dennis: CONTROLLING THE FINANCES REVISITED, Part 1

“Controlling the family finances is one thing that ALL women should be doing. Managing the finances is more than just paying bills. It’s about determining what is spent, where and on what. It’s about treating yourself to things you’re entitled to as the female head of household. It’s about closing the wage gap on a very personal level! It’s about control! Remember, ladies, money is power! Seize that power!”

With these words my Wife, Nancy, started Her post on controlling the money in an FLR. We regularly revisit this important topic during small workshops with Women and couples who are in, or embarking on, the lifestyle.

Women controlling money is an essential element of an FLR. Women have the right and responsibility to take control of finances, and doing so will give them tremendous power. Of the four tenets of an FLR, financial control is usually the first one that a couple embarks on. In doing so, She assumes the power to enforce Her rules and the resources to pursue Her desires going forward.

Taking over the money is a major milestone in how She relates to Her man and how He responds to Her. We always share few stories:

§  One Woman commented that the day She assumed complete control of the money was the day She stopped asking and started telling. The day She went from “please” to “do it, damn it!” From a frustrated “happy Housewife” to a “regal Bitch.”

§  Another Woman noted the power that comes from hubby having to ask Her for money and Her being able to refuse his request.

§  Other Women relate how financial control quickly had Her husband going from “i’ll get to it” to “Yes, Ma’am!”

After a few stories like this, Nancy rings for me and i come out, full apron, and serve coffee or tea, usually to comments like, “Oh, Nancy, you’ve got him trained!” Or, “I love a man in an apron!” It’s at this point that i relate my experience with Nancy controlling the money and how very little else could make me more appreciate Her authority. i assure the Women that i appreciate the arrangement and that it is very satisfying to me as a progressive gentlemen. By this time – if they haven’t already – the Ladies have made up their minds that they want control of the money.

 

What does Her taking control do for the men? While we are not particularly concerned here with their feelings, the male reaction is initially quite the opposite of that of the Women. men often feel impotent to the point where many don’t have sex for weeks afterward. Having limited access to money makes them feel Her authority in a very real way. Many men quickly refocus themselves, paying close attention to their Wife’s wishes and wanting to do more in hopes that She will be benevolent towards them. And previously free spending men quickly get very thrifty!

What do we tell workshop participants about the Woman’s controlling money? Plenty! Let’s compile a list of what Women should do in taking and maintaining control…

(To be continued in next post)

dennis: REACHING NEW HEIGHTS—CARING FOR HER HEELS

No matter Her occupation, age, education, or political point-of-view, it’s a rare Woman who doesn’t love shoes, particularly high heels. Some men, for whatever reason, are inclined to criticize Women about wearing high heels and to trivialize their doing so. Women suspect that secretly men are envious of Women for their footwear options, which more than one Woman has told me is “part of the fun of being a girl.”

Men would be wise to try and understand the many shoe options Women have. Once they do, they, too, will be mesmerized by them. Only Women deserve the beauty, artistry, power, and sex appeal of their shoes. Whether the classic pump, the strappy sandal, a casual flat, or a contemporary platform, their shoes pay tribute to the superiority of Women.

With one exception, Women’s shoes are off limits to the lesser male gender. That exception? His having the privilege of caring for Her shoes. However, before we talk about caring for Her shoes, let’s cover a few points and dispel a myth or two:

Women have too many shoes – WRONG! Men are constantly telling Women that They have too many pairs of shoes. Men, as ever, are wrong! If anything, Women don’t have enough shoes!

§  Why the need for so many shoes? – Women’s shoes are an important fashion accessory. Women’s shoes come in an endless array of styles, colors, and heel heights. Shoes complement Her outfit,t and different shoes are required for different situations. She’s likely to wear a mid- to high-heel pump to the office, change into a strappy high-heel sandal for an evening out, wear espadrilles on a summer day, or boldly

wear a six-inch platform for an evening of clubbing. A formal event might dictate She buy a pair of sparkling pumps, shoes that – to me – always bring to mind the “magic slipper.” A magic, glittering pump that, incidentally, i greatly enjoy slipping onto the delicate foot of my lovely Wife!

