Friday, March 29, 2013


Women in female led marriages often feel that once they have an obedient hubby who does the housework, it’s game over. Well, ladies, it’s not! You have rules that he follows at home, and certainly these rules should apply everywhere, whether you or another female authority figure is around or not.

But what does he really do when he’s not at home? When he’s at work? When he’s on a business trip? Do you know? Well, you should, because you don’t want all your good work in training him to be undone by outside influences. Men, even the best of them, even those most committed to female leadership, can and will stray. Patriarchy is a strong force, and there are many men and – unfortunately – even a few women, who want to undo female leadership.

So what can we do? Well, your man has to understand that any rules you make at home apply everywhere! For example, in Dennis’ case, he knows that:

  • his 9 p.m. curfew applies when he’s away just like it does at home
  • he has the same spending limits and has to ask permission to exceed them
  • he is expected to be courteous and deferential to women
  • he’s allowed to be out for no more than two hours and then only with permission
  • he has to call in regularly

Your man knows the rules, but does he follow them? You have to put in a few checks to be sure. Yes, it’s additional work, but his behavior will be well worth the effort!

Rules and Consequences – Rules that we have apply wherever he goes, but I may have other requirements for special situations. The consequences for violating a rule away from home are harsh.

Travel Plans – Dennis is required to provide a detailed itinerary for his business travel, including hotel and business phone numbers. I want to be able to reach him.

Cell Phone – He has a cell phone, and it’s a rule that when mother or I call, he has to excuse himself from the meeting and take our call; we are his priority, and his boss, Carol, understands this.

Curfew – I impose a 9 p.m. curfew on Dennis. Other women set different times, but no curfew for a husband should be later than 9:30. His being out longer invites overspending and over-indulging. Dennis has to be in by 9 unless there are special circumstances like a business dinner. He’s allowed out for this, but has to call as soon as he’s back in his room. Kathy suggested that women call their man in his hotel room, not on his cell phone, to make sure he’s where he’s supposed to be. I’d add that women may want to call hubby again, a little later, to make sure he hasn’t gone out again. Yes, it has happened.

At His Desk – Dennis is required to be at his desk over lunch whether away or at home.
Mother or I often call to make sure that he is. When he travels, I’ll often call his office and request to speak with him; call a cell phone and he can answer anywhere; call the office and you know where he is!

Expenses – I review Dennis’ expense account and corporate credit card. Any monies owed Dennis from his expense report – mileage reimbursement for travel to and from the airport, for example – are to be deposited into our account, from which I can transfer them. He also has to submit a list of any personal expenses with receipts. A man with money is likely to spend it frivolously; he won’t if he knows you’ll be checking!

Keeping Informed – A woman needs to keep informed about her man’s activities. Men are subject to a great deal of peer pressure and bad influence that even the best of men need help resisting. If he knows you’re watching, he’s more likely to behave correctly. Here are some suggestions from a recent meeting we had with women in female-led relationships:

Networking – Know what he’s doing when he’s away from home, whether locally or on a business trip, by establishing a network of contacts. One woman made friends with a few women in her man’s office, women who can observe what’s going on and let her know. She often knows what’s happening before her husband does, and if he deviates in his behavior, her network will let her know.

She says that setting up such a network is easy, and that all women should have one. By attending company functions she met people and formed a fairly extensive network that she can count on to keep her informed about what’s happening and to ensure her husband is complying with her rules. She’s helped by her network and in turn helps the women in her network. Her network includes secretaries, the wives of her husband’s co-workers, and, yes, even other men. Dennis is only too happy to help women keep control and put men in their place. There are a lot of men who hate patriarchy and want to see women prevail.

Debriefing – A number of women require their husbands to brief them on what occurred at work each day. She wants to know what he and others did and, yes, a little of the office gossip! The information she gets is shared with other women in her network. Like Dennis, this woman’s husband reports what he sees and is only too happy to report errant male behavior. I reward Dennis for his participation by letting him call a woman to provide her with information she may be interested in – as well as a bit of office gossip!

