Monday, October 27, 2008
Weekend Update, Part Two
In many wife-led households, the weekly performance review (as discussed in the previous post) has a strong financial component.
The husband may turn over his weekly pay envelope (if it isn’t direct-deposited electronically into his wife’s account) along with receipts for every dollar spent in the past seven days—as prelude and prerequisite to his wife handing him his adjusted allowance for the week ahead.
But pocket money is certainly not the only thing a man may receive from his wife’s hand on such ritual occasions:
“When we first began our relationship,” one husband writes, “my wife kept a notebook in which she would record my infractions (not listening, giving her back-talk, not doing something to her specifications), and then she would administer a weekly correction, meting out whatever she decided for each bad behavior.”
Or, as described from the distaff side, “Each Sunday evening, I review my husband’s performance from the previous week and determine if punishment or reward is required.”
Now I carefully avoided certain “trigger” terms and concepts in my book, Worshipping Your Wife. Since the emphasis was on romantic courtship, I didn’t want to scare off potential readers with images that could conjure up strange rituals of domestic “punishment” and “discipline.”
Which is why I, with many others, have welcomed the much-needed rebranding of this lifestyle under more mainstream banners—e.g., “Loving Female Authority,” “Female Led Relationships” and “Wife Led Marriages.”
All the same, “corrective measures” such as spanking and paddling are employed by some couples who practice Loving Female Authority, et al. For example:
“My wife grades my weekly performance in my domestic chores as well as my sexual service of her. If I do not excel in her opinion, I may receive a painful encouragement with her hairbrush.”
Other wives prefer to correct their mates’ misbehavior with lighter methods—a stern look, an occasional scolding.
At the weekly reminder session other wives employ schoolmarmish methods, such as assigning corner time or having the husband write lines, or denying or limiting certain masculine privileges, such as watching the next Big Game or nights out with the boys (see my post on this).
One wife prefers to give her husband an occasional light tap on the top of his head with a rolling pin. It’s a most effective and economical reminder, he reports.
And what about rewards? A reinstatement of privileges is one easy option, but the reward of choice for many husbands is simply being granted “release.” And no, I’m not talking about a furlough.
“My wife and I are considering a point system where I am awarded points for completing weekly/monthly tasks (cleaning, taking the trash out, things like that). I must earn a minimum of 150 points before she'll even consider allowing me sexual release. Getting the 150 points isn't easy—but worth the effort.”
“If the score is sufficient then release is granted,” Fumika Misato explains this kind of system, where the husband is kept in wife-supervised chastity. “Otherwise not. Again, you wipe the slate and start over for the next period. In addition, you can vary his allowance and other privileges according to his score. Excel is a great tool for recording and computing scores.”
Another reward husbands may enjoy at a weekly assessment is an opportunity to speak more freely about any reservations or complaints they may harbor about domestic arrangements.
“It is my husband’s safety valve,” one wife explains, “as the rest of the time we have agreed that he is not to question or raise doubts about my control of things. During our weekly sessions, I of course acknowledge whatever my husband says, but he understands that I am under no pressure to act upon any of the requests he makes.”
“[These] weekly sessions,” according to Elise Sutton, “will ensure the power exchange and the power dynamics of the female-led relationship, motivating [the husband] for the week ahead.”
“My wife never raises her voice at our Friday weekly review,” explains another worshipful husband, “but simply, in normal conversation tone, admonishes in way that can strikes fear and sadness in me, if I’ve fallen short in some way. Fear, because I know there will be a punishment coming, and sadness, because I have disappointed her in some specific way. When she has finished her lecture, she always asks if I fully understand.”
One husband found himself under his wife’s scrutiny around the clock. She had been his colleague at work—until she was promoted to head of his department. Suddenly he was having his performance reviewed by her both at home and on the job—with the latter being the more embarrassing: “It humiliated me up to have to go once a week to her office and report on my weekly activities, with her sitting in her leather armchair, while I had to sit on a simple chair. It made me feel naked and impotent.”
Of course, he wasn't actually naked seated before his wife-boss at work, but he may well have been when being reviewed by her at home. A naked and even kneeling husband is a common ritual aspect in many of these weekly conferences. For instance:
“I will order [my husband] to undress and kneel before me. At that time, I will begin to critique his weekly performance of his chores. I will scold him if he disobeyed me during the week or displays a negative attitude. I speak in soft whispers, challenging him to be a better husband and informing him of my demands for the week ahead. He yields to my quiet authority and surrenders his will over to me. This brings peace to my husband and love and harmony to our marriage. In fact, our little sessions usually lead to a night of passion and sex.”
But even kneeling is not enough for this hubbie: “On Sunday evenings I lie at [my wife’s] feet while she reviews my performance, making notes on the calendar to track my performance over time. At the end of our meeting, she assigns projects for the following week, determines and administers punishment. This system doesn't take much of her time to manage yet effectively satisfies our respective needs.”
“We discuss my husband’s performance and other things during those conversations,” a wife comments in recommending the practice to other couples. “We have been doing this for several years and find the time very enjoyable.”
Here’s a husband who certainly seems to enjoy being “dressed down” by his wife (perhaps after being “undressed” by her): “Our weekly conversation was focused on my performance. She evaluated me in several areas, sexual and non-sexual. It was delightful and it turned me on to be taking a very honest look at my good points and bad points.”
A final quote illustrates how a weekly tête-a-tête can look beyond the husband’s behavior-of-the-week to take stock of the overall progress of the female-led aspect of the relationship:
“The other night,” a husband writes, “we were talking about the changes that we've seen in our relationship, and she said, ‘If I've changed you this much in a couple of years, imagine what it will be like in another 10 or 20!’ It's a thought that's exciting, but not without a bit of apprehension.”
Ready for your gold stars and demerits, guys?