§  Color is important, too. She needs a variety of colors to complement Her outfits. She’ll likely have black, red, white, navy, beige, ivory, gray, taupe, or yellow. Nancy has yellow pumps purchased to go with a single dress She has. And then there are patterns, textures, decorations, and so on that add even more permutations. One can see that She can quickly accumulate a large number of shoes.

§  And then there’s style. She needs a variety of styles – the classic closed pump, peep-toe, slingback, again to complement Her outfits. So, yes! She does need six pairs of black pumps!

§  Finally, let’s mention heel height. Low heels are generally less than two and a half inches; this is a typical office heel. Mid heels are about three inches, while high heels are three and a half inches and higher. Nancy refers to the latter as “power heels.”

§  So how many pairs of shoes does a Woman have? It varies, of course. Imelda Marcos had more than 2,000 pairs, but the Women we informally surveyed had at least 40, typically 80, with the highest number being 160 pairs. At last count Nancy had 140 pairs, Her Mother, Sue, well over 100 pairs.

i’ve been taking care of Nancy’s shoes for some time. My doing so was a task i proposed and set out to do. Now caring for Her shoes – and Her Mother’s – is a part of my repertoire of personal service. For me, it’s a pleasure and a privilege to do so, It’s exciting to enter the walk-in closet in Her boudoir and be faced with row upon row of Feminine footwear.

Here are some tips for taking care of your Wife’s shoes:

§  Be Organized – It’s your job to organize Her shoes so She can see what She has and can easily make selections. This may involve new shelves or, as in my case, it required that I vacate the closet so it could be remodeled to accommodate Nancy’s shoes.

§  Keep an Inventory – While it sounds geeky, i use a spreadsheet on my tablet computer to inventory Nancy’s shoes. i know what shoes She has, where each pair is located, and what condition they are in. i rate shoes as A, B, or C. “A” indicates new or nearly new shoes; these only need cleaning and polishing. “B” indicates serviceable but older shoes that may need more work, a scuff or a minor mechanical repair. “C” indicates shoes with a serious flaw

that She should discard and replace. I keep a list of shoes to be replaced and regularly share this with Nancy. Note: i do not discard shoes without Her permission! Nancy may discard “B” shoes but usually donates them as they are still serviceable. “C” shoes are discarded, but I have asked for and received permission to keep some of these as decorations. Women’s shoes are works or art, aren’t they? One pair of black 4 ½-inch pumps adorns bookends in my office; another pair of red, peep-toe, four-inch pumps, worn though they are, decorate my nightstand; things of beauty, both! BTW: No, i’m not posting my shoe-tracking spreadsheet!

§  Check and Inspect – i select an outfit for Nancy each evening that includes two to three pairs of shoes. i’ll look over each pair and make sure it is clean, in good repair, and shined before She makes a choice. Since Nancy often drives in a low-heel pump and carries high heels to change into at work, i make sure both pairs are flawless before She leaves. i’ll carry Her shoes downstairs the next day and assist Her with putting them on, particularly if the

shoes She’s chosen have a strap or buckle. This morning task is an enjoyable gesture of love and service. Never do I feel more that i’m worshipping my Wife than when i kneel before Her and put on Her shoes. It’s a little gesture we both love!

§  Check and Inspect – Again! When She returns home, i remove Her shoes and retrieve Her second par from Her totebag. i wipe off Her shoes and at least clean them with a soft cloth and leather conditioner before putting them back in their place. i note any scuffs and scrapes and treat with appropriate polish or dye. If the shoes are in need of a mechanical repair, i take them to a shoe repair shop near where i work. If the shoes are not repairable, they are downgraded to “C” and replaced. Nancy does not wear “C” shoes ever!

§  Keep Appropriate Supplies – Keep a collection of polishes, dyes, conditioners, clothes, brushes, etc., with which to take care of Her shoes. i often accompany Nancy and Her Mother shoe shopping – very exciting! When they make a purchase, i ask the salesperson for the appropriate dye and polish for the shoes just purchased. If the color isn’t available or if i don’t like the match, i’ll take the shoes to another shop to match the color needed. Generally, upscale shoe stores will have a wide array of shoe-care products to ensure you keep your Wife’s shoes looking their best.

§  Be Aware of Winter – Cleaning is particularly important in the winter months. Take extra steps in the form of a silicon spray on shoe seams and an extra waxing of the main body of the shoe. Boots are particularly challenging given that lower-rise boots may have decorative fur and the like that needs attention after wearing.

Women’s shoes are a work of art and a celebration of Femininity. Going shoe shopping is just as much a pleasure for me as it is for Nancy and Her Mother. Many men try to discourage Women from buying shoes; i hear it all the time. i’m the opposite, though; i encourage the Women to buy shoes, and when they do, they can be assured that i’ll take care of them – all of them – and derive great satisfaction in doing so!  May i suggest that progressive gentlemen consider adding shoe care – Hers! – to their repertoire of personal service?

—d

dennis: MENTORING AND CELEBRATING NEW FLRs

Nancy, Sue and i hosted a party at our home for five Women who over the past two years have embarked on FLRs. Two of the husbands accompanied their Wives for the celebratory occasion.

It’s amazing and gratifying to see how far these couples have progressed in so short a time. The Women had 

achieved control over things like money and social activities. They had reporting, debriefing, and monitoring in place, too, something that we didn’t expect to see, at least not implemented to such an extent in such a relatively short time.

In all five instances, the Women had established and enforced strict household rules and had long since established schedules and routines for their husbands, all of which allowed them – the Women – to pursue other interests. None of the Women did any housework, as attested to by their perfectly manicured, glamour-length nails. Real women don’t do housework – but real men do! i was impressed that, in anticipation of serving at the

gathering, both of the attending husbands brought their aprons. Wearing an apron removes all doubt – if there ever was any – as to the man’s proper role.

In all five FLRs, the men were actively involved not only at home but socially, too. Hubbies were required – as atonement for patriarchy – to participate in a variety of outside-the-home activities in support of Women’s causes. In fact, three of the husbands volunteer regularly at the Women’s Center.

The bottom line was that everyone was very happy with the new order of things in these five households. And these Women are by no means done with their FLRs. There’s much more that they want to do and accomplish.

—d

dennis: ALL IN A DAY'S WORK, PT. 2 – PERSONAL SERVICE AT DAYBREAK: IT'S ALL ABOUT HER

Nancy is up early every day and me with Her. She is an executive at Her company and typically has early morning meetings with staff, meaning She's at Her desk at 7:30. Add to this her nearly hour-long commute into the city and, well... My commute is all of ten minutes to make the four-mile trip to my work in a suburban business park. This is ideal since it allows me to balance a career with housekeeping and serving two wonderfully demanding Women.

Nancy's schedule and commute make me want to do as much for Her as i can. We're both fueled by coffee so the automatic coffee maker that Sue bought me for Christmas last year is a big help; it has good hot coffee waiting when i get to the kitchen. While Nancy showers and dresses, i take Her coffee and then prepare breakfast for both of us. While we're both tired we have some of our best conversations early in the morning, going over our plans for the day, providing each other advice, and sharing the paper.

There's a lot to do though:

§  Apron and slippers on, no exceptions – looking the part is a big part of personal service. Nancy rarely selects an apron, but i know to select one She'll like, one that shouts, “i'm here to serve You!” I have a lot of aprons to chose from.

§  Make and serve coffee, including filling Nancy's travel mug for Her commute. Good coffee gets a compliment and a smile; bad coffee gets brewed over and a scowl.

§  Pull together business attire – The evening before i will

have laid out business attire for Nancy, making sure that the items are clean, pressed, and in good order – no lose buttons of hanging hems. i 'll also add a scarf and select a blouse. It's rare that Nancy doesn't approve of what i've chosen, although She typically accessorizes my selections a bit. i think this is Her way of saying, “You're not perfect so i have to make some additions.” And She's right! Being able to confidently pick and pack is one of the big benefits i've gained from working at the women's boutique. Real-life skills gained while serving Women! (As i've noted in an earlier post, i'm sought after as an expert in Women's clothing by guys in the office who need a gift for a Wife or Girlfriend... When i'm doing the shopping, She gets the best.)

§  Manage Her tote bag – The evening before i'll make sure Her phone and tablet are charged and Her computer bag and tote are packed. Nancy typically drives in a low heel but changes to a “power” heel when She gets to the office, especially if She's having a meeting – the power of the pump is real! Her power pumps, a wrap, spare pantyhose, computer accessories, a makeup bag, some fruit for lunch, are all in the tote which i carefully manage for Her. i've learned what She needs and wants and make sure She has all these items. If She's anticipating an after-work business dinner, i'll make sure She has dress pantyhose – ultra sheer, black, seams – and definitely a dressier pair of shoes, a matching necklace and earrings – something dangling? – and maybe a little black dress.

