Tuesday, September 3, 2013
ALPHA_BY_DAY: FEMALE SUPREMACY AND THE SEMANTICS OF HER LEADERSHIP
I must admit that I love reading through the archives here at Worshipping Your Wife. At this early stage in my journey I continue to learn so much. And reading testimonials and thoughts written by so many people who espouse the like beliefs in female led relationships helps me to accept that belief in myself. There are so many of us. I’m not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m truly grateful to find so many like-minded souls.
One topic that I noticed has been a periodic recurrence is female supremacy/superiority, and that’s something I’ve given a great deal of thought to in the past. Let’s just call it intellectual discourse on an adjacent topic.
I walked in the door of this lifestyle believing in female supremacy. Or at the very least, thinking that I believed in it. It was part of my very first conversation with the woman who would introduce me to “femdom.”
And then in our first private session together, I distinctly recall being on my knees, head
But if I’m honest, I really have to qualify my beliefs because some of the rhetoric surrounding that term can be classified as either research bias or simply not a credible extension of fact. But I have been lucky to meet some very smart, very enlightened people in my journey this year. And they introduced me to the terms “divine feminine” and “divine masculine” which dovetail very nicely into female led relationships and the benefits of elevating female leadership in general. But I’m getting ahead of myself so let me step back a bit.
Like I have done in so many areas of my life, I chose to define female supremacy in my own terms. To me, female supremacy really meant that a relationship and a family were better off with a woman at the helm. And that I still very much believe to be the truth. A female-centric family, in my humble opinion, has a better chance of staying together and thriving than otherwise. Yes, that’s an unquantifiable generalization but it’s what I choose to believe.
I’m really not a fan of the word “supremacy” because historically it does not have a great track record. And to say that a particular group is unilaterally better than any other group…well, that doesn’t have a great track record either.
To me personally, there's an important distinction between "Superiority" and "Supremacy," though I recognize that some would disagree with me. I've read just about everything there is to be found on the Internet and in books when it comes to "Female Superiority" and when you cull it down to its elements, there are some pretty weak arguments.
For example, it is always cited that more women obtain master's degrees than men and the numbers continue to rise. While I don't dispute the numbers, I can say, without fear of contradiction, that this means absolutely nothing. We can debate whether "women are smarter" or not, but that has nothing to do with educational certification. School is about commitment and sacrifice, not intelligence. Male or female, degrees don't make you smart. One of the most useless executives I’ve ever worked with had an MBA from Harvard, and one of the most brilliant people I know today barely graduated from a mediocre state university undergrad program (by his own admission). Madonna and I evidently have the same IQ, and I'm good with that.
I truly do believe that there are things that women are, in fact, better at than men. But to me, that is less about superiority than it is about balance. The areas where women provide us with leadership are necessary to our success. And no doubt the same can be said for certain characteristics of men. Each party brings strengths (and weaknesses) into the equation and together we can find balance.
To me, the word "supremacy" simply connotes leadership and focus where superiority connotes a generalized sense of ranking. Personally, I think the world would be a better place with more women in leadership roles. 50% of the population represents less than 20% of the leadership positions in business and government. We should fix that.
Studies show that women, by their nature, have a more inclusive leadership style and embrace the complexity of consensus building in a way that is foreign to most male leaders. Now men can, of course, learn this style and evolved leaders embrace it, but it is said that women have that ability as part of their inherent skill set which is very interesting indeed.
The most common criticism of female leaders is that they struggle to compartmentalize. Two men can vigorously disagree on a topic in a meeting and laugh about it over a beer later. Same argument with a woman, and there's often residual friction. Now, same principle applies as above. Of course women can learn to better compartmentalize; it comes with experience and is a learned skill. The more women there are in leadership positions, the more they have the opportunity to do so.
A review of the leadership teams of Fortune 500 companies found that firms with women in the C-Suite and on their boards were more profitable than those without women in leadership roles. Is that magic? Is it some inherent law of attraction that women have with money? Of course not. It is a function of having a more balanced and inclusive approach to managing the business. They say a great leadership team embraces diversity of all kinds, especially leadership styles, because it enables them to more thoroughly examine and overcome challenges. And that makes sense. Women are an important part of that team approach.
So that's the business side, and I'm very passionate about it. As my career continues to grow, I have made it a top priority to further the advancement of women in the workplace. And I draw genuine pleasure from the various projects I have in the works right now for helping women-owned small businesses. Is it the submissive man in me that wants to serve them? Yes. Is it the evolved leader I aspire to be doing what I feel is right? I’d like to think so. Is it a deeply satisfying personal endeavor? Absolutely. So for me, the advancement of women is the one area where it all comes together. And I'm truly grateful to have made that realization.
And then there's the personal side. And I think we’re all here reading this blog together because we believe the key to a healthy, happy home is female leadership. Personally, I believe that women are better managers of the complexities of a family than are men. Granted, I am biased. I grew up in a female-led household and, well, I turned out pretty awesome.
(Just kidding, I think.)
I do believe that the roles my parents played growing up provided a solid foundation for my sisters, brother, and me. My dad was a hard-working man and did his best to provide. My mom was in charge of running the household and raising the children. In fact, she was always in charge. Even now that they are retired and living a very simple life in their 70s, the hierarchy is still in place. They are happy together as they approach their 50th anniversary.
Setting aside the issue of children, I believe that women provide men with important "guard rails" and a steady "compass" with which to navigate life. But that doesn't always come until the relationship advances into a solid committed stage. My inability to achieve that level of commitment with a woman because I was stuck in that posturing need to always be in charge (or be perceived as being in charge) has been my biggest competitive disadvantage professionally.
And when I take an honest look at the men I admire, they have strong female leadership in their life. Now, of course, in some cases it is less overt than in others, but it is nevertheless my firm belief that in order for a man to maximize his potential, he needs the guidance of a woman.
I believe I'm a good man, but never more so than since I accepted this path toward finding my own female led relationship. I’ve come to believe that it isn’t some inherent weakness that makes me want to elevate women. I would like to think of it as awareness. And in empowering her, I empower myself.
—Alpha-by-Day (whose accomplished writing also appears on his own blog, My Journey Into FLR)