Friday, October 25, 2013

DENNIS: MATRIARCHAL UNDERGROUND – FATHER DIDN'T KNOW BEST! PART 1

One of the things that submissive males should be doing is working on behalf of women. To this end i volunteer at the Women's Center, a local, wonderfully radical, Feminist organization. It's been very satisfying and, at times, very enlightening. Nancy and i occasionally conduct informal workshops at the center aimed at encouraging Female-led relationships. One of the past attendees, a Woman's Studies student at a local college, Kaitlin, became enthralled with Female-led relationships. We always represent FLRs as a current phenomena, but she wondered about prior generations of women and whether they exercised similar authority within their homes and how that compared to today's woman-in-charge. The results of her investigations so far are revealing and very exciting!

There is a social revolution going on right now, one that sees women asserting themselves in the workplace and more and more men leaving that workplace to take up full-time homemaking. It's indicative of a marked increase in women's earnings that is making this all possible. Increasing numbers of women are financially independent so they don't need men unless it's on their terms. Many men, on the other hand, are financially dependent on women and have to play by women's rules. It's all very exciting—an inversion of the social structure and a definite move towards Matriarchy. But, according to Kaitlin’s research, it is not so new a phenomenon.

Since the onset of the recession, the demographics of the workplace have changed, and we are seeing way more women in key positions than we might have expected were we to have looked ahead only ten years earlier. A number of things have combined to move women into the workforce and to move men out. The largest factor is women gaining technical and managerial skills at a rate that far outpaces men. Men have not kept pace educationally. We're finding that on anything resembling an equal footing men lose to women. So women go to work while hubby takes up the role of homemaking. And it's okay for his self-esteem to do so since he can blame it all on the recession.

What we have is a new paradigm where couples are suddenly VERY open about woman-led marriages, husbands taking over the homemaking, and about men coming out against the traditional male-centric social structure. It's rapidly increasing as a viable lifestyle, particularly in the middle- to upper-income soco-economic demographic. But it's apparently not new; it's just out in the open now.

What Kaitlin is finding in her surveys is that women in large numbers in highly paid positions in the workplace may be new, but women being in charge at home is definitely not! It's just that with social stigmas being what they were, submissive men and dominant women played their role quietly or confined it to family and close friends.
  
We began connecting Kaitlin with women and couples, and she found that about half were woman-in-charge households. And some of the women traced their authority way back to the onset of their marriages in the late ‘40s and ‘50s. What she found was that women in that era were every bit as much in charge of critical aspects of their household as are modern woman in an FLR. The man usually wasn't a homemaker, however; since women didn't have workplace opportunities comparable with those today, he worked, then came home and worked some more! Kaitlin surmises that, in some ways, women of that era had more power than today's FLR couple, since he did it all; there was no tradeoff. This was the era of the “henpecked husband.” Hubby left his socially acceptable man-in-charge image at the door, handed his wife the paycheck, put on an apron, and stayed home to do the dishes while she went out with her friends.

How did women keep control? Well, it may seem silly now, but many men lived in absolute fear of their wife disclosing their henpecked status, so social pressure was a major factor, especially when she had pictures of her man in an apron and, in one case, a dress! No matter the circumstance, he didn't want to give her any reason to mail his pictures to friends and coworkers, even though they might have been wearing aprons, too! (Mail! How quaint! Today a picture of hubby in a dress could go viral in minutes!) Additionally, there was the time-honored, albeit incorrect stereotype of the nagging wife. Women just wouldn't give their man any peace—and men love tranquility; unless he obeyed, that is, he didn't get it! A third method was control of the money; checks came home in those days, she was waiting for it, and it was turned over.

Although of a later generation, this was Nancy's family; the women controlled the money, made the decisions, and did what they wanted when and with whomever they wanted. The men? Well, can you say housekeeping?

This woman-in-charge dynamic in Nancy's family was very attractive to me incidentally. I wanted in! And it was apparently very attractive to other men as Kaitlin found out by speaking to older FLR women and couples. Kaitlin interviewed men alone to get their reactions to an assertive, in-charge wife, and all the men she interviewed confessed to loving the lifestyle! Why? She has some preliminary but interesting findings, which I hope to share with you in later postings.

Clearly we have more women in charge today than ever, but it's been there in the past, particularly in the home. There have been many more men saying "yes, Ma'am" than would admit it, and women who wouldn't admit their domineering role because it defied the “obedient wife” image so prevalent at that time. Kaitlin will continue exploring what really went on in the past, at home and in the workplace. She hopes to interview many more women and couples. In particular she's interested in speaking with couples outside the sphere of the Woman's center to get a broader feel for the extent of past FLRs. How much power did women really have and how did they wield that power? What she's found so far is exciting and will be the object of future posts.