Learning who to ask – Use your network to get to know your man’s boss. Once you do, you can make requests of them – for example, to reduce your man’s travel. I’m friends with Dennis’s boss, Carol. Carol understands the dynamics of a female-led relationship as she is in one, too. She never asks Dennis to go on an out-of-town trip without my permission and often calls me directly to ask. Carol and I support each other by loaning out our husbands when either of them is out of town. I can count on Dave making a cleaning visit when Dennis is out of town, and Carol can count on the same from my man. It works!

Some other suggestions to keep control of things:

Have your husband to pack his lunch and eat at his desk. Call him at his desk phone over lunch to make sure he’s there. This saves money and eliminates opportunities for your  man to misbehave.

Take his bank card and limit his pocket money. He can’t be pushed into buying lunch or a round of beers after work if he doesn’t have money or a credit card. It’s a great way to dissolve any ties he has to the patriarchy, too!

Get a full itinerary from your man when he’s traveling. Know where he’s at and what he’s doing. Check in with him frequently. If he knows he’s being watched – even from afar – he’ll behave.

Have your man carry a cell phone so you can contact him when he’s out. Make it a rule that he always picks up calls from you or other female authority figures.

Another woman insists her husband provide her with a daily itinerary that she changes as she sees fit. She insists he call her to seek approval if there is any deviation from his plan.

Have him ask for permission whenever he leaves the house, no matter the reason. Limit his time away to no more than two hours. Anymore than this and he could be spending too much money and wasting time.

-- N


I'm-Hers said...

I like this post. I like your idea. I know that your method will work for other women that have a husband that works in an office but it wouldn't work for a carpenter, or traveling salesmen, or others that don't have a 'desk' or constant place of work as the basis of where they 'live' while away. It be interesting to hear if others have found ways to overcome those obsticles.

What I really enjoyed was the underlying love that you have toward Dennis. You have taken the time to train this man to serve you and your wife. You understand the mind of the male and our tendency to slip back to the old ways. Making the effort to check, in my view, is an act of love, not a check of suspected mistrust. However, I would think a periodic call to just say "just calling to make sure you are where you should be" can serve as a reminder that you indeed are ever-present, even while away. Thanks for taking the time to share.

Kathy said...

This is an excellent article. Business travel is often a must for many men. Unfortunately, being a time when men are away from supervison it is a time when things can happen.

One of the additional problems with business travel in today's world is that women as well as men are on the road. Many of these women are young, attractive, and assertive; just the type of women that many men are attracted to.

As you know from Femdom 101 I spent time working with a dominatrix. Many, even most of the men who visited were from out of town traveling on business.

Many of these men were busines owners who charged the cost of a visit to their company. A smart dominatrix can make a credit card receipt look like it came from a restaurant.


Anonymous said...

His cellphone can be your best friend. I have software on my phone that provides my constant location to my girlfriend (down to a matter of feet). At any time, she can see exactly where I am. She also logs it so that she can see where I was at any time for the past 2+ years.

She'll call me at least twice a day (more often when I'm on travel) to ensure that my phone is still with me.

Most of the cell providers have versions of this available for parents to keep an eye on their children. I don't think it's a requirement that the phone user be a child to activate this service.

Kathy said...

The cell phone suggestion is an excellent idea.

As a side note I have recived emails from women asking why would you want a husband whom you couldn't trust?

The anwer is in the nature of the male brain. Allmost any male if given the opportunity and the means will find a way of chasing a dream. Most men do not have the strength to resist temptation.

The other part of the answer is that the submissve man wants to know that you are watching him.
It is actaully more than a want. The truly submissve man needs to know that his behavior is being monitored.

The real problem is for women who resit the idea of being a mistress for their men.

The blogs are full of stories from men who wives refuse to dominate them.

On the road it is much easier for a man to find the young, attractive, account executive who is willing to be the dominatrix for the evening. In the end it will probaly be the account executive who will wear the weding ring.

Montoring your man on the road is a way of telling him that you care about him. Think I am wrong. Have you noticed that most of the favorable comments on this subject are by men!


I'm-Hers said...

