in the morning for the girls to sit first, only boys would fetch and hand out paper, pens and books to the girls, and then tidy up after each lesson. At break times if the weather was bad only girls were allowed to remain indoors, at dinner time girls were served and seated first, we cleared their used plates and cutlery before eating.

These simple values worked well, the girls naturally accepted their position of authority and we respected the girl’s superiority.


Sam

Michael said...

By the way. There is a great documentary (sadly just in german language) called "Meine Frau zahlt" (="My wife is paying [the bill at the restaurant]".
It is about couples where the women outearn their husbands/boyfriends and how they cope with it.

You can find a short trailer here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL8V5-2wzC8

The trailer shows Frau Dr. Frei (Ms. Frei, M.D.) a young career woman and her husband. She tells us how great it is that her hubby gets her a fresh cup of cofee right to her bed - every morning. And that she loves his supportive attitude.

And he states that his wife is better educated, owns enough money to pay the bills for him + kids and is the head of household.
The we get a brief glimpse of their daily routine.
While she is working in her own dental clinic, her husband is shopping and tells us that his wife is giving him an allowance and that he has to try to make ends meet.

A great and important documentary. You surely can "find" (*winks, winks) it somewhere at the internet.

WSY said...

This blog post is simply the best article I've seen about men doing housework. It really covers all bases. Thank you so much, Nancy and Dennis.

It's interesting how many men seem to have an interest in doing housework. It's an idea that needs to be put into practice more.

I'm always inspired to read about couples who make female led marriages work. And I admire those who are open about it with their family and friends. The people are aware of the FLR lifestyle, the more it will spread.

WSY

Nancy and Dennis said...

Michael -

Never apologize for your English; it's way better than my German.

N

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous (who is interested in maid service as a training device) -

A man can learn a lot from doing housework professionally. He learns to be efficient and thorough because a maid service is looking to get as many houses done as they can since it's how they make money. Since most maid services are women-owned and managed men are put into situations where they learn to take orders and criticism from women. They learn some humility, too, and that's always good for them.

dennis helps out on occasion at a maid service and he loves it. He's dead tired when he gets home but he enjoys the work. He gets a lot of criticism and instruction from the women who manages the crew. And he's learned techniques that make him more efficient at home, too. And when he's more efficient, he can do more around the house.

N

ALL HERS said...

In our WLM, I do all of the housework, ironing and cooking. My wife gets waited on the entire day and is pampered constantly. We were both able to retire early, before 60 me and her 58. We had a WLM for about 15 years prior, but nothing like I was going to experience once we were together full time. In the mornings I must help my wife get ready for her day, bringing her coffee first and then do a touch up ironing on her golf or tennis outfit, whichever she has decided to do with her numerous friends. She may go golfing and play 18 and then have lunch afterwards with a few wines. Or tennis with a trip to our community pool afterwards. The guys at the pool like that, she has a very hot body because she teaches fitness and aerobics. She could double for Heather Locklear.

I must have all my housework completed when she arrives home. She will inspect everything and she likes to be bitchy at those times because of the wine. Many times she will find some fault and tell me I will be punished "as a good husband must to keep him good". Her favorite punishment is to add lots of extra housework on for the next day or two. Like if she found a streak on the windows, I must do them inside and out over and over again, maybe 5 or 6 times. It takes me the whole day.

And she loves to add extra wait time onto my chastity. I must wear a cb 6000. IShe makes me wait a minimum of 3 months before I can earn the chance to orgasm. She will add a month to two depending on what I have done. "Snippy talk" as my wife calls it is a major offense, with usually 2 months added. And corner time. I must strip to my panties and my hands are tied behind me. A pair of her worn panties are placed between my nose and the wall, and I must keep them there for the full hour. I will have this every day for 2 weeks or more.

We have the strongest, most wonderful WLM I could imagine. I am her slave, I asked for that 20 years ago and she agreed. She has always said there is no going back. Thank goodness!

ALL HERS said...

I would like to add to my above post if I may. I made it sound as though my wife is not interested in sex or her pleasure. She loves her orgasms,2 or 3 times a week I give her oral sex or use one of her many vibrators. This is at bedtime after I have massaged her body completely, or if too late just her legs and feet. She doesn't care much for penetrative sex, it has began to get uncomfortable (after menopause) and thinks it's too messy. But every morning she will unlock my cb 6000 and remove the plastic penis shaft. She edges me, stopping just in time, and makes me apply ice to reduce the arousal in my penis. Then she reattached the chastity device and locks it. We are retired so she has time for play in the mornings.

