dennis: PRE-WEDDING AGREEMENTS

One of the things that often comes up in discussions with Women moving along the path to a Female Led Relationship is prenuptial agreements. We advise Women contemplating marriage to consult an attorney about a prenuptial arrangement. For a couple contemplating an FLR, a prenuptial agreement can definitely further the desires of each party, in that it can firmly establish Her control and his responsibilities.

As we’ve noted often in our posts, financial control is one of the key tenets of an FLR. A Woman we both know, who i will call Jane, followed our advice and, before She ever called a wedding planner, spoke with an attorney; after all, she decided, no agreement, no wedding! With the help of the attorney and some inputs from others, Jane put together and got her fiance’s approval on a prenuptial agreement. There was no negotiation of the terms. Briefly some of the non-negotiable items in Jane’s agreement were as follows:

§  Jane retains sole ownership over property and money She brought into the marriage

§  bob’s accounts was transferred to Jane

§  Jane is solely responsible for finances

§  Credit card accounts are in Jane’s name only; bob’s have been closed

§  bob’s car was transferred to, and immediately sold by, Jane

§  Assets bob might later inherit will be transferred to Jane

In addition, an addendum to the agreement stipulated that:

§  Jane has the right to have bob take Her name (she has not yet exercised this option); Jane will not take bob’s name

§  bob accepts responsibility for all housework and for “tasks and responsibilities” She may add

§  bob recognizes Jane’s right to her own social circles, some of which may not include him

Nancy and i had a prenuptial agreement, too. It was drawn up by Nancy and her mother Sue two days before we married. Like Jane’s, it was take-it-or-leave-it with some of the same items noted above. This may seem restrictive to an outsider, but it ensured my lifestyle. In our prenup, i recognized my Wife’s authority, Her entitlement to Her friends, and the “special position” of Sue within our household.

And, indeed, my Mother-in-law, Sue, does have a special position. i defer to Her as i would to Nancy. Indeed, Sue is included in my vows. i agreed to “love, honor, worship, and obey Her, showing all deference:

§  i love this strong assertive Woman and tell Her so;

§  i honor Her by showing my deference in dress, word, and action and by listening to Her every pronouncement;

§  i worship Her by prostrating myself before Her, heeding Her wisdom, and showing Her homage;

§  i obey Her by immediately, acknowledging Her commands and carrying them out to the letter.

Nancy of course is the head of our household, but with Her long hours at Her job She delegates much of the day-to-day management of things to Her Mother, Sue.  Sue is very much in charge, and i respond to Her exactly as i would Nancy. Sue has authority and exercises it; She can command and correct and does so!

Nancy and I have subsequently renewed our vows three times and each time modified our agreement. The last profession of our vows was to align ourselves with the teachings of our new Woman-centric congregation. My renewed vows included one of fidelity as well as one processing my loyalty to Sue. i was excited that Nancy modified our agreement to include – like Jane – Her option to have me take Her name. i’ve long fantasized about this, going so far as to think that when the time came, i’d like to hyphenate, although i recognized that that choice would be Nancy’s. i have discussed it with Sue as well, and She seemed favorably disposed. i thought that including it in the agreement was a prelude to my making a name change – but it wasn’t, for as Nancy announced to the crowd, She didn’t think i deserved such an honor. Yes, this was humiliating, but it’s good to be put in one’s place on occasion.

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dennis: ON LOAN TO LINDA

My friend, tom, is currently out of town on business leaving his Wife, Linda, without a housekeeper. Linda doesn’t do housework – none of the Women in our group of FLR couples does! Real men – not Women - do housework! These Women need not worry, however – one of the other Women’s husbands can be loaned out to her for the duration.

 

So – i’m on loan to Linda for the two weeks that Her husband is gone. She made arrangements with (my Mother-in-law) Sue to borrow me to do a variety of tasks in tom’s absence. I has all been worked out between Linda and Sue; tom and i had nothing whatever to do with the arrangement – we, as men, can’t make such arrangements.

