Saturday, August 2, 2014

dennis: CONTROLLING THE FINANCES REVISITED, Part 2

(To pick up where we left off in part 1…)

What do we tell workshop participants about the Woman’s controlling money? Plenty! Let’s compile a list of what Women should do in taking and maintaining control…

As the superior gender, Women are entitled to control and use money as They desire.
Financial control requires his commitment, too -- once committed there’s no turning back!

It’s not “his and Her” money – it’s all Hers! And She can do with it as She sees fit.
We recommend Women provide hubby a regular allowance for personal items. Nancy provides me a set amount for personal spending, an amount that, nevertheless, i must account for. Failure to prudently manage my money may result in a suspension of allowance or a fine, determined by and payable to Nancy or Her Mother. i can ask for more money, but Nancy is under no obligation to grant my request – and She often dismisses it out of hand.

In our workshops Nancy recommends Women limit how much he carries as a precaution against frivolous spending. For instance, i am allowed no more than $20 in my wallet, and Nancy or Sue regularly check its contents. Having more than what’s allowed results in all of it being confiscated – and perhaps an additional fine.

Whether a Woman earns more than Her husband or not, he should be out working and earning an income to place at Her discretion. he’ll have plenty of time to do assigned chores after work; after all there are 24 hours in a day.

Women need to take a complete inventory of hubby’s financial assets. This includes bank accounts, pension plans, savings accounts, and so on. Paychecks, dividends, disbursements should all be deposited into a joint account. While the account is joint, She need not provide him with the user ID or password. Once deposited into a joint account, She can allocate it as She desires.

The progressive gentleman will happily disclose his finances to his Wife. Once She knows what he has and where, She can consolidate and allocate things as She desires.
If he has a savings plan at work, the money saved will be deposited in that plan. But make sure it stays there! One Woman reported that hubby was having a tidy sum of money deposited but quickly withdrawing it for frivolous personal spending. She quickly closed that loophole!

Men should have only limited use of debit and credit cards. i’m allowed to use a debit card for the weekly grocery shopping, gas, and so on. i’m required to immediately return the card after use and have to have a receipt for the purchases made. Usually a receipt is sufficient, but the Women often check online to validate that nothing else was spent – there never is, but the thought that it could be is a powerful statement of who is in charge.

In our household, major purchases are defined as anything over $50 and require Female approval. Depending on the value and item, i may have to show that i purchased the “best price” item and/or that i used coupons.

Coupon clipping is an important task for progressive gentlemen – the more he saves, the more She can spend! Make sure hubby looks through ads, online sources, and so on to find coupons. Coupon clipping is a good downtime activity.

i am involved in major purchases as Nancy and Sue permit, but usually only for household items. i have, for example, a vested interest in a new stove or a new iron, so my opinion is considered; but for something like a car, Nancy and Her
Mother are the decision makers and may not even involve me. When we last bought a car Nancy took me along not to consider my opinion but to let me pick the color!

i am only permitted to carry my company credit card and am forbidden to use it for personal purchases. Sue monitors the use of this card, just in case...

Women should be compensated for financial management; Nancy takes a 10% fee from my deposited pay each month for Her use.

Nancy has a variety of “buckets” to which She allocates “my” money. In addition to Her management fee, She puts 5% into a vacation fund, 5% into a gift fund, and routinely sends $100 to Her Niece in college. Sue also receives a monthly gratuity from my salary. Nancy takes Her portion as an online transfer, but i must write Nancy’s Niece monthly with a small note and include the $100. As for Sue, i present Her gratuity monthly in what has become a little ritual using a pink envelope with the money and a personal note of gratitude.

While i don’t have accounts, the Women do require that I set aside money for flowers, gifts, and charitable donations. Since my allowance is small, the Women supplement my contributions to these “buckets.” Nancy generously allocates monies needed for my work at the Women’s Center.
Nancy trumps Her financial control by telling me that “my money” is on Her shoe rack or hanging in Her closet. It’s a good investment for both of us.

Nancy and Sue require that i pay a fine in atonement for transgressions, demerits, or rules violations. No matter what other punishment is fixed, there is always a fine.

Women should also be aware that men can come into unexpected monies, such as a bonus or Uncle Fritz’s will. Nancy was home early last week so She could greet me at the door when i came home; nothing romantic, just the business of Her managing the money. She wanted to be there to have me hand over my bonus check. Apparently my boss Carol had let Nancy and Linda, tom’s Wife, know that we’d received checks, since She knows that the Women control the money in our households as She does in Hers. Not that tom or i would ever keep money from our Wives – we know the rules! – but a strong point was made when Nancy demanded it when i entered, and i instantly handed it
over on one knee. Nancy always has plans for the money, often indulging Herself with things She might not otherwise get. One year She bought a diamond She’s been wanting, another time She and Sue went on a cruise, another time they went to Vegas. What did I get? Well, i never expect anything since it is Her money, but i did get a new iron.



What do i get from Nancy’s financial control? I get a happy Wife and a powerful feeling of Her being in complete control.
—d


34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wife rents me out to a firm run by Female attorneys. I report to an all Female management committee which deposits money for my services into Wife's account. The account is technically joint but Wife does not permit me to know Her ATM code. If I need money I have to ask Her to withdraw it for me. (I also do not know Her computer password. If I want to use the computer I must ask Her to sign on for me). This insures that any money I earn is Hers and is totally within Her control. (lawslave)

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to lawslave:

We have a similar situation as far as computer use goes but with a twist. i have the user ID and password and can use it freely so long as i'm not neglecting household duties. If She or Her Mother feel that i've spent too much computer time then they change the log-on credentials. Usually it's 3-5 days before they give me the new password and once again allow me to go on line. Keep in mind however that the Women will audit my computer use from time-to-time. i disclose my IDs and log on credentials to facilitate their doing so. Monitoring is a good thing; it keeps me in line and confirms to the Women that they are in complete control.

Nancy and Sue have provided plenty of training - much of it very detailed - over the years and tend to trust me to do what's expected. For example they wouldn't be in the situation of logging me on every time i want to get on line but if i misuse it then some sort of corrective action is necessary and will be prescribed. The Women don't have the time to be bothered with micro-management; after all one of their motivations for an FLR is more free time for themselves. Their solution is using demerits to determine when corrective action is necessary. Get too many demerits and i will be confronted, admonished, and some level of atonement will be prescribed as needed to clear the book of demerits and go back to the status quo. The Women regard atonement as one of the four tenets of an FLR. Atonement is a result usually of accumulated behaviors although were i to do something outrageous - insubordination, for example - it will be immediate. It's confrontation, admonition, and consequences; consequences - plural - because atonement usually takes place over a few days and includes multiple items such as forfeiture of allowance, loss of social privileges, fines, and so on based on what the Women feel is appropriate.

i say all this because with this system you can have your Wife firmly in control with a minimum of effort on Her part.

d

Anonymous said...

I'm 26, and my wonderful wife is 35. Our marriage, which began two years ago, has always been an FLR. My wife is a very successful businesswoman with an MBA. She originally sought me out, because she wanted an attractive (sorry to be vain) younger man to be her househusband. I was instantly enamored by her confidence and assertiveness, and I have always acquiesced to her authority.

Early on, from our very first date, she made it clear that she would control the finances. She always paid for the dates in full. When we took our first weekend trip together, she made all the arrangements and payments...and she temporarily confiscated my wallet to make it clear that she was in control.

After marriage, I completely surrendered everything to her. The aspects of this include:

(1) My paycheck (about 1/3 of hers) is deposited into her bank account, which I have absolutely no access to.

(2) Everything is in her name - the house, the cars, the accounts, etc. I have no assets.