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23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy reading your posts about female-led families so please do continue sharing.

Some wild and unfounded suppositions in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs though.

Gringito said...

Yes, Women were always in control of the marriages. They didn't make the money before but they controlled the money. With today's Woman in Charge, Female Power is compounded. Not only do Women control the money but they now out earn the hubby. We males must start improving our domestic skills, like housekeeping and cooking. Not to mention child care and baby care, so we better get good and changing poopy diapers!

Anonymous said...

I am in a WLM and, while I have disagreed with Nancy and dennis many times in the past regarding the extent that they seem to think *ALL* FLR's should go, I really liked this post and didn't see anything that seemed wild or unfounded in the 2nd or 3rd paragraphs as it all seemed pretty accurate based on my own experiences and observations

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Being a young woman and student, I am very interested to hear how Kaitlin incorporates matriarchy in her own life now, and how she plans to incorporate it in the future. What does she expect from the men in her life?

Alan said...

I have noticed the mission of this blog has changed of late.
The original goal the first several years was "Wife Worship" and how the husband was to pursue it,and how the wife learned to receive it.
The past year is about femdom (and often male bashing).

There is a huge difference between "wife worship" and what "femdom" is. Can we go back to focus on what the original goal of WYW used to be?

Anonymous said...

I agree with Alan. This blog has evolved more into a femdom blog than anything else. Not all of us who accept our wife's leadership, nor do all the wives, want a femdom type of marriage with all the trappings of kinky and fetishes that it connotes...

regards,
Uxorious

Mark Remond said...

Alan & Uxorious - Well, I have to agree obviously, having posted the first several years of this blog. For various reasons, mostly other commitments, I have relied on guest posters in recent years; but of course the "buck stops here." I am open to a return to wife worship as the main focus, as per the title; but haven't connected with anyone yet who is of a mind to contribute. How about it, Alan & Uxorious?

Anonymous said...

The below link is a good topic to start a new discussion on wife worship and matriarchy.

http://longinvestmentadvisory.com/wealth-management/the-matriarch/

Uxorious

Alex said...

Hi,

I'm on a break from the Femdom blogosphere and just came to say "hi, miss you, I'm ok, I'm on a break and will be back". I don't know when...

I didn't read any posts or comments.

By the way, something I wanted to bring to your attention is that every time I try to get into the blog NOT through search results but just by typing the URL Google tries to ask me for my identity (sign in with my Google account) which kind of makes me nervous for privacy reasons... Just wanted to say that but...

Alan said...

Mark, you have been blogging here for almost 7 years and have said much to support wife worship. Perhaps part of the problem is there is little more to be said that you have not already said. Few blogs last as long as yours, and you have tried to keep it going with guest bloggers, some of whom talk about femdom instead.

Many of your readers have not been around since 2007, perhaps you could repeat some of the best posts of the earlier years.

Also, wife worship is a male desire and most wives cannot accept it. One idea is a series of posts for wives on how to learn to accept wife worship. It is for them afterall, and they need to learn how to accept it.

Mark Remond said...

Uxorious - thanks, a terrific article!

Alan - you're right about my having pretty much said what I wanted to say, and then saying it again... and again. One reason I've wanted to turn my tiny megaphone over to new voices.

Also, my wife and I are on the gentle downslope and not really blazing trails, FLR-wise or otherwise!

Anonymous said...

I hope this blog does not slight the contributions of Nancy and dennis. I find their contributions to be very valuable. And I don't see it as femdom or kink. Having the male assume the homemaker role and being supportive is a valid alternative lifestyle. And it may become the norm in the not too distant future.

I, for one, am very interested in reading more of their contributions.

LS

Anonymous said...

Come back Ms Amanda. I miss you so much!

Obedient husband said...

For many years I subscribed to Runner's World magazine and devoured every issue. I was a complete junkie for information about the sport and lifestyle that I loved. After maybe 10 years, I began to realize that there was little in each issue that I didn't already know. Performance science does advance, but not quickly enough to fill a monthly magazine. The only "new" information was "news" regarding various competitions. To me, that was only marginally interesting as my love of the sport stemmed from what the sport did (does) for me personally. I eventually stopped reading Runner's World magazine, but I've never stopped running.

I think my little story parallels Mark and the WYW blog. Mark has shared what he wanted to share and done so beautifully. I suspect he has positively affected more people than we would ever guess. However, having "written the book" on wife worship and maintaining a blog for a number of years, not much changes. The guys clamoring for more posts more often need to start at the beginning and read every posts. They need to buy the book and read it aloud to their wives/girlfriends while kneeling at her feet. The real fulfillment of the wife worship lifestyle is not found on a blog, you have to put it into practice.

