Tuesday, August 27, 2013


The title of this post is a wee bit melodramatic. Actually, I have no intention of switching off the lights, padlocking the door and giving the keys back to Google. But regular commenter to this blog, Alex, undoubtedly spoke for many readers when he lamnted the recent infrequency of posts, and particularly of posts by dominant women.

He certainly speaks for me, though admittedly I've been keeping mum for some time. Ms. Nancy, Ms. Amanda and, a few weeks back, Ms. Jenn have each occupied this space articulately, each in her own assertive way. Ms. Nancy and Ms. Amanda seem unlikely to return, alas, though I would welcome either one; but I still hope to receive further news of Ms. Jenn and her female-led family.

I have invited other dominant ladies to post, and solicited guest-post submissions via Twitter—and do so again now. If anyone out there has a voice in these intimate and interesting affairs of the heart and psyche, you will get a cordial and receptive hearing from markremond@yahoo.com

In the meantime, I expect to hear more from Alpha_by_Day and Sam, and perhaps from several other female-led male friends. The support and friendship of like-minded,  women-worshipping (and obeying) guys have meant the world to me in my gradual “coming out” as a submissive, even though I have yet to meet any of my e-migos face to face. (But I'm planning to.)

All of which  prompts me to reprise parts of a posting from several years back on the topic of submissive male bonding:

Many in-charge wives put the clamps on their hubby’s night out with the boys, for a variety of reasons. But having done that, establishing their authority over their mate’s time, some wives encourage their husbands to seek male company—of a less macho sort.

These new male companions are hand-picked by the wives, just as my bride-to-be selected the male invitees to my bachelor party. The number one criterion for the new candidates is that they also be in female-led relationships.

The idea is that any male bonding that takes place will be within the inescapable context of their mutual interest—being controlled by their respective wives.

One way of ensuring that the two husbands reinforce each other’s commitment to the lifestyle, rather than indulge in a gripe session, is to have the wives present to set the agenda. And sometimes this is done, as you’ll read below.

At other times, however, the husbands are allowed to interact without wifely oversight. Does this lead to mutinous masculine grumblings, hatching plots to undermine their wives’ authority?

Hardly. Almost always (judging by the online discussions I’ve seen) the husbands in FLRs form an ad hoc support group, comparing notes and trading tips on ways to be even more devoted and useful to their wives. Even complaining may take the form of submissive one-upmanship, each trying to top the other with stories about how strict his wife is. A typical exchange:

Househubby No. 1: “I’m going out of my tree. My wife has teased me every night and

denied me orgasm for two weeks now.”
Househubby No. 2: “Is that all? Try two months, like my princess does to me.”

And I came across this quote from a guy boasting about his wife’s “developing dominance,” saying it was “intriguing and also a bit scary”:

“For example, only this morning she said to me, ‘I think I need two husbands, don’t you think that would be a good idea? You’re so good around the house and with the kids but we need someone handy. Plus you could compare notes on me. Wouldn’t that be fun?’ Of course, she was only joking (I think).”

Online support groups fill obvious needs for both wives and husbands in FLRs—providing reinforcement, reassurance, feedback, occasional cautionary words-to-the-wise and a wealth of been-there-tried-that ideas for taking the lifestyle up a notch.

All of these I have found to be, by and large, congenial gathering places, non-judgmental, with new members welcomed warmly by existing members, as in this exchange I saved from Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship Forum:

Old Member:
"Welcome! Get a cup of coffee, sit back and read all the posts to this forum from the beginning. You'll soon see you're not alone! Keep serving your wife, putting her first. Listen intently when she speaks and do everything she says. Encourage her to join the wives' forum as soon as she feels like it…"

New member (replying a day later):
“Thanks for the warm welcome. Having read through all of the posts on this forum (as you suggested), I have come to one conclusion that every man here feels almost exactly as i do….”

Here’s how my favorite wife-worshipper, Au876, explained how much the online ommunity of like-minded husbands meant to him:

“I too very much enjoy all the postings and knowing other husbands find joy in serving their wives. I am glad to be here and am thankful for our Founder [Lady Misato] having the grace to set up a site where men on the cutting edge can discuss, exchange and even daydream. It is great to have a place where I, and we, can get it off our chest and know we are understood by those that read our post.

“For instance, I have never told anyone that my wife sometimes punishes me by making me stand in a corner or write some mundane essay for her. Yet you guys understand why I comply and don't laugh at me or consider me a wimp (I hope) for doing so.”

Of course, Au876 was talking about a virtual gathering place, an online Cheers! bar where everybody only knows your pseudonym. A similar confession—about being stood in the corner by one’s wife, say, and submitting to it—would be much more difficult, embarrassing and unlikely in an actual support group, with guys sitting around in the same room. Or even two guys, face to face.

If or until the idea of female-led marriages becomes safely mainstream, most husbands and wives will wish to keep their domestic arrangements behind closed doors.

Yet some husbands express a longing, not to be publicly “outed,” but to share their experiences with other like-minded husbands—in the flesh, not just in cyberspace:

“It would be nice if I were able to develop real-life friendships with some other guys who are part of an FLR couple.”

This particular househusband, however, did not think he would ever have that opportunity, because his wife was very protective of their privacy, and he dare not do this without her permission.