§  If She's going out of town on business i will have packed Her bag with what She needs. Business attire, one or two of Her many little black dresses if She's planning on business dinners. Pumps for day and strappy sandals for evening. If She's headed where it's warm, i'll include a bikini, wrap, and espadrilles so She can enjoy the pool.

§  Serve Her coffee as She dresses; i hover near but a respectable distance away as She dresses in case She needs help with a zipper or an errant necklace; i'm Her chambermaid to use – a throwback to the Edwardian era, a wonderful time of personal service. It's a time for Her to dress, but for us to talk, too.

§  Once She's dressed and made up, i'll walk Her downstairs, carrying Her jacket and shoes and then seat Her at the breakfast table.

§  Make and serve breakfast. We talk a lot at breakfast, but despite our conversation, i never lose sight of my role, that of service. She generally has a light breakfast and, of course, i serve Her before I join Her, as i always do. Today i made Her a small omelet to order as She read the paper. We discussed some of the front-page stories as well as some of the business articles.

§  Breakfast over, Nancy gets up and sits on a chair in the family room – that says it's time for Her to go but not before we complete a little ritual that i long ago suggested and that She has embraced and loves. Seated on a chair in the family room Nancy awaits my coming to kneel before Her to gently cradle Her foot and put on Her shoes, buckling each if needed. i rise, She stands and accepts the kiss i always place on Her hand. She's not supposed to say “Thank you,” but She always does – i love Her so much!

§  i escort Her to Her car, making sure everything She needs

is in the car and, after an affectionate kiss, She's off. Off as She says, “To raise hell in the business world as only a Woman can.” And raise hell Nancy does; i like to imagine the intimidating sound of two pairs of high heels in the marble floored hallway as Nancy and Her Assistant go to the day’s first meeting!

i'm off, too, but to the kitchen – lots to do before i leave for work; homemaking comes first and i have a very demanding task list yet to accomplish, so...

§  It's off to the kitchen to clean up after breakfast and put together a light breakfast for the still-sleeping (thankfully! She can be very demanding!) Sue. Cereal and fruit plate with juice and a pot of coffee do the trick, and an eye opener will help – usually a mixed drink of my choosing. It's all placed on a silver serving tray with linen napkins and delivered to the sitting room outside Her boudoir. I work quietly to avoid disturbing Sue, then leave Her a note asking Her to call me if She needs anything or if She'll be expecting company; if She is, my duties will change so i want to be aware so I can meet Her expectations.

§  i return to our bedroom with my try to collect Nancy's coffee cup and a glass; everything on a tray, remember? Even one coffee comes and goes on a tray, and it does so even if i'm working alone without supervision.

§  i tend to Nancy's nightgown, depositing it in the laundry. i'll look it over for any necessary repairs after it’s washed and before it's returned to Her closet.

§  Next, dress the bed. A seemingly simple task, but getting it just right is another matter. Thankfully, all that time working in housekeeping at the hotel has made me an expert bed maker!

§  And, of course, i tend to the bathroom, making sure it's clean.

§  Light cleaning with the feather duster flying around the

bedroom. A little cleaning here and there makes thorough cleaning days all that much easier.

§  i check the living room to make sure everything is in order. Clean ashtrays, filled candy dishes, organized liquor cabinet, TV remotes within easy reach, clean floors. If the floor needed vacuuming, i'll opt for a whisk broom at this early hour but will likely return over lunch to use the vacuum cleaner and do a proper cleaning.

This done, i'm now free to leave for work. Apron comes off and is placed on the peg in the kitchen; Sue will likely pick a new one, sending this one off on the laundry and ironing cycle. Sue often has me in three to four aprons a day; but i love to iron and the satin aprons with their elaborate lace decoration are both a challenge and a pleasure. Another reason that ironing is a pleasure is because they conjure images of Joan standing over me while i ironed elaborate aprons, blouses, and skirts, ever ready to apply corrective measures to ensure perfection. Ah, such fond memories!

My day has just begun. There is much more personal service to be rendered, at work, during lunch, and this evening. It seems like a lot, but it is deeply satisfying – serving Women that is...

--d