(3) I must request her permission to buy anything beyond my modest weekly allowance. She usually says yes to reasonable requests, but she occasionally exercises her authority by saying no without explanation. For example, I recently approached her (naked, as she usually requires me) to ask for an extra $25 to buy a new pair of jeans. She looked up from her desk work, considered for a moment, and then firmly said "no" with a confident smirk and no further explanation. This took me surprise, but her unlimited power was arousing - I quickly became erect before her eyes. Her smirk broadened into a victorious smile.

(4) Financial control really does cement female authority. When I know she controls me financially, I strive so much harder to please her - in my job, in my housework, and especially in the bedroom. The more I please her in bed, the more generous she is with my allowance. It's all about power.

Surrendered Husband said...

Dennis,

Have you considered having your wife set up a "Net Nanny" account for you?

http://www.netnanny.com/

With it she could either approve or deny any website you wanted to visit or have a complete report of your activities on-line sent to her at various intervals.

It could be an easy way for her to take complete control of your surfing habits and insure that your online time was used for coupon clipping or learning new domestic service skills.

Surrendered Husband

Surrendered Husband said...

Oh and for all of you naughty boys out there, who spend your time looking at bad things on the internet, have your Lady enroll you in a addict sponsor program!

That way all of your surfing habits will be reported DIRECTLY to the one you serve!

http://www.netnanny.com/learn_center/addict_sponsor_program/

SH

clive said...

Dennis, this may be a bit off topic, but mentioning Nancy's niece made me wonder: you became a part of Nancy's family by marrying her, but what about the men who were born into the family? How do the women treat their sons, fathers and brothers? And how do you treat the younger, adolescent women like the mentioned niece? Do you obey her as well,and is she a female supremacist like Nancy at all?

tony said...

I would love to give up financial control to my wife. I believe, like Anonymous (Aug 4) says, 'Financial control really does cement female authority'. But the problem arises in comparing our skills and education. I am a professionally trained financial executive (retired); she is a retail manager with limited financial training. Hence the delemma. The way we have dealt with this so far is that she never has to ask me for money. We have a ritual. When I know the need is there, I kneel at her feet, usually naked unless her daughter is present, and ask if she will allow me to give her a gift of money to spend as she wishes. This makes her feel very good, she smiles, says 'yes, you may', and I hand her the money, then immediately lower my head to her foot to thank her with a kiss. This works for now, but I would prefer to give up full monetary control, yet am not confident that she is ready to accept this responsibility. Any suggestions would be welcome. thanks.

tony said...

I forgot to mention that both the house and car are in my wife's name.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tony
What a lovely ritual and at its heart lies the very essence of wife worship.

Every morning I kneel in front of my wife and tell her how grateful I am to serve her and thank her for allowing me to serve her and appreciating my service.

This for me is one of the key cornerstones of a female led relationship, an acknowledgment by the man that his lady allows him the privilege of serving her in whatever way she sees fit. (A terrible punishment for me is not to be allowed to make her breakfast; thankfully this happens very rarely.)

You also put your finger on an important facet of a FLR, you mention you would prefer her to take financial control, but by her actions she has chosen not to take control in the way you desire. It is so easy for us men to want a FLR under our terms, but we must acquiesce to the desires of the lady.

You are in essence the steward of her money and with your financial experience your duty is to husband her wealth to the best of your ability. Why burden her with a task that you are more than adequately trained for?

Might I suggest that you always give brand new pristine notes and include a small hand written note or card in an envelope expressing your gratitude and devotion?

Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse of your FLR.

In return, I would like to share an evening ritual that we have carried out for over a decade.

Every night before sleeping, we thank each other for 3 events of the day. They can be tiny things such as thank you for making me a hot drink, or huge things like thank you for choosing to marry me, or middle things like thank you for helping our neighbour, I am proud of you. Depending on circumstances, the ritual can be very formal with the lady in a chair, the man kneeling, or if too tired, just done all cuddled up before sleep.

