Thursday, November 20, 2014
dennis: PRE-WEDDING AGREEMENTS
One of the things that often comes up in discussions with Women moving along the path to a Female Led Relationship is prenuptial agreements. We advise Women contemplating marriage to consult an attorney about a prenuptial arrangement. For a couple contemplating an FLR, a prenuptial agreement can definitely further the desires of each party, in that it can firmly establish Her control and his responsibilities.
As we’ve noted often in our posts, financial control is one of the key tenets of an FLR. A Woman we both know, who i will call Jane, followed our advice and, before She ever called a wedding planner, spoke with an attorney; after all, she decided, no agreement, no wedding! With the help of the attorney and some inputs from others, Jane put together and got her fiance’s approval on a prenuptial agreement. There was no negotiation of the terms. Briefly some of the non-negotiable items in Jane’s agreement were as follows:
§ Jane retains sole ownership over property and money She brought into the marriage
§ bob’s accounts was transferred to Jane
§ Jane is solely responsible for finances
§ Credit card accounts are in Jane’s name only; bob’s have been closed
§ bob’s car was transferred to, and immediately sold by, Jane
§ Assets bob might later inherit will be transferred to Jane
In addition, an addendum to the agreement stipulated that:
§ Jane has the right to have bob take Her name (she has not yet exercised this option); Jane will not take bob’s name
§ bob accepts responsibility for all housework and for “tasks and responsibilities” She may add
§ bob recognizes Jane’s right to her own social circles, some of which may not include him
Nancy and i had a prenuptial agreement, too. It was drawn up by Nancy and her mother Sue two days before we married. Like Jane’s, it was take-it-or-leave-it with some of the same items noted above. This may seem restrictive to an outsider, but it ensured my lifestyle. In our prenup, i recognized my Wife’s authority, Her entitlement to Her friends, and the “special position” of Sue within our household.
And, indeed, my Mother-in-law, Sue, does have a special position. i defer to Her as i would to Nancy. Indeed, Sue is included in my vows. i agreed to “love, honor, worship, and obey Her, showing all deference:
§ i love this strong assertive Woman and tell Her so;
§ i honor Her by showing my deference in dress, word, and action and by listening to Her every pronouncement;
§ i worship Her by prostrating myself before Her, heeding Her wisdom, and showing Her homage;
§ i obey Her by immediately, acknowledging Her commands and carrying them out to the letter.
Nancy of course is the head of our household, but with Her long hours at Her job She delegates much of the day-to-day management of things to Her Mother, Sue. Sue is very much in charge, and i respond to Her exactly as i would Nancy. Sue has authority and exercises it; She can command and correct and does so!
Nancy and I have subsequently renewed our vows three times and each time modified our agreement. The last profession of our vows was to align ourselves with the teachings of our new Woman-centric congregation. My renewed vows included one of fidelity as well as one processing my loyalty to Sue. i was excited that Nancy modified our agreement to include – like Jane – Her option to have me take Her name. i’ve long fantasized about this, going so far as to think that when the time came, i’d like to hyphenate, although i recognized that that choice would be Nancy’s. i have discussed it with Sue as well, and She seemed favorably disposed. i thought that including it in the agreement was a prelude to my making a name change – but it wasn’t, for as Nancy announced to the crowd, She didn’t think i deserved such an honor. Yes, this was humiliating, but it’s good to be put in one’s place on occasion.