I'm-Hers said...

Dennis, would you mind posting Kaitlyn's survey questions and results? (with her permission of course). I would think the survey might prove to be quite interesting for all.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I too would be very interested to see more of Kaitlyn's survey.

Personally, I find Nancy and Dennis a little strident, but it is great to read their material on the changes of women's position in the workplace and society and I hope Dennis keeps his blogging going.

I very much agree with the Runner's World analogy. I have been reading my way from the very beginning of the Blog and there are many outstanding gems from Mark and guest bloggers, so I would very much enjoy a revival of some of the earlier posts and the opportunity to read new comments and hopefully in parts an update on an earlier comment and how things worked out.

I loved the kneeling at her feet/putting it into practice comment.

Anonymous said...

I love this blog. Mark makes a wonderful point about helping to empower Women. As a submissive male I have also become very active in the Feminist movement. I have cast aside my conservative ways and now completely embrace the left and Feminism. It is wonderful to be able to contribute in a social and political way in addition to fulfilling a FLR.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I love the political aspect of wife-led marriage and female-led relationships. Although this blog touts financial control (along with power of attorney) as the cementing, point-of-no-return aspect of female control, "political domination" is also quite powerful and cementing.

In most states in the U.S., people can vote by mail (absentee) whenever they want. In WA and OR, elections are done entirely by mail - there are no polling places on election day. Voting by mail allows a woman to politically dominate her man. Voting in person at a polling place would require the man to vote in private (without his woman's oversight). He could certainly tell her how she voted, but she would have no way to really know for sure.

In contrast, voting by mail allows a woman to fill our her husbands ballot for him. He would still need to sign and seal the envelope to comply with the law, but she would have oversight over the process to ensure that he votes as she wishes.

Early opponents of womens' suffrage argued that married men could effectively have two votes...but in our modern female-dominated society, we see that married WOMEN can effectively have two votes!

Controlling her man's vote cements her authority and political power over him. Since she controls all the finances and has all property in her name, he cannot stop her from filling out his ballot. In fact, he wouldn't want to...because he becomes incredibly aroused as he watches her powerfully and assertively fill out his ballot in front of him.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous (two above, who cast off his Conservative ways)...
I appreciate the comment and the sentiment, but FLRs appeal to folks of all political persuasions, not just liberals or progressives, though this term is favored by Nancy and Dennis. Elise Sutton is a confessed libertarian, conservative on some traditional issues (though not social), and Mistress Kathy of the Femdom101.blog votes Republican, if I recall correctly, despite her liberated views in some areas. Welcome aboard to all affiliations!

Tom said...

Mark,

I have been a long time follower/admirer of your blog and the FLR lifestyle, and I come to you for some advice on a situation related to this post. Although I am not currently, technically in a FLR, I am valued by my sisters and others as a "high functioning" husband and father (meaning my support and contribution to the household is greater than the average non-FLR male) and I've been interested in the FL lifestyle since early childhood. Recently I put in for a promotional position at work to become a project manager. A position I have been preparing for and aspiring to for several years. The interviews came down to 4 applicants, two Females and two males, including me. The person hiring is a male I know well and have never really seen eye to eye with. He's certainly not FLR but probably more chauvinistic, if anything. Anyway, he ultimately chose a Woman for the position, a colleague of mine, junior to my current position. When I learned this, I wasn't, and haven't been supportive or congratulatory, feeling deep inside I'm more qualified for the position than She. I realize it isn't Her fault by any stretch, but I'm having a hard time dealing with the outcome, and have even been a bit cold to Her since learning of Her pending promotion to a position superior to my current position (although She won't be my project manager, but that of another team within the division). I really want to embrace Her success as a Woman, and in theory I know it's right, but I'm having serious difficulties with this. Do you have any advice on how to better embrace this opportunity of Hers and better accept the decision of the director? Thank you

Mark Remond said...

Dennis responds to I'm Hers ("Would you mind posting...?"):
Kaitlin's work is an ongoing piece of graduate work that she is conducting. Only she can decide when and if to publish it. As for now I am posting what she shares or what I observe from helping her with interviews.

Anonymous said...

Tom
Your situation seems to be just an every day story of office folks. Four workers applied for a job, one of them already didn't see eye to eye with the person hiring and didn't get the job.

I don't really see the FLR side at all. You didn't get the job another person who happens to be a woman did.

Better luck next time.