Wednesday, December 4, 2013

HÉLÈNE: ANSWERS TO SOME COMMENTS



There have been some interesting reader questions about my last posting. Here are my responses for three of the questions. I will respond to the others when my work week calms down a little.



Q. What are your basic beliefs on Female led Relationships?

I believe FLRs are an invaluable relationship model and can be structured any way the woman pleases, and that any man can be encouraged into a Female Led Relationship. Men have been confused about their ability to lead about how much they need to lead, and as things turn back around to a better spot, it will take them time to adjust to a new, more appropriate role. Some men might put up a fight, they might not understand everything that happens, but ultimately, if a positive image for the obedient male can be reinforced in their life, it will become easier for them to adjust to a subordinate role, and they will start to see that women are, in general, better and more understanding leaders. It's important to be patient with men while they make this transition.

Q. How did you come by them [i.e., your basic beliefs]?

I think I always held beliefs about LFA (Loving Female Authority). I grew up with a mother who, though a housewife, exercised complete control at home, and I began disciplining my male cousins, both older and younger. Ever since it has been my dream to have exactly what I want in a relationship, and when I met my little man I found the perfect match. He loves me so much he will do anything to please me, and that is just what I want.

Q. How did you train your boy?

Because we met when he was so young and naive, it was easy to coax out of him those submissive states it takes forever to coax out of other men. When we resumed our relationship (after my return to France from school), he had picked up all sorts of bad habits from other women. For women hoping to elicit a more docile and obedient companion, I have some ideas. (By the way, it would be great to hear from others on the forum, what they do or what their women do to encourage submissive behavior.)

Be firm and confident in your leadership. Women often use questions when talking to men – why??? Use STATEMENTS, and statements only. If you feel uncertain about your leadership, volunteer—not only are you helping a community or cause, but you are also stimulating your decision making and leadership qualities. In my line of work I am virtually self-employed, and if you don't have confidence in your leadership skills, you are lost. Be confident that you are always right, and let your man know that you are, and that he must back down and be obedient. Men respect power, they only understand strength. If you have weaknesses, or an unclear vision, do NOT show it. Do what you're going to do and stick to your decisions at all times! ALL TIMES!


Have a solution in mind. In keeping with the above, do not discuss with your man what his change of behaviour will be—tell him what his change in behaviour will be. “Do this...” It helps. Sometimes be gentle, sometimes stern.

Praise him when he concedes in an argument. I ruffle his hair, pat him on the cheek, and sometimes pat him on his bottom when he has conceded, talking to him gently and telling him, “See, that wasn't so bad,” or something else. Sometimes I say, randomly, “You've been so good lately.”

Encourage him to focus on other things while you take care of the main problems. I never share my problems with my boy, I use other things to distract him. I tell him to do the laundry, the dishes, make the beds, go for a walk, go play some music, or to do something else while I fix the problem. Sometimes he argues, like when we had the rent problem, but I snap my finger and tell him to “get distracted.” He knows what that means.

Infantilize. I love infantilizing my boy. It makes me feel so amorous towards him. I remind him that he really doesn't know what he's doing, or all the facts of the matter, and he shouldn't worry about them. “Now, now,” I say, “I know this is difficult for you, so why don't you go take care of those dishes/that dinner/go read, and I'll figure it out.” Keep in mind that men are, in general, seven years behind women in their emotional growth. They need leadership and guidance, and they should understand they need to be told what to do. It will help them adjust to their roles.

Praise his submissive qualities when he demonstrates them, at random. Tell him, “See, you are so much more enjoyable to be around when you stick to what you're good at...” “I love it when you are relaxed, instead of that argumentative, jerk way when you argue.” “Why do you argue with me all the time?”

My boy is more of an affection guy. He loves to be loved, to know he is giving pleasure. I touch him gently, I kiss him, I tell him how handsome he is, then I deliberately stop listening to him, and get my way. As much as I have used punishment, as I have well documented, I use gentility as much as firmness to show him where he belongs.



One of the things I think men have a right to is the ability to do what they should with everything they need. Giving him gifts of housewares, encouraging him to look around his kitchen or the house and tell me what he needs, helps him accomplish his housework and helps reinforce where he belongs.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is a lot more to submission then one party saying something,and the other listening. This woman gets it!

Anonymous said...

