These new male companions are hand-picked by the wives, just as my bride-to-be selected the male invitees to my bachelor party. The number one criterion for the new candidates is that they also be in female-led relationships.
The idea is that any male bonding that takes place will be within the inescapable context of their mutual interest—being controlled by their respective wives.
One way of ensuring that the two husbands reinforce each other’s commitment to the lifestyle, rather than indulge in a gripe session, is to have the wives present to set the agenda. And sometimes this is done, as you’ll read below.
At other times, however, the husbands are allowed to interact without wifely oversight. Does this lead to mutinous masculine grumblings, hatching plots to undermine their wives’ authority?
Hardly. Almost always (judging by the online discussions I’ve seen) the husbands in FLRs form an ad hoc support group, comparing notes and trading tips on ways to be even more devoted and useful to their wives. Even complaining may take the form of submissive one-upmanship, each trying to top the other with stories about how strict his wife is. A typical exchange:
Househubby No. 1: “I’m going out of my tree. My wife has teased me every night and
denied me orgasm for two weeks now.”
Househubby No. 2: “Is that all? Try two months, like my princess does to me.”
And I came across this quote from a guy boasting about his wife’s “developing dominance,” saying it was “intriguing and also a bit scary”:
Online support groups fill obvious needs for both wives and husbands in FLRs—providing reinforcement, reassurance, feedback, occasional cautionary words-to-the-wise and a wealth of been-there-tried-that ideas for taking the lifestyle up a notch.
All of these I have found to be, by and large, congenial gathering places, non-judgmental, with new members welcomed warmly by existing members, as in this exchange I saved from Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship Forum:
"Welcome! Get a cup of coffee, sit back and read all the posts to this forum from the beginning. You'll soon see you're not alone! Keep serving your wife, putting her first. Listen intently when she speaks and do everything she says. Encourage her to join the wives' forum as soon as she feels like it…"
New member (replying a day later):
“Thanks for the warm welcome. Having read through all of the posts on this forum (as you suggested), I have come to one conclusion that every man here feels almost exactly as i do….”
Here’s how my favorite wife-worshipper, Au876, explained how much the online ommunity of like-minded husbands meant to him:
“For instance, I have never told anyone that my wife sometimes punishes me by making me stand in a corner or write some mundane essay for her. Yet you guys understand why I comply and don't laugh at me or consider me a wimp (I hope) for doing so.”
Of course, Au876 was talking about a virtual gathering place, an online Cheers! bar where everybody only knows your pseudonym. A similar confession—about being stood in the corner by one’s wife, say, and submitting to it—would be much more difficult, embarrassing and unlikely in an actual support group, with guys sitting around in the same room. Or even two guys, face to face.
If or until the idea of female-led marriages becomes safely mainstream, most husbands and wives will wish to keep their domestic arrangements behind closed doors.
Yet some husbands express a longing, not to be publicly “outed,” but to share their experiences with other like-minded husbands—in the flesh, not just in cyberspace:
This particular househusband, however, did not think he would ever have that opportunity, because his wife was very protective of their privacy, and he dare not do this without her permission.
Some FLR couples, however, actually are quite up front about their role-reversal lifestyle. At restaurants, for instance, the leading wife may take the power position, dealing exclusively with the waiter, ordering for her husband, paying the check, etc. “Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ” were one such, who posted frequently on the old Spousechat message board. Here is a description by Ms. Lynda of one such “outing,” and how it led to Mr. Lynda making the acquaintance of another househusband:
Somewhat kinkier forms of male bonding can take place within the context of FLR couple groups, if the wives are so inclined, as this husband explained in a posting:
Another househusband reacted with envy: “You are so lucky! i wish i had the opportunity to talk with someone like myself who has assumed all the traditional duties of the 1950s housewife.”
What would two such husbands talk about? According to another posting, a typical
interchange might start something like this: “Susannah's husband and I got to talk about being owned and controlled by such wonderful powerful women. How we both realized it was the best way and were glad to have found such loving knowing women to train us properly.”
A final word on the topic, from another husband: