Sunday, October 12, 2008

Girls Night Out

Awhile back I wrote a couple of posts about “Boys Night Out,” that sacred male-bonding ritual by which some husbands intermittently recreate bachelorhood with the kind of frat-boy behaviors celebrated in beer commercials.

Boys Nights Out can run the gamut from watching an occasional big game with one’s buddies at the corner sports bar to cashing out the weekly paycheck at the county-line strip club.

Wife-worshipful husbands, on the other hand, learn to forgo or at least minimize these adolescent excesses, either of their own volition or in compliance with the wishes of their spouses.

All things considered, they much prefer to bond with her.

Some wife-led marriages take things a bit farther. They practice she-he turnabout, where it is the wife who is at liberty to step out on the town with the girls, while hubby stays dutifully behind.

An example would be the FLR union of Nancy and Dennis, chronicled in an earlier post: “Nancy and her friends often have ladies night out,” Dennis writes, “where the husbands stay at home with the kids or clean the bathroom.”

Another husband similarly confesses his stay-at-home status: “My wife and her friends often have ladies night out where the husbands stay at home with the kids or clean the bathroom.” Do you detect a complaint there? I honestly don’t think so. It is, for these made-over males, the new status quo.

Some role-reversing wives actually take their husbands ALONG on their girls night out: “Of course,” as one such wife explains, “they had to walk behind us and they were not allowed to talk unless we gave them permission.”

“[My wife] goes out a fair amount of nights,” writes the oft-quoted Au876, a perfect poster-boy for this lifestyle. “After dinner she went to check her email while I cleaned up the kitchen. When she came down she put on her coat and started out the door, saying she was going out with a couple of her friends to a movie. She saw the disappointed look on my face. As she left, she told me not to wait up for her. Guess I better go iron her blouse and maybe find some surprise chore to complete that she will notice. One thing is for sure, I can't complain to her because that isn't allowed.”

At first I thought Au876 was bragging about the inequity of his domestic arrangement, but now I’m wondering if there isn’t just the slightest tine of resentment as he reaches for the steam iron. Just wondering, mind you. Certainly there is a tone of mild protest in this letter to Ken and Emily Addison, co-authors of the provocative Around Her Finger books and website materials:

“[My] wife and two girls from her work usually go out one Friday a month. They just go to a local tavern that has a decent happy hour and draws a nice crowd.” The husband gives quite a few details before getting around to voicing his complaints about these “girl's nights" after which his wife “almost always comes home much later then she says she will.” The husband admits “that jealousy is also a factor here,” but eventually talks himself into the idea that what he really needs to do is “to chill out and allow her more freedom.”

Ken Addison agrees: “Once you acknowledge that [your wife] is in control and that your first responsibilities are to obey and serve her, you will achieve both a peace of mind and a ‘peace of relationship’ that is worth many times more than simply getting your way on minuscule points… The next time [your wife] comes home from one of her nights out with the girls, let her know that her new freedom is permanent.”

“Social freedom was something I had insisted on even as an undergrad,” a young woman attorney writes about her own decidedly wife-led marriage, “but this was generally limited to a girls' night out two or three times each month until my senior year. But once I became a junior law partner and wrested financial control of my marriage, this situation underwent a fundamental change. As a partner in the firm I now had increased social contacts, and hence increased opportunities, with numerous prominent attorneys and clients. The exercise of my social freedom thus increased as a matter of course. In my husband’s complete acceptance of my new status, I saw there would never be resistance to me or to my authority.”

Some perennially lovestruck husbands even boast about the dramatic disparity between the liberties enjoyed by their wives versus the restrictions placed on themselves: “My wife can go and come as she pleases, do what she wants. She knows I will ask no questions, and while she is gone I will be home either resting or tending my chores awaiting her return. In my book that is the way it should be and she thinks so, too.”

Not surprisingly, perhaps, such unequal arrangements can slide into outright cuckoldry, consensual or otherwise. The varying results of these marital and extramarital experiments can be studied in the monthly installments chronicled online by female supremacist Elise Sutton.

Whatever else may be said about cuckoldry, it is risky business, on multiple fronts. Some people like to play with dangerous and combustible materials, others do not. It is decidedly not one of the current or even contemplated steps in turning marriage back into passionate courtship.