Mark, or whomever monitors this blog, why on earth do you allow an add for 'latin dream ladies' to be on your page? It makes no sense. I personally find it offensive that men are tempted to even click the add to learn more. Just my opinion.

Mark Remond said...

I'm-Hers - YOu're right, there is such an add at present. I'm sorry I offended you. I signed up for Google's Adsense a year or so back as a way of making a few nickels. I haven't really been monitoring the ad placements. Of course I don't endorse these ads. I kind of tune them out, but it would be hypocritical of me to pretend I'm not grateful for the occasional check from Google.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Kathy, hi! (re: first comment)

I agree that whenever men are away from supervision, bad things can happen. Men are just too subject to peer pressure; they have no will power. That's why it's important to monitor what is going on. And we have to monitor everything! I have another post or two coming on monitoring. And, yes, you are right there are a great many young, assertive professional women on business trips today. For me this hasn't presented problems at all; rather, it's given me more opportunities to monitor what's going on. Dennis usually travels with his boss, Carol, a good friend of mine. Carol keeps me in the loop and Dennis knows it, so there's no skirting the rules, not that he would anyway - he's learned the drill over many years and behaves! He has plenty of memories of consequences for not behaving!

Oh, and the young women in Dennis' company are more interested in climbing the ladder and taking advantage of him to do it than they are in accommodating any fantasies he - or other men - might have.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Hi again, Kathy (re: 2nd comment on cellphone suggestion)

Lots of things to comment on here. For one, men don't have the will power to resist temptation. And there's a lot of temptation out there, especially from other men who want company when they misbehave. That my husband is in a female-led relationship is well known, but he still gets men asking him to a 'guy's night out' or to carry on when they are out on the town. Dennis won't do it - he's been conditioned over the years and he knows he's being monitored and if he does violate my rules he'll caught and pay the price. Men are going to do the right thing when it's the only option.

Now you make another great point -- that being that submissive men love being monitored - Dennis does! Not only does he call in when he should, but he has no issue knowing that I have woman friends who keep an eye on him at work and at other places. Mother monitors him closely, too. She checks his cell phone, phone calls, what he does online, and so on. He's very cooperative with us when it comes to monitoring, in fact he's suggested ways of our monitoring and keeping control. Why? Well, I think he wants us to be able to validate his good behavior. He knows that if it's our word against his, he's going to lose; if we even suspect him of something, he's guilty! If a woman supports him, it'll end up better, so being watched is a good thing. Dennis regards his being watched as a sign of my love. He feels it shows his commitment to me, and it does.

Finally, while this is worth another post or two, I never could understand women who refuse to better control their men - for heaven's sake, it's a win-win! He'll love it and so will she! Don't women see the advantages?


Anonymous said...

I love that fact that my wife cares enough to monitor what I am doing or where I am going. With cell phones there is no reason she could not be able to get ahold of me or me her.With the GPS I have no excuse for being lost while driving. I feel very secure with her knowing where I'm at all of the time. She has taught me to have the radio in the car off or turned down so I never miss a call.If I'm going to be more than 8 minutes late I'm to let her know. This works well for us and we would not want it any other way

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous (whose wife cares enough to monitor him)

Thank you so much for your post. And I'm happy to hear that monitoring works for you. We hear from so many other couples that it works for them, too. Monitoring is a sign of love; both of you know that the other cares. It works well for my husband and me, too.

Does Dennis mind being monitored? NO! In fact he gets concerned if Mother or I don't contact him at least 2-3 times during the day or if we don't call to check up while he's doing the weekly shopping. Dennis wants me to know that he's complying with my rules and instructions.

Oh, and that cell phone of your? I hope she's taking it off you when you come home. It's a great way for her to keep in touch when you're apart but a distraction when you come home - I have an upcoming post on phones and mobile devices.


Nancy and Dennis said...


And why wouldn't it work for the occupations you mention? Are you trying to find ways of getting around your wife's rules and instructions? With more and more women in the workplace at all levels, and with more men sympathetic to the cause of women in charge, there isn't anyplace that a man can hide - so don't try! We know couples where he is a tradesman and she is very much in control. She's been able to easily set up a network just as do wives with men in desk jobs. The tradesmen I'm thinking of has an office he works out of and in that office is a woman-friend of his wife who is only too happy to keep her informed.

