Friday, October 24, 2014


(Note from Mark Remond: This post is a reprise from the 7-part “Revisiting Vivian’s Domain” archive on this website (scroll down right-hand column), specifically from a longer essay that appears in Part 4, “Toward A Fantastic Marriage: How and Why Domestic Discipline Works.” “Vivian’s Domain” was originally hosted on, but is no longer extant, even on the Wayback Machine. “Vivian” (a cybername) addressed herself to wives, especially those seeking to recapture the romance in their marriage. )


A key component of every man’s sexuality is awe. When he sees a beautiful woman’s face or an attractive figure he is drawn almost against his will. The power that beauty has to take his attention is not lost on him. He is awestruck and overcome by that power. Have you ever noticed how men behave toward a beautiful woman? They fall all over themselves to please her in some way. Even when there is no way such behavior will result in a sexual experience, men become the willing servants of beauty.

Think about it. Your husband’s in a traffic jam. He’s mad. Somebody tries to cut in ahead of him. He curses and revs his engine and inches up to be sure the other car doesn’t get an inch ahead of him. Another car comes into view and wants to cut ahead of him. A pretty face peeks out and waves a delicate hand. What does your husband do? If he’s anything like mine, the same man that cursed and screamed at the car before suddenly becomes gracious. He smiles and nods and lets the lady pass. In this situation he may have his wife and kids in the car and be travelling through a place he will never be again. So there’s no chance he thinks he’ll ever see that woman again. Still, the instinct kicks in. There is power he cannot resist, and he is amazed at his own helplessness. He is in awe of those who can elicit that helplessness. And the most important thing I’ve found is that a man is most helpful to a woman when she makes him feel helpless.


The preceding observation is obvious to most women. We feel it far too often. We see our husbands looking at other women as if they were goddesses and looking at us as if we were mere functionaries, striving to be helpful to women they hardly know and ignoring the needs of the woman who dedicates herself to him and his family. Sometimes we become angry and resentful of our husbands, knowing that it is simply not right that he looks at other women with the passion that rightfully belongs to us. Sometimes we get down on ourselves, feeling unattractive and taken for granted and cheated out of his affection.

Although there are some exceptions (women who are so beautiful and remain so beautiful that they can inspire their husbands with that beauty even after years of marriage), for most women, even attractive ones, it is not possible after years of cohabitation and child bearing to become beautiful enough to inspire the kind of awe that will motivate her husband. So, what can a woman do?

She can understand this: Not only is there power in beauty, there is beauty in power! The “take my breath away” kind of awe that a man feels when he sees a stunningly beautiful woman is similar to the feelings he had as a young adolescent toward women of power in his life—teachers, neighborhood moms, and strict women in general.

In order to make your husband a better man and a better spouse, you need to make him eager to win your approval and fearful of earning your disapproval. You must exert the kind of power that grabs his attention, makes you beautiful to him and takes his breath away. You must make him adore you again!

Making him adore and respect you is a lot easier than you think…

…In these women [I have spoken with] I have found an underlying belief that power is bad, that to want power is worse, and that to actually exercise power is evil. It has been ingrained in these women that they are not worthy of power.

My message is that power is all over the place and cannot be avoided. If you do not exercise power, someone or something else will. It is not only your privilege to exercise power but a moral duty as well.

Domestic Discipline is a wonderful way to re-energize a stagnant sex life in a marriage. If that were its only purpose it would be worthwhile, but it does not stop there. Domestic Discipline secures a marriage on moral ground. Even Freud recognized this when he wrote that “A marriage is not secure until the wife takes a maternal view of her husband.”

For some women this is a difficult concept to accept because we tend to confuse morality with convention. In America today discipline of any kind has become unconventional, but the tide is turning. We are starting to appreciate again the benefits of traditional discipline and the value of submitting to authority in our lives.

While most women understand their own need to submit to authority, they do not understand how important it is for their husbands to do so as well, and the difficulty they have submitting to an authority that is not tangible. If we look at the history of the church in Western civilization, we find that most of the truly steadfast submission to God and church has been
practiced by women. Men have sought to make church an opportunity to gain and exercise power rather than to submit to it. Maybe it’s easier to submit to a God of the opposite gender, that a quality of “otherness” is necessary to truly submit to another, or that there is an element of sexuality even in our spirituality.