Every weekday for the next two weeks i’ll report to Linda for two hours a day – longer on weekends – and do a prescribed set of chores to keep things in Her house running smoothly. It goes without saying that i’ll obey Her and do things Her way.

Linda, a Deity in Her own right!

Linda, tom’s Wife is a VERY demanding, in-your-face Woman, in some ways very much like, yet in other ways quite unlike, Nancy. Linda demands obedience, and there is hell to pay if She doesn’t get it. While Nancy and Sue give me some latitude in my work and in addressing the consequences of my mistakes, Linda is always watching closely, ready to give a crisp admonition or a good kick at every turn. She has a demeaning style that creates a tense environment. She strives to tear down the patriarchal male and replace him with a different, more obedient, even effeminate one. She believes that men need this because “men will stray if you don’t tell them exactly what to do.”

Linda despises patriarchy and does Her best to dismantle it, one man at a time! A good example is the names She uses for tom and me. tom is “Tootsie” and i’m “SuziQ.” And each of us better use these names when we’re in Her home, although we’ll both admit to some slip-ups at work. And then theres the service uniform. Linda has initiated many of the wardrobe rules for male housekeepers and these rules continue to evolve. Just like the servants of the Edwardian period, aprons, slippers, and appropriate accessories are mandatory. It’s not enough to do housework; a male has to do housework appropriately attired!

More on Linda

tom and i met Linda at work. She was a very demanding administrative assistant who later became office manager. In fact, Linda created and filled the position of office manager, and no one would dare challenge Her authority. Linda raised hell and created a certain tension, but kept the office running very efficiently. Most of the men in the office steered clear of her, referring to Her as the “office bitch.” It was a title and demeanor that immediately got both tom and me interested. Had i not been engaged to Nancy at that point, tom would have had some competition for Linda’s hand. tom married the demanding Linda. and both have been happy ever since.

Housekeeping for Linda - a privilege for the progressive male

As per Linda’s arrangements with Sue whenever tom is unavailable to fulfill his domestic duties, i show up each day at 4 p.m. for at least two hours of housekeeping. i take my wardrobe, cleaning supplies, and a list of chores that Sue has given me and go straight to Sue’s house. i pull into the driveway, and She opens one of the garages for me to pull in. She will not let me leave until my chores have been completed. I bring a large motif totebag with everything i need to do my chores and to be appropriately dressed.

Linda has mops and brooms, but i’m responsible for cleaning supplies, my feather duster, and miscellaneous items. i’m also responsible for my wardrobe – an apron to be sure, but also slippers and some appropriate accessories that Linda appreciates, earrings, a bangle or two, and something else a “bit girlie” to “take off the masculine edge,” in Linda’s terms, maybe even a headpiece. This may sounds funny, but it is exciting for me to comply with Linda’s rules and it certainly does distance me from any masculinity and instill humility. i feel much better about myself in Linda’s service when i lose any traces of male persona!

So, when i pull into the Linda’s garage, i have five minutes to transform myself from a businessman to housekeeper, from dennis to SuziQ! i shed my business suit, throwing it into the back seat. i pull on shorts, a sleeveless top, and my lace-trimmed, satin apron. i’ve already used the time at traffic lights to put on large hoop earrings – i get strange looks from men in pickup trucks! – and silver rings on all of my fingers, things that I hope Linda will appreciate (tom often wears the same earrings). A few bangles and i’m ready with the exception of having forgotten my slippers! There’s sure to be hell to pay since male shoes and bare feet are forbidden in Linda’s domain. But it’s too late…

Linda has entered the garage. i’m tense since i don’t have slippers, but i greet Her with the expected curtsey – “Good afternoon Madame, i’m here to serve!”

“Good afternoon, SuziQ,” She responds, in a devilish tone, but soon She’s enraged at my having forgetten my slippers. “Is it too damn much for you to bring slippers?” She demands, giving me a swift kick. She disappears into the house to get a substitute, a pair of knee-hi nylons. “Put these on, sissy boi,” She commands, wanting to humiliate me. i put on the beautiful sheer nylons, but they are a treat and not a punishment, although i don’t dare say so. i follow Her into the house to tend to my chores.

