Wednesday, January 1, 2014


The weekend before Christmas my boyfriend mentioned at breakfast that Geneviève and her husband, Marc, were having a difficult time with their Christmas arrangements. The couple planned to join the rest of their family in Italy for the week, but were having a very difficult time completing their Christmas shopping because of their new baby, seven-month-old Angelique. Geneviève is a flautist in an orchestra, and I thought this odd because the government hires something of a “mother's helper” (as I think they call them in the U.S.) for the first year.

While my boyfriend meandered vaguely around the subject, I picked up on the real premise. The couple had asked him if “he” (read “we”) would watch Angelique while they finished all they had to do.

I am purposely child-free. I was, further, a little annoyed that my boyfriend wanted to take on this venture and had tentatively said “yes” without consulting me. He approached me timidly on Tuesday and, after thinking it over, as well as all the incidentals, I said yes, but that there was a lot of work to be done.

Our apartment is a pre-war apartment in Montmartre. It is exactly my boyfriend’s style, though I am trying to get us to move to the much better XVIe Arrondissement. Anyway, we have what some would call a spacious apartment, but the rooms are large, and between us we have limited space for a baby's things.

Our first point revolved around who was going to stay home to take care of the baby. I said, “Because you have promised, I forgive you. But who will stay home? You don’t really expect me to remain at home when I have so much more work than you.” I wanted to make it very clear straight off that this was something he had to figure out. After a pause, he said, “I will, of course.” This reassured me very much. “Where will we put the baby?” I asked, and after some debate he sighed and moved his instruments and music out of the study we share (his half has music and instruments, and that is where I store my costumes and make-up) and moved them into some kind of storage we managed to secure.
All that week baby things started to arrive, which made me very anxious. First the father, Marc, came over with a crib-like thing, and then a few larger pieces of furniture which completely overwhelmed me.

On Friday she came. I had made it clear to my boyfriend that in no way was the baby to interfere with his usual tasks; making my breakfast, setting out my clothes, and doing the household chores would still be his responsibility. Sitting in bed, wondering where my breakfast was, I was dreading this. I heard Geneviève enter (presumably with little Angelique), and I stayed in bed for a while, until I called him in and said, “Breakfast.”

At this moment I was not sure how I felt about this little stranger. She was pretty cute, though, I must say. I waited until Geneviève left before I exited the bedroom to eat my breakfast. All was well until she started to cry and my head began to pound. I really did not like this idea, and I thought of scheduling some appointments to get away. To my surprise, however, my boyfriend calmed the baby down rather quickly and managed for a while to keep the toys confined to the spare room, so he could attend both to me and to the child.

It has always been a secret dream of mine to have my boyfriend completely at home, waiting on me and taking care of the house. I really feel that is where he belongs. It was not until he began putting my boots on that morning that I really felt it. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realized this would be the first day I would leave my little man at home, tending to the house, with a baby. There is something about this arrangement that filled me with so much joy, so much happiness. I looked at him, petted him, and felt, yes, this is just how it should be. When a man has a baby at home, I began to feel, he is so much less likely to get into trouble, to get distracted with trifles, or be led astray. At least when there's a man like mine.

I stroked his chin, his cheek, I looked at him lovingly, I petted him on the shoulder, and I said, “You have a good day.” He smiled a little, then turned to tend to the baby. That was the first small wrinkle. I wanted him—right then. As per our household rules, it's my right to take him when I want. So I pulled him by the beltloops, which I usually do, and began to take him, but the baby was right there, and my boyfriend protested. I rolled my eyes, and then smacked his butt to get him in the bedroom.

At work I was more feisty than usual. When some of my colleagues asked how things were, I said they were great, and to the first enquiry about my boyfriend I said, glowing, “At home with the baby.”

I returned home to a sulky boyfriend. He was going crazy, wondering where he had left his keys. Let me make it clear that my boy always knows where his keys are. It’s one of those things he just knows (the full extent of male intuition). He said he was disappointed because he wanted to take Angelique to the park and now he couldn't, nor could he go anywhere.

