Friday, October 10, 2014


Picking an Iron: Just like a golfer takes pride in the tools of Her hobby – Her clubs (including irons!) – so, too, do i take pride in the tool of my hobby – my iron! Pick an iron carefully; there are many good models available, so shop around. Look at them in the store, pick them up and see what is comfortable. Go through the ironing motions and see how it feels.

As far as ironing ease goes, i feel that an iron with a stainless-steel base performs better than one with a cheaper aluminum base. You can spend a little or a lot, but you definitely get what you pay for in an iron. Expect to pay at least $100 for a good model; mine cost $130. What you spend in dollars you’ll get back in terms of ironing ease and features.

And do speak with other progressive gentleman about ironing; ask them about their choice of irons, consider sharing and borrowing as a test run before you buy. i say before you buy, since most of the progressive gentlemen i know are permitted by their wives to buy their own iron. It’s interesting to buy an iron in a store, especially if you are accompanied by a Woman. Even though the progressive gentleman might ask questions about an iron, the clerk invariably looks to the Woman with the answer and sales pitch. Nancy had to repeatedly tell the clerk that “he” (meaning “me!”) does the ironing, so answer him.” Eventually the saleswoman caught on and liked the idea of a man using an iron. Old patriarchal behaviors do die hard, but people need to learn that, in the new order of things, men do – and will – iron.

(Note: See also Nancy & dennis: “My New Iron,” Sept. 21, 2012)

Additional Thoughts on Ironing as a Gentlemanly Skill:

In the first of this two-part posting, i provided a checklist of things to consider, but there is a great deal more to be learned if a gentlemen is to become truly accomplished at the ironing board. Some of this can come from numerous o-line sources, some from knowledgeable Women – as was my case – and some from experience.

By coincidence, i recently received an email from Jane, a Woman in charge of “domestic education” at the Women’s Center where i volunteer. She’s thinking about doing a multiple-session ironing course for men that would include hands-on instruction as well as extensive practicum. Ironing is already taught in the Center’s Housekeeping 101 course, but a specialized course makes sense since ironing is definitely one thing that most Women would like to see their husbands do better.

i’m all in favor of the idea and am working with Jane to come up with a curriculum. A practicum will be easy – we’ll simply have Women bring in their ironing for students to work on - under strict supervision, of course, to ensure that none of the loaned items are damaged.

Some progressive gentlemen in our number are increasingly open about their FLR lifestyle. These are the gentlemen who, like me, routinely volunteer at the Women’s Center, attend our Women’s-Centered congregation, or those who have a fulfilled relationship with a strong-willed Woman. Unfortunately these gentlemen sometimes endure whispered words intended to degrade such involvements as “sissy,” “pantywaist,” “wimp,” “pussywhipped,” and so on.

It’s unfortunate that the narrow-minded perpetrators of such insults don’t see that the future is feminine and that when gentlemen embrace such new roles, they are pointing the direction of society. But perhaps we at whom such comments are directed should not consider them derogatory, but complimentary! i never thought of my domestic service as making me a “sissy,” but if one looks at the standard definition of sissy as a “man who violates or does not meet the standard male gender role,” then, yes, i am a sissy and damn proud of it! And if surrendering my ill-granted and undeserved male authority to Women makes me a “pantywaist,” then i embrace that term, too. i passionately embrace the role of progressive gentlemen, but never that of the patriarchal male. In fact, i’ll do my damnedest to undermine the patriarchal male!

The Center is always looking to do things that benefit Women while affording men an opportunity to serve and – dare i say – atone for patriarchy. To this end, the Center now has an opportunity to acquire a now closed laundromat and is considering running a drop-off laundry service for Women. male volunteers would staff the service under the supervision of one or more of the Center’s staff. The Center would charge Women a nominal fee for the service, which would be used to cover costs and provide another source of revenue for programs. Carol, my Boss Lady at work, is very supportive of the idea and announced that working at the laundromat would count toward the service hours that male employees are encouraged to earn as our company’s support of the Center.

Good idea, don’t you think?

Ironing is an essential male function in an FLR. Of the FLR couples we know, men do all the ironing all the time. A man at the ironing board makes a powerful statement about a couple’s relationship. It totally divorces Her from a task that, done by a Woman, says patriarchy. He, on the other hand, has clearly taken on a task that establishes both his new role and points to Her authority.

Women generally hate to iron, but men, if introduced to the task, can learn to love it! Women see ironing as a patriarchy-imposed task while men see it as an important part of their new – and exciting role – as housekeepers.

guys! Here’s a business opportunity! If you’ve got some free time you might consider taking in ironing! With all the services on line there appears to be some demand. Women don’t like to iron and you do! Sooooo!

Women, whether in progressive relationships or not, feel men should have at least partial responsibility for ironing.

Women in progressive relationships feel that every man should own an iron and that it should be one of his own choosing.

While a Woman rightly wants to limit Her man’s spending, we advise that a top-of-the-line iron is a good investment in Her man’s ironing skills and efficiency. Limit his spending in other ways or consider having him purchase a new iron using his own money.

Where does a man do the ironing? Wherever She wants him to! You can restrict him to the solitude of the laundry room as does Linda, my friend tom’s Wife. Linda has a preference for tom’s household work being done out of sight, so much of tom’s housekeeping takes place when Linda is out or, in the case of ironing, behind the closed door of the laundry room. Nancy and Sue, on the other hand, often have me set up my ironing at one side of the living room in plain view of them and any guests. To have a man ironing while the Women watch TV or socialize is a powerful statement.

With the holidays fast approaching, consider that an iron makes a perfect gift for the progressive gentleman, and one that is right for any occasion! Things that allow him to do a job better or faster should be on the top of Your list for him.

Couples contemplating a housewarming, bachelor party or the like might consider giving an iron as a practical gift for the man of the relationship – and it also makes a powerful statement about the couple’s relative roles in the relationship. Incidentally, progressive gentlemen have bachelor parties that are more like Bridal showers of the past. The ones i’ve attended have been dignified, Woman-chaperoned affairs featuring fine china and crystal stemware.

Consider registering your man in the gift registry of a local department store. Register his china patterns, needed household items, small appliances (an iron!) to assist gift givers.

What’s on my list for Santa? A steam fabric press, like the ones used by dry cleaners.


dave11 said...

My fiancée bought me a new floral ironing board cover as part of my Christmas present last year. She hates ironing but to be honest I never really minded it, I think it appeals to most men's obsessive side to do the job well and have a system. Skills that previously may have been used to follow football teams or perform DIY can easily be reapplied to household tasks like ironing and men can receive great personal satisfaction performing these tasks. The other plus of course is more and more women love their men doing these tasks and these men love to please their women...perfect recipe for domestic bliss if were honest with ourselves.
Ps I was in the supermarket with my two small kids today doing the weekly shop. An older woman complimented me for doing it and I told her I always did the shopping with the kids, she said I was an excellent housekeeper...not just the current generation of women who think this way it seems.

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to dave11:


Thank so much for your comment. It's funny how something that Women universally loath - ironing - can be so enjoyed by men! i think we men have been wired to be housekeepers but patriarchy has gotten in our way of achieving our destinies. And i love your mention of domestic bliss! When a man does the ironing he's not only doing something he finds enjoyable, but he relieves his Wife of the responsibility of doing a task She despises. Women, apparently weren't wired to iron, it seems to go against their grain! So when we men pick up an iron it's a win-win all around.

i too do the routing grocery shopping - every Tuesday after dinner clean-up i'm off to the supermarket. Nice that you got a compliment from an older Woman. i love being complimented about my housekeeping more than being complimented at work.

Many older Women have husbands who have hidden behind patriarchy to have their Wives do all or most of the housekeeping. Many of these Women have learned that they can assign hubby such tasks and many are doing it! A Woman i know is doing a study about Women in the 50s - 70s and finds that, despite the stereotypes of that era, many Women wielded significant if not total control over their husbands and his money. When the results of Her study are made available, i think some surprising things are going to come out. One of the things that happened back then was that men went home, gave their Wife the paycheck, put on an apron and did the housework - but didn't tell anyone about it. Women of that era may have shared experiences with other Women but no one shouted about the quiet revolution taking place in homes and in the Woman-man balance of power. Today we have the same situation - men taking on or totally owning the housekeeping chores. The difference is that Woman are talking about it and so are men. More and more men are realizing that housekeeping is a viable profession that has him doing productive, fulfilling work, but also liberating Her to realize more of Her potential.

Thanks again for your post


Mark Remond said...

postscript from dennis:


Just wanted to add that the gift of a floral ironing board cover is a wonderful idea. She certainly enjoyed giving it as much as you did receiving it. No doubt the housewares department is where some fantastic gifts for the gentlemen housekeeper can be found just in time for the holidays


dave11 said...

Hi Dennis,

Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement. To be honest I have sometimes found your site hard to read. Like my submissive men I have come on a long journey to a point of acceptance of who I am and want truly makes me happy in life. As you describe it takes a long time to get past patriarchal expectations of what one is meant to be in society and in the home. While deep down there is a longing that will never go away. All submissive men face a choice I think to face up to their true nature and find true fulfilment or live a life of misery and self deception living up to the patriarchal idea of manhood.
I used to find your website very threatening and I am ashamed to admit I sometimes wrote damning comments on it, but why was I reading it in the first place and why did I always come back? Simple in retrospect to see. I was lucky to find the right woman at the right time, when I was ready to accept who I am and she thankfully has accepted me from day one. I haven't had to convince her, in fact I think she wants it just as much as me deep down. At times when I have doubted what I'm doing she has held true until I was ready to submit again. What was strange is now the norm. I am the primary housekeeper even though we both work, I wash up, I clean, I iron, I do most of the childcare, I obey, she controls. The most wonderful thing is we're only starting off I. This journey and neither one of us is getting off.
Thank you for your website and the courage you have shown men like me, struggling to find our way. If there is any way I can help you let me know. Dave

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds again to dave:


Many thanks again for your post; i am very flattered by your comments. Aside from serving my Wife and Her Mother the one thing i really want to do is to move men away from patriarchy and into the arms of a demanding Woman! you make me feel i have done that.

Moving to a Woman Led Relationship and accepting one's submissive nature is a journey that takes a lifetime. i found the love of my life in college, my demanding and very much in control from the start, Nancy. i was looking for a Woman led situation but was having a hard time finding it - patriarchy permeates everyone and corrupts their thinking - so many of the Women i met just accepted the roles that society assigned them. But i found the Woman of my dreams, at a meeting of a campus Feminist organization, a place where Women realized that patriarchy was the big lie and that Women have too long. We hit it off immediately. What waited in the wings however was Her family situation, one that had Women in charge for two prior generations. Meeting Her Mother was a dream-like for i never expected to find the situation i had. In the past when i met a Girl's parents i'd speak with Her father and we'd talk about guy things. Nancy's family was different; i met and was questioned by Women in Her family; the one's who ran things and wanted to make sure that Nancy would as well. Joining such a family was a VERY exciting prospect! Nancy was looking for a man who'd fit into such a family regimen and She found me - we've never looked back.

Over the years we've grown into a situation we NEVER imagined we'd have. Nancy's Mother, Sue, says we'll be together forever since neither of us could find another partner like we have. In my case a demanding, in-control Woman, and in Her's a man who only wants to obey and follow Her lead. i have it all, a fulfilling domestic regimen, a great job that allows me to contribute to support my Wife's lifestyle, and a demanding Wife who calls ALL the shots. i am truly fortunate.

i loved your statement, "All submissive men face a choice I think to face up to their true nature and find true fulfillment or live a life of misery and self deception living up to the patriarchal idea of manhood." This is so true and i try my best to encourage men to throw off the yoke of patriarchy and empower the Women in their lives to take control. i've never met a man who wasn't happy as a result or a Woman who wouldn't take control. We run local workshops that seek to introduce couples to the lifestyle and are always encouraged how quickly couples react and make changes in their relationships! Like you, these couples are embarking on a journey, one that will gradually introduce changes in their relationship that they might never have thought possible - it will cause them to want more and more. It's certainly the case with Nancy and i - She wants more and i want to give Her more.

Finally, i think that we, as submissive men, have to be open about our lifestyle no matter the consequences. i've been called pussy-whipped, a pantywaist, and a sissy but if these terms mean that i have thrown off patriarchy then i accept them with no compunction! i have few male friends, forget the patriarchs; i socialize with Women and progressive gentlemen.

Thanks again for your comment, dave, it is appreciated. And good luck on the journey that your Wife and you are on...


PS. i'm unclear as to what you meant when you said, " I have sometimes found your site hard to read." Please clarify... And, BTW, if you have any questions or if i've been unclear about any of my postings please let me know.


Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to a query from an Anonymous who calls himself "A Poet," a comment which for some reason did not show up in the Comments field:

Dear dennis,
Thank you for your wonderful comments to dave. you mention that Nancy was controlling from the beginning. Can you share with us some details about your courtship. How did Nancy express Her dominance?

I love the description of your renewal of marriage vows. Could you share with us why Nancy felt it was important to renew your vows? It was wonderful!