At least not in my book

But a loving and worshipful husband might well enjoy seeing his wife flirt a bit in public, or encourage her to spread her wings socially, to go out more often with her friends, especially girlfriends.

What I have found, in my own marriage, is that my wife comes home after such nights out happier and quite often more amorous. Alcohol may or may not have been poured.


jboy said...

Superb post! The “Girls Night Out” is an essential ingredient in an FLM. It marks out a Woman’s independence and control of the relationship. It gives her the opportunity to enjoy her friends, network with colleagues, hone her social skills and increase her social and business connections. These evenings also allow a Wife to relax a little from her heavy domestic responsibilities as family decision maker or CEO/CFO and to renew and refresh herself.

This Woman’s recreation marks out her hubby as her stay at home dependant. Hubby should use the Girl’s Night Out as an opportunity to serve his Wife more. He should support her night out by wishing her a good time and waiting up for her return. He should greet her return lovingly, have the house quiet and neat and ready to massage, prepare a snack or night cap, listen and let her know how much he missed her.

This will make her feel special and adored. When the Wife is out, she will know that she has a loving and obedient hubby at home, missing her and waiting up for her return, eager to lavish on her his love and service.

Mark Remond said...

That, jboy, is exactly how it's supposed to work! But even if I haven't gotten my to-do list accomplished when she comes home, and the kids are still wreaking minor havor, I find she is still appreciative of the time away.

Anonymous said...

i know this is an old post but if you read this it would be great to do more posts on this subject.Too much talk of female supremacy focuses on whips and chains.I don't know any woman who dresses in leather and likes whips.But what woman would love to lounge around the house with her girlfriends with their barefeet up while their naked or half naked hubby waited on them hand and foot while they talked or watched tv. What woman wouldn't want to smugly inform theit househusband that her and her friends were going out to watch a male stripper show and that he would be stayig home to do housework and be barefoot/naked in the kitchen where he belongs.Then with a big grin on her face she could say "be a good househousband and fetch our sandals" as she and her friends smirk and giggle .His only response could be"yes ma'am" .A woman living like that and wearing shorts or jeans and flip flops would be more realistic than a leather clad dominatrix

Anonymous said...

This is junk!

Anonymous said...

Excellent reasons why men should NOT get married.

Anonymous said...

Excellent posting. I too would like to hear more experiences on the "girls night out." i do think that the comment from a posting is a bit unrealistic in that most women would not want their friends to see their husband naked ect - seems more on the fantasy side for the guy - but who knows. i am new to FLR and am very excited for my wife to start a more regular girls night out. i have offered to drop her and her friends off for their night out and then let them bring a taxi home so that they can all have a good time. i would pick them up but that may not work out due to babysitting ect. i love the idea that she it out having a good time with friends - getting checked out by some guys that will remind her of how incredibly sexy she is - and is generally has the freedom to still have fun with the girls since most all women miss some aspects of their single life. i know this is an old post but any other comments or stories are greatly appreciated.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous, Yes, it's fun to get a comment on an old post. You might want to check out some of the more recent discussions, especially those dealing with the guest columns by "Beckie Sue" on Wife Worship and Female Superiority. One of her comments, indeed, dealt with "Girls Night Out," at least indirectly. I quote (see the all-capitalized phrase below):

You say my husband is a lucky man. He has to obey even when he disagrees. He comes home from a hard days work (where they don't have A/C!) and after taking a shower, starts supper, cleans after supper and does other chores. He is no longer allowed to watch TV (takes his focus away from focusing on my desires, and takes too long to get it back), has to be in bed by 10pm (works 6:30 - 3pm). After working all week, never sees or has access to any of the money he earns. He has accepted all this to worship me. He admits lucky is the last thing he is. He does it for me. I am the lucky one.
I can enjoy myself doing something I love and come home to a hot cooked meal. The guys wait till us girls start to eat and they take what is left over. I have the evening to enjoy with the kids, watch something on TV, OR GO OUT WITH SOME OF MY GIRLFRIENDS AND COME HOME LATE AND NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO HIM. I can sleep late and wake up to fresh coffee, he has to put on another pot when he leaves for work. I can spend money on whatever I want (within my budget). He occasionally has to work a Saturday. That allows me to buy something special, that I show him so he knows what his overtime bought me; he specifically requested I do this. I don't want to discuss our sex life, but I pursue it when I want it, not him. And I am worshiped. "Lucky" is not the same at all as "worshiped". No, I don't consider men in an FLR to be lucky. To be a woman knowing she is superior is special.