Yours in service

Omhapki

Anonymous said...

My wife says thanks for your second comment Surrendered Husband. She previously had me set up Net Nanny, however somehow we were not aware of the addict sponsor program. After I showed her your comment tonight, we researched it more on the webpage, she has now given me permission to set this up. She already had me put a tracking app into my cell phone two years ago as well. My wife trusts me, but wants me to constantly know I will account to her for my actions, and whereabouts. I'm sure your idea will put her more at ease in regards to my web searching. Thanks again for the good information.

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to tony -

If She's not ready or unwilling to handle the task of administering the finances then, by all means, you do it... She does as little or as much as She wants to do and you do the rest. She should have unfettered access to money though and should be able to spend as She sees fit as She apparently does. It's not so much that She is going through the mechanics of writing checks and paying bills; what really gives Her control is that She can demand money and get it from you, no questions asked. Similarly, She should be able to limit your spending and access to money if She so desires. We know of a couple in a similar situation. He pays the bills, puts aside savings, and manages investments but once that's done She gets complete control of the balance of the funds and uses them as She sees fit including controlling how much - if any - money he gets...

Another thought: if your Wife is not ready for financial control, how about Her Mother? Would She be willing and able to handle the finances on Her Daughter's behalf? you won't know until you ask! i mention this because Nancy's Mother, Sue, often audits me and my spending as a way of helping Nancy with the finances.

d

tony said...

Omhapki, thanks for your comments. I like your evening ritual. Nice way to finish the day as it shows and tells her that she is still very much in control. I like that.

tony said...

Dennis, thanks for your comments. Her Mother lives in another city and is not financially trained either. She is older and relies on her daughter to help her out financially.

Surrendered Husband said...

My Pleasure, Anonymous in comment number 10.

Knowing that we are totally accountable to our betters is a great joy.

I hope that you will both enjoy this next step toward her more complete control in your relationship...

SH

Anonymous said...

From about six months into our marriage, when she complained about not being able to spend independently like she did as a single woman, I've given her this control. Or, she's taken it. Whichever fits. She really screwed us up about 10 years back and I had to pull $17,000 out of a trust to cover everything. This was tough to get over. She became more responsible and now is in charge again. We live almost paycheck to paycheck and I get $20 and have learned to stretch it to multiple weeks. My birthday is coming up. This means more feet time and as a special gift, she's going to show her control and get a high off it in some public way. I like when this happens, actually. Then we'll go to one of her favorite stores and I'll buy her something. It's my birthday but in all actuality, we're one as two become one - and we're her - and I only have one real birthday, HERS.

Anonymous said...

Money is power and power is money.

I think that the only insecurities are with the male above who has not looked past patriarchal social "normalities"

If the couple grow ever closer due to her being in control and in charge then the male will lose any insecurities about Her spending and control of the money.

If he is constantly worrying that She is appropriating the money to his detriment then it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

She will not be in love with him and will take the money with little or no regard for him.

I also applaud Women taking control of finances. In the Victorian past the families money might be frittered away down the pub or on gambling or a myriad of useless pursuits.

The children including of course male children suffered.

Most Women are far more concerned and nurturing with children than certainly patriarchal males are.

femsup

Anonymous said...

fems up, I certainly hope you weren't talking about me, the one immediately above your last post. I'm over it...

salboy said...

And to heck with anonymous, I'm salboy.

Mark Remond said...

femsup may have been referring to a derogatory post that I have deleted. I have to do that every once in awhile, alas. Like painting out graffiti.

salboi said...

Glad this is here. I am totally into my wife and there's not many places for us out there. Heck, the gays have a lobby and attorneys! lol...one issue that has come up is a disagreement on my son's college plan and what he wants to pursue. She takes his side. I think it's economically weak...won't go any further. It's more of a crap shoot. But she says this is part of her authority....hey, I know I'm owned. But the kids have their own futures. Thoughts?