When months have gone by and she feels she will allow me an orgasm, she will usually pull my panties up over my penis and rub me just a little longer causing me to explode. Very seldom I may enter her, but when I am allowed in her I must pull out before orgasm and use a plastic cup I will have next to me. Sometimes she will stroke my penis giving me a pleasurable orgasm, but usually I must place it in the cup with no further stimulation resulting in a ruined orgasm (my wife's favorite for me).

Since we retired just a few years ago we have moved to warm south Florida where she plays golf at our community course where we live , or plays tennis at our courts. I am allowed to play once a week, but she allows me an active social life afternoons. Evenings I cook for her or we go out with friends. Thursdays she teaches 2 aerobics classes, mostly to keep her own hot body in shape. She loves to tease me and restricts my looking at her while she dresses or undresses. Seeing her bare breasts is a reward she gives to me for excellent behavior. Even when I give her oral sex she allows me to take off her panties but the top of her baby doll silky nightie or teddy stays on her covering her breasts. Maybe once every 3 weeks she will allow me to look at them and touch them bare.

I enjoy your blog very much. Thanks for putting in the time to make it so worthwhile to follow.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Kathy -

I'm not sure that I'd use the word 'stimulated' but I agree that the men I know in female-led relationships enjoy doing it. And I think that men are starting to realize that housework is increasingly going to fall into their new roles as men in a female-led relationship so they better do it right.

You make some very good points; men do enjoy doing it and it gives them satisfaction in serving their wife. Dennis takes a lot of pride in doing housework; things are spick and span and done how mother and I expect. And he's always improving, doing a little more each time.

And I think you are right about ego and pride. My husband earns less than I and his career is subordinate to mine. I'm sure he sees doing a good job at home as a way to make up for what he feels he is lacking in other areas.

N

Nancy and Dennis said...

Michael -

This is an important documentary that highlights the changing roles of men and women in a society where women are going to be better educated than men. Both women and men have to be prepared to take on new roles and responsibilities and many of these are going to be 'role reversals' when compared to the past. It is an exciting time of change that is bringing new opportunities for women and men.

N

Anonymous said...

(Devoted Hubby here)

My wife and I have really enjoyed the benefits of shifting housework to me. Keeping the kitchen tidy depressed her (she loves to cook though), whereas I now do all that. I enjoy mundane chores that bore her silly. By taking on real homemaking duties, I have become closer to her and the kids and have lifted a huge burden off her shoulders.

The attitude adjustments to both of us have been great. I now feel responsible for keeping the house tidy, including putting her clothes away after work, and she just expects it - so much so that when she occasionally tidies up, we both remark on her extra effort and I thank her profusely! Something I really like is that she does her nails all the time now while watching TV since she worries less about chipping them. There is a real comfort level now with me fussing over her and running little chores for her while she either relaxes or catches up on work she brought home. We have found a great balance with me being the one responsible for housework.

Right now we (really she) makes enough money that we rely on a professional cleaner for the weekly house clean and so that makes things a lot easier for me. My wife doesn't feel comfortable enough going as far as Ms Nancy has in training Dennis but, wow, I wouldn't mind if she did!

ALL HERS said...

I think it is wonderful how so many husbands and boyfriends have added to this blog telling their experiences on giving the woman in their life complete control. This would not have happened 10 years ago. Men. had too big of an ego then. Now we see the benefits of a WLM and embrace it. Personally, I can' t see why more men don 't try it. It is win-win. Your wife is very happy, relaxed and enjoying herself. The men are being dominated and serving their wife/girlfriend. Of course orgasms are usually very limited in most WLM's, but that it a wonderful price to pay for serving your wife.

My wife has an expression, and a very true one. She says, "a horny husband is a good husband". She further believes that 5 or less orgasms per year are more than enough for any man. I get about 3, and next year, 2014, she has said I will have to go the whole year without one. She wants to see how good I can get over a full year. That will probably be our way for the reminder. Oh well she knows what is best.

Anonymous said...

As the UK male who works for a Maid service I can only confirm Nancy`s remark about humility. On third day there Anna - my team leader (nearly but not quite young enough to be my daughter)was dissatisfied with my work - we were working on a set of apartments. Having announced the fact in front of the rest of the team she sent them home, told me to stay and do it all over again, and stood over me while I did it. She was clearly very angry as I could tell from the cellphone conversation she was having with a girlfriend while she watched me work (though it was in Polish) When I`d finished she inspected the work minutely then after making me clean the bath once more, declared herself satisfied. She explained to me that making me do it again was the alternative to sacking me - since she had given up her own time to supervise my work I found myself thanking her.

It was very humbling - but felt so right. I feel myself lucky to have Anna to lead and guide me and keep me on my toes - and I still live in dread of her tongue-lashings!