I took off my coat, dropped my purse and other garments, and walked into the kitchen. “Where's dinner?” I asked. At first I thought he was going to start whining and making excuses. But to my surprise, he didn't. He told me dinner was about to be put in the oven, and I thought, if this is what having a baby with him is like, maybe it's a consideration. 

“Do you see how well everything works when you stay home?” I asked, and then I spotted a mess of toys in the corner. “Oh, but those have to stay in that room,” I said, and he put them away with a testy little sigh. But I didn't care. I had had a great day at work, and I was looking forward to a nice dinner. Well, it was not as nice as it usually is. It was simpler, and after I was finished I had to ask him to cook more because I was still hungry. He made me something else, but the baby started to cry, and he had to take care of that as well, and it slowed down the process quite a bit.

France is different from America in how we raise children. We do not answer them every time they cry in the night, we put them on a schedule. But my boyfriend said it was possibly because she was in an unfamiliar house that she was crying. I think he tried to wake me up to deal with the baby, but I did not budge. This is how I want my household to run. Eventually, around 3 a.m., I locked my bedroom door, so he had to sleep with the baby so I could get some rest.

The next morning was Saturday. I am accustomed to taking my boy first thing in the morning, and I realized he would be outside or in the spare room, sleeping with the baby. I sighed. I wanted my breakfast, I wanted him, sans bébé. I took off my mask, and woke him up. He made breakfast, got the baby up, and I told him to play with her. He said he really wanted to do something with her, take her somewhere.

“I have meetings until six,” I said, and by this point my day was wrinkled. I was disappointed not to have him around this morning. He began to get on my nerves, so I said he should play with her until we could go somewhere. I said if he could find his keys he could take her to a park or a museum or something. I did leave the keys this time – not to the car, of course. That car is beautiful, and I want it for myself. He reluctantly conceded, and I went to my meetings. They were all very important.

On Saturday night I worked in the living room, while he played with the baby. Whenever something happened with the baby I said, “Baby,” and he corrected her. It was a nice night, though we had a little quarrel. He had to be reminded this was his baby, essentially, and he had to take care of it.

“If you want a real baby, you should know your responsibilities,” I said, and returned to my work. “Tomorrow we can all go out together. That will cheer you up a little.”

The next morning things went smoother. The baby loves him, by the way. On Sunday after breakfast he packed up everything and we got ready to go.

We have never had this argument before. As I mentioned, I usually drive the car, a Lexus – a super sweet, sleek, black Lexus, with white leather seating, a killer stereo system (the only reason my boyfriend wanted the car) that makes up for its lackluster petrol performance. Once he got it—a birthday present from his father after he won a music composition prize in university—I saw it and fell in love. I love driving his car. It makes me feel like he has given me everything. After he put that hideous car seat inside it, ruining the entire look of the car, along with some of her stuff (I stuffed the snack deep into the bag, I do NOT have crumbs in my car), he looked at me, and, surprisingly, held out his hands for the keys.

For a moment I stared at him, dumbfounded. What was he doing? I have been driving this car more or less for the past year or so, and I said, “Well, go ahead and get in.” I walked to the driver's seat and said, “I'll unlock it for you.”

He stood there, stock still, until he got into the car. He did not like this. He sat in the passenger's side, glancing back and forth at me. Whenever the kid made too much noise, I just said, “Take care of it.”

He started to get sulky, pensive. Whenever men think, it looks as if they find it painful. Finally he said, “W-when we come home, w-would it be alright if I drive?”

I sighed. “We'll see.”

We got to Centre  Pompidou, went to a few parks with lots of kids, he talked some with friends, and then finally we went home. He cooked dinner.

I still do not want a baby. I have given it a lot of thought, and I like the way things are between us. It was, however, a good experiment and good to know. Where did he learn all that stuff about babies?

In general it was an interesting weekend, I suppose. I will have to think more about it. When the parents came to fetch the baby, I felt relaxed, happy to have my boyfriend all to myself. And that concludes my adventures with the baby.



Alex said...

Ms. Hélène,

Happy new year, Madam!

It's so nice to hear from you!