Mark Remond said...

salboi - This is Mark. I forwarded your query on to dennis, and likely he will respond.

But for my 2 cents, I certainly see your concern -- degrees in the humanities leading to... Starbuck's jobs! Or maybe into teaching.

However, in our family, Mom is always right, and not just because she's Mom, but because, well, she's always right. But she is also more practical than I, so she might be the one persuading your son (if he were ours) into an academic course of study with more prospective economic benefits down the road.

But then, our daughter is majoring in cultural anthropology, and neither one of us can envision here anywhere near that sort of profession. We do think she is making great contacts and lifelong friends and will find her way career-wise.

I floundered around academically and careerwise and only lucked into a job leading to my career at age 23, still without a degree.

Anyway, I defer to my wife on all matters. Knowing 99% of the time she will be proved right.

Anonymous said...

Teaching is not a bad path. Fellow I knew years ago wound up as a superintendent in a school district near a big city; salary 180,000 a year in 2009. Re Signed last year with a raise I imagine. Friend of mine's wife is a curriculum specialist answering only to the superintendent and makes 145,000 a year.

salboi said...

Mark: I would caution against withholding 1 percent. :) There is a sense of peace of mind in knowing all decisions are hers; and her rules for me are two simple ones...do what I say and don't argue. She hates technicality so I've learned to appreciate this way of thinking. I'm more of a perfectionist so I sometimes annoy her asking if I'm doing something to her liking. We also attend church and while she is a little more the charismatic type than me, I shared with her last week how I get that emotional-worship like feel around her but have a hard time with it there. She brought something up that maybe will help someone in a similar situation. Spouses can be saved through their spouse 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 is what the cites. I also understand that the submissive wife has a lesser duty than the sacrificial duties of the husband...which if you really open your mind, you'll see that shows who is the boss! Hey, Mary had a bigger role than Joseph didn't she? Didn't mean to get preachy but if that helps people reconcile some uncertainty then great, glad to help. I know there's no other greater happiness than what I'm experiencing now...hey she even got specific in my name...she gave it to me on here so she could monitor and wanted the i and not the y.

salboi said...

I should clarify. I'm not an unbeliever, I just was questioning my feelings for my wife being more "charismatic" than my church activity. I wasn't raised in that type of church so it doesn't come natural. But I knew early on this kind of marital identity is what I wanted.

Anonymous said...

dennis, thank you for the response. I have only seen it a week later because Wife did not permit me on the computer. I think our two systems are a wash. Wife must go to the trouble to sign me on the computer but if She doesn't do it, I cannot get on. Nancy and/or Sue need not bother to sign you on but if they don't want you to use it they have to change the password. They both work out the same. Of course as mere husbands we should not question how our Wives elect to control the computer.(lawslave)

Anonymous said...

This is AWESOME!!!!! Is this real? Can this really happen?? As an engaged woman, I am EXCITED!!!!

Mark Remond said...

To salboi and Anonymous two below:

Congratulations on your increasing subservience to your wife in all areas. I like the submissive cybername she has given you.

And I truly appreciate the helpful verses from Paul. My wife is my spiritual leader and though she does not permit me to worship her as my earthly goddess, as I would wish, she has led me where I need to go in terms of religion.

Anonymous ("This is AWESOME"), welcome to the wonderful world of Female Led Relationships and Wife Led Marriage. I think I may have answered another of your comments on another posting, but yes, indeed, this is real, no matter how many guys must content themselves with the fantasy version. Girlfriends and wives are taking more and more control, and earlier and earlier (especially in college, I am convinced). I would actually be surprised if your fiancee is not willing to transform into an adoring puppydog at your feet, if given the opportunity. If you would show him some of these posts and inform him that you would really like the opportunity to move in this direction, I would be surprised if you met ANY resistance! Good luck for a blissful wife-led marriage!

Henpecked Husband said...