Some FLR couples, however, actually are quite up front about their role-reversal lifestyle. At restaurants, for instance, the leading wife may take the power position, dealing exclusively with the waiter, ordering for her husband, paying the check, etc. “Ms. and Mr. Lynda BJ” were one such, who posted frequently on the old Spousechat message board. Here is a description by Ms. Lynda of one such “outing,” and how it led to Mr. Lynda making the acquaintance of another househusband:

“Mr. Lynda and I had decided to meet at a restaurant for supper. He arrived dressed in a nice pair of shorts and a polo shirt. I was late; I had a presentation to make and I was dressed in a dark blue business suit. I ordered for the both of us, unaware that this older man was watching us. He may have been in his early forties. He came up to us before we left and commented on what he had observed. He talked to Mr. Lynda while I paid the bill. He said, ‘She has you whipped boy, but, there is no better way to be! Just let her have her way. She is going far.’ He was on his weekly Boys' Night Out. The other friend he was to meet could not show up at the last minute because one of the children had gotten sick. He has been a househusband for over twenty years. He took Mr. Lynda's number; they are going to get together for a Boys' Night Out until we leave for my job later this summer.”

Somewhat kinkier forms of male bonding can take place within the context of FLR couple groups, if the wives are so inclined, as this husband explained in a posting:

“My wife and I recently had a business dinner in which our hosts were another Female Led marriage couple. After many drinks the women encouraged us men to discard our clothing and serve them naked. It was a very powerful first for us and I enjoyed it. It was my first time sharing ‘guy’ talk and tips with another househubby in a similar situation. The other hubby and I both agreed that sharing our nudity before our fully clothed wives and serving them was truly a powerful reminder of our place in our marriages… It was a thrill to be face-to-face with another submissive househusband.”

Another househusband reacted with envy: “You are so lucky! i wish i had the opportunity to talk with someone like myself who has assumed all the traditional duties of the 1950s housewife.”

What would two such husbands talk about? According to another posting, a typical

interchange might start something like this: “Susannah's husband and I got to talk about being owned and controlled by such wonderful powerful women. How we both realized it was the best way and were glad to have found such loving knowing women to train us properly.”

A final word on the topic, from another husband:

“As we move deeper into our FLRs, some of our old lives will recede as our relationship with our Wives becomes our world. Perhaps one way to cope with these painful losses is to forge new friendships with their friends.”


Anonymous said...

It would be interesting to have a dinner party like in Victorian times except the women retire to the drawing room drink, tell bawdy jokes,to play cards, discuss politics or news of the day and perhaps have a puff on a cigar whilst talking about the men and their silly little ways.

Meanwhile the men clear the table, do the dishes and retire to another room to talk about recipes, the kids,the household and perhaps do a bit of sewing and how fantastic their women are.


Mr. Concerned said...

Ok, first of all, I'm a submissive man so please don't take this as flaming...but a number of things have to be said.

Regarding the idea of the wife controlling his social circle - very unhealthy thing to do. So, the only men he gets to associate with are those approved by the wife? Well, that's fine to have other FLR husbands as a support group - but what about his other interests? Or is he just supposed to be a cardboard cut-out who doesn't have a life outside serving his wife. FLR or no FLR, this kind of social isolation is an abusive tactic often used by men who want to control their wives. How is it any different in an FLR?

Second, what about his personal development? For me, I have a number of interests and friends that I share them with. I have work-out friends, friends I make music with, an intellectual circle that I get together with to discuss things like philosophy and science. Please don't contend that you just give all that up to be a maid for your wife and only associate with other cardboard cut-out males. The developmental consequences of that are self evident.

Thoughts, anyone?

Alex said...

Hi Mark,

It's sure great that you said that, you made me feel very nice. Yep, very concerned about your blog. I'm going to send you a personal email, I want to tell you a few personal stuff and also plan something out.

Mark Remond said...

Alex, I appreciate your passion and concern! And I share it... well, maybe to a somewhat lesser degree, but then, I'm older now.

Mark Remond said...

Mr. Concerned, I don't consider your comment flaming, rather corrective. I agree with you, as it happens, though back on the original posting I tended to state the extreme version of FLR. And certainly there are those relationships, which can be exciting, if both parties are agreeable to such a strict, fem-authoritarian regimen.

But interestingly, your comment was very close to a comment made to the original post. Here it is:

What about long lasting friendships with men who are not in a FLR?
Are these submissives forced to drop their friends? To never meet them again?

alpha_by_day said...

interesting thoughts and conversation. As I look ahead in my FLR journey, I do hope to continue building a circle of FLR friends as it's been very gratifying so far.

As far as an "approved friends only" type of policy, I must admit that has its appeal. But then again, it's easy to say that from the outside looking in. I can also see where balance could also play an important role as it does in so much else.

Anonymous said...

In our household, I don't choose who my husbands can have as a friend but I will certainly not allow him to be friends with someone who is chauvinistic or demonstrates bad behavior or poor values.

Also, his two closest friends know we have a strict FLR so when they come over, my husband is no longer excused from regular protocol and must be nude and ready to serve if I need anything. I am not as strict if there are more casual friends over.

Anonymous said...

I think it will show just who really are friends are not judgemental and would support you in your life choices.

I agree that having unsuitable and patriarchal males leading a man astray and undermining the hard work his very significant other has put into correcting old habits should be avoided like the plague.