Same for a female sales assistant who keeps an eye on friend's husband who travels frequently; people talk and she listens, passing along interesting tidbits to the guy's wife that the wife uses to keep hubby following the rules.

And don't think for a minute that men aren't willing to help women control errant husbands or boyfriends. I know of a number of men who are happy to watch and report in order to help women keep control. My husband is one of them! he's committed to women being in charge and does what he can to help other women take control, too. And the tradesmen I mentioned above, two guys on his work crew keep his wife informed of what goes on.

Yes, it takes time to train and manage a man but it is worth it for both of us. We have a real commitment to each other and to broader things like Feminism and Matriarchy.

Remember this fundamental law: Monitoring = better man + happy wife!


Anonymous said...

I certainly understand the points that Nancy is making, but wonder whether this does not demand a lot of tiresome work on the part of the head of the household, thereby defeating the whole object of the exercise.

In some ways, it seems almost to undermine a woman's authority. My wife expects me to do as she asks regardless of whether I'm in her presence or not. She has neither the time nor the inclination to verify whether every little aspect of her instructions has been carried out.

On the other hand, she is sufficiently clear about the consequences of disobedience and sufficiently intelligent in her assessment of whether it has, in fact, occurred for it to be a risk not worth taking. Consequently, she knows that she will be obeyed, without the need to go round the houses to ensure it.

Does female authority not ultimately demand a certain measure of trust, after all? As I say, I understand the points that you're making, which seem totally logical. It does also seem, however, that a woman who knows her man has many ways to ensure that he is bent to her will. Time spent checking up on him could surely be more profitably given over to more pleasurable pursuits?

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous (just above):

OK, let's address your points:

1) it only demands as much as is necessary to ensure good behavior. As time goes on, the effort is less and less.

2) I disagree, it doesn't undermine her authority at all, it adds to it. Your wife may expect you to follow instructions, but do you? All the time? Probably not if you're like most men, at least initially.

4) Yes, there is an element of trust, but we find that many men don't uphold their part of the bargain and deviate from what she feels is appropriate behavior. As men prove by their good behavior that they are worthy of trust, then wives can respond accordingly. And you seem to think that a lot of time is spent checking on him, but it really isn't. A phone call at the right time here and there does the trick!

Remember, men will behave better if they know they'll get caught if they don't


tony said...

This a wonderful post. It clarifies a lot of issues that we men may have. Monitoring is both desirable and necessary. Many of the ways that you employ, we do as well; some we do not. I retired last year so my travel has diminished greatly. But, if I do travel alone, I am required to check in frequently daily. My wife is Asian; we live in Asia, but I have friends from NA and Europe here. She encourages me to see them to maintain contact, and often I do so alone. She must personally know and approve who I will see and befriend; if we are having refreshments, I must call for permission to have a beer, and if given, it usually means only 1. When we are with her friends, the same rule applies, and I must ask her in front of them. This delights the other women especially. The men laugh, but with some tredpidation as they know that changes may come to their household at some point. My wife is an excellent supervisor, both at work and at home. She enjoys her power, and is learning to take and expect more control and obedience from me. I welcome her monitoring, her teaching and her demands, and try to be the best thing in her life. Thank you for sharing your ideas with us.

Anonymous said...

Great post. I am fairly new to the WLR. My only disappointment with this article is that I was hoping for more ideas. Even before my official WLR I was never out past 8pm, my job does not include business trips, and my wife always knew where I was - however I'm looking for even more control. I have thought about letting her know that there is keystroke history software that she can use to even track everything I do online - but am open for any other ideas as well. Thanks for such a great site.

Anonymous said...

Dangerous stuff here

Poor men who have fallen in such
a life trap. Those women can be so unmercifully strong and clever, that you'll eat out of their hands and will be grateful
for all she is doing for you.

In reality it's all for her. It's a small effort investment with a high pay back.

So take care of yourself! Never underestimate a clever woman.