Anonymous said...

You're a nut! You're encouraging women to emasculate their husbands. Marriages are equal. Women should LEAD the relationship as much as men should.

Anonymous said...

My wife had a couple of hens nights to go to a while back, and I loved watching her get dressed up in a sexy mindress fishnets and heels so much. She asked me, as always, to give her a pedicure, tonight a nice sexy red with shiny topcoat. I knew guys would be hitting on her all night and it mad me jealous, but I secretly loved it. I asked if I could give her a lift in to town, and she said 'yes of course'. I said Ive got nothing to do and she said 'well you can do the dishes for a start and clean up a bit. Like mop the kitchen and vacuum the floors, like I asked you last week'. I got so turned on by her directness and hurryed home to do as I was told. I was going to have a pizza and a few beers and watch TV, but found myself finding chores and housework to do while she partyed. She sent texts saying she was having a great time,and I replyed as to what chore I was doing. She loved it and said 'well if youre not going to be drunk, you can pick me up'. I said Ill await your instruction. I got so horny working and thinking about her having fun not knowing who where or what was going on, while she knew where I was (home) what I was doing (housework) and who I was with (noone - well the dishgloves, mop, bucket and vacuum cleaner). When I picked her up it was great she was drunk and so happy.

The next morning she asked me to massage her feet (which I LOVE) cause shed been dancing all night in her heels, she commented on how clean the house was and how much of a great night she had. I said I didnt mind it either and would be happy for her to go out like that again. She smiled and said 'well thats great cause the girls want to start going out more often, they said every Friday night, are you ok with that?' I said of course. She replyed 'but I dont want you going out with your drunken friends, they are a bad influence, and you are a flirt when drunk, I want you to here doing the housework ok' I said 'yes, but what exactly do you want me to do'. She said to put a load of washing on while she was getting ready (and having a glass of champagne), drive her to the bar/nightclub, come back and hang it up, wash and dry the dishes, mop the kitchen and bathroom, scrub the shower and clean the toilet, change the bed make it and dust surfaces, vacuum the carpets, fold and put away her clothes, polish her shoes she had worn for the week. Each should take you half an hour and half an hour driving each way to pick me up. So drive me in at 730, pick me up at 1230. She also wanted me to look the part picking her up (she joked the first time I picked her up I was her chauffeur),so she wanted me in a suit and tie. I obeyed, and she didnt want me to get it dirty while working, so she got me a white apron to wear while cleaning. I couldn't believe it. I was so horny this was going to happen every Friday night. Imagine what my friends would think if they found out, but I LOVE it and so does my wife. I encourage this so much. I look forward to Friday nights now more than before when I would hang with the guys and my wife gets to relax, not have to worry about public transport, not worry im getting drunk or flirting and comes home to a clean house. Do it guys, it's the best. Or ladies, suggest it to your hubbies, they'll most likely love it and say yes.

Anonymous said...

WOW, how lucky are you. That sounds great. I on the other hand am in a different situation on Friday nights. My girlfriend found out I was texting an ex and went mental. She said if I wantedtostay with her she was going topunish me. She found a programe called "fond of writing" which sets youlines to write on line which she can check from her iphone. for the past 4 Fridays, I have had to write 500 lines per night while shes out clubbing. It takes me from 8-12. Its very hard but I am learning my lesson. Problem is, I dont know when it will end.

Charles Melinchok said...

These articles are so insightful for me now as I reflect on some past relationships. I have been cucked several times before I ever heard the word. One of my experiences was with a gorgeous petite woman who was living with me at the time with her daughter. She would actually encourage her small daughter to boss me . I was to take care of her when her mom went out. Mom(Dianne) would party while I s think ayed at home with Amber.