I'm-Hers said...

Fun story. Great experiment you and your boyfriend had with the baby - but - with online shopping available, a plethora of stores everywhere, 365 days to plan for the 'upcoming Christmas shopping duties' does it really take an entire weekend to purchase gifts? I think your boyfriend got used and they had a pleasant weekend free of the responsibility of their child.

Something seems awry

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ms. Helene for another really interesting view from Paris. I love how you view yourself as entitled to certain privileges in your relationship. Things won’t change fundamentally until women feel entitled to power and privileges. Men, in turn, can then give up their entitlements and embrace self-sacrifice. It is a position of inequality and it is so refreshing that you embrace that inequality.

On the other hand, there is a sense in which this really is equality—an equality of mutual balance. As Blanche Black (I recommend her wonderful blog) suggests, men have been deprived of the deep pleasures of nurturing others and getting vicarious satisfaction from that. After all, men have already developed the ability to serve themselves. They need to learn how to serve others. Then, women can develop a different side to themselves that enables them to contribute their strengths to the large society. For that reason I totally applaud your taking for granted the fact that he will serve you and your needs first and foremost and get his satisfaction through that.

Oh and I love how you refer to your partner as a “little man.” I think it’s a cute term of endearment and should be used by women more often.

So the question occurs to me: are you thinking of having a baby and keeping your little man at home. It will probably further his nurturing side. What does he think about it? Don’t all men want a baby?

I hope you keep up your enlightening posts.


Obedient husband said...

While I am quite blessed and very happy to be my wife's boy, one cannot help but feel a bit envious of Helene's.
Babies do change things and I think you are wise to take this step with great caution. However, they are also a great blessing.
I adore my wife and my girls.

Anonymous said...

I want to add one observation. From your description, your boy sounds really sexy. The picture you paint of him tending to the baby and getting dinner ready for you is just adorable. That time when he had to ask you to drive the car was also darling. Men can be very sexy when they are vulnerable and have to ask permission. Have other women expressed their envy of you or tried to seduce him away from you?


Kathy said...

That story touched home in so many ways. John and I have a grand child.

Staying home, taking care of a baby brings out a certain sweetness in a man.

And yes, for me there is something sexy about a man taking care of a baby.

I wonder though if things would have been different if Ms. Helene had been the mother? Some things are biological. Women change when they have babies.

Love, Kathy

Alex said...

Ms. Hélène and Ms. Kathy,

I loved first, of course, Ms. Kathy's comment. Happy new year Ms. Kathy! We missed you!

Anonymous said it right - it's about time we can get passed equality and women can expect to be in a position of power and privileges or as I could add, authority emanating from being Female - superiority with love and power. I also loved that you called your hubby your "little man". I think it's sweet but also very much to this exact point, and who wouldn't be jealous as a submissive? (in my case wanting to be a dominant woman's "little girl"). This kind of talk from a Lady from Paris makes my imagination fly away and my legs start melting. Yes, agreed again with anonymous, it's about feeling vulnerable. To fall in love one must allow oneself to be vulnerable. I think that is why BDSM is an inch more understood everyday.

Yes, men are probably sweet with babies. But it's probably more the so when there is a Woman in front of them leading the way, marking their pace, bringing home the very bread the men cook for them, because Women are the very purpose and focus of sweet men's lives. We need in this woeld more Ms. Kathys, more Ms Hélènes and more women who drive the car and drive their "little men" and bring meaning to their lives. Your little man's pretty little head, with all those male disabilities you mention, maybe understands this, maybe not... but his heart for sure does! Love you Ma'am!

Hélène said...

I'm Hers,

In France it is more about the meal – christmas dinner – and less about gifts and finding the perfect present. We also do not believe parents must be chained to their children 24/7 and make them devotional items instead of forthcoming adults. That said, I have no problem with a couple wanting to take time out for themselves and to have a fun week-end.

I will agree though that it is “awry”. I assume it is my boyfriend's desire to have children. I am 80% certain he arranged it so we would “have to” take care of the child.