We do not hear Domestic Discipline spoken of publicly by society’s moral standard-bearers, and we certainly don’t hear about it in most churches. It is practiced, however, in many more homes than you would think. Except for the few select friends with whom I have shared the disciplinary aspect of my marriage, no one has any idea that my husband and I are practicing this. Others do envy my marriage, the devotion my husband displays toward me and the ease with which we get along. I hear such comments with some regularity. Those who make those comments sometimes ask me for my “secret.” I usually just smile and tell them how lucky I am to be married to such a good man. And I am. The honesty and vulnerability my husband shows by accepting my authority are gifts that most men are afraid to give their wives. He truly is a good man, and he gets better all the time—because I see to it that he does!

I have strayed a bit from the purpose of this section. The following are some of the moral advantages of Domestic Discipline:


* A husband who is more faithful to the marriage in heart, mind and body
* Safe, supportive and fun ways to release anger and tension in a marriage
* Motivation for a husband to continually improve himself (“He who stops being better stops being good.”—Oliver Cromwell)
* Increased vulnerability and intimacy in the marriage
* The moral authority in a marriage in is the hands of the partner with the greater tendency toward traditional morality.
* Stronger marital bonding
* The power struggles that can arise in a marriage and cause great problems are replaced with the peaceful acceptance of authority


Anonymous said...

dear Mark,

I wonder if now, more than a year later you would be willing to send an email to Ms. Amanda and Ms. Jenn to ask them if them might consider finishing their post series if they can make the time for it? Maybe they could find the motivation now to share some more of their very interesting lifestyles.

Thanks in advance,

Mark Remond said...

Naja - My sentiments exactly and, believe me, I have tried to persuade both Ms. Amanda and Ms. Jenn to continue posting here... alas, to no avail, for separate reasons.

Siobhan said...

Even children know their mother is in charge of their father; even if the parent tries to deny it. Today's (Oct 25) Baby Blues strip teaches this. As a family friendly strip it does not show domestic discipline, but I wish it would.

Mark Remond said...

Ms. Siobhan,

Thank you for the incisive comment and link. It is so true -- I love that comic strip and have saved it! My daughter knew Mom was the Boss very very early on, and by age 11 or 12 was affirming it openly at the dinner table -- where Mom, of course, sat at the head and directed all conversation. By 13 my daughter was openly bossing me around (even in front of her school friends), with her Mom's blessing (and amusement).

Ms. Siobhan, perhaps you have noticed the comment immediately above yours and my reply. I would so dearly love it if you would write a guest post -- one or two or as many as you would like -- about Female Authority in the family, and take up the wonderful tradition here begun by Becky Sue and then continued by Ms. Amanda and Ms. Jenn from Holland. It would mean so much!

I have saved all your authoritative comments on Female-Led Families and the strict matriarchal guidelines you have instituted, and I often reread them. Just a few paragraphs from you, from time to time, would be a treasure and would be helpful, I believe, to other families where Female rightly rule.

I hope you don't mind my addressing you in this way through the Comments field. I would of course welcome any email correspondence directly at


Anonymous said...

My own wife is as strong willed as they come. The most challenging aspect of being married to someone like that was dealing with the humiliation of her telling me what to do. I attempted to be an "alpha male" by lashing out at her and arguing with her. This fed my insecurity but gained me absolutely nothing other than a sexless marriage.
It was only after I started examining Her position that a whole new world opened up. I realized, She was right about everything and that I needed Her guidance but I was letting pride get in the way. I realized, that in so many ways, she was superior to me and was trying to fill a leadership vacuum in a way I never could.
It was then that my desire for her went into the stratosphere, and I was finally willing to accept Her as my Queen. I now obey Her, listen to Her, serve Her and have a fantastic sex life. It is a truly a blessing to experience first hand, how power is sexy.

Awakened Hubby

Mark Remond said...

Awakened Hubby -

Beautifully stated, amen!

Anonymous said...

I am a single male. I am looking forward to marrying a WOMAN who will dominate me and discipline me. I would want to completely surrender to her superiority and serve her all the time. I believe SLAPS from her are very important for me to remain in complete awe of her.