Friday, September 27, 2013

DIVA'S LOVING LEADERSHIP: EMBRACING THE LEAD

(Note from Mark Remond: This is a second post slightly abridged and reprinted (with permission) from Diva's Loving Leadership FLR blog. Readers interested in Diva’s other posts, some of them extremely provocative, need only click on the link just above. Thank you, Dree!)

Sept.15 by Dree — I’ve always been a great supervisor; a charismatic follower able to get others to do what leaders want them to do.

In love—until recently—I’ve been the more submissive partner in an otherwise equal relationship. I followed the lead of my lovers, even to the detriment of my own values.

Again until recently, I thought the idea of a woman being the leader in a romantic relationship as distant fantasy; something I would never attain.

That has all changed. I have embraced a female led relationship—in order to save my marriage—and it has been a most interesting experience, thus far.

My Pet was already handling the day-to-day housework and other tasks often seen as woman’s work, including handling and caring for the pets and the younger members of the family.

In the past (my first marriage andpast relationships), I embraced my role as the submissive housewife, I found fulfillment in cooking and cleaning for my family, but it was a lot of work doing all of that and working outside the home.

Until recently, My Pet handled his own finances, until he approached me and offered to hand his earnings over to me. I balked, at first, because I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that kind of responsibility, although, in the past, I had managed the household finances, I also had to fight with my partner to keep his spending in check. My Pet assured me that all future financial decisions would be mine.

The impact of that decision has been amazing. First, in our trust in each other, his trust in my leadership; and obviously, the household finances are much easier to manage, now that I have the complete picture.

Being in control of his free time is also new to me. Having My Pet ask me permission to do simple things has actually been our biggest test.

I’m so used to responding, “Yes, why not?” He has taken for granted that that is exactly what I will say. Playing with the word “No”—in order to train him and train myself to use that word more often—has been difficult. But it’s been necessary.

One of our biggest issues is that he still thinks and behaves the way he believes an Alpha Male should—joking around and not taking my responses to his behavior very seriously. We’ve discussed this several times since I took the lead.

Becoming more demanding, less apologetic and less open to hearing excuses has helped me maintain that control, and it’s apparent that he is beginning to respect that more as time goes on.

Even in the bedroom, he is learning to abdicate his sexuality to me, but only to a point. He was used to having sex whenever he wanted, however he wanted and he was upset when he realized that my leadership plans meant that he could no longer masturbate or frequent porn sites as he’s done in the past.

I tried withholding sex, but he was not interested in being fully chaste; and I learned very quickly that he was losing interest in FLR altogether because he wasn’t getting his own sexual needs met. As I tried to navigate this particular issue, we continued to have some sexual intercourse, but eventually I weaned him to the point where we no longer indulge in anything but sexual pla, for my sake, while only allowing him to masturbate, when I am satisfied.

All the same, we are in a much better place than we were several months ago. He listens more now and is more attentive. I am more vocal about what I want and what I need. Every day we work at defining and even redefining what we each expect from our new roles. As a result our sex life and playtimes are more exciting than ever before. It’s a whole new game, and we are very serious about the further goals we hope to achieve.




I may be new at this, but I know already that embracing the lead has made me a stronger individual, a stronger woman. This new power I seem to have is starting to go to my head. Embracing the lead at home, for instance, is starting to spill over into the way I behave at work. I’m more vocal and more proactive than I’ve ever been, and that feels good.


Thus far, it’s certainly been good for my marriage, as well.

8 comments:

Alex said...

Madam, thank you for your post.

Here is a question for you:

After some time of living this kind of lifestyle, do you sometimes see how you are able to choose not only Female Domination but also a philosophy of Female Superiority where the characteristics in which Females are clearly the Superior Sex are exalted? What does that make you feel?

You mention that other people don't follow this path because they are not aware of their power over males. Do you think that with time Female-Led can become a trend as it starts gaining momentum?

And here is a question that I like to ask a lot. It's about silence. Do you think there should be spaces were males should be "seen but not heard"; "serving but not speaking"; "not speaking unless spoken to" etc.? I am not necessarily talking about a hardcore everyday situation, but perhaps during certain dinners with other Ladies that live the lifestyle, perhaps during a Femdom themed party, or perhaps in other situations (like a Mistress may demand that of her slave say, sporadically while going out to a restaurant on a regular Sunday. She could then also order from him what She decides he could eat, pay the bill and maybe lecture him about Femdom or just talk about whatever is in Her mind. This is an example).

Thank you a lot for this and I hope to hear the answers to these questions.

Please, do realize that you have the power to melt us with your words. We are hoping to experience that. There is an old Femdom saying "The word of a Lady is at least as powerful as her whip".

Alex

dreespeaksfreely said...

Alex, very good and intriguing questions.

Thinking in terms of Female Superiority, I guess I have always thought in those terms, but never felt free to embrace them. Since I began to openly express myself, I find that I am more in command in all areas in my life. I've managed to surprise myself, by standing up to the other men in my life. In turn, I have noticed that many of them approach me with more respect and that has made me feel more empowered than ever.

I am not sure that FLR will become a huge trend, but as the world continues to open up, I definitely see the trend becoming less of a novelty. Sadly, there is still quite a ways to get there.

Silence is golden! Indeed, this is practiced in our FLR. When my friends are around, he is not allowed to speak without my permission. If he is permitted to speak and says something out of turn or inappropriate, when we get home, there's Diva to pay, and it's rarely ever pleasant for either of us.

Thanks, again for your questions, Alex.

Alex said...

Madam,

Thank you so much for that answer!

I feel it is so important that I would beg you to expand especially on the first and last paragraphs. Like... could you tell us more about Female Superiority, what it is, why you always really deep inside felt it, how you know you are superior, etc. etc. etc.?

And silence... Could you talk more about what has been considered sayin something out of turn or inappropriate or what the punishment was? What would be the punishment for something worse than that? Do you think you would ever just place a finger in your slave's lips and shut them at mid speech? I think that is appropriate for a Superior Female to do, and I think it's a ver powerful display of force and authority.

Can I add a question about cages? Would you ever sentence your slave to jail time in your own house in a cage following a trial with other Females present? I know this sounds like just a fantasy but I can't stop thinking about it perhaps because I think as Female Led relationships evolve this is a must that they will foster and it will surely happen, if you think about it deeply.

Thank you

Anonymous said...

I also think given men have ugly voices they should sometimes be in mute mode and just write or sign language. It's like silencing trucks to hear instead violins (violins being Female voices).

Barbara

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post,, I wish more women would share there experiences with FLR. I think the more women understand and trust what can become when you have this type of a relationship the more woman will except it and embrace it as you have.
Thanks for the post... R R

Anonymous said...

I think you should be put in a harem and serve the Women there.

dreespeaksfreely said...

Alex,

As usual, a lot of intriguing questions, but not nearly enough room, in this space to address them all. I will write something in the near future, that will hopefully answer your questions sufficiently.

dreespeaksfreely said...

Barbara,

I agree. Silence is golden.