LS – I am ambivalent about having a baby, but, as I said, having him stay home is definitely a goal of mine. He is less enthuasiastic about staying home full time- he clings to his work and it was hard for him to concede- but eventually I think he'll see it's the right choice. I know now he wants the baby. I have scored a major victory in that I have transfered virtually all bills, excpet one, into my name, and have been arguing about the time he spends at the gym.

Other women have expressed that he is very handsome (he is) just over 2m dark hair and blue eyes, but no one has tried to seduce him away from me (that I know of). If they have, they have and will continue to fail. As you may have noticed I keep him on a rather tight leash, so to speak.

Kathy. The odds of me having a baby are slim, and the odds of me wanting to stay home with the baby are pretty much 0. I did like the little girl, I enjoyed sitting with her while he cleaned up her toys, and I guess to an extent I enjoyed deciding all the rules. My friend Stéphanie decides all discipline matters. Her husband, Laurent, may put the girls in “time out”, but anything more than that only Stéphanie was allowed to do. They knew their father could not really discipline them, but Stéphanie can be harsh. So I guess I thought about discipline a little bit, but I let him handle it, seeing as the baby was so young. Despite this, though, I LOVE my career more than anything else in the world. I love everything about it – the insane hours, the people I meet, the situations I get myself into, seeing my work in broadcasts, magazines, not to mention the wonderful things I receive for my work. Commendations, trips, products, passes to events – I have been invited to Cannes, to the reception of the Palme d'Or (sort of the European Academy Awards), just to name a few. When I used to do weddings I was flown to exotic locations and/or to fine estates. With my career, I enjoy the very best of everything. It is my dream career, and I never want to interrupt that. Let my boyfriend stay home with a baby.

We are not married.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Helene: Thank you so much for your answers. I think it would be helpful to the males who read this blog if you would take some time to tell us what qualities attract you in males. Some of the younger boys (as well those who are older) who read this blog may want to learn what qualities they could develop to make themselves attractive to a dominant, accomplished woman such as yourself. I would include physical qualities, clothing and grooming, personality characteristics, bearing or demeanor, personal habits, and skills. For example, are you attracted to males who resist your leadership at first but then allow themselves to become trained as followers and helpers or do you like someone who is subordinate and obedient to women from the start. Is it a plus to be a good cook? To aspire to be a housekeeper? Do you like boys with facial hair? Cute butts? Intelligence and what sort? In short, how would you describe your dream boy?


Alex said...

"With my career, I enjoy the very best of everything. It is my dream career, and I never want to interrupt that. Let my boyfriend stay home with a baby. "

Aaaah... the perfect Domme

Alex said...

Whomever said the above comment, I think that was rude and should be deleted. We are a very friendly and respecting blog, dedicated to LOVING Female Authority. And our tone and manners reflect that.

Mark Remond said...

Alex, well said. Apologies -- I was away on a family trip & did not catch the offending comment till more than a day late. It is now deleted, expunged and vaporized!

Alex said...

Thanks Mark!
How was your family trip?
Regards to you and your family!

Mark Remond said...

Alex, thanks for asking. We are all fine, thank heaven, and I hope all is well with you. I appreciate your following the blog and wishing for the best here.

Anonymous said...

Babies can rarely be left alone and will of course take up much of a mans time.

One good thing is that there was no melt down or complete breakdown of routine and chores. He got on with them as best he could but fell down in some areas.

I think it looks good that he was able to cope and that it shows that if more tasks were added to his repertoire there is slack enough in his routine to take them up.

Glad you got such a glow from watching him being nurturing and manly. Not some outdated idea of masculinity but an older and to be future ideal.


Hélène said...

What qualities attract me in males? Well, I have to say I like in my own: he is handsome, young, naive, optimistic, and even though he quarrels I he is a good man. Hmm, I have enjoyed guiding his youth and training him more than aggressive men, to which I am occasionally attracted. Frankly the housekeeping is a bonus, a happy surprise. He becomes frustrated with how much there is to do around the house. I merely think it is sweet he does it without complaining. Rare is the gratification I have for this relationship, as I was able to take such command.

Anonymous said...
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