A poet

Nancy asserted Herself right from the start. She was very direct and demanding, perhaps to put me on notice that if our relationship went further it would be under Her terms. And it has been! She and the Women in Her family have ratcheted up the demands and expectations right from the start and it continues to this day - a progressive gentlemen can always do just a bit more for his Wife that adds up over time. Similarly the demanding Woman can - and should! - ask for more...

Renewing vows is something that the Women in Nancy's family have done on numerous occasions for a variety of reasons but mostly to reaffirm the terms of a relationship or to change the terms of that relationship. The formality of renewal of vows makes it official so to speak and lets the family know of the continued or new arrangements. A modification our prenuptial agreement also took place.


Anonymous said...

Dear dennis,

Can you tell us about your pre nuptial agreement and how it was changed?

A poet

tony said...

"More and more men are realizing that housekeeping is a viable profession that has him doing productive, fulfilling work, but also liberating Her to realize more of Her potential."

I think this sentence summarizes things great. Women should not be burdened with housekeeping or any menial work and instead focus on their business careers and other interests. In the past men were the breadwinners and housekeeping was imposed on women by society. Things have changed, though, as many women nowadays earn degrees, have successful careers and earn more money than their boyfriends/husbands. More and more men becoming housekeepers is the next logical step in this role reversal.

Anonymous said...

I think that instead of men discussing which cars can go from 0-100 in how many seconds progressive gentlemen will discuss the relative merits of different irons. Attire whilst ironing including handy pockets in pinafores and the boards themselves.


HH said...

Learn the husband ironing and make it his permanent duty, it's a very serious step of its subordination. To me this sounds exciting and also very dominant. In the end it is a personal service for her.
Please Mark extend your writing about the prenup.

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to femsup -

Progressive gentlemen have long stopped talking about which cars out perform which and concentrate on things of more immediate priority such as housework and, yes, which irons, vacuums, and washers and so on perform the best. When we get together for a 'men's-night-out those are the topics discussed.


Anonymous said...

They do need talking about at such gatherings because they can lead directly to one being able to attend.

If one can iron more quickly and effectively then there is more time to meet up with the permission of ones most significant other.

That and the knowledge that you have done your duty to your utmost best.


Miss Raquel said...

Of all my domestic chores ironing was the toughest . My Mother taught me to iron around age 13. With 5 kids I helped out a lot. But that ironing was pretty much limited to dress shirts, blouses, slacks, skirts and dresses.

A course is an excellent idea.

Today my ironing is probably the single thing my spouse loves the most about having her own male maid.

Pleated skirts, silk and other delicate fabrics, and other details should all be covered in the course. Even with my skills I would sign up.

Alex said...

Obviously ironing is a man thing because it's a homely chore. Just like you wouldn't expect a man to be president of a country (of course, nowadays there are those as well, but it's not the norm) you would also not expect a Woman to be the one who irons! Women bring the bread, men do the bed; it's a fair deal.

I think men should keep themselves mainly in the kitchen and the bedroom. That's where they can please Women the most! Isn't that what they were created for after all?

ALL HERS said...

At a party last month, a group of men (including me) were discussing which vacuums performed the best. We all compared the models that we own and there features. All the while,our wives we discussing their golf and tennis games , and setting up matches for the week ahead .

When we shop for a cleaning tool, my wife,stands there and finally tells the salesperson "don't tell me about it, tell him. He will be using it, not me."

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to ALL HERS:

When i get together with my progressive gentlemen friends the conversation always turns to some aspect of housekeeping; after all, we are all first and foremost housekeepers - we discuss what we do...

We have similar experiences regarding shopping for small appliances - sales people always assume the Woman is going to use the appliance - increasingly this is an incorrect assumption. There are many incorrect assumptions made at restaurants, shops, car dealers and the like. The Center has conducted workshops at various businesses in our community suggesting that these treat Women as the high earners and in-charge-Women they increasingly are. And we tell them not to overestimate men as decision-makers either, increasingly they are not.

We have an older post on my experiences buying a new iron.


Anonymous said... least GE thanks you anyway..

Anonymous said...

After 14 days of not hearing anything from you we even miss you. Happy Halloween!

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this post and found one thing especially interesting. You mentioned how your friend Tom is confined to the laundry room when ironing and performs housekeeping when his wife is out. So, not only that he must do all the housework, he must do it exactly where and when she orders him to! This is a simple, yet powerful and perhaps even slightly humiliating reminder of who's the head of the household. It also has a practical purpose as Linda always knows what her husband will be doing while she's out; it's easy to imagine him rushing to do all his chores before his wife comes back home...