Most material on this site involves a woman "training" her man after their relationship has already developed in a more traditional way...but I like Helene's point about beginning the training early on. Here's an example of a woman who intentionally pursues a relationship in which she asserts authority (emotional, physical, and financial) from the first moment:

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I like the idea of a woman asserting financial control from the very beginning of a relationship. Let's say a very successful female executive (in her mid 30s) wants a man to handle things around the house, provide emotional love and support, and, of course, please her in bed however she wishes. Since she already has tons of money, she'll look for a man a bit younger (in his mid to late 20s) who is very physically attractive, loving and caring, but not terribly successful career-wise. She'll subtlety indicate her relationship preferences by taking the initiative to ask him out and paying for everything. If she likes his personality, she'll eventually invite him for an afternoon lounge in her pool - or some other activity that allows her to examine his bare physique. After all, if she's the big breadwinner, she expects him to bring something else really great to the table - like a hot body. If she's pleased with what she sees, she'll take the initiative to plan a 3-night weekend getaway to a fancy resort and tell (NOT ask) him to come with her. At this point, she's indicating to him that if the relationship proceeds, she will have full control. Just as they are about to depart for the getaway, she nonchalantly says, "You know, since I've booked and planned out the whole weekend, you really don't want to be bothered carrying around that pesky wallet everywhere. Let me keep that for you." She puts his wallet (including his money and ID) into her purse, not letting him see it until they return on Monday. This seals her complete control over him for the weekend and indicates to him what a marriage relationship would look like. At the resort, which is tropical, she sets the schedule and leads him from one activity to another - meals, drinks, beach, pool lounging. When they arrive, she insists that he remain shirtless throughout the weekend, and she is not shy about displaying her affection for his body in public - running her hands over his built chest and toned abs whenever she wishes. She wears a conservative full-coverage bikini, although her curvy-but-fit body is nothing to be ashamed of. Of course, the real purpose of the weekend is for her to evaluate his sexual prowess, which she does on the second night. She makes him strip completely while she remains clothed, and she playfully examines every contour of his body before taking him to bed. Her financial control makes him strongly inclined to obey her every wish and strive to fulfill her every desire with his greatest strength and stamina. The result is electric. They spend almost the entire second full day in bed, and she forbids him to wear even a scrap of clothing while in her suite. She continues to freely ogle his body, telling him to shower while she watches. Of course, she has a cloth ruler to measure his intimate dimensions - she works in finance and likes quantitatively knowing that her men are far above average. She's not disappointed. She prides herself in owning a well-endowed male not only for the toe-curling pleasure he brings her, but also as a status symbol - much the same way men once prided themselves in having trophy wives with large breasts. For the remainder of the weekend, she allows him to move about the resort wearing only a tight boxer brief swimsuit, leaving little to the imagination so that other women glare at her in envy.

Anonymous said...

This is just a wonderful post by Helene. I can imagine many young males would not mind at all being her houseboy and lover. She also has a lot of wise words for women who want to step into leadership. I definitely agree with her premise, that most men are confused and hesitant about whether they should claim their old roles in this new era. These males are willing to accept a subordinate role if they are confronted with strong leadership by women. Added to this, she is certainly right that males are normally much less emotionally mature than women and need guidance for an extended period. To the everyday world the conclusion that women should rule married life seems extreme, but as Helene shows, men can make the transition successfully if gently but firmly led by their wives. I also like how she enfolds her dominance in a loving sexual relationship, which I imagine her boy has adapted to quite well. I hope Helene continues to give us glimpses into her world.

LS

Obedient husband said...

Helene for president in 2016.
I'll bet SHE wouldn't lead from behind.

Vince Stead said...

I just got done reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. You can see some fun books at fun2readbooks.com where you can also hear the girls read the stories for the same price as a paperback book, but they are reading exotic sexy stories that will get you going!

AJ said...

Helene, your posts are greatly appreciated.

My wife finds it less necessary to reinforce her authority these days, I suppose because we are both now more used to our respective roles in the household.

From time, to time, as this weekend, she feels that I am slipping below the standards of respect or obedience that she sets for me. She has three steps with which she puts me back into the right frame of mind.

The first, and my least favourite, is always a cold shower. This usually lasts for about five minutes and is both physically uncomfortable and long enough for me to think about what I've done wrong.

The second step is to kneel quietly at her feet, head to the ground, while she reads, talks to friends on the phone or does a little computer-based work. The objective, once again, is to emphasise that my focus is to be on what my wife wants, whether it pleases me or not.

The third, step, physical punishment, only takes place if my wife feels that there still remains a hint of resistance to her authority. Usually, she is satisfied with the first two steps, although when she does use her hairbrush on me, the lesson lasts for weeks.

Finally, she has recently instigated a ritual (gleaned from a blog such as this, I believe) that is to be adhered to at all times. Whenever I leave her presence in the home, I am to kiss her three times - once on the lips and then on her feet. The symbolism is obvious and can be summed up in three words - loving female authority.

NICE_MOHIT said...

training part was kind of complete role reversal that i liked.

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