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous (just above) -
You are lucky to have a woman who invests her own time to make you do your work right. It's a lesson that will help you in your housekeeping whether it's for customers or at home. Many men purposely come up short in their household work and claim that they just don't understand how to do things correctly - this is a game designed to get women to simply give up and do the man's housework. Unfortunately, some women fall for this rouse and never get their man to do housekeeping. Anna has the right idea - make you do it over and over and over until you get it right. What Anna is doing is what all women should be doing! Women should insist that housework gets done the right way - their way!

Anna has made an investment in you. I hope you thank her for that and don't give her any reason to have to stay over and supervise your doing work you should have done right the first time.

N

Nancy and Dennis said...

ALL HERS -

I have an issue with men - and some women, unfortunately - who want to keep their FLR a secret. And why? An FLR is a valid, progressive lifestyle choice; it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's something to be PROUD of. Coming out about an FLR is a great way to encourage other couples.

Things are changing though. As women gain in the workplace, opportunities for men are increasingly going to be in what has to this point been 'women's work'. More and more men are going to find themselves in housekeeping, secretarial, and clerical roles. For all but the best qualified men these will be the options so why hide what is going to quickly become obvious.

N

Nancy and Dennis said...

To Anonymous (whose wife employs a professional cleaning service) -

The exchange in roles that takes place when men assume the domestic duties is beneficial to men and women. Women have time to pursue other interests and men are undertaking satisfying work and putting time to good use that would otherwise be wasted.

While it's good that your wife has been relieved of housework i can't understand why you're not doing more of it. Do you deserve a housekeeping service? What are you doing that you need a housekeeping service? What is more valuable than our doing housework? What could she do with the money that is spent on a housekeeping service? New shoes come to mind - a woman can't have too many shoes. How about a designer bag? The list goes on.

N

Anonymous said...

(Anonymous here, whose wife employs the cleaning service)

Ms Nancy, you have a good point about saving money for her shoe purchases! Seriously though, if we had the cleaner come in every other week and the kids did some more and I do a thorough cleaning the alternating weeks, we'll save at least 1500 dollars a year. That is what we are discussing right now and I am happy to try it out!

Senthil said...

I am house husband. iam uneducated. I have no job. iam doing all house works.my wife ordering me to do the house works in front of her relatives and friends. I need relief from this.

Anonymous said...

(Anonymous Devoted Hubby here, the one whose wife pays for a professional cleaner)

Well, week 1 of our new routine was a lot of work! I must have spent a couple of hours in the evenings tidying up and sorting stuff and then the better part of a day cleaning. My wife mentioned that our cleaner didn't do many of the things I did, but she wasn't complaining!

For you guys supporting your wives with more active careers, there really are benefits to taking more ownership of the domestic front. It does save money! But the house is better organized too. I lose out on TV time, but I'm bored with TV anyway.

The thing that really surprised me was how I spend a lot of my spare time now thinking of cleaning supplies, what needs to get done when, etc. Part of me is worried that my wife will just take me for granted - she makes the important decisions while I'm busy figurinmg out how best to scrub the floors. But she does respect me and seems to appreciate me even more.

So, I'd have to say that I am willing to suggest we try things with just me doing the cleaning for a while and then fimnd someone to do every other week. I just hope I keep up my stamina for this. I am exhausted!

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous Devoted Hubby:

I'm glad to see that your wife is taking things in a new direction with you doing housekeeping. Don't feel sorry for yourself, just do what she expects you to do and a little more - always a little more! And if you feel badly maybe the following will help:

- Dennis is a manager at a software company. He spends at least four hours a day on housekeeping and often more and he loves it. If you weren' spending the time on housework what would you be doing?

- I make the "important decisions" too and Dennis spends time "figuring out how to scrub floors" - is there something wrong with this? After all it is a female-led marriage we're talking about, right?

- Do you want pity that you're spending a couple of hours in the evening on housework; are you one of those guys who thought 'woman's work' was easy? Now you find it isn't and are learning a bit of humility.

- As for hiring someone for every other week, I'd say "forget it"! Do the work, keep busy, and save your wife the money!

N

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms Nancy,

(Anonymous Devoted Hubby here)

I hope I'm not sounding too self-pitying! I am just surprised, quite honsetly, at how much work is involved. I have a new appreciation for homemakers. And yes the experience has taught me some humility.

I am leaning towards keeping this permanent. My wife has mentioned a couple of times now how we are saving more money. And I do feel some pride in keeping the home so clean as well as more control over the clutter.

Thanks for these great tips. You don't have to be a radical feminist to acknowledge that guys have been hard-wired to view domestic work as beneath them or just taken for granted.