Friday, October 24, 2008
Weekend Update, Part One
If you browse the female relationship message boards like She Makes The Rules or many others that have come and gone in recent years, or read the monthly Q&As in the Around Her Finger blog or on Elise Sutton’s Female Superiority site, you’ll find a dizzying array of opinions—on financial arrangements, apportioning of household chores, who initiates intimacy, methods of correction, you name it.
On one issue, however, you will find near total agreement—the necessity for continuing communication between both parties to the FLR (female-led relationship) arrangement. Hopes and fears need to be shared, agreements made, goals and timelines set, results evaluated. Or, if that sounds too biz-jargony, let’s just say they need to talk. A lot and often.
Emily and Ken Addison of Around Her Finger recommend a first foray into a wife-led arrangement be done on a two-week trial, a “boot camp” deal. (“During those two weeks, introduce him to loving female authority as described in the Boot Camp section of the book. At the end of those two weeks, have an open and candid discussion about wife-led marriages…”)
Fumika Misato of Real Women Don’t Do Housework prescribes intimate bedroom “conversations” where the husband, in particular, is encouraged by the wife (and erotically manipulated) into sharing his secret sexual fantasies.
Elise Sutton and others who advocate wife-led or matriarchal marriage recommend husbands keep a journal in which they records their daily thoughts and fantasies for their wives to read. “My wife has me keep a journal which she may read at any time,” as one husband explains. “The journal has entries like what she said and how I felt about it.”
“All husbands who submit to Loving Female Authority should be required to keep accurate journals,” according to one woman who posted under the name of “Grand Matriarch.” “This will aid them in performing as well as organizing and focusing their attention on their wives. She will then be aware of his mind-set and daily performance of assigned chores, tasks and appointments.”
“I have my husband keep a journal and every night at bedtime I go through it with him,” agrees another wife. “I want everything in our minds cleared.”
Sometimes the journal-reading review is part of a periodic evaluation, in which the wife and husband discuss progress in their FLR, or the lack of it, or share their thoughts on the process.
This seems most frequently to be conducted on a weekly basis (often on Sunday evenings), and is variously described as an “assessment,” or a “performance evaluation” or “performance review,” and, in one instance, even as a “weekly update.”
In cases where the wife has assumed control of family finances, the “weekly update” may be combined with the awarding of the husband’s weekly allowance. Other agenda items may include a discussion of weekly menus (for husbands who cook), or measuring progress toward an agreed-upon goal (like the husband losing weight).
And, of course, there are wives for whom the weekly performance review is the time to assess and mete out appropriate punishments for their partners’ shortcomings over the week past.
In many cases, the weekly review is a give-and-take discussion, in which husbands and wives share their concerns and work to reach consensus for proceeding. This is certainly the case when a couple meets to evaluate a trial FLR arrangement, such as the two-week boot camp mentioned above. But, judging by my online research, the longer the female-led dynamic endures, the more likely the weekly conference will evolve, by mutual consent, into a courtroom with the wife as judge and the husband as judgee.
It’s the Lady of the House who keeps score, in other words. And it may not be enough that hapless hubby complete his weekly honey-do list. There are other columns in the evaluation sheet. How well did he do his assigned tasks? Did he complain? Second guess her? Talk back? Sulk? Delay? Forget things?
Is this an unfair and one-sided tribunal? Of course. But almost without exception, the wife-worshipping husbands who share their experiences online indicate that they want their wives to keep score, to evaluate them, to give them feedback, and even to use training or discipline to improve their performance.
As one guy put it: ““I think this is a great idea for all husbands. We need to know where we stand, what we do well, and where we need improvements.”
To illustrate (and bolster) the point, let me offer additional examples:
“My new routine this year includes a weekly evaluation of my performance by my Wife on Sunday evening. She gave me praise during Her January 6th review; January 13th was a different matter…”
This husband goes on to relate how he received several demerits for not completing all his chores to her satisfaction in a timely fashion. But this was not the worst. His wife had discovered a speeding ticket he had failed to tell her about. His subsequent punishment (which I will not get into) was as much for the attempted coverup as for the actual offense.
Are such evaluations always negative? Apparently not. On a subsequent session, this husband boasts that “my Wife was so pleased with my progress that She awarded me two additional hours to play on the computer!”
Another husband writes: “My wife seemed pleased with my weekly work performance, although I was chastised for forgetting a few personal tasks she told me to do. Like yesterday, I was supposed to pick up her dress at the cleaners, but I forgot.”
There is a persuasive tone of sincerity in the accounts of these wife-following husbands. They really do want to learn to better serve their wonderful wives in as many ways as possible.
Hence, one devoted husband proposed to his wife that she evaluate his performance in much the same manner that she did her subordinates on her executive-level job. “That's a good idea for you,” was her enthusiastic comeback. “I'll come up with a form that YOU will fill out, then I will then critique your self-evaluation and we will institute some additional training to get you where I think you should be."
Lady Misato also thinks this is a good idea: “The mere act of keeping track of his behavior will have a profound effect on your husband. Not only is his every behavior subject to an indelible record avoiding any possibility that you might forget either the act or your feelings about it, but in addition the constant state of evaluation will elevate your power over him and further invite his surrender to your will.”
“The first step,” she continues, “is, of course, to keep track. Make a habit of keeping a notepad handy at all times either in your purse or in a pocket. The idea is to record your reaction to your husband's behavior at the instant of the behavior. If you trust your memory of if you simply do not enjoy keeping track throughout the day, you can simply make a mental review of the day each night.”
A semi-serious (and discontinued) online femdom magazine calling itself “Whap!” came up with a playful take on this weekly-wifely checkup:
“Setting aside one night at week's end is the easiest way to monitor and correct your husband's behavior before things get out of hand. I recommend that you make it a weekly ritual in your house. The procedure is simple. Make sure all your husband's weekly chores are done, including cleaning, laundry and kitchen duties. Are your shoes polished and in order? Your bras and panties laundered and put away? Your vanity table organized? Your jewelry cleaned and polished? Is his housework up to your high standards? Were the meals he prepared creative and delicious or just thrown together? What about errands--did he pick up your dry cleaning, do the food shopping and remember what brand of tampons to buy? Finally, did he take it upon himself to do any special projects? Don't overlook anything.”
The tone here, of course, is unmistakably tongue-in-cheek, but, in plain fact, for many couples this kind of itemized weekly accounting is routine reality.
“We have established tasks (chores & attitude adjustments for me) and a weekly review session similar to normal work evaluation reports,” a husband explains matter-of-factly. “I know in my heart we must agree to some penalties if I am to have any success complying with her directions and reaching the performance goals we agree upon.”
Another husband and wife codified the agenda of their weekly meeting into formal contractual language:
“Performance will be assessed once a week, normally Monday afternoon. Linda will review John’s goals and comment on his performance for the week. John will be given a chance to explain any transgressions and should take this time to confess anything that has not been discussed. At Linda’s discretion, John may be given correction via discipline so that his performance will improve.”
What other provocative little domestic rituals are observed during these weekly updates? I’ll save them for Part Two of this double posting.