Hi. I'm a big fan of this blog is really great.
I think financial control by wife in FLR Marriage is very important and so it should be no different. In a previous post you wrote Mark that financial control is one of the four tenets of FLR. I will be happy if you can develop this topic of these four dogmas in a separate article.

Mark Remond said...

HH, Nancy and dennis have several times mentioned what they call the four pillars. Last June 22, in "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK – PERSONAL SERVICE," dennis wrote:

My Wife considers personal service as one of the four tenets of a Female Led Relationship, the others being domestic service, obedience, and atonement.

You can search through the blog archives to find Nancy and dennis' articles on Obedience, Personal Service and Domestic Service.

Anonymous said...

Hi. Your blog is really great.

Just a question : how do you deal with eMoney. When you want to buy something on the web are you asking your wife to give you her credit card or have you a Paypal account ?

Mark Remond said...

dennis answers Anonymous just above:

Thanks for your question.

If i want to buy something from the web, i ask Nancy or Her Mother if they approve. If they do, they make the purchase so there is no need for me to have a credit card in such situations. If they don't approve... well, card or not, the purchase just isn't going to happen. Now for the weekly grocery shopping, filling the cars with gas, and so on, i'm allowed to borrow - with permission - a debit or credit card of the Women's choosing. The card must be returned when i return from shopping. i have to have a receipt for all charges made on the card and must present the card and the receipt immediately upon returning home to one of the Women for review. i am only allowed very limited deviation from my approved shopping list. That is, if i go grocery shopping and return home with a nice dessert, that's OK, but i'd better not return with, for example, a new shirt... or back it goes and there will be consequences! i have a little flexibility in spending but when i first took over the weekly shopping, i had to strictly adhere to the shopping list.

It's impractical for Women to control everything all the time so we have rules - protocols! - around spending. i can borrow a debit card but have to say what it's for and where it will be used. For household purchases usually credit card use is, subject to audit, approved; personal spending is another matter. When i ask for a personal item i'm likely to get a "no" or an "I'll think about it." i'm allowed to ask once and if i ask again within a week, the answer is an automatic "no." At that point i have to wait yet another full week before i can ask again, although that's not always the prudent thing to do! LOL! This practice originates from the Women wanting to put a stop to men's frivolous spending... Being told "no" is sometimes hard but what i find is that often after a few days the burning need for a particular item has passed and even if i get needed permission from one of the Women i kindly thank Her but do not make the purchase... It's a protocol that really works as the Women intended!

For my Tuesday-evening-after-the-house-is-clean grocery shopping i go to one store and only one store with an approved list. i have to account for what i bought and how much it costs - Sue will periodically audit my purchases as She did this evening. Nothing came of Her audit this evening since i bought only what was on the list and used coupons to get the best price for the items in my bag. Coupon cutting is a worthwhile pastime for the progressive gentlemen. Looking for a gift for a housekeeping man? A coupon clutch is something practical that will be appreciated. Last week Sue audited my purchases and, in Her opinion, i wasn't a thrifty shopper. The result? The difference came out of my allowance, not as a reduction but as a cash payment to Sue, money placed in a pink envelope along with a note of apology... This bit of formality drives things home for both of us...

d

Henpecked Husband said...

Thanks for your reply to my previous post, Mark. I found what I wanted. What to the financial control in the post "Au876 on Financial Control, Part 2" in part "Surrendering Too Much, Going Too Far?" you wrote about the Control of the assets by wife and to give her full power of attorney. My question is:
Whether really important is to get everything in your FLR marriage was only in the name of the wife(cars, real estate, just everything in her single control and power).

It's a step without turning back to have a Bossy Wife!
Extremely exciting but deeply dependly from her. Is it really worth it?

Henpecked Husband said...

And my question remained unanswered :(

Mark Remond said...

Sorry, hh, for not answering your followup question. I believe that dennis would answer your query (if I understand it) very much in the affirmative -- yes, give your wife total control of all assets. I, too, would have agreed to that, but my wife did not require it of me.