There is a long list of things Linda wants done. She’s very aggressive in dealing with me, something that i have come to expect and appreciate. Toilets are first, all of them have to be cleaned; Women despise and disdain cleaning toilets more than any other household chore. Because of this i love cleaning toilets; doing so gives me a real sense of service, and the Women really appreciate my efforts – now that’s service!

Then i move on to the living room. Linda has had guests, and there’s a lot of cleaning to do. Cups to pick up, tables to clean, TV remotes to gather and return, spot cleaning of the carpet because of a spill, romance novels to gather so their owners can find them. Then there’s vacuuming; i have to vacuum the entire house, but i love running the vacuum! Linda follows me as I vacuum, “Faster, faster” She exhorts me!

Then onto the kitchen where i unload the dishwasher and reload it with cups and saucers gathered from about the house. Finally, Linda, like Sue, loves to see my feather duster flying about the house. And it does fly, as i move about the house dusting everything in sight, my lace trimmed satin apron swishing with every move! i’m giving Her what i feel is great service and feeling damn good about it! It is, in our FLR-defined world, the feel of a real man! As for Linda, She’s following me about the house, criticizing my performance and having me do more. For a submissive gentleman, this is a delicious experience! i feel totally divorced from patriarchy – totally fulfilled! – and want more, and i tell Linda that!

She promises more when i return next day. She’d keep me all evening but She has a commitment to Sue to return me for Her chores. Linda escorts me to the garage and into my car. She allows me no time to change – i’m to go home as SuziQ, apron, earrings, bangles, and all.  I’m tremendously excited and fulfilled and look forward to tomorrow.

I leave as SuziQ, looking to repeat two hours of high-energy performance for Sue, waiting at home. It’s what a real man lives for – the opportunity to serve Women!

POSTSCRIPT: KAITLIN’S FLR RESEARCH

From Mark Remond: I must apologize to readers of this blog. In the final paragraph of the preceding post (from dennis), I misinterpreted dennis’ email to me on reader contributions to Kaitlin’s ongoing research on FLRs. She is not looking to post an FLR questionnaire on this site. What She is trying to do, dennis explains, is broaden the number of Women and couples from whom she can get information, to see if the trends She’s seeing so far hold up.

More specifically, Kaitlin is looking for Women and couples who are willing to share information about their relationship and experiences, particularly as regards the authority and latitude the Woman have exercised over the course of the marriage. She’s looking for Women first, and then, ideally, Husbands who can speak to their relationship with a strong Woman. And because Kaitlin is interested in historical trends, She is interested in information from strong Women who had to exert that strength in an era of strict gender roles featuring stereotypically weak Females.

Kaitlin is also interested to learn how men married to strong and assertive Women during these decades coped? Yes, there were many such husbands, according to Kaitlin’s research thus far, husbands who were seeing other men on TV who fit the macho mold while they were obediently putting on aprons and taking instructions from their Wives on domestic duties. Why were so many men absolutely thrilled with this arrangement when it defied patriarchal conventions?

According to Kaitlin the best male interviews are from:

§  Men who describe surrendering their patriarchal authority to a Woman as soon as they walked in the door

§  Men who feared their Wives; many fearing Her temper, let alone Her discipline

§  Men who shopped with their Wives – a no-no back in the “Father Knows Best” era – dutifully standing by as She tried on and subsequently bought outfits and then carrying Her bags as She shopped store-to-store

§  Men accommodating their Wives’ social activities by staying at home and tending to household chores

§  Men who wouldn’t dare come home at least once a week without flowers or candy for a demanding lady

§  Strong businessmen who dutifully surrendered their pay to their Wife, recognizing Her authority and never questioning Her

§  Men who played the powerful man role at a party with his Wife on his arm, only to surrender to Her in the car

Readers who meet Kaitlin’s suggested criteria, and who are willing to provide information along these lines, are invited to write to me — markremond@yahoo.com – and I will forward your emails on to dennis, and ultimately to Kaitlin. Please note the following from dennis, however: “While Kaitlin would love inputs from a few select men, Her real interest is seeking Women's inputs around such experiences.”